


Unexpected

by JourneyToYou



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anya & Lexa (The 100) Are Cousins, Artist Clarke Griffin, Attempted Sexual Assault, Bisexual Clarke Griffin, Clexa Endgame, Doctor Abby Griffin, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Eventual Romance, F/F, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Lesbian Character, Masturbation, Misogyny, Past Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin, Protective Lexa, Self-Doubt, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Smut, Stalking, Unattended Bisexuality, Violence, Writer Lexa, asshole finn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2019-11-26 10:30:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 109,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18179444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JourneyToYou/pseuds/JourneyToYou
Summary: She had the pad tucked into her waist band in a desperate attempt to protect it. Her drawings were some of the few things in her life she truly treasured. The cover was moleskin and hoped it offered enough protection to keep the water from seeping through to the pages. She was lost in the thoughts of her beloved drawings and plots to kill  when she heard a voice:“Ma’am, do you need some help?”__________________________________________________________________________________Clarke is a free spirit artist who hasn't had much luck with relationships despite her best efforts. Lexa is a writer and broken woman tormented by a horrible loss. The two girls find their way to each other in the oddest of circumstances and set off an emotional yet wonderful chain of events that leads to an outcome that neither girl ever expected.





	1. Chapter 1

Sopping wet.

That was Clarke’s current state as she splayed herself up against the bricks of the building she was currently seeking refuge against, having ducked in an alley in a desperate attempt to find relief from the freezing downpour that randomly showed up out of nowhere during her suggested, no, forced, walk downtown.

“What did I do to deserve this!” Clarke yelled out in frustration.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Earlier that day

“You need to get out the apartment more.” That’s what Raven had been harping at her for weeks since her breakup with Finn. Clarke had become a permanent fixture on their couch, according to Raven’s observations. And today was her breaking point with Clarke. She was putting her foot down.

“You do know that sitting still for long periods like this can cause bed sores. Not to mention blood clots. And those said blood clots can travel up to your brain and make it explode. So get your ass up and take a walk or something.” Raven confidently stated crossing her arms over her chest.

Clarke rolled her eyes at her best friend. “Have you ever taken an anatomy class? That’s not what happens.” She explained. “Not everything in life ends in an explosion.”

Raven looked back at her unfazed. “Well, what explosion I do know will happen is your ass when it blows out of those yoga pants you love so much if you don’t actually get out of the house and do something. Zumba, Tai Chi, heck, go join those weird old ladies at the park that wave their arms around all morning. DO SOMETHING!”

Clarke stared upward at Raven unamused at her ranting.

“You have been laying around here since your breakup with Finn, and you were the one who broke up with him! You’re not even sad, so you have no excuse for your DNA to be splicing with that of the couch.”

“Yea, he was a dick.” Clarke says. “With a small dick. I’m glad I’m rid of him.”

“I told you that when you started dating him, don’t act like you didn’t know what you were getting into. Or better yet, what was getting into you.” Raven shot back.

Clarke grimaced and covered her ears at Ravens crudeness. “I thought you were joking. Plus when you guys dated, it was in high school. I assumed he grew…in more ways than one.” She said, holding in a laugh.

“I would never joke about someone’s medical condition Clarke, what kind of person do you take me for?” Raven said as she looked around innocently.

Clarke had to laugh at her friend, she was a certified grade A mess if you ever saw one and she loved her for it.

“I dunno what’s happened Rae. I guess I started enjoying being out of a relationship a little too much. You know, not having commitments, and having to go out and do things, put on clothes, etc.” Clarke explained

“Not to mention your personal hygiene has suffered." Raven exclaimed as she scrunched up her nose. “When is the last time you showered?”

“Hey! Clarke Yelled. “I’ve showered…recently.” Avoiding Raven’s eyes.

“Yea, you’re real convincing. Your oscar is in the mail." Said Raven sarcastically. “Now get your ass in the shower, put on some clothes, and go for a walk.”

Clarke stands up stretching her arms above her head, back popping loudly. “Ugggggg, fine. I guess it’s too nice a day to waste indoors anyways.”

 

She walked to the gardens a handful of blocks from their apartment. There were always some sort of small creature or bird for her to sketch. Not to mention tons of foliage. She wasn’t opposed to the odd leaf or two if it was interesting enough to her. Sometimes she would sketch a person if she was inspired enough. She sat down on her favorite bench. It over looked most of the open portion of the garden that people would congregate for their picnics or activities. It also included several trees, planted shrubs, and flowers that would allow her to find several ideas of inspiration. She sat for a moment and took her surroundings in when what appeared to be a cardinal settled below a bush not too far from her and began picking at the ground. She immediately grabbed her pad and began sketching.

Clarke worked as fast but as accurately as she could. Birds were not known to be patient muses. They could abandon you without word. Shortly after she began drawing the bird, startled by a noise nearby, flew up and away, Clarke looked up to see the source, agitated. A person had come walking nearby and sat her items down on the ground. Books, a small blanket….and an umbrella?

 _Why does she have an umbrella?_ Thought Clarke _It is perfectly sunny out here._

The woman had long loose curled chestnut brown hair, tanned skin, and was wearing slim fitting skinny jeans cuffed at the ankles paired with white converse. Her top consisted of a thin form fitting v neck long sleeve shirt with the sleeves pushed up her arms. In her arms she carried a warm looking jacket with a fur lined hood.

 _OK, so a jacket and an umbrella, in this weather?_ Thought Clarke. _Well, I guess there are those people that are just perfectly prepared for just anything at all times._

This whole time Clarke had been watching her the woman had had her back to her. When the woman took the blanket and spread it out on the ground and sat down gracefully Clarke was finally able to get a look at her face.

 _Holy crap I’m gay._ Thought Clarke, wide eyed.

Clarke was already bisexual. She can’t be gay. Well was she bisexual? Are you bisexual if you haven’t been with a girl yet? She didn’t know all this yet. She hadn’t actually told anyone yet that she thought she was bisexual. Other than Cara, the girl she made out with a few times with in 11th grade that neither told anyone about. She was definitely attracted to the beauty of females. She enjoyed what happened with Cara, but she had never been far enough with anyone else to know if she would enjoy being with a woman in all aspects. She’d only had relationships with men and never for long. There was always something about women that intrigued her. This woman definitely intrigued her.

She was close enough that Clarke could see her vibrant green eyes. They were an emerald color. She also had a sharp jawline with plush lips. Long fingers griped her text books. Her eyebrows had a beautiful arch and they furrowed together in concentration as she studied what she read. Clarke was in awe of how beautiful she was. Before she realized what she was doing. Clarke had put pencil to paper and had begun drawing.

Clarke had no idea how much time had passed; it couldn’t have been that much time had it? It was growing dark and the sun had started to leave. She had gotten a good bit done on the drawing though. She looked up again to get a last look at the stranger to finish up a detail before packing up and noticed her packing up her items and putting on her coat. She’s ready to go as well. Oh well, thought Clarke. It was nice while it lasted. She might try coming to the gardens again now that she’s seen her and try to finish her drawing. Perhaps she'll see her again.

 _It’s not stalking if it’s for the sake of art right?_ Thought Clarke. Smiling at herself.

She looked back down at her pad to close it up and just as she was doing so a small droplet of rain landed on the page.

“Oh no.”

 

Present time

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Her teeth were going to break from chattering so hard. She knew it. Clarke pressed herself up against the bricks as flat as she could to try to avoid the sheet of rain that for whatever reason decided to show up out of nowhere. It was perfectly sunny when she walked out the door. Damn her parents for not trying to teach her at least one more time before she move out how to check the weather before setting out the house. The thin short sleeve henley and jeans she wore did nothing to keep her warm and everything to soak up the rain that pelted her.

Raven was dead when she got home. She was going to kill her. It was going to be the first thing she did if she survived this. Well second thing, the first thing would be setting the shower to scald and getting in it as fast as possible. She may not even bother taking off her clothes first. It’s Raven' fault she’s in this mess after all, she was good and dry on the couch. All her plans sounded great, that is if she even made it home. She was blocks away, the rain was showing no signs of letting up. There were no bus routes on this side of town and she hadn’t seen a taxi in forever. She could very well die of hypothermia right here in this alley, it was a good possibility.

Above all this she hoped the rain hasn’t ruined drawings. She had the pad tucked into her waist band in a desperate attempt to protect it. Her drawings were some of the few things in her life she truly treasured. The cover was moleskin and hoped it offered enough protection to keep the water from seeping through to the pages.

She was lost in the thoughts of her beloved drawings and plot to kill Raven when she heard a voice:

“Ma’am, do you need some help?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke catches a break.

 

Chapter 2

"Ma’am, do you need some help?"

Clarke looked up at the voice that filled her ears through the whirl of the rain. The last thing she expected to see were the gorgeous eyes that had enamored her so much just a little while earlier. IT was the woman from the gardens.

The woman stood before her under her umbrella and dressed in her coat. Warm. Dry.

 _She must have listened to her parents._ Thought Clarke sarcastically.

"What was that?" The woman said.

"Oh, did I say that out loud? It’s nothing, just something I was thinking. I seem to have gotten caught in this stupid rain. I honestly didn’t think to check the weather before I left out the house. But I can wait for a taxi or for it to let up. I don’t want to be a bother." Clarke rambled.

The woman had moved closer to Clarke while she spoke. Shielding her from the rain with her umbrella.

"No, you’re going to freeze waiting like this. You’re soaked through. Please. Take my coat." The woman said. Already in the process of taking it off.

"Oh, no, you don’t have to do that, I couldn’t possibl…."

"I’m not taking no for an answer." The woman said. Handing the coat to Clarke. The corners of her lips turned up in a warm smile.

Clarke opened her mouth to argue then stopped. The woman had raised her eyebrow at her disapprovingly. She definitely wasn’t going to take no for an answer. She reached for the coat, accidentally brushing fingers with the strangers. Clarke closed her eyes at the sensation.

 _Get it together Griffin, you don’t even know her._ She thinks sliding the coat over her arms. Oh my god, it was so warm. Her skin tingled from the drastic change in temperature. She zipped up the coat and pulls the hood over her head instantly getting a smell of what must be this woman’s scent. It was heavenly. She was getting lost in her thoughts yet again when suddenly she remembered her sketch pad. Scrambling, she jerked up the front of the the coat and her shirt, shoving her hand down the front of her jeans to the wide eyed shock of her savior.

"Um, do you need a moment? I mean, um... I can go if you need me to to? Wha.." The woman stuttered out, closing her eyes and turning around quickly.

Clarke looked up at at her confused. _What was her deal?_ Thought Clarke. _I was just….oh good lord._ Clarke covered her face. Embarrassed.

"No! God no! It was my pad!" Clarke hurriedly explained. When the woman didn’t turn around immediately she instantly realized her mistake. No! Noooooo! Not that kind of pad! Geez I’m terrible at words. My sketch pad. My drawings! I put them in my waistband to try to protect them from the rain. It’s all I knew to do. I don’t know what I would do if they were ruined." Clarke desperately explained waving the pad in her hand.

The woman had turned back around at the last of her words. Her look of shock having left her face for the time being as she listened to Clarke ramble.

"Please, I promise I’m not some freak or exhibitionist. I haven’t been laid in months in fact…oh god why can’t I filter my words so I don’t scare people. Here, take your jacket. Pretend like we never met."

Clarke immediately began to unzip the jacket. She had already resolved herself to face the freezing rain again for however long was necessary when the woman placed her hand on top of hers. Stopping her ministrations.

"Please don’t. I won’t be responsible for someone else’s death today. Who would want their Tuesday to end such a way?" The woman quipped.  She then removed Clarke’s hand from the jacket only to zip it back up herself up to Clarke’s chin. "Now, c’mon. The next building over is mine. Would it be too creepy to invite you inside to warm up? I know we’ve just met and all. You don’t know my name and I don’t know yours, but considering there is a life on the line, I think the risk is worth it don’t you?"

Clarke looked up at the woman with the striking green eyes. Taking her in. Other than the fact that she was gorgeous and now obviously kind, Clarke was trying to find any tell tell signs of crazy. She’d watched enough serial killer documentary series and listened to enough pod casts that she always told herself she could tell one from a mile away. She doesn’t see a single thing wrong with this goddess of a woman who’s smile is getting wider by the second as she waits for Clarke’s answer.

"Sizing me up?" The woman asked

"Oh what? No of course not…well yea kinda. I mean…..are you a serial killer? I mean tell me now if you are so I can be prepared." Clark winced.

"The woman laughed whole heartedly. "No. I am in fact not a serial killer. With my schedule, who would have the time. Plus the mess. Eww."

Clarke looked back at her and smiled. This woman really was something. But going back to her apartment? She wasn’t sure.

"I don’t want to be too much trouble." Clarke stated. "I can always wait for a taxi or for the rain to let up. If you give me your number I can return your coat as soon as it…..oh shit."

"What is it?" The woman asked

"I left my phone at home." Groaned Clarke

"Well that settles it. You’ll come with me to my apartment. I can’t have random strangers I’ve never met running off with my favorite coat in the hopes i'll see them in passing again. Now c’mon, I insist. Just come in and get warmed up and let the rain pass, then you're free to leave. I pinky promise I’m not a serial killer." Said the woman holding up her hands in defense.

Clarke looked around at the weather. It was still dark as ever and the clouds were as far as she could see in every direction. She had no idea when it could let up. "OK." She said. Sliding her sketch pad into one of the coat pockets. "But just until it passes. I don’t want to impose any longer than I have to."

"You won’t be a bother. I’m insisting." The woman proclaimed.

"Ok, but wait." Clarke states. "Earlier you said we don’t even know each other’s names. You should at least know mine so you can like etch It in your skin after you decide you do want to murder me. That's the least you can do. It’s Clarke."

"The woman laughed looked back at her quizitively. "Clarke… that’s an interesting name. It suits you. I’m Lexa. Just in case YOU end up murdering me." Making both her and Clarke laugh.

After letting their laughter die down, Lexa held her hand to Clarke, smiling widely. "So, are you ready to run?"

Clarke looked down at the hand Lexa offered to her and then back up at those green eyes she’d grown so fond of. Finding nothing but a soft gaze with no ill intentions, she slid her hand into the warm open palm, grasping it tightly.

 

"Yes."

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke tries to keep emotions and her body under control in the presence of her beautiful savior. Failing miserably.

“Yes”

 

Clarke said, a little out of breath in awe of this seemingly perfect woman. She had yet to find out if she was a serial killer or not, but as her emotions raged, she thought she probably wouldn’t mind it as long as she got to keep touching this woman.

“Ok, on three.” Said Lexa “One, two….. THREE!”

Both girls began to ran, Clarke holding tightly to Lexa’s hand as she led her through the rain. Both girls laughed as they made their way to Lexa’s building which they reached fairly shortly. With the rain still pouring down on them she quickly put in the passcode to the entryway door and hurriedly ushered Clarke inside.

Once inside their laughter died down and they took in the poor states of one another. Lexa had fared less than Clarke at this point. The umbrella hadn’t helped much having run through the rain, so her hair and clothes were damp. Clarke was no worse or better, despite being soaked under the jacket; it did help greatly keeping her from absorbing even more of the freezing rain.

Lexa, seemingly realizing the awkward way she had been observing made her come back to her senses. It was then she realized that they were still holding hands. She let Clarke’s hand fall from hers running her hand through her hair nervously.

Clarke immediately felt it in her chest when she lost contact with Lexa’s hand. She hadn’t even realized she had still been holding it. She missed it already.

 _What the hell Clarke?_ She thought to herself. _She is only trying to help you. It didn’t mean anything._ She mentally regrouped herself, trying not to think about the warm hand and piercing green eyes that were currently looking at her in concern.

“I’m sorry” Clarke laughed awkwardly. “I’m just a bit distracted today. It must be the cold.”

Lexa looked back at her smiling. “It’s ok, you must be really uncomfortable. Let’s get up upstairs. It’s only a couple floors up. I turned the heat on before I left knowing it was going to get a bit chilly with all this rain.”

They both proceeding up the stairs. Clarke still felt pretty nervous about this. And not for the same reasons as earlier. The need to not be a bother to the woman had turned into nervousness at soon being in her home.

Upon reaching the door Lexa made to draw her keys out of her pocket only to find they weren’t there.

“What the.. where are my damn keys?” She said frustrated. “Oh wait, that’s right.” Lexa turned around quickly moved towards Clarke. Clarke took a quick breath at the sudden closeness. She didn’t have much time to process before Lexa reached towards her and slid her hand into one of the pockets of the jacket she had loaned her. A blush immediately appeared on her cheeks and neck at the feel of Lexa’s hand moving against her stomach.

Being in such close proximity it wasn’t hard for Lexa to notice Clarke’s flustered appearance. “Oh! I’m sorry!” Exclaimed Lexa. “I should have really asked you before doing that. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“No, its fine. I’m not uncomfortable. I swear.” Clarke said, placing her hand on Lexa’s arm, assuring her.

“Ok, as long as you’re sure.” Said Lexa. Smiling back at Clarke apologetically.

“I’m sure.” Clarke said, smiling back. “Now, you mentioned something about heat?”

“Yes, c’mon in. Said Lexa. “It’s not much, but its home.”

Upon Lexa opening the door. Clarke took in her surroundings. I was small but cozy. Red brick walls with a few decorations adorning them. There were a few book shelfs stuffed with literature. Also, she noticed, were what seemed to be an endless amount of candles. She was broken out of her thoughts by the sound of Lexa placing her umbrella in in a stand by the door.

“Here.” Lexa said, motioning at Clarke’s front. “Let’s get that coat off of you and get you warmed up.” Clark unzipped the jack and Lexa quickly moved around her and placed her hands on her shoulders, assisting her in removing the jacket. Clarke kept a smile from reaching her face at the never ending manners this woman seemed to possess.

“So how do you want to do this.” Asked Lexa hanging the jacket up on its hook.

“What?” Clarke said, completely thrown off by her question. Her mind couldn’t help but end up in the gutter.

“I mean, you’re soaking wet. You’re obviously freezing, and those clothes are not helping. Please stop me if I make you uncomfortable…” Lexa looked into Clarke’s eyes intently. “…But, I’ve got some super comfortable sweats and a plethora of soccer t-shirts that you could wear while I put our clothes in the dryer.”

Clarke weighed her options. Stand around in soaking wet clothes and wait for her body heat to dry them hours from now, fending off frost bite along the way or accept Lexa’s offer. She realized she didn’t really have an option.

“Thank you.” She said. “I really appreciate your generosity.”

Lexa smiled at this warmly. Two rows of straight white teeth showing. “Please, I’m sure you would do the same for me.” Now, let me grab those clothes and a towel for you and I’ll show you were the bathroom is.”

Lexa walked up a short set of stairs leading up to an upper loft that Clarke Assumed was Lexa’s bedroom. She could make out the top of a dresser with a lamp perched on it as well as a couple items of clothing that lay over the railing. Lexa rummaged around in the drawers for a seconds pulling around what Clarke assumed were the clothes of discussion and then quickly made her way downstairs.

“It’s right over here.” Lexa said, motioning for Clarke to come with her. They walked down a short hall beside the stairs with two doors. Lexa opened one only to reach in to pull out a fluffy white towel and handed it to Clarke who smiled back appreciatively. They moved on to the next door which was the bathroom. It was small, covered in white tile. There was a glass pane enclosed shower along with a sink and toilet, which allotted for just enough moving room to change.

“There is a basket outside of the door.” Lexa said. “You can put your wet clothes in there. I’ll be right out here on the couch when you’re done.” Clarke nodded at her in understanding.

Lexa walked down the hallway and Clarke turned to enter the bathroom. As grateful as she was to peel off the wet clothes she had worn for far too long now, the coldness of the tile floor bit into her feet and made her hitch her breath. _I’ve got to do this quickly._ Thought Clarke. _Last thing I need is to pass out half naked on her bathroom floor._ She undressed quickly. Peeling the soaked layers from her body. As she reached for the replacement clothes she realized…

 _…..No bra and underwear._ Clarke said to herself, wincing. It’s not that she expected Lexa to offer up her own for Clarke to use. Hell, from what Clarke could tell of their different builds, if she did they wouldn’t fit anyways. Clarke was not ungifted in the breast department. Something she had always been somewhat self-conscious about. Not because of their appearance, but that they always seemed to attract unwanted attention from men. No matter what she wore. As for the underwear. Lexa wasn’t a stick, she was gorgeous in fact, but she didn’t have the generous curves and hips that Clarke possessed.

Clarke’s main concern was due to the lack of bra, the freezing cold she still felt in her bones, and the obviously small appearance of the t-shirt she was loaned, was she going to be able to keep her body in check around this beautiful woman. Her nipples had been hardened already from the cold, and the thought of Lexa possibly seeing her breasts on full display did nothing but worse the situation.

Clarke cursed herself internally for the lack of self-control she had of her own body. Pulling the sweats and the t-shirt on she observed herself in the mirror. God, they smelled just like the coat. A clean linen scent along with something a little stronger, almost woodsy. The sweats weren’t loose but not too tight. They sat on her hips well. The shirt however, as assumed, was a tight fit in the chest. The shirt also stopped about an inch above the sweat pants, showing a sliver of skin. The material clung to every part of her breasts with the words “Polis Soccer” stretched across the front. And as expected, her nipples were pretty obvious. She grasped her breasts in her hand firmly looking at them in the mirror.

“Come on girls. Don’t do this to me! Get your shit together!” Clarke quipped. Willing her nipples to cooperate.

Fearing she had taken too much time and that her green eyed savior would come knocking, wondering who the hell she was talking to, Clarke quickly dried off her hair, took a deep breath, and took the leap. Grabbing up her clothes she opened the door and padded out to the hallway. She placed her clothes in the basket that Lexa had pointed out previously. Not wanting to be a bad house guest, she couldn’t allow Lexa to clean up after her, so she picked up the basked and walked out toward the living room. She looked at the couch. Not seeing Lexa Clarke looked up toward the loft.

“Hey, Lexa, where did you want me to take thes….” Clarke began but stopped quickly at the sight of Lexa. She had been changing and as Clarke looked up she had just begun to pull her shirt on over her head. Facing away. Clarke’s jaw dropped at the sight of her tanned skin, and muscles moving in her back under her sports bra with every movement. Also, a tattoo that went down the center of her spine could not go unnoticed. It was beautiful. The pep talk she had given her nipples went ignored as they tingled, hardening once more, accompanied by a rush of arousal that hit her core.

Lexa began to turn around after finishing her task. Clarke gasped in a breath and turned away, pulling the basket up against her chest to hide her treacherous breasts. Lexa walked down stairs holding her clothes in her arm and walked up to Clarke. She placed her clothes in the basket she held and made to take it from her.

“You don’t have to do that, you’re my guest.” Lexa said.

“Oh no, I don’t mind. Please, I want to. Just show me where to go.” Clarke pleaded, clutching the basket to herself.

“Well…ok. If you must. Its right over there.” Lexa said, looking at Clarke intently like she was trying to read her. “Are you ok?” She added.

“I’m great.” Said Clarke. “I can just hear my mother bitching at me in my head for me treating you like a maid.

“You are not.” Said Lexa playfully. “But if you just have to then I guess you can. Just don’t be some wierdo that steals people’s underwear.” She added, smirking.

“I would never…” Clarke began seriously.

“Oh c’mon, you interrogated me as to whether or not I’m a serial killer. I think I’m allowed one panty snatcher comment.” Lexa stated laughing.

“Oh yea lol. I guess you’re right. After that show I pulled out side I guess that would be right up my alley.” Clarke said back. Laughing along with Lexa.

They both walked to the back corner of the apartment alongside the kitchen. There was a small area on the opposite side of the loft resembling the hallway. There they found the washer and dryer. They stood side by side as Lexa instructed Clarke how to use it. Clarke found herself thinking how comfortable it felt standing here with Lexa. Doing something so domestic. She couldn’t help but sneak glances at the woman as she spoke. Taking in that jaw and those perfect eyes she was compelled to draw just a short time earlier. There was no question about her sexuality at this point. This woman was a goddess and Clarke couldn’t help but want to reach out and trace her jaw and neck with her fingers.

Clarke chastised herself at that thought. _I barely know her. She could be straight for all I know. Married even! Regardless, even if she was gay or bisexual or whatever, she’s just being nice to me. And here I am practically ruining her sweat pants with my unchecked and under sexed hormones. God, the terrible sex with Finn must have really fucked me up more than I though if I’m acting like this over a pretty woman._ Clarke continued, berating herself internally.

Clarke was startled out of her thoughts by the sound of the dryer door closing.

“OK, so that takes about an hour. With our jeans, maybe a little more.” Lexa said, smiling at Clarke. “Hopefully the rain will have subsided by then.”

“Ok, that sounds just fine.” Said Clarke, covering her chest with her arms, trying to hide herself now that she didn’t have the protection of the basket.

“So, there isn’t much to do. But I thought I’d make us a cup of coffee or cocoa to warm us up and maybe we can sit on the couch and watch some Netflix.” Offered Lexa. “I have Hulu and Amazon Prime as well if there is something on there that you want to watch.” She added.

“Netflix is fine. They have a ton of nature documentaries I can watch over and over again. David Attenborough is my male celebrity crush, judge me if you want. “Clarke laughed out.

“Hmm, your choice in men is questionable. I hope your pick of women is of better quality.” Quipped back Lexa, smirking.

Clarke’s mouth opened and closed at the remark. Obviously blushing again. “Yea, it definitely is, trust me.”

Lexa looked back at Clarke like she was searching for something but quickly shook her head as if removing the thought from her head. “So, cocoa or Coffee?”

“Cocoa, please.” Clarke answered.

“Ok, coming up. The remote for the TV is on the couch, please make yourself comfortable. There is a blanket there if you need some more warmth.” Lexa offered, motioning towards Clarke and the arms she still had clasped over her chest.

Nodding at her appreciatively, Clarke moved to the couch, pulling up her legs as she sat down. She pulled the blanket over herself and tucked it under her arms. Thankful for the opportunity to put her arms down.

Clarke looked over at Lexa in the kitchen. Moving gracefully as she prepared their drinks. Taking in every movement of girl.

 

 

_“I’m so fucked.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you guys think? Sorry Clarke is being such a horn dog. But who wouldn't, its Lexa! Those unattended bisexual urges are coming to the surface. 
> 
> FYI: Sorry for any grammatical errors. I have crazy ADHD and I try to catch as many mistakes as I can. But I cant focus on one word at a time to save my life! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa plays therapist.

“I’m so fucked.”

 

 

 

Clarke looked away from Lexa, shaking her head. She had to get herself in check before she made a fool of herself or made Lexa think she was some sort of crazed sexual predator. Lexa hadn’t lead on that she noticed what Clarke was doing, but if she didn’t put a stop to it then it was bound to happen. The last thing she wanted to do was make this kind person who has gone out of her way so much, uncomfortable.

“Find anything to watch?” Lexa said, walking over with two steaming mugs in her hand. She sat them on the coffee table and took a seat next to Clarke.

“Um, no I’m still looking.” Clarke said, obviously lying. She had been too busy “looking” at Lexa to be bothered to find something to watch. Which honestly, in Clarke’s opinion, was better than any nature documentary.

“We’ll I think I saw a new one on there recently. Let me see the remote.” Clarke offered the remote to her, avoiding touching her. She really needed to stop acting like a teenage boy. So she figured it best to avoid all contact. All previous touched had reduced her a puddle of gay. Lexa proceeded to flip through Netflix, settling on a documentary called Life.

“Ooh I love this one!” Exclaimed Clarke, smiling widely like an idiot.

“Oh.” Said Lexa, “I’m sorry, I thought it was new, I just saw it come on there a few days ago.”

“No, it is. I’ve just watched it already. You underestimate my degree of devotion toward nature documentaries. Plus it’s got my sexy man David narrating it. “

Lexa laughed out loud at that. “I have underestimated it indeed. Also, sexy man? Good lord that man must be at least 70. Is he even alive?”

“Hey now.” Exclaimed Clarke. “It’s ok for men to be with younger women but not ok for me to be interested in a man 3 times my age? I didn’t take you for the shaming type.” Clarke looked at Lexa intently with a smirk on her lips.

“No no, I’m not shaming you.” Lexa said, holding her arms up in defense. “Just saying, I think you can do better.”

“It’s not him. It’s his voice, his mind, his…you know...character. That’s what I like in a person. Looks are a plus, but not necessarily a must. For me at least.” Clarke said.

Lexa looked at her listening intently and nodding. “That’s very admirable of you Clarke. I can definably say you and I have a lot in common in that area.”

Clarke looked back at her smiling. _Could this woman be any more perfect?_  She thought. “I will say I may not be the best judge of character first off though. My spider senses seem to be broken in regards to finding a decent person.”

“How do you mean?” Asked Lexa

“Well I’m 24 and have been in at least 4 failed relationships not including the occasional thing that didn’t go past the first or second date. Most of them only lasted a few months, here and there. This last one I was in was the longest. Almost a year. “

Lexa laid back on the couch with her hand resting on her head, giving Clarke her full attention.

“They all seemed super charming and sweet when we met.” Continued Clarke. “They had good job, their priorities straight, and seemed nice enough. But, when the relationships progressed…I couldn’t find myself getting emotionally invested. They were all either selfish, insensitive, shared completely different views than me on important matters, or were downright assholes past the new and shiny stage.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Lexa said. “I bet all that invested effort is exhausting. Mentally and physically.”

“It was. Which is why this last relationship lasted the longest.” Clarke explained. “I tried to tell myself that it was me. Maybe I was the problem. Maybe I was expecting too much out of people and looking too hard into things. Maybe I wasn’t letting things slide that I should have before, that eventually I could look past things that bothered me. That I could have had things that bothered the other person that they let go of for the sake of the relationship. I convinced myself for almost a year that I needed to do my fair share of compromise.” Clarke then took a deep breath, looking down at her hands. She didn’t realize she had said so much and how down it really made her feel saying it out loud. Also, a little embarrassed for saying it all to a practical stranger.

“I don’t believe you’re the problem.” Lexa began. Clarke jerked her head up to meet Lexa’s eyes. “I think it’s easy for us to blame ourselves when things don’t work out. It’s safer to find faults and rationalize with ourselves. Try to do it to someone else, you may end up getting shit on or talked down to and in the end up be filled with insecurities that were never there before.”

“Sounds about right.” Clarke quipped. “The first few relationships were short lived. It was easy to just say I wanted a break or that I was too busy with work to do a relationship. It was easy to get out. I never expressed how or felt or why I wanted to end things. I’m not good at confrontation, I never seem to be heard and my concerns get shut down as petty or invalid.”

“So.” Lexa asked. “Do you mind if I ask how this last one ended? Seeing as how it was a year long, i’m assuming that saying that you were too busy with work wasn’t the reason?”

“I don’t mind.” Said Clarke, taking a sip of her cocoa. “You’ve been my therapist this long why not longer?”

“Good, and don’t worry, this one is pro-bono.” Both girls laughed at the remark.

“Well I guess I should start from the beginning. His name is Finn. He went to high school with me and my roommate Raven. They actually dated for a couple years in high school. I didn’t really know him then. Raven and I didn’t get to be good friends until after I graduated so I never had the chance to interact and develop an opinion of him. But, as I said earlier, apparently I’m not very good at that anyways so I reckon it wouldn’t have mattered would it?” Clarke asked.

Lexa just looked back at her. Lips upturned in a small smile.

“Anyways, fast forward 5 years. I met him while out with drinks with a few friends. He approached me and we started chatting. Lexa, he was soooo charming. Sweet. Respectable. Didn’t hit on me or give me any cheesy pickup lines. The. Perfect. Gentleman. So yea, at the end of the night he asked if he could take me out on a date sometime and I accepted.”

“I can see where this is going already. No offense. Please go on.” Said Lexa.

Clarke just rolled her eyes and smiled in acknowledgement. “The first few months were great with no signs of trouble. Then all of a sudden I just started feeling off about things that he would say. Negative comments here and there about something that I may have chosen to wear. Not rude, just like. “Hey, that shows a little too much cleavage, why don’t you change into something else.” Things like that. I never thought much of it at first, just that he was looking out for me. Then, as time went, he would ask where I at when we spoke or texted. Who I was with, where I was going after. This just slowly got worse over time. Then about 10 months in, one weekend he asked me out to do something together. I told him that I couldn’t, me and Raven were having a girls’ weekend out of town. He immediately became irate. Saying that Raven was trouble and always had been. That I shouldn’t hang out with her because she was going to put me in a position to do something that I knew I shouldn’t.”

Lexa raised her eyes at this. “Things you shouldn’t? What did he mean?

“I asked him the same thing. Clarke began. Now to be clear, Finn never had anything bad to say about Raven other than grumbles here and there. Those I just took as him being a disgruntled ex. Men have sensitive egos. So, me being best friends with his ex- can’t be the easiest thing. So, going back, when I asked him what he meant by that comment he just exploded. “Raven is and always will be the town slut. She never dressed appropriately around men like she should and she always has something crude and unladylike to say or comment. I don’t approve of you going away with her without my say-so. She is a bad influence and if I were to allow you to go away with her for the weekend, how do I know you will keep covered so men don’t come looking for a good time.”

“Oh my god! Is he fucking insane?” Lexa exclaimed, scoffing.

“I know right.” Clarke said. “I explained to him that in no way was Raven a slut. She’s had less sexual partners than I had. The look in his eye when I said that was a look of fury and pure jealousy. The mention of someone else having had me just set something off inside him. Which is dumb, he knew I’d had been in relationships before. Did he think I was celibate before him? That his dick was god’s gift to me? Trust me, it wasn’t. My vibrator put in more work than Finn did.”

Lexa laughed out loud from the bottom of her stomach. Covering her mouth to stifle it. When it tapered off her face was red and her eyes were wet from nearly crying. “Oh my god!” She said. “That is so sad to hear.” Lexa said, laughing a little more.

“It was. The phrase: “It’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean,” doesn’t apply when the boat is small and the captain is sexually incompetent.” Clarke said.

Lexa covered her ears after this while laughing. “Please stop, please! I’m going to pass out from oxygen deprivation from all this laughing!”

“Ok, ok! I’ll keep going!” Clarke laughed out. “So anyways. After that I just snapped. I told him that I’ve been growing pretty sick of his controlling ways and that I had been for a while. Of course he denied that he had ever been controlling, saying that he was just looking out for my well-being, that guys were disgusting creatures and couldn’t be trusted. He even had the gall to add that: “Women are inferior to men and they should allow men to make decisions for them for their own good.”

“I cannot believe he said that. What a pig.” Lexa said

“Exactly, and that’s what I called him at that exact moment. A pig.” Clarke stated. “I told him that I was sick of his controlling ways and that we were done. He immediately tucked his tail between his legs and started back tracking. Saying how he was wrong, he was sorry, and he only did the things he did because he loved me. I couldn’t believe it Lexa, he actually thought the best time to say: “I love you,” was while I was trying to leave him.”

“The man was desperate…. desperate and pathetic.” Lexa said.

“Yep.” Clarke Continued. “I looked him dead in the eye and told him to fuck off and never speak to me again. That was 3 months ago and he hasn’t stopped texting or trying to call me since. Leaving flowers at my apartment and leaving me letters in the mailbox.”

“God, what a stalker.” Lexa said.

“Yea…he hasn’t done anything dangerous so I haven’t called the police or anything. Just send him the same text every time he tries to do anything.”

“What would that be?” Lexa asked

“Fuck off!” Clarke laughed. The exact same thing I told him when I left him.

Both the girls laughed in unison at that trying not to spill their drinks.

“That is great Clarke.” Lexa said. “I’m so glad you were able to be done with him. At the end you stood up for yourself and that matters more than what you allowed to happen in the past. It makes the prospect of getting back out there more appealing.”

“Yea, but I’ve lost hope in my ability to find a good person. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to avoid assholes.” Clarke said.

“That’s why I don’t do casual dating.” Lexa offered, standing up to grab Clarke’s mug from her. “Refill?” she asked.

“Sure.” Clarke replied.

Lexa continued, walking through to the kitchen. “I truly believe in getting to know someone and getting to know them as much as you can before opening up to the possibility of a relationship. And sex, well, I want to be in love with someone to offer that to them. Opening up to someone in that way is a gift and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Now, that’s just my opinion. Casual sex and dating is just fine if others approve and enjoy it. I would never shame someone for that.”

Clarke was in awe at the comment. “That narrows your chances of finding someone drastically does it?” Clarke asked. “What if you never find someone that you get the chance to do that with? You would have to be close with someone for a while before doing that, even friends. Also, the other person has to be on the same page as you. Even if they knew the situation upfront how can you keep them from getting frustrated with you if they realize later on that they want more than you? Or they realize they aren’t willing to wait as long as you need them to?”

 

Lexa had walked back to the couch at this point. She sat down and handed Clarke her mug and answered, smiling: “It does narrow my chances. Hence why I haven’t been in a relationship in quite a long time. I’m what..26? And I haven’t been with anyone in close to four years.”

Clarke coughed. Accidentally choking on her cocoa. Lexa reached over and began patting her back out of concern. Clarke held up her hand expressing she was ok. When the coughs had tapered off she looked back at Lexa. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to almost die again. This WOULD have been a pretty shitty Tuesday for you.”

Lexa looked back at her smiling. “Indeed. And imagine the story I would have to tell the cops when they got here. I might be pegged for a murderer after all.”

Both girls chuckled at each other. Smiling. When the laughter died down Clarke looked over at Lexa. She was sitting up with her legs crossed looking back at her.

“So 4 years huh? That’s a lot of batteries.” Clarke said, smiling wide.

Lexa looked back at her wide eyed in shock and threw a throw pillow at her. “Oh my god, Clarke!”

Clarke smirked looking around innocently. “Hey! Don’t be ashamed of your bedroom game, i’m not.” Clarke was about to hold up her arms in defense of another pillow being thrown her way when she spotted a picture frame sitting on an end table not too far from the couch. It was of Lexa and a curly haired woman with beautiful, flawless, dark skin. Clarke reached over to pick it up. Lexa had her arm around this woman’s waist and had the most genuine smile on her face.

“Hey Lexa?” Clarke asked looking at her. “Who is this?”

“Hmm?” Lexa said, looking up from her mug she had been sipping. When she focused on what Clarke was holding in her hand her demeanor shifted to something that seemed almost uncomfortable to Clarke. An unsure smile rose to her lips as she spoke:

 

 

“Her name was Costia.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke plays therapist.

 

“Her name was Costia.”

 ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Clarke looked at Lexa trying to get a read from her. She could almost taste the tension that was radiating of her. “She’s so pretty, I wish I had skin that good.” Clarke said.

“Yea, her skin was always a sore subject between the two of us. I don’t think she ever had a blemish once while I look at a pizza the wrong way I get one. Oh, and don’t get me started about that time of the month. I would lock myself away if I could. I got on birth control pills eventually though and It helped a ton.” Lexa said.

Clarke couldn’t help but notice the past tense in her words but continued cautiously. “So, you guys seems really close, kind of like Raven and I. Best friends since day one.”

Lexa took a long sip of her coffee, looking away momentarily. Clarke couldn’t help but noticed her breathing had changed, almost shaky. After looking back at Clarke, the unsure demeanor she had previously was nowhere to be found on her face. Like a mask had been put on. _She’s trying to protect herself._ Clarke said to herself. Suddenly feeling very sorry she ever asked about the woman. She didn’t mean to cause any problems.

“Yes, she was definitely my best friend. There was never a better person than her.” Lexa said.

Clarke smiled back at her warmly. Trying to emote her empathy for the woman. “Can I ask where she is now?”

Another shaky breathe from Lexa didn’t go unnoticed.

“I’m sorry, I..I’m being nosy. Raven says I can be soooo unthoughtful. I’m just a naturally curious person and talk too much. You don’t have to answer that.” Clarke said rushing to put the picture back on the table while putting her hands up in apology towards Lexa, closing her eyes and shaking her head at herself for being inconsiderate.

Then suddenly Clarke felt a warm hand atop her knee. “Hey now.” She heard Lexa say. “You did nothing wrong. Nothing at all. I promise. I would tell you if you did. She was…she was just very special to me and every time I think that I’m over the loss, I find out that it still hurts. But you know what?”

Clarke looked up at Lexa shyly. She had sat up front her spot on the couch and had moved close to Clarke, knees almost touching. Clarke let out a breath at the close proximity. “What?”

“It hurts a little bit less every time, and that’s how I know I’m going to be ok.” Lexa said, looking Clarke, smiling at her warmly. “So, you asking me about her, did nothing but help me.”

Clarke looked at Lexa and mirrored her smiled. “You keep saying “was.” She began. “I can tell myself that you guys broke off your friend ship for whatever reason but the way you speak of her tells me that’s not the case is it?”

“No.” Lexa began. “She passed away.”

It was then that Clarke put her hand over Lexa’s. The one that still held to her knee. “I’m so sorry, Lexa.”

“It’s ok, well its getting ok. As I said before.” Lexa replied.

“What happened to her, if you don’t mind me asking.” Said Clarke.

Lexa took another deep breath while looking downward. One for courage it seemed. The hand not being held by Clarke was mindlessly picking at her pants. “She died in her sleep. Undiagnosed heart condition. They said she went peacefully, no pain. She was here one moment and gone the next. She was 21 years old.”

Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hand and ran her thumb lightly over her knuckles. Lexa looked up instantly, meeting Clarke’s gaze. They were blue and deep, with lines of tears around the edges.

“Oh no Clarke, you can’t cry! I’m the one that’s supposed to cry.” She said reaching up and brushing way a tear that managed to escape down Clarke’s cheek.

Clarke relished the feeling of Lexa’s fingers on her face. She found herself closing her eyes and leaning into the touch of the woman before quickly coming to her senses and pulling her head up and away from Lexa’s warm touch.

“Lord look at me, I’m such a sap. I’m sorry.” She said wiping at her eyes with the hand that wasn’t holding Lexa’s. “It’s just the way you talk about her is so kind and loving. I don’t know how you can be so strong. My dad passed away when I was 18 and I still cry at least once a month over it.” Clarke added.

“Your father passed?” I’m sorry to hear that. What happened?” Lexa asked.

“Um, it was cancer. Stage four pancreatic. He was ate up with it when we found it. He didn’t stand a chance.” Clarke replied.

“Oh my god Clarke. That’s terrible.” Lexa responded empathetically.

“Don’t worry yourself over it.” Clarke said brushing it off. “We were talking about you, not me. That being said, am I YOUR therapist now then?” She chuckled.

“It seems so, I’m not so winded though. Not my style.” Lexa quipped back.

“Hey! I’m not winded! I just like to get out all the details when I speak so passionately. Its essential information!” She laughed out.

“This is coming from the person who just admitted that she talks too much?” Lexa asked, raising her eyebrow.

“Touché.” Clarke said, in exasperation. Both girls laughed. Only when the laughter died down did both realize that Lexa still had her hand on Clarke’s knee. Their eyes met instantly and Lexa drew back quickly, as if scalded. Clarke whimpered internally at the loss.

And as if by fate the timer on the dryer went off. _Had it been an hour already?_ Thought Clarke.

Lexa stood up from the couch and walked over to the dryer. After inspecting the clothes momentarily to assess their dryness, she pulled everything out into a basket and brought it over to Clarke. “So, they’re definitely dry.” She began. “I’m sure you’ll want to get out of my clothes and back into your own. You couldn’t have been comfortable. That t-shirt looks like it could cut off circulation it was so tight.”

“No, it wasn’t that ba…” Clarke began glancing down at herself before stopping suddenly and covering her chest with her arms. _Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!_ She said to herself. _I was too busy talking to remember that I was showing off every bit of my chest in this damn shirt. Did she notice my nipples? Oh my god I bet they have been just front and center this whole time._

“Oh don’t be embarrassed.” Lexa began. “I didn’t even notice until now, we were so busy talking. I didn’t see anything, don’t worry. Not a serial killer and definitely not a pervert.“ She said, laughing.

“Thank goodness for that.” Began Clarke. “This shirt is very comfortable but is definitely going to be stretched out for sure. I’m sorry. We’re not exactly the same size it seems.”

“Well then you keep it. I’ve got tons more.” Lexa said.

“Thank you.” Clarke began.“Interrupting your day. Using your jacket and dryer. Drinking your cocoa and ruining your shirts. I bet you’re so ready to be rid of me.” Clarke said nervously, getting up to sort her clothes from Lexa’s that were in the basket.

“Actually no, quite the opposite. Lexa said. “I’ve enjoyed having you here. I’m kind of a keep to your self-type person. I’ve got a few good friends and my cousin Anya but I like to just hang out here most times. Which isn’t always everyone’s idea of a good time.” Lexa said dejectedly. “It’s been fun talking to you. I’d really like it if we did it again sometime, hang out I mean. If that’s something you would be interested in. I could always use another friend.” Lexa added shifting a little from one foot to the other.

Clarke looked back at Lexa. She couldn’t believe what she was saying. An opportunity to see and get to know more of the perfect woman was like winning the lottery. “Yes, yes of course. I’d love to…I mean I’d really like that.” Clarke said, hurriedly correcting herself so not to sound like a total creep. “I’ve been a homebody myself lately, which is what got me into this whole situation really.” Clarke added, laughing sarcastically.

“How do you mean?” Lexa asked.

“Remember Finn?” Clarke asked.

Lexa answered with a nod.

“Well after the breakup I apparently enjoyed being on the couch way too much for Raven’s liking so practically kicked me out of the house today. And well, you know what happened after that.” Clarke said gesturing to herself and the other woman, chuckling.

“Yes I do. I saved the poor wet girl from drowning slash freezing to death in an alley.” Lexa laughed out.

“My hero.” Clarke said, though immediately realizing her slip. A blush spreading across her cheeks. “So! Right! I better go get changed.” Clarke rushed to turn to the bathroom to change, hoping Lexa hadn’t noticed her umpteenth blush for the day.

“There’s an extra hairbrush in the cabinet if you need it!” Yelled Lexa as she rushed to the bathroom.

“Thanks!” She hollered back, having already reached the bathroom. She slipped out of Lexa’s clothes and put the pants in the hamper that was in the corner. She took the shirt and folded it up nearly. Grateful she was able to keep it. She finished dressing, relishing in the fact that she could put on a bra now. Once dressed she retrieved the aforementioned hair brush and fixed her hair the best she could. Using a band around her wrist she pulled two sections on either side of her head to the back and secured them with the band. Successfully pulling the hair away from her face. Tucking the shirt under her arm she stepped out of the bathroom and back into the living room.

“Well it looks like the rain has let up right on time.” Lexa said, standing at the window. Clarke walked to stand by her, looking out as well. She was right, the rain had completely stopped and sun was shining through the clouds. The only sign of the rain we’re the puddles on the street and the wet sidewalk. She was somewhat disappointed that it was now time to say goodbye to her new friend.

“Well I guess that’s my cue to go then. Raven must be worried about me anyways. Seeing as how I left my phone and have been gone for way longer than intended.” Clarke said.

“Ok, well I hope you get home easy enough. Do you need me to call you a cab, or an uber?” Lexa asked.

“No, no. I’m good, thanks. I walked. It’s just a handful of blocks away. I can manage.” Clarke replied.

“Well, alright. I’ll walk you to the door.” Lexa said, gesturing in that direction. “Now if we’re going to hang out again, I don’t guess it would be feasible to hope to rescue you again in an alley to do so, so do you mind if I get your number? I can text you so you’ll have it.” She asked.

“Get caught in the rain and have to be saved one time, one time! And I never hear the end of it.” Clarke said throwing her hands up.

“Cmon, im just messing with you. It was honestly the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.” Lexa said smiling widely and rubbing at her neck.

Clarke smiled back and answered. “Me too, I didn’t think that a couple hours ago, but me too.”

Both girls stayed quiet for a moment just looking at each other until lexa broke the silence, clearing her throat. “Ok, yea. Your phone number?”

Clarke recited her phone number to Lexa who typed it into her phone as she spoke. “Ok, I’ve got it and i’ve just sent you a text so you’ll have mine.”

“Ok, good.” Replied Clarke. “Well I guess this is it, thanks so much for today. I don’t know what I can do to repay you but ill have to treat you to lunch or something.”

“You don’t owe me anything Clarke. Getting to meet you was payment enough.” She replied while opening the door.

“Alright well ill text you back when I get home. Thanks again. Bye.” Clarke said waving as she walked away.

“Ok sounds good, by…oh wait, wait!” Lexa yelled.

Clarke walked back towards the door wondering what was up. She saw Lexa go towards the coat rack and reach into the pocket.”

“Oh yea, my sketch pad, thanks. Id surely be missing that.” Clarke said.

“I know you would.” Lexa replied. “The crazy lengths you were going to protect it.” Lexa added pulling it from the pocket and handing it to Clarke.

Clarke made to grab the pad from Lexa’s hand. She doesn’t know who’s slip it was but she lost her hold to it and it tumbled to the ground opening up to the page that was adorned with Lexa’s image.

“I’ve got it.” Said Lexa, bending to retrieve it.

“No ill get it!” Clarke said hurriedly, bending to grab it but was beaten by Lexa’s long fingers.

Lexa picked up the pad off the floor and went to close it before stopping suddenly.

 _She sees it._ Clarke said to herself. _God, this is so embarrassing, she’s going to really think I'm some stalker freak who set all this up to get in her house. Alright, deep breath Griffin. You can do this, just explain what happened and maybe she won’t call the pol…_

“Is this me?” A voice called out, interrupting Clarke’s thoughts.

“Yes, Clarke said nerviously. Its not finished. I was at the Gardens earlier and I was drawing a bird and it flew off and actually it was your fault cause when you sat down you startled it and I was kinda irritated but when you sat down I saw you eyes and your jawline and everything else and I couldn’t help but to draw you because your bone structure is like an artists dream damnit im sorry if that’s stalkerish please don’t think I planned all this just to kill you…..”

“Clarke!” Lexa said, effectively shutting up Clarke’s rambling.

Clarke closed her mouth and looked into Lexa’s eyes. What she saw there wasn’t anger or fear. It was adoration and happiness. “You’re not mad? Creeped out?” Clarke asked.

“No no no. Not at all. This drawing….its amazing. You’re so talented.” Lexa said in awe.

Clarke rubbed the back of her neck, a little embarrassed. She was never good at taking compliments. “Well, thanks. It’s something that I enjoy doing and really cherish. Hence the pad in the pants.” Clarke said.

Lexa nodded, listening intently. “Do you mind if I look at the others?”

“No, go ahead. I don’t mind.” Clarke said. Lexa nodded at her once more before flipping through the pages of the pad, her eyes and her smile growing wide.

“These are amazing Clarke. You really do have a gift.” Lexa said, handing the pad to Clarke. Who smiled back in appreciation.

“Well, I do really need to get going now. Raven is probably minutes away from calling 911.” Clarke said.

“Yea ok. Don’t forget to text me when you get home, so I know you made it ok. “Lexa said.

“Will do, bye Lexa.” Clarke said, walking through the door well. She made it to the stairs before she heard the door close. She walked home with Lexa on her mind. The unattended bisexual in her was running rampant. She needed to put a leash on that thing before it got her in trouble. Walking into the house she was immediately attacked by Raven.

“Where the hell have you been!? I was worried sick!?”

 

 

“Sit down. Clarke said, smiling. I’ll tell you everything.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke lets the cat out of the bag, or so she thinks.

“Sit down. Clarke said, smiling. I’ll tell you everything.”

 ______________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

“Everything?” Raven said. “What could have possibly happened just taking a walk? Wait, I take that back, I forgot it was you we’re talking about. Did you rob a bank? Wait, did you find a stash of money from someone who robbed a bank? That would be flipping sweet!”

Clarke looked back up at Raven with one eyebrow crested in disbelief. “You know,” She began. “Sometimes I wonder if you weren’t dropped on your head at birth. You are such a complete doofus at times.”

“Hey, I’m not a doofus. I am just very imaginative and think super positive. Who doesn’t want money? I want money, you want money, we all want money.” Raven rambled.

“Raven! Shut up for a minute will you?” Clarke said, laughing. No, I did not rob a bank nor did I find a stash of cash. Even if I did I’d have to return that shit. It would be illegal as hell to keep it!”

“Not if you didn’t say anything about it.” Raven mumbled.

Clarke looked back up at Raven disapprovingly. She loved her friend, so so much, but she tested her sanity several times a day. “Anyways, as I was about to tell you what happened until you started rambling on like a moron. I met someone today.”

“Met someone? Who?” Raven asked.

Clarke proceeded to tell the story about Lexa and her’s meeting. Leaving out a few details.

“Wow, she sounds awesome. Like a knight in shining armor. And ya’ll just started talking like you’ve known each other forever?” Raven asked.

“Yes Rae, that was what was so great about everything. I felt so comfortable around her. Well, after I was sure she wasn’t luring me home to kill me.” Clarke said laughing.

“See?” Raven said. “That’s why I kicked your ass out today. Getting all weird and crazy over all the serial killer documentaries you’ve been watching. It’s gotten to you.”

“Yes, and I thank you for it, this has been one of the best days I’ve had in a long time.” Clarke said, smiling to herself.

Raven looked back at her inquisitively, as if trying to read her. “What’s the deal, Clarke?” You are acting like you act when you’ve met a new guy. Like exactly like it. You’re sitting here talking about her all giddy.”

“What? No I’m not!” Clarke exclaimed.” I’m just excited is all. She’s really nice and kind and we have so much in common…”

“See!” Raven yelled. “That’s what I’m talking about! I mean the chick sounds great but I don’t go talking like that about new folks I meet. Is there something you want to tell me? Cause honestly it sounds like you’ve got a crush on her or something.”

“What? C’mon. No. I mean I…” Clarke stuttered out.

Raven took a deep breath. “OH MY GOSH, Clarke, you do have a crush on her! This is so great! My baby is finally coming out of the closet!” She hugs Clarke tightly and then gets up and does a dance resembling something between the running man and a sprayed roach.

Clarke looked at her in shock. What the hell was going on? How the hell could Raven know about her possible bisexuality if she didn’t even know herself? She was sure she had never told her or led her to believe that she was. Alas, it was too late now. If she was going to come to terms that she was already irrevocably attracted to all that was Lexa, and her best friend was in support of it, why not do it now.

“Alright alright!” Clarke yelled, stopping Raven’s annoying antics. She was currently in the process of attempting to do the worm in the middle of their living room, failing miserably. “Get your butt up off the floor and sit down will you!?” Clarke added, seething.

Raven got up and sat down immediately. She plopped herself right next to Clarke, her knees together, her back straight and her hands interlocked under her chin, looking at Clarke intently with a goofy smile on her face.

“See, that makes me not even want to talk to you about it. I’m already nervous and frankly a little embarrassed that I’ve obviously been obviously bisexual without even knowing I was doing it.” Sighed, Clarke, rubbing her face.

“Aww come on Clarke.” Raven said, relaxing back on the couch. “It wasn’t like you have a big sign on your back. But, little things I’ve picked up over the years definitely had me convinced that you weren’t strictly dickly.” Raven said, that goofy smile still spread over her face.

Again, Clarke had to cringe at the words of her friend. She definitely wasn’t scared to say how she felt. “What little things?” Clarke asked.

“Well for starters, your Netflix watch history, your recently watched, and because you watched list is nothing but nature documentaries, conspiracy stuff, and….dun dun dun! Movies with lesbian characters.” Raven said.

“What!? Why were you in my profile?! We have separate profiles for a reason! You were gumming it all up with that low budget horror shit you watch and cooking shows.” Clarke yelled.

“Hey, it’s not my fault!” Raven said, holding up her hands. “Remember when we had that pizza night and you won the coin toss on what to watch? You told me what series you had started and when you went to the bathroom I couldn’t remember the name of it to save my life. So, I logged on your profile to see if it was in your recently watched list and low and behold, boobies and pudding pie everywhere.” Raven explained.

Clarke looked at Raven angrily. “It is not just breasts and genitals Raven! They are well made movies with good storylines. You can’t even see anything in most of them. If I wanted to watch porn I would do it on my lapt….” Clarke slapped her hands over her mouth at the slip, avoiding Ravens watchful eye.

“Oh that brings up another thing. I borrowed your laptop one day while you were at work. Let’s just say you need to close your browsers when you’re done.” Raven said idly. Picking at her nails.

“Oh god! Kill me now!” Clarke said dejectedly. She was so embarrassed at this point; it couldn’t get any worse.

“Besides all that, everybody knows about you and Cara back in school. We’ve just been waiting patiently for you to transform from an in denial caterpillar to the beautiful bisexual butterfly you were meant to be.” Raven said, fanning her arms.

Clarke looked over at Raven, surprised. “You knew about Cara?”

“Girl yea.” Raven said, scoffing. Cara hung out with my group in high school. One night in senior year she got drunk at a bonfire we were having. One game of never have I ever is all it took to spill the beans.” Raven explained. “She realized what she did once she sobered up and we all promised we wouldn’t say anything to anyone.”

“Who all knows?” Clarke asked.

“Hmm let’s see, who all was there…” Raven said momentarily before continuing. “I mean well not everyone at the party was in the game. But, if I remember correctly, it was me, Cara of course, Octavia, Luna, Lincoln, Bellamy and Finn. Yea, that was it. I’m pretty sure.”

Clarke jerked her head up at the mention of Finn. “He was there? Oh god, this is so embarrassing. It makes so much sense now.”

“What makes sense?” Raven asked.

“The ass had the nerve to ask me about doing a threesome with another girl on more than one occasion. He probably thought I would be gung ho for it.” Clarke explained.

“What a fucking pig. I’m so glad you dumped him. I don’t know how you stayed with him so long. He was not this bad in high school.” Raven said, disgusted. “Oh wait, I know! His dick was so small you actually thought you were with a woman!”

“Raven, I love you with all my heart, but I need you to just stop talking. Please, for my sanity.” Clarke said, trying to hold in a laugh.

“Ok, ok, ok, ok.” Raven said. “But, anyways, now that it’s all out in the open. What’s the deets on the girl? What does she look like? She’s had got be hot for you to act like this over her.”

“Gosh Raven, I’m new to all this.” Clarke began. “I not even sure I’m really interested in woman sexually or just that I’m just attracted to the beauty of a woman, ya know? There are plenty of girls that experiment but find out later that they aren’t as interested as they thought. I mean, Cara and I were so young and hormones make you do crazy things. I can’t base one experience in junior high as the foundation of my sexuality.”

“Did you ever stop to think you might be attracted to the person in general, rather than the gender?” Raven asked.

Clarke looked up at her friend. Raven was crude and rough around the edges. Not to mention a complete dork most the time. But, she was also smart and genuine. That is what made Clarke love her most and why she values her friendship so much. “No, I didn’t.” Clarke answered.

“Well there you go.” Raven said. “From the way you’ve spoken about her, she seems like a great and well rounded person. A person Clarke. Not a woman and not a man, but a person. If you want to label yourself as bisexual, you can. If you don’t want to label yourself at all, then don’t, it’s your call.”

“This is why I keep you around Raven.” Clarke said smiling. “That and who else could put up with all the crazy that is you?”

“Pft, im awesome and you love me.” Raven answered.

“You are, and I do.” Clarke answered.

“Enough with the sappy shit. Tell me about this chick. Is she hot? She has to be hot if you’re acting like a teenage boy.” Raven said.

“How bout I show you? I didn’t have much time, but I think it came out pretty good.” Clarke said, pulling out her sketch pad.

“Oh that’s right! The creeper drawing you did!” Raven said

“Raven.” Clarke said firmly.

“Sorry, sorry, let me see.” Raven said, grabbing the pad from Clarke. “Whoa! She is hot! I knew it! Look at that jaw line. Meow! Good job Clarkey.”

“Give me that back.” Clarke said, snatching the pad back. “This doesn’t do her justice. She is so graceful and her body is perfect from what I can tell. Her eyes…her eyes are such a vibrant color green. I’ve never seen anything like them. And her eyebrows, the way they furrow together when she’s thinking. I don’t have words to say how beautiful she looks.”

“Well, what do you plan to do about this.” Raven said, gesturing between Clarke and the pad.

Clarke looked at her in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Lexa.” Raven said pointing to the pad. “Are you going to ask her out?

“What? No. I don’t know if she’s even interested in women. Or interested in a relationship at all right now for that matter.” Clarke said, her mind going back to the conversation that her and Lexa had. This was one of the details that she had left out earlier when telling Raven about her and Lexa meeting. “She’s got these rules.” Clarke said.

“Rules? What do you mean rules?” Raven asked.

“Lexa says she wants to know someone in their entirely before opening herself up to the idea of a relationship.” Clarke answered.

“Well, that’s noble and sounds great, but that doesn’t leave much room for opportunity does it? Raven stated.

“Yea that’s what I said. She hasn’t been in a relationship for a few years because of it. She didn’t seem bothered by it so I don’t see her just up and saying: “Sure Clarke, I’ll go on a date with you.” Even if by chance she was interested in women. Plus, when she asked to hang out with me she said “I can always use another friend.” Clarke said dejectedly.

“Hmm. Do you think you can put your homones to the side long enough to be friends with her?” Raven asked.

“Yea, I think I can. She is so great Raven. If all I can have is a friendship, then I’ll gladly taken it.” Clarke replied.

All of a sudden Clarke’s phone rang from the bedroom. “Shit!” Clarke said. “I was supposed to text her that I made it home ok.”

“You sure she’s not gay? Raven said yelling at her as she ran.

“Shut up!” Clarke replied, running to her room. She found her phone on her nightstand where she had left it after dressing earlier. Looking at the notifications she saw she had a few. One from her mom asking about getting together for dinner soon, one from Raven asking where she was, and two from an unknown number.

 **Unknown number:** Hey, its Lexa.

 **Unknown number:** Are you ok? It’s been a while since you left and I haven’t heard from you. Just making sure you’re ok.

Clarke smiled at the Lexa’s thoughtfulness. She added Lexa’s info to the phone and typed a response.

 **Clarke:** Hey! Its Clarke. I’m so sorry, as expected Raven was on me as soon as I got here and I kinda got caught up telling her about my day. I’m sorry!

Not a few seconds later the text bubble showed up indicating Lexa was replying.

 **Lexa:** I’m glad to hear. I was a little worried to be honest. Just made a new friend and you drown in a puddle or something.

 **Clarke:** Drown in a puddle? I’m not that dumb.

 **Lexa:** I never said dumb. Maybe a little ditzy though. You did go out shortly before one of the worst storms we’ve had lately without a jacket or umbrella. :D

 **Clarke:** Again with this!? You’re never going to let me live this down. I’m highly considering rejecting your offer of friendship now. Lol

 **Lexa** : I’m sorry, you’re just too easy to mess with. Please, I’ll let it go….for now. Lol

 **Clarke:** Fine, you’re lucky I like you.

 _Shit._ Clarke thought to herself. _Way to put yourself out there dumbass. Maybe she won’t think anything of it._

 **Lexa:** ….

Clarke saw the text bubbles for a few seconds and then it disappeared, only to come and go a few times before getting a response.

 **Lexa:** I like you too, Clarke.

Clarke stomach shot up to her throat and a blush ran across her cheeks and chest. Not to mention the twinge of excitement she felt between her legs.

 _Get ahold of yourself, damnit._ Clarke said to herself. _It didn’t mean anything._ Clarke was thinking of what to respond next when another text came in.

 **Raven:** Are you talking to hot stuff?

 _Damnit Raven._ Clarke thought before responding.

 **Clarke:** Fuck off.

 **Lexa:** I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?

 _What was she talking about?_ thought Clarke. _Fuck! I sent that to Lexa and not Raven._

 **Clarke:** No, I’m sorry! That was for Raven. She was annoying me.

 **Lexa:** Oh, ok. I thought you were home?

 **Clarke:** No, I am. Hence the annoyance.

 **Lexa:** Oh ok. Lol

 **Lexa:** So tell me if this is too soon, since you just left an hour ago. Would you be interested in hanging out on Friday? No pressure.

Clarke smiled at the text. She was going to get to see Lexa again.

 **Clarke:** Yes, that should be fine. I work until 4 but I’m free that night.

 **Lexa:** Great! Do you want to meet here after? Around Five?

 **Clarke:** Sounds good. I’ll see you then.

 **Lexa:** See you.

 

Clarke threw the phone on her bed and flopped back on it. Staring at the ceiling. She was already nervous about seeing Lexa again.

_Get it together Griffin._


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa hang out. Part 1.

_Get it together Griffin._

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Friday didn’t come fast enough, and now to boot, it was looking like she wasn’t going to get out of work on time.

“Hey, Clarke.” Said Monty.

“Hey Monty, what’s up?” Clarke said, distracted. Trying to finish up.

“Think you’re going to have everything done today?” Monty asked. “You know we have to have everything ready to put together for the portfolio on Monday. “

“Yes, I know. This fucking program keeps fucking freezing and fucking pissing me off!” Clarke yelled. Slapping the monitor.

“Hey, calm down. Can I make a suggestion?” Monty asked.

“Sure, anything would help at this point.” Clarke said.

“See all this stuff you have going in the background? Clarke nodded. ”Cut all that shit off.” Monty continued.  “It’s like everyone pumping gas at the station at once. Of course your program that needs the most memory is going to take the biggest hit.”

“That’s why I draw. Doesn’t take effort or thought.” Said Clarke, facepalming.

“That’s what you say. I can’t draw a stick person.” Monty replied scoffing.

“But you can save lives.” Clarke said, batting her eyes. “Thank you so much for this, it’s working better already. Just a few things and I can call this finished.”

“Why are you in such a hurry anyways? They cutting off your Netflix account at midnight or something?” Monty asked sarcastically.

“No.” Replied Clarke. “Though that would be tragic. No, I’m going to hang out with someone tonight.”

“Nice Griffin. Good to hear you’re getting back out there. Anyone I know?” Monty asked.

“It’s not like that.” Clarke answered.  “I don’t think you would know her. I met her down at the gardens while I was drawing there earlier this week.”

“Well, maybe she knows someone that may be up your alley.” Monty said.

 _She’s up my alley._ Clarke said to herself.

“You know, I think I’m content where I am right now. Single. Men are nothing but trouble. No offense.” Clarke said.

“None taken.” Monty replied smirking. “I know you weren’t talking about me. All the ladies love Monty.”

Clarke looked up at him momentarily with her eyebrow raised. “Didn’t Harper dump you last month?”

“Momentary lapse in judgement on her behalf. She’ll be back. “Monty replied. “I deleted my Dragon Ball Z Legends App. I do NOT IN FACT love it more than her.” He said, rocking on his heels.

“Um…….good for you. Hope everything works out.” Clarke said, disturbed. “Now shoo, I need to finish up.”

“See you Monday.” Monty said, waving as he walked away.

“See you.” Clarke replied.

Monty’s fix of her slow computer really was a life saver. She was able to finish up the last details of her graphic with just a few minutes to spare before four. She closed everything down at her desk and walked out the door with a smile on her face.

The subway ride home was uneventful. As was the rest of her walk home. Upon entering she rushed to get undressed and jump in the shower. She wasn’t particularly dirty. She honestly could have just freshened up her hair and make up and been fine. She was a graphic artist, not a coal miner. Something inside her made her want to be as nice as possible for this NOT date she was having with Lexa. Maybe it was the lingering thought that, who knows, maybe the scent of her shampoo and body wash would just make the woman throw herself at Clarke and thus commence her defloweri…

 _….God. You’re an idiot._ Clarke said to herself, shutting off the hot water first. The icy water bringing her back to reality.

Clarke finished her shower and blow dried her hair as fast as she could. The high setting wasn’t optimal for healthy hair, but her hair could take one for the team for the sake of being on time today. She had her outfit hanging on her closet door since Tuesday night. It changed more than a few times, Clarke having been undecided and unimpressed with most choices. It was a combination of a white tank top paired with a yellow checkered long sleep button up over jean shorts, with a pair of charcoal grey TOMS to finish. Clarke stood in front of the mirror and buttoned up the shirt over her tank top. The top two buttons were undone. She was rarely able to button the top buttons on most shirts she bought; another frustration due to her bust size. Upon further evaluation, she proceeded to unbutton the bottom two, leaving just the two in the middle holding the shirt together. She finished up by rolling the sleeves up and adding a couple braided bracelets she wore frequently on one wrist. Her dads old watch adorned the other wrist, though It had long since stopped working. Her make up went on even quicker than her clothes. She thanked herself that she never became a makeup clown like most of her peers. Eyeliner with simple smokey shadow and mascara was all she ever wore. If she was feeling particular pretty, maybe a nude lipstick. On went the lipstick. After running her hand through her hand to muss up her curls, she was satisfied.

After exiting the bathroom Clarke grabbed her bag and her phone. Glancing at her phone she noticed a text from Lexa. It was sent while she was in the shower. Clarke got a little nervous at seeing this, hoping nothing was wrong.

 **Lexa:** We still on for tonight?

Clarke let out a sigh of relief at the question.

 **Clarke:** Yes. Just about to walk out the door.

 **Lexa:** Great! See you in a little bit.

 **Clarke:** See you.

Smiling, Clarke put her phone in her purse and walked out of her bedroom and down the hall into the living room.

“Hey Clarke I’m going out tonight, do you have your key?” Raven said, gathering up her things.

“No, I gave mine to Finn. Idiot said he lost it remember? Where are you off to?” Clarke replied.

“That new bar, grounders. Octavia and Lincoln invited me. I’ll probably be staying over with them so you can have mine.” Raven said, handing Clarke her key.

“Why wasn’t I invited?” Clarke replied faking sadness while taking the key.

“Oh, they did. I told them you WERE NOT to be bothered tonight. Operation BBB in in effect.” Raven stated.

“Operation BBB?” Clarke asked.

“Yea, remember? Beautiful bisexual butterfly.” Raven said flapping her arms. “I made it a thing. I think we’re gonna do t-shirts.”

“What?!” Clarke exclaimed. “You told them!?”

“I told you, they already know about your bisexual retardation. If we’re gonna get you on pace with everyone else then we need to work as a team.” Raven replied, opening the door. “It takes a village, Clarke.”

“It’s official, I hate you all.” Clarke stated with an emotionless expression on her face.

“Love you too Clarkey! Don’t forget to lock up!” Raven said, closing the door behind her.

Shaking her head, she pocketed her key and turned off the lights. Clarke glanced around to make sure she hadn’t left anything on one more time and made out the door.

Fifteen minutes later and she reached Lexa’s building. She glanced up at the intercom and it was then she realized:

 _Shit. I don’t know her last name._ Clarke thought to herself.

Just as she was about to reach into her purse to pull out her phone, the door began to open in front of her. It was Lexa.

“Hey, sorry. I’ve been waiting for you on the steps. Is that creepy?” She asked.

“No no, not at all. Convenient actually. I didn’t know which apartment to buzz. I just now realized I haven’t caught your last name.” Clarke answered.

“Its Woods.” Lexa replied. “That’s the reason I was sitting on the steps. I just realized the same thing and I figured it would be easier to wait for you than for you to go through the trouble of texting. Plus…I thought I could walk you upstairs. I got a couple of wierdos for neighbors.”

“How lady like of you.” Clarke said smiling wide. “ We’ll if you’re going to be escorting me places then you may as well know my last name. Its Griffin.”

“Clarke Griffin, nice to meet you officially.” Lexa said, holding out her hand.

Clarke look down at her hand and then back up at Lexa, who was smirking. “Nice to officially meet you as well Miss Woods.” She said, taking Lexa’s hand.

At that moment she had a chance to take Lexa in. She was stunning as usual. Clarke thought Lexa could wear a trash bag and make it look good. She was currently wearing a fitted pair of high waisted skinny jeans and a floral crop top that hung off her shoulders. If she was wearing a bra, it was strapless, because Clarke could see every inch of perfectly tanned skin. On her feet were simple strapped gold sandals. Her hair was in loose waves and draped over the front of one shoulder. She wore even less makeup but Clarke couldn’t see how anymore could make her look any better. She was breathtaking.

She didn’t realize she’d been staring until she was broken out of her stupor by Lexa’s voice.

“Wha..what? I’m sorry.” Clarke said, scrunching her eyes shut with a grimaced wince, immediately letting go of Lexa’s hand. “I didn’t mean to stare. You are just so, I mean, how, how do you just look like this?  It’s like you can look good in literally anything. Bulky coat, t-shirt, THIS.“ Clarke said, gesturing at Lexa’s outfit.

Lexa laughed. “I’ll be sure to tell Anya that you like it. Lord knows I didn’t pick this out myself.”

“Anya? Your Cousin?” Clarke asked.

“Yea, I told her about you.” Lexa said. “She said if I’m going to be hanging out with new people it isn’t going to be all t-shirts and sweats. T-shirts and jeans. T-shirts and yoga pants. You see where I’m going here. So she insisted to dress me. This is what you get.”

 _This is what I get? Good lord how I wish I could get that. She has no fucking clue._ Clarke thought.

“Well, you can tell Anya that I approve. I mean, not that you need my approval or anything!” Clarke said, blushing.

Lexa smiled back at Clarke warmly. “I may not need your approval but I definitely value your opinion. Other than your lack of protective gear for the weather, your outfit earlier this week was great. Not as good as tonight’s though. You look… wow.”

If Clarke’s blush had receded any it was for sure back twice as red now. “Thank you. “She said. “It’s just something I threw on.”

 _Liar, you’ve been scrutinizing over it for three days, making sure it was the perfect outfit._ Thought Clarke.

“Well you look great anyways. Are you ready to come up?” Asked Lexa.

“Yea, sure.” Replied Clarke.

The two made their way up the stairs and to Lexa’s apartment. It looked the same other than a few candles had been lit around the apartment. It was getting dark soon this time of year and it made the apartment look cozy.

“Please, have a seat.” Lexa said “Would you like something to drink? I have water, beer, wine? I could make you some more cocoa if you’d like?”

“A beer would be fine. Thank you.” Clarke replied.

Lexa went to the fridge and pulled out two beers. Opening them both before walking back over to the couch and sitting down next to Clarke.

“So, you know I’m a homebody so I hope you weren’t expecting to go out and like hit the clubs or anything.“ Lexa began, handing a beer to Clarke. ‘I figured we could watch a movie or play a board game. If you’re hungry later, we could go to a diner if you want or order in.”

“Either of those thing sounds great.” Clarke said, taking a sip of her beer. “How bout we start with a movie first and see where it takes us?”

“Alright, anything in particular you want to watch?” Lexa asked.

“Not really, Raven and I usually play Netflix roulette when we don’t know what to watch.” Clarke replied.

“Netflix roulette?” Lexa asked, eyebrow raised.

“Yea, you roll a die and multiply it x 2. Then you go down to newly added list, close your eyes, and hold the right button on the remote. Count to whatever number you had and that’s what you watch.” Clarke explained.

“What if its not something good?” Lexa asked.

“You won’t know that. You’re not allowed to look at the preview or read the title, just press ok and hope for the best.” Said Clarke with a smile on her face.

“Well that’s one way to open your horizons to things you may not have watched otherwise.” Lexa said.

“Oh please. It all usually shit and we either laugh at its stupidity or cut it off BECAUSE of its stupidity.” Clarke scoffed. “But, when you get a good one, it’s worth it.”

“Well let’s do it. I don’t have any dice though.” Lexa said.

“That’s alright, we’ll just pick a number this time. How about 8?” Clarke asked.

“Sounds good.” Said Lexa, reaching for the remote. “Ok, on one I hold down the right button and on the count of 8 I press ok twice right?”

“Correct, now cover your eyes.” Clarke said. “One, two, three….”

Once Clarke got to 8, Lexa pressed play ok in rapid succession. Both girls didn’t uncover their eyes until they heard opening music playing.

**30 minutes and four beers later.**

“Cut this shit off Lexa!” Clarke yelled grabbing at the remote in Lexa's hands. 

“I’m trying!" Lexa said, slapping Clarke's hands away. "The batteries must be dead! Wait no, its working. There! God that was the single worst piece of crap I’ve ever seen.” Lexa exclaimed, sinking back into the couch."

“I’m all for trying foreign films. But 30 minutes of half naked folks licking each other’s arms and then staring at walls huddled up on the floor draws the line for me.” Clark exclaimed, rubbing her face. “How the hell did Netflix decide that was worth a spot on their lineup? I mean, I know art. That’s not art!”

“I don’t know Clarke.” Lexa laughed. "That was horrendous. I am never playing Netflix roulette with you again."

“Aww c’mon. Like I said, sometimes you get a good one. Its worth the risk.” Clarke said, laughing. “We only lost 30 minutes of our lives on this go round.”

“Hmm, whatever you say Clarke.” Lexa said disbelievingly. “Are you hungry? I’m hungry.”

“Starving. Do you want to order in or go out?” Clarke asked.

“There’s a Thai place that is great that will deliver here, how’s that?” Lexa asked.

“Sounds great.” Clarke replied.

“I’ll go get us the menu.” Lexa said, walking over to the fridge, taking their bottles to the trash on the way. “Do you want to get a few different things and share?”

“Yea, I was going to suggest that. I love Thai. I hate having to choose just one thing for myself.” Clarke replied.

“Alright its settled then.” Lexa said shaking her hips in a sort of happy dance. “Thai buffet it is.”

The two girls decided amongst themselves which items they wanted to sample. At the end of the order they had several items. More than enough for the two of them. Lexa insisted that it was fine. You only live once, why reserve yourself? You could always run it off anyways. Clarke groaned at the suggestion, making Lexa laugh.

“Alright.” Lexa said, hanging up the phone. "All ordered, and I’ve already paid for it because I didn’t want to hear your mouth.” She added, pointing at Clarke with her fingers shaped like a gun.

“What! No! Lexa that was so much!” Clarke exclaimed.

“See? Mouth.” Lexa said, laughing.

“Fine, but I’ve got next time.” She said firmly.

“Deal. Bad news though, its going to be about an hour. Their delivery guy had a flat.” Lexa explained.

“Oh that’s fine. I was thinking anyways. You suggested games earlier.” Clarke said.”

“Yea?” Lexa replied.

“Well.” Continued Clarke. “I’ve got a mean deck of UNO cards at my apartment if you’d like to take the walk to get them. This would be the perfect opportunity to burn some calories and work up an appetite in the process.”

“That sounds great actually. Better than sitting here wasting our time. I couldn’t take another game of Netflix roulette. I’m serious.” Lexa laughed.

“Alright, lets go then.” Clarke said.

The walk to Clarke’s apartment was enjoyable to say the least. Being with Lexa in this carefree way was great. Strolling under the lamplights just talking about nothing was just so easy. She had never been able to so fluidly communicate with someone without trying. The two beers they both had probably helped it along. This made Clarke think, If all she could have with Lexa was friendship, she would gladly take it. Soon they came up to her apartment. The first thing Clarke noticed was a lamp in the living room was on.

“Huh.” Clarke said to herself.

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asked.

“Nothing. I’m just sure I turned off everything before I left. Raven left before me to go to Grounders with some friends. She must have come back for something.” Clarke said, turning the key in the door.

“Well, that’s good. I get to meet the infamous Raven.” Lexa said,  following Clarke as pushed the door open.

“Honey I’m home!” Clarke yelled out, walking into the living area.

“Hey Honey.” A deep voice replied.

Clarke’s stomach shot up to her throat at the sound. She stopped in her tracks and turned towards its direction.

“Um, Clarke?” Lexa said. “Who is that?”

There, laying on her couch. Stark naked and surround by rose pedals was…..

 

 

“FINN! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke hang out Part 2 
> 
> (Disclaimer)  
> Ok guys this chapter is going to be dark. Nowhere near the lighthearted fun of previous chapters. There are multiple derogatory remarks to the LGBT community and intense misogyny so be warned. I'm hoping you'll love where our girls are heading in their relationship.

“FINN! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!”

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Clarke was seeing red and seething. Finn was here, in her home unannounced. Forget the fact he was naked on her couch, spread out like a platter.

Upon noticing that Clarke wasn’t alone, Finn had sat up on the couch, grabbed a throw pillow, and placed it over his crotch.

“Clarke, Hey! This is awkward. I thought you would be alone when you got here.” Finn sputtered out,

“What are you doing in my fucking house Finn?! We broke up months ago! What part of “FUCK OFF” did you not understand the 50 times I’ve told you since then!” Clarke yelled.

“C’mon baby, you know you didn’t mean that.” He began. “I let you keep say it because I know how women are always going on about needing their spac...”

Clarke cut him off with a quick wave of her arm, charging up to him. He flinched at the sudden motion.

“This...”She said point furiously at him. “…this is what the fuck I was talking about Finn.” Clarke said. “This “you let me” shit. YOU DON’T FUCKING OWN ME!” She yelled, practically screaming.

Lexa had been looking on at this point. Seeing Clarke come to a state of almost distress she walked up and placed a hand on the small of her back. Clarke jerked slightly at the touch.

“Hey, its ok.” Lexa said soothingly. “Don’t let him get you so worked up. He’s not worth it.” She added.

“Oh yea?” Finn said. “And who the fuck are you?” He said, grabbing his underwear, putting them on. Not caring he was bearing all for everyone to see.

“Oh me? She said looking at Finn, pointing at her own chest. “I’m Lexa. I would say it’s nice to meet you, but it’s pretty obvious it’s not.” She quipped.

“Ok, well Lexa? Can you please mind your own fucking business and leave?” Finn asked, scoffing. “Clarke and I have some things to talk about.”

“Are you insane? There is not a chance in hell I’m leaving her here alone with you.” Lexa stated. “First stalking and harassment. Now breaking and entering and sexual harassment? Yea right asshole. If I leave what makes me believe you won’t take the next step?” She finished, practically growling at Finn.

“Can you not hear, bitch? I SAID this is between me and Clarke.” Finn gritted out through his teeth.

“You piece of sh…” Lexa made to move towards Finn with her fist balled up but before she got to him was stopped by Clarke. She stood in front of Lexa with one hand hand on her chest and the other gripping the wrist of the hand that was balled up. They were so close that Clarke could smell Lexa’s shampoo. Clean, fresh, and simple. What also didn’t go unnoticed was the feeling of Lexa’s breath on her face as her breath came and went quickly. Clarke looked up at Lexa, trying to meet her gaze. Her usually green eyes were nearly black and focused on Finn.

“Hey, Hey. Calm down. You’re alright.” Clarke said. “Just look at me, don’t look at him. Deep breaths. I don’t need you getting hurt over me.” Clarke added, moving her hand down from Lexa’s wrist over her fist, gently prying her hand open and softly squeezing it.

Lexa had met Clarke’s gaze at this point. Looking at her and hearing Clarke’s voice seemed to help. Her eyes were no longer blown wide with fury and her heart began to slow down under Clarke’s hand.

“Hah, well look at you two.” Finn snickered. “What is it Clarke? Went without my dick so long you decided to get with this dyke? You must have known you weren’t going to find it this good anywhere else.”

“Goddamnit Finn she Is n…” Clarke began, turning away from Lexa. Still holding her hand.

“Lesbian.” Lexa said, cutting off Clarke. “It’s pronounced Lesbian.” I wouldn’t expect some one of your intelligence to have got that though. It’s a tricky one.”

Clarke turned her head quickly back in Lexa’s direction. _What did she say?_ Clarke thought to herself. _Did she just say she was a lesbian?_ Not believing what she heard.

“Lexa.” Clarke began. “You don’t have to say anything to him, he doesn’t deserve it.”

“Fuck you Clarke.” Finn said. “You always thought you were above me. We’ll you know what? You’re not and you never will be. You’re a woman and therefore you don’t fucking matter! Look at yourself! This is what I was telling you” He said, waving at her body. “I knew if I didn’t keep you on a leash you would do something stupid, hanging out with faggots! Look how you’re dressed! You look like a fucking whore! Everyone can see your cleavage and your ass is hanging out of your shorts. No wonder this lesbo picked you up off the street.”

“I do not look like a whore Finn!” Clarke seethed. “My tank top is covering my cleavage and my shorts cover my ass just fine. It’s disgusting pigs LIKE YOU who look down on a woman at HER cleavage and find the sexuality in it! If you weren’t looking for it, you wouldn’t see it!” And another thing, if you call Lexa another derogatory name again I swear to GOD I’m calling the police! You are so fucking lucky I haven’t already. Naked in my house splayed out on my couch like some sort of offering? What sort of outcome were you honestly expecting? That I would just realize what I was missing and drop to my knees before you? Suck your cock!? Hmm!? Come the fuck on!”

“Again….It’s pronounced LES-BEE-IN. Are you dense?” Lexa quipped after allowing Clarke to finish.

“You know what. I don’t even know why I wanted to take you back.” Finn snapped back, he had put his pants back on at this point and was sitting on the couch putting his socks and shoes on, focused on the task but still ranting. “You’re a bitch and you’ve always been a bitch. Not to mention a prude on at that. I’ve never had someone act like such a wet fish in bed. How could I forget that? You couldn’t even satisfy me.” He looked back up at her finishing his statement: “I finished most of the time just to get it over with.”

His words hit Clarke like a ton of bricks. She knew they weren’t true. Were they? Finn was never a satisfactory lover in her eyes. She didn’t enjoy sex with him for most of their relationship. The only times she could really get into it was after a few drinks, and she still had to finish herself off afterwards long after Finn had fallen asleep. And even then it was in the bathroom so he wouldn’t wake up and want to be involved or talk to her. All of her insecurities came flooding back. She couldn’t help to think that it may have been her fault after all. God, She’s had so many failed relationships. What if this was one more thing that really was her fault? Did she not put enough effort into sex? There are plenty of men who aren’t gifted that satisfy their women just fine. Did he really think so low of her during their relationship?

It was like Lexa could sense the shift in Clarke’s demeanor. She moved closer to Clarke and pulled her hand gently from her’s. Clarke was noticeably offended by the action but looked back up at Lexa in question when she wrapped her arm around Clarke’s waist, pulling her flush against her.

“Listen, Finn is it?” Lexa began. “I don’t know what kind of delusional alternate world you’ve been living in your whole life. But from what I’ve heard, that thing you have there...” Lexa said, gesturing at Finn’s crotch. “….can’t even be counted as a penis. It would actually have to be able to make a woman cum in order to get that designation.”

Finn stopped tying his shoes immediately at the comment and looked up quickly. “And what the fuck do you know about satisfying a woman. All you dy…” He stopped himself before completing the word. The looming thought of Clarke’s threat in the back of his mind. “All your type ever wants to be are men. You’re jealous that we can dominate and overpower them. That we’re stronger and make women give into what we want.” He said looking towards Clarke with a stupid grin on his face. “What is it Clarke? She fuck you with a strap on? It’s probably huge, you’re so fucking hollowed out. That’s why I couldn’t ever get anywhere with you.”

Clarke curled in on herself even more inside. She couldn’t take much more of this. She wished he would just leave. She wanted to open up her mouth and say something. Why couldn’t she say anything? To top it off, now, Lexa is here fighting her battle for her. A woman she just met three days ago who is guaranteed not to ever speak to her again after tonight. Clarke felt like throwing up. She was brought out of her thoughts by Lexa’s next words and her eyes never left Lexa’s as she spoke.

“No Finn, I don’t use a strap on.” Lexa said, calmly, with chipper in her voice. When I make love to Clarke, it’s with these fingers right here.” Lexa said, gesturing at Finn waving her fingers. "And I only need two of them. Sometimes just one, because she’s so tight.” Finn looked between them both with a dumb look on his face. “And… when she cums, I know it, because I can feel her walls flutter around my fingers and her clit is pulsing against my tongue. I’m a lesbian" Lexa said, shrugging her shoulders upwards."I would know if someone is faking it, it’s kinda our thing, not having a penis and all. But hey! You have one and never could tell so maybe that’s a mute point.” Lexa said, grinning.

Shaking his head to rid himself of the dumfounded look he acquired from Lexa’s statement he sat up. “You’re fucking disgusting, the both of you. Know what? You two abominations can have each other. I knew you were a closeted homo, Clarke. After that shit you did in high school.” Finn said, having finished dressing and making his way to the door.

The realization that he was leaving made Clarke snap out of it and of it and she regained her voice. “Give me back my fucking key Finn!” She said, holding her hand out.

Finn dug around in his jeans and fished out his keys. He angrily removed the key from the ring. But, instead of putting it in Clarke’s hand, he threw it across the room. “Take it!” He said, sneering.

“Real fucking mature Finn. After all you put me through tonight, you wanna play the victim?” Clarke said.

“Fuck you and fuck your girlfriend. I’ll be here if you want a real man when she can’t satisfy you.” He replied with a disgusting grin on his face. “Same goes for you, green eyes.” He added, smirking at Lexa. “When you get done with dumpster fire over there, come see me. I’ll show you what dick feels like.”

Lexa just stood there, calm as ever. “Thanks for the offer, but no thanks. Cause you see, contrary to what you may think about Lesbians wanting to dominate women and be like, what was it you said? Like men? That’s not true. In fact…” Lexa said, letting go of Clarke’s hand and walking towards Finn, stopping inches away from him. “…I absolutely LOVE to be dominated. So…when CLARKE puts on that strap on you were talking about earlier and fucks ME with it? Mmm mm mm…” She says, closing her eyes and gliding her lips over each other. “…Nothing compares. So don’t expect your pathetic little dick to be of any competition.”

Clarke could barely keep her composure at this point. She knew she had to though, for the sake of the façade. She couldn’t let Finn know that Lexa was bullshitting. So, she took the leap. Walking back up towards Lexa she grabbed her hand and pulled her away from where Lexa was currently staring Finn down. Who again, was at a loss for words.

“C’mon baby. Let him go.” Clarke said, pulling Lexa close to her and staring at Finn. “If you ever so much as send a card, a letter, another flower, show up at my work, or even be in the same isle as me in the supermarket ever again, I’m calling the police, Finn. I’m so fucking serious.” Clarke said, fury pouring through lips.

Finn scoffed again before opening the door, he made as if he was going to speak again but ultimately closed his mouth and turned away, slamming the door as hard as he could, making a picture fall off the wall, shattering the glass and frame.

“No!” Gasped Clarke running towards the mess.

“Clarke be careful!” Lexa said, hurrying after her.

Clarke fell on her knees before the mess and sorted through the glass quickly, retrieving the picture from it. A sob tore from her throat upon discovering it unharmed. She clutched it to her chest protectively.

“Are you ok?” Lexa asked. Sitting against the wall next to Clarke and tucking her legs under herself, inspecting Clarke’s hands, looking for cuts. Grateful when she found none.

Clarke nodded, tears falling from her eyes. “I’m sorry, she said through racking sobs. This is my favorite picture of my dad and me. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to it.”

“I think it’s more than that.” Lexa said, pushing the glass safely away from them. “Tonight, the last year, the last few years, you need to let it out. I think what happened here tonight was the tipping point.”

Clarke’s tears shed a little more freely at the comment. Lexa was right, she’d been holding so much in. It felt good to cry. “Maybe you’re right” Clarke said, her voice hitching.

“Can I.. can I hold you?” Lexa asked, her voice low and uncertain.

Clarke looked up at Lexa and saw a small smile curl up at the corner of her lips. Clarke nodded.

“C’mere.” Lexa said. Pulling Clarke into her chest.

Clarke lay against Lexa with her head under her chin and her hands crossed over her own chest, still clutching the photo. Tears and cries flowed from her and didn’t show signs of stopping. Lexa just sat there, whispering soothing sounds, her hands placed around Clarke’s arm and back in a loose embrace and her cheek pressed against the top of Clarke’s head.

“Please don’t leave.” Clarke said against Lexa’s chest.

 

 

“Never.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke hang out (Part 3)

“Never.”

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

There they sat in mostly silence. Lexa comforting Clarke in the best way she could. Clarke was grateful for the silence. She couldn’t bear it if Lexa pitied her. That was the last thing she wanted.  The tick of the clock on the wall and the buzz of the air conditioning was all that she could hear. How long they sat there was unsure because next thing Clarke knew, she was opening her eyes. She had fallen asleep. She was still tucked under Lexa’s chin but had moved closer to her and one of her hands was fisted in Lexa’s shirt. The picture had fallen between them. Lexa’s arms were noticeably tighter than they were before. Clarke could hear her heart beating slowly under her ear.

 _I need to get up_. Clarke thought to herself. _If she knew I was laying here listening to her while she was sleeping, I don’t know how she would react. It’s not like we’re together. This is not something “friends” do._

This thought couldn’t help but make Clarke hitch her breath at the memory of Lexa’s words earlier in the night.

“It’s pronounced Lesbian.” Lexa had said.

 _Is she really?_ Thought Clarke. _Or did she just say that to fuck with Finn._ Clarke knew she shouldn’t get excited over the thought of Lexa really being gay. She didn’t date. And they were far from knowing each other in their entirety, as was Lexa’s rule.

 _It would be anything but casual._ Clarke thought. The way this woman protected her tonight, she never wanted to let her go. Not to mention the absolute physical attraction to the woman that was already engrained in her.

 _Who knows if Lexa could see herself with me, especially after the shit storm that just happened?_ She thought further. _What if she thinks I’m just some straight girl looking for fun just because I found out she’s gay? Gosh it’s just so easier with men. You can just assume they’re straight, and if they aren’t, they thank you for the flattery and you move on._

“What are you thinking about so hard?” Clarke heard Lexa say, flinching at the sudden sound. Lexa released her hug on Clarke but left one arm wrapped around her back, using the now free hand to rub her neck.

Clarke sat up a bit, moving her head out from under Lexa’s chin. Leaning back slightly she looked at Lexa. She looked beautiful in her half-asleep state.

“Hey.” Clarke said. “I just woke up.  I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Im sorry.” Clarke said, with a sorrowful look in her eyes.

“Don’t worry about it.” Lexa said, smiling warmly. “You obviously needed it.”

“I hate that you got pulled into this.” Clarke said. “He’s never done anything like this before. I don’t know how he thought that I was still interested in him. If he thought he was being cute doing this, he was absolutely mistaken.” Clarke added.

“No, it’s ok. I wasn’t going to leave you here to deal with something as big as that. I wouldn’t forgive myself if anything happened to you.” Lexa said with a serious look in her eye.

Clarke heart fluttered at the comment. _Where did this woman come from? She’s perfect_. Clarke thought. _Perfect for me at least_.

“I…I just don’t want you thinking this is how I live my life. Drama and crazy exes.” Clarke said. I don’t want you to run away. I just found you.” Clarke added, pleading.

Lexa looked back at Clarke, smiling warmly. “None of this is something I can’t handle. I’ve been through way harder things in my life than dealing with a crazy ex-boyfriend.” Lexa further explained.

“Yea.” Clarke said. “It’s just that we literally just met a few days ago and I’m not making the best impression I’m sure.”

“Clarke.” Lexa said. Looking Clarke straight in the eyes. “When you asked me not to leave, what did I say?”

“Never.” Clarke responded.

“And I meant it. There’s a reason I found you in the rain that day.” Lexa said, squeezing her arm around Clarke a little tighter.

“Thank you.” Clarke said. She could feel tears threaten to spill from her eyes. “Is it weird that I feel like I’ve known you forever?” 

“No. I feel the same.” Lexa replied smiling while she brought up her hand to brush away a tear that had managed to escape.

Clarke smiled back at her. If _I don’t get up now, I don’t know if I’ll be able not kiss her._ Clarke said to herself. She was so emotionally charged and Lexa, well, she was just her sweet caring self just inches away. Her lips looked so enticing. Clarke picked up the picture off the floor for a distraction and then began looking up and around the room. It was much darker than before.

“How long do you think we were out?” Clarke asked. Forcing herself to sit up and away from Lexa. This meant removing her hand from her stomach where it had found home wrapped in her shirt. Clarke whined internally at the loss while standing to turn, offering her hand to Lexa. Who accepted it, pulling herself up and onto her feet.

“Let’s see.” Lexa said, pulling out her phone. After a few seconds she replied. “Maybe a little over an hour.”

“Shit.” Clarke said holding her hand out and shaking her head. “The food.”

“Oh!” Said Lexa. “Oh well, no biggie. They got their money. We can always order something else.”

“Order something else?” Clarke said, her heart running a mile a minute. She assumed Lexa would make a mad dash for the door and try to get home as soon as possible after the fucked-up night they just had.

“Yea, sure…. why wouldn’t we?” Lexa said with a hint of fear in her voice. She stood there for a second ringing her hands. “Are you…are you not comfortable hanging out anymore? If it’s because of the whole lesbian thing, I’m sorry I sprung that on you. I was just in the moment and it just came out. I didn’t know what else to do. I was planning on letting you know I swea…” She rambled on, looking downward, obviously nervous.

“What? No Lexa. No. I am not uncomfortable with you.” Clarke said, walking up and grabbing Lexa’s hands to stop her fidgeting. “In fact, I thought you just said all that stuff just to piss him off, so I didn’t think anything of it.”

 _Liar._ Clarke thought to herself.

Lexa looked back up at Clarke. A timid smile on her face.

“It’s just me. Clarke.” Clarke said, with as much chipper in her voice as possible to soothe Lexa’s worry. I don’t care that you’re gay, I promise.”

 _Here’s your chance Clarke! Take it!_ Clarke said to herself.

“Trust me. It would be very hypocritical of me.” Clarke concluded.

Lexa looked at her curiously. “How do you mean?”

Clarke took a deep breath for courage, letting go of Lexa’s hands and gestured towards the couch. “Well, you heard Finn say he knew I was a quote “A closeted homo.” From the shit back in high school?” Clarke asked, sitting down while placing the picture on the coffee table.

Lexa nodded, having joined her on the couch.

“Well…I may have had a crush on a girl in junior high. Her name was Cara. We made out a few times. Never told anyone...or so I thought.” Clarke explained.  “Apparently, she got drunk at a bonfire a couple years later and told a few people. They promised not to say anything the next day. Finn just happened to be one of those people. I didn’t know he knew about it until just recently. It really put a couple things about our relationship in perspective though.” Clarke added, raising her eyebrows.

Lexa listened intently. “So…. you’re bisexual?” She asked.

“I mean I think so. Is it crazy I don’t know? “ Clarke asked, embarrassed. “I’ve…..never actually been with a woman.”

Lexa smiled at her. “You don’t have to have been with someone to identify a certain way, Clarke.” Lexa laughed. “I knew I was gay when I was 13 years old and I certainly had never been with anyone. And wasn’t for a handful more years.” She explained.

“But you were never with men. How do I know it isn’t just the idea and the excitement of it that makes me think I am?” Clarke asked. “What if it turns out that when I’m actually WITH someone…you know, that I won’t realize that it’s not what I thought it was?” She asked, frustrated.

“Has anyone ever told you that you analyze things way too hard?” Lexa said, smirking.

“Yes, constantly.” Clarke answered, sitting up and rubbing her face.

“You’ve date men thinking you are going to be interested in what they have to offer and you go all in.” Lexa explained. You find out you’re not getting what you thought you wanted and you end things. This is no different.” She added.

“That makes a lot of sense actually.” Clarke replied, nodding her head.

“Take Finn for example.” Lexa said.  “You knew he had a small dick when you got with him. You were willing to make it work. Until you realized it couldn’t put in the work.” She explained, smiling mischievously.

Clarke laughed out loud. Hard. She laughed so hard she turned red in the face and couldn’t breathe. “Oh god, you’re right.” She managed to squeak out.

“You should definitely take the chance at dating a woman.” Lexa said. “You won’t regret it, trust me.”

Clarke blurted out a response before she could stop herself. “Yea, the way you were talking to Finn about when you make love to me sounded very appealing.”

Lexa’s cheeks turned beet red at this.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I mean I haven’t thought about it really I…” Clarke began.

“It’s ok, Clarke.” Lexa said, waving her hands. “I just NEVER talk like that. I’m not prudish or anything but I don’t generally talk about things like that. I was just in the moment and it seemed like the right things to say to get him to shut up.” She explained. “I haven’t been with anyone in so long I probably wouldn’t be able to stand by my words anyways.”

She realized her slip up then just as Clarke had. “Wait! No, I mean in general. Not with you! I mean it’s not like I wouldn’t, don’t get me wrong, you’re not gross or anything. God! I can’t get my words out right…” Lexa babbled.

Clarke was feeling a little rejected and hopeful at the same time. She had known what Lexa meant by the comment. Hearing her make the effort to point out to Clarke that she wasn’t interested in anything with her hurt a little, but hearing that it wasn’t out of the question gave her hope. Hope that maybe one day she can meet all of Lexa’s requirements.

Clarke waved her off. “Lex, I know what you meant. Calm down girl.” Clarke laughed.

“Oh, thank God.” Lexa sighed. First, I tell you i'm a lesbian and then I tell you I don’t think I could satisfy you sexually. It’s been a hell of a night.” She added laughing half-heartedly.

“Yea it has.” Clarke said. “So, how bout I clean this glass up and you call the Thai place and see if by chance they haven’t made it to the apartment. Maybe they can deliver it here instead?” Clarke offered.

“That is actually a great idea.” Lexa said. “This is maybe the reason I found you in the rain.” She quipped.

“What? My ability to make sure I get food to shovel in my mouth?” Clarke asked, smirking.

“Exactly, mine as well.” Lexa said, laughing while grabbing her phone. “I honestly forget to eat a lot of the time.”

“Oh, that’s so sad. Clarke said. I’m hangry if I don’t eat 3 meals minimum.” She explained.

“Remind me not to be around you when that happened.” Lexa replied.

“Hey! I’m not THAT bad.” Clarke whined.

“I think I’ll be asking Raven about that.” Lexa threatened.

“Raven CANNOT be trusted on matters such at that.” Clarke answered firmly.

“And you can?” Lexa responded, raising her eyebrow at Clarke and smiling.

“Touché.” Clarke replied, defeated. “Now hush it and call the restaurant.”

“Yes master.” Lexa replied bowing dramatically.

While Lexa was calling the restaurant. Clarke grabbed the broom and dustpan from the kitchen. She walked over to the doorway and began sweeping up the shards of glass and broken frame that littered the floor. She couldn’t help thinking back to earlier when Lexa and caringly inspected her hands and moved the glass away protectively.

 _How is it that this woman has been single for four years?_ Clarke thought to herself. _Even with her rules, who wouldn’t want to stay in it for the long run? I’ve known her three days and I can’t stand the thought of not getting to know her better._

“Thank you! We really appreciate it; you have no idea what we’ve been through.” Lexa said, talking to someone on the other side of the phone. “Ok we’ll be here, thanks again” She finished. Hanging up.

“Ok, we were in luck. Apparently, the guy just left my apartment. He’ll be here in five.” She said, doing a little happy dance. “The food isn’t even going to be cold! See? There is hope for tonight after all.” Lexa added.

“That’s a relief.” Clarke said, walking the broken frame over to the trash. “Soggy cold noodles are not my forte. Once those rice noodles go cold, there’s not hope for them. Wait, didn’t you need my address?” Clarke asked.

“Nah, I saw it on the building when I got here, I’ve got a photographic memory." Lexa said. "Oh speaking of photograph, here.” Lexa said, walking over and handing Clarke the picture of her and her father. “Where do you want to put this?”

Clarke sat the broom and dustpan back in its place and took the picture from Lexa. Looking It over. They were at home in the picture. Sitting on the couch. It was some family or friendly gathering. What it was for, Clarke couldn’t remember. There were always people over. The picture was taken by her mom unbeknownst to them. It was for the best, the candidness of it is what made it so special. Clarke’s father had his arm around her while Clarke rested her head on his shoulder. Both of them with genuine smiles on their face while laughing at something some one had said. She had found it mixed in with photos after she was packing up her room to move out. It was taken less than 6 months before he died.

“You look a lot like him.” Lexa said, breaking Clarke free of her thoughts.

“Yea, everyone says that. Until they see my mom.” She said laughing.

“I can tell you loved him a lot. I bet that was very comforting to him in the end.” Lexa offered, smiling empathetically.

“Yea, I did.” Clarke said, walking over to the refrigerator and placing the picture on it. “He was like Costia was to you, I imagine. There wasn’t a better person than him in my eyes either.” She added, placing a magnet on it to secure it.

Lexa smiled at Clarke. “There’s special place in heaven for people like them.” Lexa said, swallowing hard. “Maybe they’ve met each other.”

“Maybe.” Clarke said. “If they have, I bet they’re having a good ole time looking down on us two.” She said, laughing lightly. Her voice cracking a little.

“I bet you’re right.” Lexa said, noticeably struggling as well. “She would like him. If he’s anything like you I know she would.”

Clarke’s chin had begun to quiver a little at this point as she struggled to maintain her composure. “Thank you. I’m sure the feeling would be mutual. If you loved her this much, I don’t see how he couldn’t.” She added.

Lexa’s eyes had begun to glisten at this point, luckily, they were both saved by a sudden ring of the door bell.

“Ah, the food’s here. I’ll get it.” Lexa said, clearing her throat and dabbing her eyes with the back of her hand, moving towards the door simultaneously. Obviously glad for the distraction. Clarke composed herself as well, taking a deep breath and wiping her eyes best she could. Her makeup had to be ruined at this point. She looked quickly in a mirror they had on the wall near the hallways. It wasn’t bad.

“Hmm, I guess the 20 bucks was worth it.” She said to herself, hearing the front door close.

“What was worth it.” Lexa asked. Arms full of food.

“My mascara. It really is waterproof.” She said with a smile, framing her face with her hands.

I noticed that earlier.” Lexa said walking to the kitchen.

“Here let me help you.” Clarke offered, taking bags out of Lexa’s arms.

The two girls separated all the items out on the counter. Each one chose what they wanted, filling their plates to the brim. Oohing and aahing over all the items.

“I really think we ordered too much.” Clarke said grabbing their plates and walking to the couch. “There’s beer and water in the fridge, a few different sodas you can choose from too, grab me a water. I need to rehydrate from all this crying today. I’m already getting a headache.”

Lexa grabbed two waters from the fridge and made her way over to the couch and sat by Clarke. Tucking her legs under her as usual. She took a bite from her dumpling. She closed her eyes at the taste and let out a small moan.

 _God, that is the sexiest thing I have ever heard_. Thought Clarke, feeling the dampness in her panties immediately. She crossed and uncrossed her legs at the sensation, trying to get more comfortable.

“Everything alright over there?” Lexa asked.

“Yep, just peachy. Darn cramp came out of nowhere.” Clarke lied, taking a gulp of her water. “See, I’m a genius. I was right, I am dehydrated.”

Lexa laughed. “I never doubted you, all knowing one.”

“Ever heard the phrase: Mockery is not the product of a strong mind. Hmm?” Clarke said feigning offense.

“Actually, I have, used it once or twice.” Lexa said, smiling.

“We’ll there ya go. If you talk the talk you better walk the walk.” Clark said, shoving noodles in her mouth.

“Is this the hangry Clarke you were talking about?” Lexa asked, sarcastically.

“You’re damn right. Now shut it and eat.” Clarke said, laughing and grabbing the remote. ”What do you want to watch.” Clarke asked.

“It doesn’t matter.” Lexa said, then immediately realizing her mistake.

“Netflix roulette it is.” Said Clarke, with an evil smirk on her face.

 

 

“Nooooo!”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The "Not Date" Conclusion. 
> 
> ....and a wee bit of self gratification on Clarke's behalf. Enjoy!

“Nooooooooo.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

The rest of their get together had went well. Both girls with their bellies full and cheeks hurting from laughing so hard. Clarke had taken mercy on Lexa and didn’t actually make her sit through another possibly disastrous round of Netflix roulette. They settled instead on reruns of Once upon a time. Before the girls new it, it was already 10pm. As much as Clarke hated to see her go, Lexa really needed to get headed home.

“Let me pay for you an Uber.” Clarke had offered.

“No. That is such a waste of money.” Lexa scoffed. “It’s less than a fifteen-minute walk. Plus, after all this food I think I need it.” She added, laughing.

“Are you sure?” Clarke asked worried. “It’s just that its late and I don’t want you walking alone out there.”

“Clarke, I’ll be fine. I promise.” She answered assuredly. “I’ve lived in my apartment for years and have made many MANY late night trips through this area. There are plenty of street lights. Don’t worry about me.” She added, smiling at Clarke.

“Ok, but please keep your phone in your hand. Oh and call me as soon as you get home. Please.” Clarke asked.

“I will and I will.” Lexa responded laughing lightheartedly. “Are you going to be ok? Here by yourself?” She added, now with seriousness in her voice.

“Yea, I’ll be fine. Finn’s an idiot. But he’s a pussy. He won’t come back here.” Clarke answered confidently. “If he knows what’s good for him, he won’t. I’ve got pepper spray somewhere around here and I am not afraid to use it.” She added, laughing.

“Good, find that as soon as I leave, ok?” Lexa asked, firmly.

“Yes, ma’am.” Clarke said, smiling back at her warmly.

There were a few moments of silence where neither girl said anything, both clearly nervous.

“So do you…” Clarke began.

“Do you want…” Lexa started to say.

“Sorry, you go first.” Clarke said.

“Um well, I was going to ask if you wanted to go to an art exhibit next week? On Thursday? I read about it in the newspaper. I’ve never been to one, but I figured you would enjoy it, being an artist and all.” Lexa asked timidly.

“Wow. Yes, I would love to go! Is it the one over on 42nd and Emory?” Clarke asked.

“Yes, I think that’s it.” Lexa answered, her eyes a little brighter.

“Yes! That’s going to have a couple local artists in it that I absolutely love! I wanted to go but I didn’t want to go alone.” Clarke said. “Raven can’t stay quiet or still to save her life. She’s ready to go after 10 minutes.” Clarke laughed, rolling her eyes.

“We’ll then that’s great. It starts at 7 I believe.” Lexa said, not bothering to hide the joy in her eyes. “I can meet you here or we can do my place. What is best for you?” Lexa asked.

“Oh shit, I forgot I have dinner with my mom that night.” Clarke said, dejectedly.

“Oh.” Lexa replied, clearly disappointed.

“You know what? I can push that up. I’ll have dinner with my mom and then how about I meet you there?” Clarke said, hopeful.

“Ye..yes that’s perfect.” Lexa managed to get out, smiling widely. “It’s a little uppity so you’ll need to wear more than a button up and shorts unfortunately.” She added.

“I think I can find something to throw on.” Clarke said confidently.

 _You’re damn right you can_. Clarke said to herself, already mentally searching her wardrobe for the sexist dress she owned.

“Ok, it’s a date.” Lexa said, closing her eyes immediately and wincing. “I mean…well you know what I mean.”

“You’re cute when you’re nervous you know that?” Clarke said, not caring about her obviously intended statement.

 _I gotta start somewhere._ Clarke said to herself.

“I’m not nervous.” Lexa said, blushing. “Just excited is all. I haven’t gone out in a while and I think we’ll have fun.” She said.

“Whatever you say,” Clarke said smiling. “I KNOW we’ll have fun.”

Lexa looked back at Clarke with a grin on her face.

 _She is absolutely gorgeous_. Clarke said to herself wishing she could just move in right now and kiss the grin right off her face.

“Well I guess I better be going.” Lexa said, pulling Clarke out of her thoughts.

“Ok, be careful. Please.?” Clarke said.

“I will.” Lexa replied before turning towards the door. Her hand almost made it to the door before she paused and stopped.

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows at the sight. “Is something wrong?” She asked.

“No.” Lexa said turning back towards Clarke with an unsure look on her face. “I just need to do one thing.”

It was then that Lexa moved forward into Clarke’s space. The sudden intrusion made Clarke close her eyes and gasp in a breath. Her stomach fluttered rapidly. Before she could open her eyes she felt Lexa’s arms around her shoulders enveloping her in a firm hug. Her cheek pressed up against Clark’s temple. She could smell Lexa’s shampoo and her oh so familiar scent. Acting upon impulse, Clarke brought up one arm under one of Lexa’s to wrap her hand firmly around the top of her shoulder and the other met Lexa’s side, right her under ribs. Clarke could feel Lexa’s heart beating under her fingertips. The sensation made Clarke’s chest clench, it was fluttering rapidly.

 _She IS nervous._ Clarke said. Barely able to keep her breathing in check. _Is it possible she’s feeling something for me as I am for her?_ Clarke turned her head and nudged her nose into Lexa’s neck slightly, earning a small but audible gasp from the taller woman. The rhythm of her heart noticeably hiccupping at that moment. Clarke couldn’t help but to smile into Lexa’s neck, gripping Lexa’s ribs slightly more.

After what seemed like minutes but had only been seconds. Lexa released her hold on Clarke and stepped back letting one of her hands drift down Clarke’s arm as the separated. Clarke herself left her hand on Lexa’s ribs until the last possible moment, letting the fabric of Lexa’s shirt pull away from her fingertips. She secretly mourned the loss, looking up to meet Lexa’s eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Lexa said, clearing her throat nervously. “I’m not normally touchy feely. I’ve just had a really good time with you this week. It’s made me a lot happier than I have been in a long time. I guess I just want to thank you for that. I’m really glad we met.”

“Hey, its ok.” Clarke said assuredly. “After ugly crying and falling asleep on you for an hour, a hug is the least I can do for you. I’m glad we met as well.”

Lexa smiled at Clarke for a moment before turning around towards the door. “Ok I’m really leaving now. I’ll see you Thursday?” She asked.

“Thursday at 7.” Clarke confirmed, smiling back.

“Ok, goodnight Clarke.” She said, walking out turning her head towards Clarke.

“Goodnight Lex.” Clarke response, leaning on the door frame waving shortly. Lexa waved back in kind before descending the stairs to the sidewalk.

Clarke watch her walk away and didn’t close the door until she lost sight of Lexa over a small hill. A labored sigh escaped her lungs once the door was locked. The hug had shocked and surprised her in the best of ways. There was no way Lexa didn’t feel her heart beating a mile a minute.

 _Well if there is something going on between us, at least we’re dancing on it now._ Clarke thought to herself _. I need to put myself more out there, she needs to know that I’m interested. But wait, what if I’m thinking too hard again? It could have been just a friendly hug that meant nothing and I’m letting my hormones over think things_. Clarke groaned.

Clarke debated herself internally for what seemed like forever while she walked about the house, stopping to clean up after dinner after insisting to Lexa she would take care of it. Finally, after everything was tidied back up she retreated back to her room and began digging in her nightstand.

“Aha! there you are.” Clarke said triumphantly, pulling out the pepper spray. Grabbing her phone, she quickly texted Lexa a picture.

 **Clarke** : Locked and Loaded

She threw her phone on her bed and began changing for bed. Shucking off her shoes she walked to the hamper. Disposing of her clothes she was left in only a pair of deep blue boy shorts. She was making her way over to her dresser for a t-shirt when her phone chimed. She turned away from her task at hand upon hearing the sound. She walked over to the bed, plopping down on her back, holding her phone above herself.

 **Lexa:** Great! BTW, awesome timing. I literally just made it home.

Clarke smiled at this. She made to repond when she was all of a sudden reminded that she was practically naked, laying on her bed. Talking to Lexa. All sorts of cogs began spinning in her head.

 _Fuck it._ Clarke said internally. Typing quickly she send her response before she could talk about it.

 **Clarke:** Picture or it didn’t happen.

Three dots appeared under her text, leaving and coming back again before Lexa responsed.

 **Lexa:** What?

 **Clarke:** Picture. Or. It. Didn’t Happen. I send you a picture. How do I know you really make it home? This could be a kidnapper for all I know, pretending to be you.

 **Lexa:** You are very imaginative you know that? But, if you insist.

Clarke took a quick breath, waiting.

 **Lexa:** Proof enough?

It was Lexa. All perfect white teeth and sparking green eyes. She was clearly back in her apartment. Her hair was brushed over the front of her shoulder.

Clarke couldn’t help but moan slightly at the sight. The desire to intertwine her fingers in Lexa’s hair while crashing into her lips reared full force. Her panties dampen and her nipples harden simultaneously at the thought.

“Fuck.” Clarke said, out loud, clenching her thighs together, trying to get friction for her throbbing center. How could she turn so needy off of a simple picture. She could see Lexa’s bed in the background of the picture. She seemed to be sitting on the edge of it. Arms stretched out in front of her to take the picture. All of a sudden her phone chimed, startling her.

 **Lexa:** Are you there?

 _Shit, I was too busy oogling to response. She knows I saw it forever ago._ Clarke said to herself before responding.

 **Clarke:** Yea, sorry. Got distracted.

 **Lexa:** I know; I can be distracting. J/K

 **Clarke:** Yes, you definitely are. Not joking.

 _Why lie?_ Clarke said to herself. Shrugging, if she was going to this, she was going to do it right.

 **Clarke** : So, what are you doing now?

 **Lexa:** Getting ready for bed.

 **Clarke:** Hmm, beat you to it.

Dots appeared again at the bottom of the screen, coming and leaving more frequently than before.

 **Lexa:** ….picture or it didn’t happen.

Clarke’s heart went into her throat at this text. She knew what she was doing. She was playing with Clarke too. Clarke smiled a little at the thought of Lexa wanting to see her in her bed. This made the wetness between her legs spread and clit throbbed, begging for attention. It had been way too long since she had given herself any attention, so it was no surprise she was this worked up texting like a giddy teenager. Clarke held the phone above her body. She situated her hair so that it fanned around her neck and smirked with her lips spread slightly. Taking more than a few pictures, she settled on one that made her look someone sultry without over doing it and showed her bare shoulders and chest. Just a fraction of her cleavage showing, letting Lexa know that she was obviously topless. Her hands shook as she pressed send and held her breath. The image showed read almost immediately.

Moments passed before she saw the dots appear at the bottom of the screen. Long moments. She was clearly taking her time looking at Clarke’s photo.

 **Lexa:** You look very comfortable. Though it’s going to get cold tonight…. you could always wear that t-shirt I gave you if you’ve run out of things to wear.

 **Clarke:** I may just do that; it was a great shirt.

Clarke jumped up to dig through her hamper. The shirt was tucked a little way down. It had yet to be washed and still smelled like Lexa. She pulled it over her head and stood in front of her full length mirror that was on her wall. Taking a satisfactory picture of her wearing the shirt she sent it to Lexa. She was obviously braless under the shirt and the picture teased a glimpse of her underwear and the sliver of skin exposed between the two.

 **Clarke:** Is this better?

A few seconds passed before the response came.

 **Lexa:** Much better

 **Lexa:** Stay warm, I have to get to sleep, early morning run with Anya.

Clarke whined out loud. _Damn it, and that was going so well._ She thought before texting back.

 **Clarke:** Boo. You and your being healthy.

 **Lexa:** Yea, how else do you think I keep this physique.

 **Clarke:** God given good looks? Lol

 **Lexa:** I wish. Good night, Clarke. Sweet dreams.

 **Clarke:** Night Lex. You to.

Clarke threw the phone on the bed and flopped back down, closing her eyes. What a night it had been. She was exhausted. After a few seconds she opened her eyes and looked over, he phone was still lit up on the messenger, having now scrolled back up to reveal Lexa’s picture. Clarke grabbed her phone, clicking on it to enlarge it. Looking at Lexa’s every detail awoke her center once again, a new wave of wetness seeping down and into her panties. This time though, her hand slid down her flat stomach and down underneath their band. Inching down further she passed a short trimmed patch of fine blonde hair and took a deep breath as her fingers slid down on either side of her clit and downward still, stopping to gather thick wetness before moving back up to run firmly pressed circles on her clit. She drew back its hood occasionally as her circles increased in speed, the direct pressure intensified the sensation immensely. It took only a few short minutes before Clarke’s thighs clenched so hard they seized and her back arched up off the bed as she breathlessly gasped:

 

 

“Lexa.”

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Raven talk. Raven lets Clarke in on a few things.

“Lexa”

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Clarke and Lexa had texted back and forth in the days since their night together. Lexa made sure she checked on her through the day to make sure Finn hadn’t tried anything else, which he hadn’t. They had even spoken on the phone a few times. The conversations had never gone back to the flirtiness of that night, much to Clarke’s chagrin. It was like it never happened. They asked about each other’s day and what each other was up to. Other times Clarke would bitch about work, or Raven’s antics, as was the case with the current phone call they were having.

“I mean, its like living with a child.” Clarke said, annoyed. She was currently spread out on the couch with her head laid out on the pillow. It had been disinfected thoroughly since the Finn debacle.

 **“It can’t be that bad.”** Lexa replied. **“You’ve lived with her quite some time, you’d have kicked her out by now I’m sure if it were.”**

“Kick her out? Hah” Clarke laughed. “I couldn’t get rid of her if I tried.”

 **“What’s she done this time?”** Lexa asked.

“Its just this ongoing love of her’s to leave her clothes in the bathroom floor. I pick up after her constantly!” Clarke explained.

At this point the front door opened and in walked Raven, who eyed Clarke.

“Bitch, if you would chill the hell out and give me time to pick up said clothes, you wouldn’t have to do it yourself.” Raven said, throwing her keys in the bowl by the door. “Nope, you just can’t wait five minutes.”

“Hold on Lexa.” Clarke says and puts the phone to her chest. “How the hell did you hear me?”

“Girl please, you are loud as hell. I could hear you the moment I started walking past the front window. Hollering like a banshee.” Raven mocked, waving her arms in the air.

“Whatever, you do leave clothes lying around. And it’s not five minutes. Its like five days!” Clarke argued. “Other people live here you know; I don’t want to step all over your underwear walking around the bathroom.”

“And why not? It should be an honor to be allowed anywhere near my underwear.” Raven quipped back, smirking.

Clarke responded with fake gagging noises and brought the phone back up to her ear. “Did you hear this idiot?” She asked.

 **“Yea I did.”** Lexa responded. **“She’s quite the character, as are you.”**

“That’s an understatement.” Clarke responded.

 **“I guess this is my cue to let you go.”** Lexa said **. “I don’t want to keep you from Raven and I need to get some work done. I’ll talk to you later?”** She asked.

“Aww ok. Yea, we’ll talk later.” Clarke responded pouting.

 **“Ok. Bye, Clarke.”** Lexa said.

“Bye, Lexa.” Clarke responded.

“Byyyyyyyyeeeee sexy Lexy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Raven yelled from across the room.

Clarke hit the end button on her phone as fast as she could and threw it down on the couch.

“Damnit Raven!” She seethed. “Are you trying make me die of embarrassment?”

“What?” I’m just trying to help my little butterfly out of her cocoon.” She responded, smiling innocently.

“Well I don’t need your help. I’m doing fine on my own…I think.” She said, shaking her head.

“Just saying, Clarke. This girl is going to need a push if she’s going to see you as anything more than a friend anytime soon.” Raven said.

“Yea, I know. I just don’t want to smother her.” Clarke sighed, plopping back down on the couch. “She has her rules for a reason. As honorable as her rules are though, I can’t see that they’ve been like that from day one. I almost wonder if something happened. Maybe someone hurt her.” She added, saddened.

“Maybe.” Raven replied. “Has she ever mentioned anyone?”

“No.” We haven’t really talked about that kind of stuff since the day I met her.” Clarke explained. “The only people she’s ever spoke about to me were Anya and Costia.”

“Anya?” Raven said, testing the name out of her tongue. “I knew a girl in high school named Anya. She didn’t go to our school and was a few years older than us but I saw her at a lot of the same parties. I still see her in passing from time to time, were friendly but not much more. I wonder if it’s the same Anya.” She said.

Clarke shrugged her shoulders. “Could be, she said she was her cousin.”

“What’s Lexa’s last name?” Raven asked.

“Woods, but I don’t know if it’s Any..” Clarke began.

“Yep! That’s her!” Raven said, elated. “Wow, what a small world. I can definitely tell that they’re related. They both have jaws for days. I called her cheekbones. You could cut glass with those things.” Raven explained, smiling widely.

“Wow Raven, need to go change your underwear?” Clarke asked sarcastically, eyeing raving with one eyebrow raised.

“Not yet, but back then, yes. Frequently in fact. I wasn’t afraid to partake in the forbidden fruit unlike you, Clarke.” Raven explained nonchalantly.

“Wait, you had sex with her!?” Clarke asked, shocked.

“I dunno if you’d call it sex.” Raven began. “Quick fully clothed finger fucking sessions in bathrooms or when we’d wander off from a party and find the side of a building. We never like…actual made to a bed and took our clothes off or anything. It was just a few times my senior year.” Nothing has happened since. Not that I wouldn’t though. One or the other of us has always been unavailable.” She concluded.

“How is it that I didn’t know this about you?” Clarke asked, shocked.

“Hell, I don’t know. Not like I tried to hide it. I don’t make out with folks or fuck ‘em in public or anything but all the comments I’ve made over the years had to tell you something.” Raven explained.

“But I’ve like never seen you with a woman at all, nor have you dated one that I know of.” Clarke stated.

“Yea and? You like women and have never even been with one.” Raven quipped.

“You got me there.” Clarke said.

 “Plus, I’ve just been dating guys lately, not that I’m not still into women. I guess I just haven’t come across another Anya.” She jokingly pouted.

“I guess I thought you were just being crude ole you this whole time.” Clarke stated. “I can be very naïve at time. Dense even”

“I concur.” Raven quipped.

“Hey! You didn’t have to agree with me.” Clarke pouted.

“I would be doing a disservice to you if I allowed you to live a lie, Clarke” Raven stated. “I’m just a good friend like that.” She added, smirking. “Anyways, who’s the other chick? What was her name again?”

“Costia.” Clarke replied. “They were best friends. You should see the picture I saw of them at Lexa’s house. I’ve never seen two happier people.”

“Were? What happened?” Raven asked.

“She died.” Clarke replied.

“Oh..shit.” Raven said, bringing her hand to her mouth. “Do you know how?”

“She had some sort of heart condition that no one knew about apparently. Just passed in her sleep unexpectedly.” Clarke explained.

“Oh wow, that’s terrible. But at least she was peaceful.” Raven said. “From what you’ve told me, I know how hard it was for you when your dad died. I can’t imagine how hard it was having to be there day in and day out knowing what was going to happen and not be able to stop it.” She added, empathetically.

“Yea…it was hard. One moment your dad is this happy healthy 190lb man and 6 months later he’s dropped 70lbs and has skin the color of ash.” Clarke said. “Even at the very end he wasn’t himself mentally due to all the drugs he had to be on to keep him from hurting. He said he didn’t want to do the chemo, but we were selfish and made him…. we just wanted to at least try to keep him longer. If I could do it all over again, I’d have let it take its course and allowed him to go when it was time. At least he would have been himself when he did.” She added.

“You guys did what you thought was best.” Raven said, squeezing Clarke’s hand. “I would have done the same thing I’m sure.”

Clarke felt the tears swell up at the corner of her eyes but wiped them away before they could spill. “Anyways.” She began, changing the subject. “Where were we?”

“Lexa’s rules.” Raven said. “Why you think she has them.”

“Yea…I don’t know honestly since she hasn’t mentioned any relationships. Maybe she’s just a hopeless romantic waiting on her soulmate?” Clarke asked.

“Highly doubt it.” Raven quipped. That shit is just in the movies. “Something had to happen that put her off from dating.”

“Maybe when I see her Thursday, I can get some information out of her. I mean I talk about my relationships with her, I don’t see why she wouldn’t with me.” Clarke said.

“Sounds good, where are you going again?” Raven asked.

“She’s taking me to the art gallery on Emory and 42nd.” Clarke said, smiling.

“Bore.” Raven said, frowning.

“Well it’s a good thing you weren’t invited then isn’t it?” Clarke snipped.

“Look, I know you love that stuff. And you’re actually really good at what you do as well.” Raven began. “I just can’t stand to saunter slowly around a room staring at art trying to dissect what all the squiggly lines someone smeared on the paper mean.”

“You don’t have to do that you know.” Clarke said. “You can say what ever you want. It’s a gallery, its there for critiquing. If you wanna say it looks like a pile of dog shit then say it, just not so loud.”

“Hmm, sounds better but you still haven’t got me convinced.” Raven said.

“They also usually serve some sort of alcohol. Maybe even appetizers.” Clarke said.

“Oooh, now you’re talking.” Raven said smiling. “Speaking of appetite, I’m guessing yours has returned after getting to see ole Finny boy’s wee bits the other day?”

“Oh god don’t remind me.” Clarke said, groaning.

“I still CANNOT believe that idiot actually thought he could just lay himself out like a present at Christmas time and you would just get to unwrapping.” Raven said, laughing.

“We’ll believe it, because he did. I have a witness” Clarke said, rolling her eyes.

“And from what you said she was one bad ass witness. Sent him running with is tail tucked between his legs. Definitely wasn’t his dick, would have never reached.” Raven said, smirking.

“You’re right about that.” Clarke said. “God she was so in control. I never thought id say this but I think it’s a kink of mine.”

“What? Like being dominated?” Raven asked.

“I guess that’s what it could be.” Clarke replied.

“Girl yes, that’s like everyone’s kink. Who doesn’t like to be submissive and vulnerable in the bedroom from time to time?” Raven stated.

“I’ve never really played around in bed before. Never kept a relationship long enough to do it besides Finn. I never enjoyed sex with him though so we never tried things.” Clarke said.

“Well maybe if you get somewhere with sexy Lexy then she can show you a thing or two.” Raven replied, smirking.

“Hah, maybe.” Clarke laughed. “It’s a good thing she’d be the one dominating. I wouldn’t know what the hell I’m doing.”

“What are you talking about?” Raven said, confused. “You’re a woman, she’s a woman. Just do what feels good to you, but do it to her. Problem solved.”

“You make it sound so simple, but you know it’s not.” Clarke responded disbelievingly. “You can feel how your own body is reacting to your own…. stimulation.“ She added, cheeks blushing. “You can’t tell that with another person.”

“That’s why you have to be an attentive lover and pay attention to her cues and not what you want to be doing.” Raven explained. “Explore, test the waters, see what see responds to. Doing that will give you all the information you need. How you listen and apply that knowledge is how you get that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.” She concluded, smiling goofily.

“How are you so wise but such an idiot at the same time?” Clarke questioned. “You’re like an enigma.”

“One sexy enigma.” Raven added, batting her eyes.

“If you say so.” Clarke said, just as her phone began to ring. Clarke grabbed it and looked at the ID. “Hold on it’s Lexa.”

“Again? You must be doing alright after all; girl can’t get enough of you.” Raven said.

“Shut up will you?” Clark said answering the phone. “Hello?”

 **“Hey, sorry to bother you. I just wanted to run something by you”** Lexa said.

“Sure, shoot.” Clarke replied walking towards her room.

 **“Well remember I told you about my cousin Anya**?” Lexa asked.

“Yea, Raven and I were actually just talking about her. Apparently, she knows her.” Clarke responded, sitting on her bed.

 _Knows her pretty well._ Clarke thought to herself.

 **“Oh really? That’s crazy. How so?”** Lexa asked.

“They hung out at some of the same parties in high school, still see each other now and again in passing is as far as Raven as said. We didn’t talk much.” Clarke explained.

 _Liar liar pants on fucking fire._ Clarke said to herself. _But, I’m not trying to tell anyone business, especially not something like that._

 **“Oh, that’s cool.  Well the thing is, I was telling her about our plans and she sorta asked if she could tag along on Thursday.”** She began, sounding like she was in trouble. **“I wanted to know how you felt about that. I know if was supposed to be a me and you kind of thing.”** Lexa said.

“Oh. Yea, well I mean I don’t mind. Just because she’s there doesn’t mean that we can’t still enjoy ourselves.” Clarke replied, a little saddened. She had wanted Lexa to herself. She was going to have to tone down the amount of sexy she had planned for her outfit now that there would be someone else with them.

 **“I know, its just that you don’t know her and she doesn’t know you and I don’t want you to feel like you’d be a third wheel on this thing that was supposed to be me and you.”** Lexa said. **“I may occupy a lot of the time interacting with her instead of you unintentionally.”**

“You are so thoughtful Lex, but no, that is not a problem. I can make friends with a brick wall.” Clarke began. “I’ll make her talk to me if I have to. Oh! What if I invite Raven?” She asked excitedly.

 **“Wait, I thought you said Raven hated these things?”** Lexa asked, unsure.

“She does, but if she knows Anya will be there, it may be appealing to her.” Clarke said. “Plus, I was telling her about how there may be booze and snacks served, she seemed to enjoy that.” She added, laughing.

 **“Well then, invite her. I’m sure they will enjoy seeing each other again”** Lexa offered.

“I’m willing to bet on it.” Clarke said, mischievously.

 **“Ok, well all that’s settled. So, I’ll see you in two day’s time at 7pm sharp, at the gallery?”** Lexa asked.

“Yes ma’am, you sure will. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Clarke said.

 **“Me either.”** Lexa replied. **“Later.”**

“Bye.” Clarke responded, laying back on her bed.

“You’ve got it bad.” Raven said, standing at the doorway.

“JESUS CHRIST!” Clarke exclaimed, grasping at her chest. “You almost gave me a heart attack.!”

“Whatever drama queen.” Raven snipped back. “What did sexy lady want?”

“Funny you ask because I need you to come to the gallery with me on Thursday.” Clarke said.

“What? No, I said I didn’t like those things. I love booze and snacks but not enough to be bored for hours.” Raven replied, waving her off and turning away.

“Anya will be there.” Clarke said cooly, still having not moved from her spot on the bed.

Raven stopped dead in her tracks at this comment and then slowly turned around.

“Anya you say?” Raven asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yep.” Clarke said, raising herself up on her elbows. “She invited herself along and I need you to come to make sure she doesn’t take up too much of Lexa’s time. I’m not getting all dressed up trying to impress her just to not get the chance to.” She added.

“I dunno, you know I don’t do dressy stuff.” Raven said, unsure.

“PLEASE RAVEN! You have to do this for me. I’ll wash the dishes for a month.” Clarke begged. “And don’t stand there for one moment and act like you don’t want to see Anya.”

“I do want to see Anya. But I have to ask myself if it’s worth the torture?” Raven asked sarcastically.

“Yes, it is. And so is my happiness. Pleaaaaaaaaasse don’t make me get on my knees and beg you.” Clarke said dramatically sliding off the edge of the bed and crawling across the floor to Raven.

“What are you doing?” Raven asked backing up and hitting the wall. “This is creepy, stop it!”

Clarke crawled towards her grabbing at her feet with her hands trying to crawl up her legs like a clingy toddler.

“PPPPPPPPPLLLLLLEEAAAAASE RAAAAVEEEEENNNNNN! IM BEGGING YOU!” Clarke whined obnoxiously clawing at Ravens jeans grabbing at her shirt.

“Get the fuck off me! Yes yes! I’ll do it. Just stop!” Raven yelled trying to shake Clarke off of her.

Clarke let go and fell to the floor on her back laughing wholeheartedly. “Thank you. Now was that so hard?” She said between breaths.

“Fuck you.” Raven said. “You and your torture tactics.” She added with distain in her voice while smoothing down her clothes.

“Clarke looked up at her from the floor smiling widely and raising her hands. “Hey, whatever works.”

Raven looked at her through squinted eyes and gritted teeth:

 

“Anya better be single.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has dinner with her mom then meets Lexa and Anya at the Gallery.

“Anya better be single”

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Tuesday flew by to Thursday before Clarke knew it. She had emulsed herself in her work to ensure the clock kept ticking at a steady pace. She had kept in contact with Lexa, ensuring there were no changes in plans. Next thing she knew she was throwing on some loose fitting jeans and a tucking in a plain white tee and pulling up her app to arrange for an Uber to meet her mom for dinner at her childhood home. With good luck, there was one only a couple minutes away. She grabbed her overnight bag that contained her outfit for the evening, hair supplies, and her makeup and headed towards the door. She passed Raven sitting on the couch.

“Raven, 7:00PM Sharp, OK?” Clarke asked.

“YEEEEEEEEEEEES! GOOOOOD!” Raven said obnoxiously. “Look, I said I’d go. You don’t have to hound me.”

“I’m not hounding you. I’m politely reminding you.” Clarke said, smiling. “I picked out your outfit and left it hanging behind your door.”

“Yea I saw that earlier. Thanks” Raven replied, sarcastically. “You sure I can’t just wear this?” Raven asked, gesturing at herself. She was wearing jogging pants and a stained band t-shirt.

“Um…I’m gonna go with no.” Clarke said, firmly. “It’s just one time, one night. Plus, it may be a make or break with Anya.” Clarke added. Smirking.

“Please, she’s seen me shit faced drunk in high school looking like I did then, I’m sure she’d bone me in this.” Raven replied, unconvinced.

“Your confidence is admirable.” Clarke said, annoyed.

Raven seemed to sense Clarke’s mood. “Don’t worry your pretty blonde head.” She replied. “I said I’ll go, so I’ll go. But if there isn’t food, you’re ordering me some when we get done. Beer too.” She added, with a serious tone.

“Yes definitely, whatever you want.” Clarke responded, happily. “Ok, well I gotta go if I’m gonna see mom and make it back in time., I’ll see you at 7.”

“Ok, tell your mom I said hi.” Raven replied.

“Will do. Bye.” Clarke answered.

Just then her phone chimed alerting her that her ride was here. She left the house quickly and met her driver who helped load her bag and took her address information from her and they got on the way. Sitting in the back seat she made herself comfortable and looked out the window as the buildings became fewer and fewer and the trees became more and more. Luckily, she still lived relatively close to her mom, only about 20 minutes away. She was born in the city but after a short childhood there, her father had insisted to her mother that concrete and power lines was nowhere for a child to grow up. So, off they went to the open area outside of the city, settling on a modest three-bedroom home with a wraparound porch that sat on a few acres of land. She had loved living there. Her artistic side was allowed to sprout and flourish. Graduating from grasping fat crayons all the way to the charcoals and oil paints she uses today. She got her creative side from her dad. He couldn’t do much more than draw a stick man but he had the mind of an adventurer and always had his head in the clouds. She missed him terribly for this. She allowed herself to get lost in her thoughts. Luckily the driver was not a talker and he only spoke to tell her that they had arrived at their destination.

As she exited the vehicle her mom was coming out of the house to greet her.

“Clarke! Baby, I’ve missed you.” Abby said, hugging Clarke firmly.

“Mom, I’ve missed you too, but it’s only been a month.” Clarke replied, hugging her mom back.

“I know, I Know. It’s just it gets lonely here without anyone else and it’s always nice when you come visit.” Abby replied.

Clarke felt her heart tug at this. Her mom had never moved on after her father’s death. She had been on a couple dates the last few years at Clarke’s insistence but never made any attempt to continue the relationships, sabatoging them or finding faults in one way or the other. She stayed with her mom the entirely of college but the both of them knew she had to go out on her own eventually. When that day came a couple years ago, it was one of the hardest things Clarke ever had to do.

“Ahem.” A voice said.

“Oh!” Abby said. “I’m sorry to keep you waiting.” She said to the driver who had collected Clarke’s bag and handed it to her. “Here, how much is it?” She asked, opening her car door and pulling out her clutch.

“Oh no Mom, I’ve got it.” Clarke said, reaching for her phone.

“Clarke, no. Let me.” Abby insisted. “If I can’t take care of you at home anymore at least let me do it where I can.”

Clarke looked at her intently about to argue again before she saw the resolve on her mom’s face. “Fine.”Clarke replied, defeated.

Abby proceeded to pay the specified amount and thanked the man who thanked her in kind before entering his car and leaving.

“Now c’mon. I’ve got your favorite in the crockpot.” Abby stated, ushering Clarke inside.

“Roast?” Clarke asked, hopefully.

“Guess you’ll have to come inside and see.” Abby replied, smiling widely.

 

“Oh my Gooooooooood.” Clarke groaned. “That was so good, mom” Clarke stated. Leaning back in the chair. Her plate was completely empty except for a few stray grains of rice and a bit of gravy from the roast her mom had cooked to perfection.

“I can tell.” Her mom said, laughing. “You know; you’ve always loved my roast. You weren’t too keen on the carrots and potato’s when you were little but boy did you tear up the rest of it. There were never any left overs with you in the house.”

“What do you expect?!” Clarke exclaimed. “It’s like heaven on earth. Too bad there aren’t any pot roast cooking competitions like there are with pies. You would win hands down.”

“We’ll thank you, baby.” Abby responded graciously while collecting the dishes. “Do you want to take some home with you? Since it’s just me here there will be plenty enough.” She added, facing the sink to rinse off the dishes.

Clarke winced at her words. “Sure mom.” She replied, then trying not to sound sad when she added, “How are you doing mom? I worry about you being here alone all the time.”

“Oh you know me Clarke, I’m fine. As long as I have you, then I’ll always be fine.” She responded, not having turned around from the sink.

“Have you spoke with Kane lately? I haven’t heard anything since the date you went on forever ago.” Clarke asked, trying to redirect the conversation. She could see her mother tense slightly at this question.

“Oh Kane? I haven’t spoken to him in a while. He was nice though. Very well spoken.” She replied, not offering anything more.

“So....when are you going out again? Clarke said, churning the waters.

“Oh I don’t know, I’m just so busy with work at the hospital and he’s busy too so…” She said.

“I saw his son Miller at Music Station just a couple weeks ago and he said his dad talked very highly of you. Even asked Miller to relay to me that he tells you hello.” Clarke explained, cutting her mom off. “If he still feels this way after all this time then maybe you can make some time for that second date? And don’t say you don’t have time. Since they made you director of endocrinology you’re barely seeing patients unless you’re consulted. You’re home at 6 at the latest most nights. Clarke stated.

Abby turned around, grabbed a dish towel , and began drying her hands. She opened her mouth and closed it again, as if unsure what to say.

“Mom?” Clarke asked.

Abby looked back up at Clarke, giving her attention.

“I miss Dad too.” Clarke said, bluntly, trying to keep the quiver from her voice. She was not here to hurt her mom by bringing up sad memories or to make her cry. She had to be strong. “But, he wouldn’t be happy knowing that you’re here. Unhappy. You need people around you. You always have, we always have. We were THAT family.” Clarke explained. “It isn’t wrong to move on Mom, he would want you to. No one is saying that you need to run off and get married, but you need someone who you can spend time with that’s not just a friend or family. You have needs too Mom; you can’t put those aside.”

Abby stood here motionless for what felt like moments looking back at Clarke, wringing the towel around her hands before answering. “You’re probably right.”

Clarke let out a loud sigh of relief. “I’m right? I mean, yes! Yes! I’m right!” Clarke exclaimed confidently, putting her fists on her hips and holding her chin up.

Abby looked back at Clarke with an eyebrow raised. “Come on now. It’s not like it’s not something I haven’t been torturing myself for years over. I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else. To know that It wasn’t just me who was trying to convince myself that it wasn’t wrong by your Dad. Don’t get me wrong. I haven’t even wanted to date anyone until recently. But…I can’t say Kane wasn’t helpful in my decision.” She added, smiling.

“That’s great mom!” Clarke said, jumping up from her chair. “I’m so proud of you. You know that right?” Clarke asked her mom, grabbing her around her arms and bear hugging her while planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek.

“Thank you, baby.” Abby said, pushing Clarke off and wiping her cheek off with the dish towel with a disgusted look on her face.

“Hey! Don’t wipe off my kisses.” Clarke said, pouting.

“I’ll do what I want.” She said firmly, turning to put the dishes in the washer. “You were always a gross child.”

“Was not.” Clarke replied.

“Were too” Abby countered.

“Are we really doing this?” Clarke answered, smirking.

“I can go all night.” Abby responded with bit of song in her voice.

This made Clarke realize that she needed to hurry up is she was to make it on time to the gallery.

“Shit, I need to get dressed. I’m meeting someone tonight.” Clarke said, heading towards the couch where she had sat her bag.

“Oh, who’s that?” Abby asked.

“Her name is Lexa, I met her at the gardens down by my apartment where I draw at.” Clarke began. “I don’t have time to tell the whole story but in a nutshell she rescued me from impending doom and now I’m pretty much bound and determined to marry her.” Clarke finished, grabbing the items from inside the bag, not at all realizing what she had said. Halfway to her old bedroom door when it dawned on her. Slowly she turned around and looked at her mom. “Mom I…” She began.

Abby laughed whole heartedly, unfazed. “You always went all in when it came to something you wanted.” She said. She had avoided entirely the fact that her daughter had come out to her unintentionally, and Clarke was so appreciative of it.

“I love you, Mom.” Clarke said, smiling widely at her mom.

“I love you too, baby.” Abby replied, smiling equally as wide. “Now, hurry up. I want to get a good look at you when you’re done. Not in passing in a mad dash out the door.” She scolded, playfully.

“Yes ma’am.” Clarke replied.

Clarke’s old bedroom was how she had left it; minus a few decorations she took with her. Her mom had insisted in allowing her to outfit her new apartment with an all new bed room set. A housewarming gift, she had said. Clarke graciously accepted the offer seeing as how she was going to have to furnish the rest of the house. She could at least have a nice cozy bedroom to hang out in while her and raven slowly furnished the rest of the house and made it livable. Clarke’s mom had obviously gone too far in what she had bought for her. An expensive king sized black oak set that, while gorgeous, had to cost a small fortune.

Clarke immediately pulled out her dress out of the bag and laid it on the bed. It was made of a wrinkle resistant material that traveled well. It was black and white A line dress that she had found some months back while prom shopping with a friend who was helping their niece find a dress. She happened to see it out of the corner of her eye on a discount rack in a dress shop and fell in love with it. It was the only one there and by some miracle it fit like it was made for her. The one hundred and sixty dollar price tag didn’t deter her, she has strict rules not to fuck with fate. This was nearly a year ago. She never had a reason to wear it, until now.

Clarke grabbed her toiletries and jumped in the shower. She shampooed and conditioned her hair as fast as she could, making sure she had time to focus on what was important. Shaving her legs. She wanted to make sure everything was perfect. The last thing she needed was nicked up legs because she was in a rush. After completing said task without any complications she exited the shower and dried herself off. Standing in front of the mirror she blow dried her hair and tamed it down with the flat iron before adding several ringlets with her curing iron to frame her face. After applying lotion over her body she then she then put on her makeup. As usual it was a simple smoky palette with light contrast towards the inside to make her eyes appear wider, accompanied by mascara and eyeliner. She added a nude matte lip color to her lips to complete the look. Satisfied, she walked back to the bedroom to her clothes.

The dress was sleeveless but had wide straps that went from the end of her collarbones all the way to her neck so luckily she was able to wear a bra. She wasn’t small chested by any means. Sure, she could have worn a strapless one if needed, but when you’re large chested, it really doesn’t help much. Her bra was a tasteful white with lace edging, they matched her panties. After donning her bra and panties, Clarke stepped in to her dress and pulled her arms through. Though, while attempting to zip it up in the back, she realized she couldn’t.

 _Oh well, mom can help._ Clarke thought, stepping into a pair of matching black pumps.

After looking herself over in the mirror for a few more moments and adjusting her hair, she nodded her approval to herself and proceeded back down the hall to meet her mom.

“Oh wow, Clarke!” Her mom exclaimed upon seeing her. “You look absolutely gorgeous.”

“Thanks, mom” Clarke replied, blushing slightly. “I actually need your help.” She said, pointing at her zipper.

“Oh yes, of course.” Her mom replied, making her way behind Clarke. Abby moved her hair out of the way and gently eased the zipper up Clarke’s back until the dress fit like a dream.

“So, this girl.” Abby began. “Are you guys serious?”

“Oh no, Mom” Clarke stuttered out before turning around. “We’re not even dating.”

“I thought you said you liked her.” Abby responded, confused.

Clarke sighed. “I do, she’s just...” _How do I say this?_ Clarke thought. “…She’s not looking for a relationship right now.”

“Oh, well I guarantee when she sees you looking like this she’ll change her might right quick.” Abby said, gesturing at Clarke and smiling widely.

“I hope so, I really like her.” Clarke replied.

“If you like her then I’m sure she’s wonderful honey.” Abby replied, rubbing Clarke’s arms. “Now, can I drive you to town? I need to pick up a package at the UPS hub anyways. They couldn’t find the damn house again. I’m starting to think they do it on purpose because we live way out here.” She added. Feigning frustration. “Oh, and I can drop off your stuff at the apartment for you, save you the trouble.”

“That would help a lot actually.” Clarke said. She had given her mom a key to the apartment when she moved in for emergencies and times like this. “Let me grab my stuff.” Clarke replied.

“Ok, I’ll be in the car.” Abby said.

The ride back to town was uneventful and pleasant. Clark missed her mom at times. She was all she had after her dad had died, her being an only child. They never tried not to have other children her mom had told her one day after Clarke had inquired as an adult. It just never happened again for them. The doctors said there wasn’t anything obviously wrong. It’s like Clarke was destined to be the only one. Her mom was very supportive after her dad died. Taking Clarke’s needs before her own. Being a doctor, her mom had spent her life saving others, being strong for them. She couldn’t save her husband, but she was going to be strong for her daughter. Clarke never realized it as still quite a child mentally at 18 how selfish she was emotionally when her dad died. She wished she could do it all over again and give her mom the time she needed to grieve without having to be strong for someone else.

“We’re here.” Her mom said. Pulling up near to the gallery. Looking down at her watch, Clarke noted it was about 15 minutes until 7 and the sun was just starting to inch below the sky line, creating a dusky glow across the streets.

“Thanks for the ride Mom.” Clarke said, reaching across the console to hug her mom.

“Anytime baby.” She replied. “You have fun tonight. Go get your girl.” She added, smiling.

“I will, and I’ll try.” Clarke replied, rolling her eyes playfully. She grabbed her clutch and stepped out of the car and onto the sidewalk.

She waved bye to her mom as she watched her pull away. Gripping her clutch, she began walking up towards the building. It was loosely cluttered with people waiting for the doors to open. She found a spot next to a light pole and waited for a few moments before pulling out her phone text Raven.

 **Clarke:** Hey, eta?

 **Raven:** Running a few minutes late. SOMEONE took the hair tools so I had to wait until Octavia brought me some. I sweet talked her into staying and making me look human. She is finishing me up as we speak.

 **Clarke:** Oh shit! Sorry about that. I honestly didn’t think you would use them.

 **Raven:** If I’m gonna dress up, I’m going to do it right Clarkey poo. She’s spritzing me now. I gotta throw on my shoes and I’m heading out the door.

 **Clarke:** Alright, sounds good. Text me when you get here so I can find you.

 **Raven:** 10-4 Rubber Ducky.

Clarke cut off her screen and tucked her phone back into her clutch. It was simple. Camel beige with a gold designer emblem. It held her essentials. She was far from high maintenance. As she finished zipping up the clutch she looked down the street where a break had occurred in the crowd. There, walking up the street accompanied by a blonde just a bit taller than her, was Lexa. Clarke’s jaw dropped immediately. Lexa was stunning. She was wearing a two-piece gown. The top was similar to hers in its shape. Sleeveless but wide. It was covered in sequins. The skirt was a black satin material that shimmered so in a way that made it appear almost a deep blue. A sliver of tan skin showed between the two items that made Clarke’s heart twinge with excitement. Her hair was styled naturally with a wid part and swept over one shoulder. She moved gracefully towards Clarke unknowingly as she spoke with who Clarke assumed was Anya. Her hands gesturing as she spoke with a smile and laughter emitted from her lungs. She tilted her shoulder forward and her body to the side to step between the members of the crowd. Focusing her attention back forward was when she met Clarke’s gaze. Her laughter died down almost instantly as a noticeable gulp formed in her throat. She stopped in her tracks abruptly and Anya bumped into her, not noticing she had stopped. Clarke congratulated herself internally that she was literally able to stop the woman in her tracks. It was a very good way to start the night off.

“Whoa, what’s the hold up?” Clarke heard Anya say, clearly annoyed at her cousin.

“Sorry.” Lexa replied within ear shot of Clarke. “Come on.”

As Lexa walked up to her, Clarke mentally prepped herself _. Don’t be a dork. Don’t be a perv. Don’t say anything stupid. Don’t ramble_. Clarke said to herself. Straightening her back and smiling subtly as Lexa and Anya walked up.

“Clarke.” Lexa began “W..wow.” She stuttered out. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you.” Clarke replied, blushing. “You look very nice yourself. I love what you have on.” She added.

“You can thank me for that…again.” Anya said, interjecting. “Hi, my name is Anya. I’m Lexa’s cousin. Nice to meet you.” She said. Anya was wearing a beautiful solid blue evening gown. It was strapless and stopped above the knee. It made her legs look miles long.

“Nice to meet you as well.” Clarke replied. “You certainly do have excellent taste. I may need to take you shopping sometime.”

“Oh please, I have good tastes but don’t confuse my desire to get my cousin laid as enjoying shopping myself. It’s a necessary evil.” Anya quipped.

Lexa’s eyes went wide at the comment. “ANYA!” She seethed through her teeth. “Clarke, please forgive my cousin. She can be a little crude.” She added, staring daggers at Anya.

“No it’s fine.” Clarke said, waving her off though secretly excited that Anya was trying to give Lexa a push. “You do remember who my roommate is don’t you. Anya can’t be as bad as her.”

“Speaking of Raven, where is she.” Anya asked, smiling coyly.

“She’s on her way. Got in a fight with a curling iron.” Clarke quipped.

“Hah, this one’s funny, Lexa” Anya laughed, gesturing at Clarke. “Though it sounds plausible. I’ve never seen her in more than a t-shirt and jeans. Less, but not more.” She added, smirking.

“Alright then!” Lexa said, clearing her throat uncomfortably. “Look they’re letting people in. Shall we?” Lexa asked holding her arm out to Clarke.

Clarke felt butterflies moving about in her stomach at the gesture. “We shall.” She responded smiling widely, placing her arm in the crook of Lexa’s and gripping her bicep gently.

 _Oh my god that’s so firm._ Clarke thought to herself. _What I wouldn’t give to dig my nails into that all night._ _Hell, maybe my dreams will come true sooner than later now that I’ve got Anya on my team._

Lexa led Clarke towards the entrance with Anya following suit. The gallery was huge. Dozens of painting adorned the walls and several sculptures and art pieces stood on pedestals around the rooms. The lighting in the room was perfect. Despite the large gathering of patrons outside, there was plenty of room to move around and mingle, though it was congested in the beginning areas of the walk way.

“Do you guy want to just hang back here for a bit to wait for the crowd to move along some? Clarke offered. “It will give us a chance to wait on Raven too.”

“Sounds like a great idea.” Lexa said, not hiding the relief on her face as she led Clare to a uncongested corner, not letting go of her arm.

“Thank you for coming out with me tonight.” Clarke said. “I know you were the one that invited me. But, you didn’t have to. We could have just hung out at the house aga…”

“No you couldn’t have.” Anya said before taking a gulp of champagne she had retrieved off a passing server. “I’m counting on you to be the one that gets me the old Lexa back.” She added, directing her latter comment at Clarke.

Clarke looked over at Lexa, who was becoming increasingly irritated with Anya. “Well.” Clarke began. “I’m not sure what the old Lexa was like, but I sure like the one I’ve gotten to know recently.”

“Thank you, Clarke” Lexa replied, smiling at Clarke warmly before turning to her cousin. “Anya, this is not the time” She stated firmly, waving her hand.

“Then when is the time Lexa?” Anya snipped. “It’s never the time, it’s not been the time for four years now. She would want you to move on.”

Clarke’s mouth opened in shock slightly at the comment Anya made. _Move on?_ Clarke thought to herself. _From who?_ Clarke’s mind traveled a mile a minute in only a few moments before coming to a realization.

Costia.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An eventful night at the gallery.

Costia

 

 _Is she talking about her?_ Clarke thought to herself. _Is she so grief stricken from losing her that she’s turned away from everything and everyone? She’s a lot like my mom._ Clarke thought further. _She’s having a hard time getting over the grief._

“Clarke?” Lexa said. “Are you ok? You zoned out on us there.” Lexa asked, concerned.

“Oh yea, sorry.” She replied. “I do that sometimes you know that.” She answered squeezing Lexa’s arm reassuringly. “You two done squabbling?” She asked playfully.

“Yes, for now.” Anya said unconvincingly before averting her eyes towards the door suddenly. “And right on time it seems. Look at what the cat dragged in. Meow.” Anya said, with flirt in her voice.

Clarke turned around to find Raven. She looked great. A simple halter top floor length red dress that accentuated her olive skin perfectly. Simple makeup with matte red lips to match her dress. He hair was pinned up in a loose pony tail bun.

“Raven!” Clarke yelled, waving at her. “Over here.”

Raven’s eye caught her motions and began walking over to the group.

“Wow Clarke, looking like that you’re making it hard to not want to keep you for myself.” Raven said, running her finger down Clarke’s arm seductively.

“Knock it off Raven. You hate blonde’s” Clarke laughing and blushing slightly.

“They make wigs.” Raven shot back, smirking.

“Same ole Raven I see.” Anya said, effectively cutting off their banter. She looked Raven up and down while taking another sip of her champagne with one arm across her midsection.

“Anya. Good to see you, as always.” Raven replied, turning her attention towards Anya and proceeding to eye her just as shamelessly.

“Ok, so while you two are busy eye fucking each other, Lexa and I are gonna go mosey about.” Clarke said quickly, pulling Lexa’s arm. “Right Lexa?” Clarke asked.

“Oh yea, right.” She confirmed as she began to move, too busy being shocked by the blatant sexual display going on before her.

“Ditching me already Clarke?” Raven asked smartly.

“No, I’m giving you a chance to catch with an old friend. You should be thanking me.” Clarke responded, pretending to be offended.

“Whatever.” Raven said rolling her eyes while adding: “Spread those wings little butterfly.”

“What’s she’s talking about?” Lexa asked with a confused look on her face.

“Nothing, she’s an idiot.” She replied frankly. “C’mon, I think I see a painting I recognize over there.” She added, pulling Lexa with her as she moved away.

When they were out of ear shot of the two girls Clarke slowed down her walking which was essentially tugging Lexa behind her. She stopped and turned towards Lexa to speak. This unfortunately meant she had to remove her arm from Lexa’s.

“I’m sorry about her.” Clarke began, gesturing towards Raven. “I told you she’s a mess.”

“Yea. You did, but I like her.” Lexa said smiling. “I must apologize for Anya as well. She means well for me. She just doesn’t seem to know what boundaries are.” She added.

“Maybe she does.” Clarke began. “Maybe she’s trying to get you to realize that you may not be clear on what they are? Or that you’re setting it too far out or with too many walls?” Clarke stated bluntly. Not meaning to sound like a self-help book all of sudden.

A small smirk inched up on the corners of Lexa’s lips. “We’ll and here I thought you were an artist, Dr. Griffin.” She stated, amused.

“Please.” Clarke said, scoffing. “That life was not for me. My mom is the doctor.”

“Oh, really, maybe that’s why I pick up on that vibe. You’re an artist, but you still have this obvious need to help people.” Lexa said.

“I really did think about going to medical school after high school because of the whole art thing being so unsteady in regards to work.” Clarke began. “But at the end of the day I couldn’t do something I wasn’t passionate about. So I majored in graphic design with a minor in modern arts and here I am working as a graphics designer at the largest company in the city, and I get paid well to do it.” She added.

“I always hear though that artists don’t like to do what they love for work because they lose their motivation.” Lexa stated, curious.

“Oh no, you misunderstand.” Clarke stated, laughing. “I work in graphic design; I don’t work in art.”

“Oh!” Lexa realized, laughing. “So, you get to use your skills without burning yourself out?”

“There ya go.” Clarke said, smiling widely while laying her hand on Lexa’s forearm as she spoke. She felt the tingle rush through her. She couldn’t get over how right it felt to be near Lexa. Speak to Lexa. It’s like they meshed in every way. Clarke couldn’t help but notice how Lexa’s eyes darted down to her hand and then back up to her eyes, but not before stopping at her lips for the briefest of moments. Clarke’s breath hitched in her chest slightly, and she honestly hoped Lexa noticed what she did to her.

Lexa looked at her with a look in her eye that made Clarke want to surge forward and kiss her. It was almost like she was fighting not to do the same. As soon as it was there though, it was gone. She looked away and cleared her throat, smiling uncomfortably. Clarke removed her hand from her arm, hoping Lexa didn’t see the momentary look of sadness that crossed her face when she did.

“So.” Lexa began, trying to obviously regain her bearings. “What kinds of art do you do beside drawing? Which you are obviously very talented at.” She added, smiling.

“A little bit of everything.” Clarke replied, shrugging her shoulder. “Charcoal, acrylic, pastels, oils. Whatever I can get my hands on really.”

“Oils?” Lexa asked, “I hear that’s a very hard medium to work with.”

“That’s an understatement.” Clarke replied. “It takes great patience to work with oils.” I have stuff tucked away I’ve been working on for years.”

“Would you show me?” Lexa asked,

“What’s that?” Clarke asked, wanting to be sure that she heard her correctly.

“Can I see you work? Your paintings. If you’re that good with a pencil I cant imagine how you would be with a brush.” She stated, hopefully.

‘Um, yea sure.” Clarke said, a grin appearing on her lips. “I’ve never really had anyone show much interest in what I do. We’ll other than my parents.”

“Raven doesn’t encourage you?” Lexa asked, frowning slightly.

“Of course she does.” Clarke confirmed. “But I don’t really do it out in the open, I do it in my room when no one’s around and when I’m done…..i’m done. Move onto the next thing that inspires me.” She concluded.

“Wait, you don’t show your work?” Lexa asked.

“Show it? Like in a gallery?” Clarke inquired.

“Yes, absolutely in a gallery.” Lexa replied whole heartedly. “I may have never seen your brush work but I guarantee it belongs right here with the rest of these artists.”

Clarke blushed deeply at this. Again, she wasn’t good at taking compliments. Or rejection for that matter. Which is why she didn’t expose her work.

“Yea about that.” Clarke began. “I got a lot of rejection the first couple years I was out on my own. I got a few interviews and showed some curators and agents what I thought was some of my best works.” She explained dejectedly. “They didn’t think the same unfortunately. I tried several times until I decided I was tired of getting my hopes up. But, I love to do it. So I’ll keep doing it, even if it means no one gets to see it but me.”

Lexa smiled at her genuinely. “That’s a great mind frame to have Clarke. But know, they were absolutely wrong.”

“Thank you Lexa. You’re sweet.” Clarke responded.

“Aren’t I?” Lexa replied cheekily. “C’mon let’s…”

“Well would you look at this. Aren’t you two a sight to see.” A deep voice rang out among the many voices in the room.

Clarke winced immediately upon hearing the voice. She looked towards Lexa who immediately had a look of pure fury on her face and was turning to acknowledge the owner. Clarke grabbed her arm immediately and met her gaze, looking at her with a plea to calm down before turning around.

“What do you want Finn?” Clarke spat out.

“Me? Nothing. I’m here enjoying the art. Minding my own business.” He replied, standing just feet away from them. Accompanied by a dark haired woman with fine skin. She was donned in a modest blouse and slacks with simple flats.

“So go mind your business somewhere else then. I don’t want you anywhere near me. I’m sure your date here would love it if you wouldn’t stalk your ex while you’re out with her.” Clarke seethed, looking towards the woman, who stood by silently, but obviously uncomfortable.

“Look around you, Clarke.” Finn began, smirking. This is a public place. I can go when and where I please. I’ll stand inches from you if I want. This place is crowded. No one could blame me.” He finished, walking slowly towards Clarke.

Lexa jumped In between Finn and Clarke before Clarke could even register it happen.

“I suggest you back the fuck up before I make you.” Lexa said, keeping her voice low, trying not to cause a scene. Her pupils were blown wide and her nostrils flaring. She ground her nails into her palms in tight fists. She was pissed.

“And what are you going to do about it?” He asked, a disgusting grin plastered across his face.

“Finn, please, Let’s go.” The woman said, clearly concerned.

“Shut up, Ontari.” Finn snapped. Waving his hand quickly in front of the woman, causing her to flinch. “Don’t fucking tell me what to do.”

People had begun to turn their attention at this point to the scene that was unfolding. Murmurs were heard around them.

“Lexa.” Clarke whispered, trying to get her attention. Clarke placed come hand on her bicep and another on her waist tugging softly. “Lexa, come on. You can’t do anything here. Just walk away.” She begged.

Lexa stared down Finn for another few moments not making any progress in regaining her composure. She turned to meet Clarke’s gaze. Clarke was worried about her. Lexa was red in the face and her chest was heaving. She was trembling and tears shone along the corners of her eyes.

 _She’s having a panic attack._ Clarke thought. Clarke reached her hand up and grazed her palm against her cheek. Lexa’s eyes closed and her lips immediately parted at the gesture but her breathing still came and went through them in rapid succession. Clarke did the only thing she could think of;

Clarke leaned forward and captured Lexa’s lips, closing her eyes. The sensation was breathtaking. So much so that she wasn’t ashamed of the small gasp that escaped from her lungs and the audible whimper that accompanied it. Her lips fit softly yet firmly between Lexa’s. She could instantly feel the shaking that was _oh so_ present before begin to subside while simultaneously feeling Lexa’s hand capture her wrist and her lips begin to pull from hers.

 _She doesn’t want this._ Clarke thought, mortified. Clarke wanted it to be real more than anything. But she was more or less hoping Lexa would continue on with the façade they put on for Finn the last time they encountered him. Clarke tried to mentally prepare herself for the look of horror she was going to see on Lexa’s face when she opened her eyes. Just as she was about to do so, she felt a warm hand slide across her cheek, cup her ear, and tangle its finger’s in her hair. Clarke’s brows furrowed in wonderful surprise as she felt Lexa’s lips reconnect with hers, adjusting the angle and pushing more eagerly. Clark pushed right back. Clarke felt Lexa’s hand grip her wrist tightly as if grounding herself. Her breathing was ragged between kisses. Clarke knew this was not because of any panic attack. Clarke opened her eyes slightly to assess the situation only to close immediately at the sensation of Lexa’s lips meeting her’s once more. This time, sucking her bottom lip in between hers and tugging it lightly before releasing it with a quivered sigh. Clarke increased her grip on Lexa’s hip, squeezing in comfort before attempting to open her eyes yet again. The sight she was met with was jaw dropping. Lexa looked back at her with hooded eyes and her lips still parted. Her breath was still coming out labored but was steadily improving. Clarke’s breathing wasn’t much better. That had to be the best kiss of her life. It felt like a lifetime but had only been short seconds.

“Fucking dykes.” Finn spat out.

Clarke and Lexa we’re shaken rom their moment at the words. Clarke kept her firm grip on Lexa. Forcing her to keep looking at her. “No. Not him.” She told her, smiling. “Just me,”

“Hey man, that’s not cool!” Someone from the crowd spoke out.

“Yea!” Someone else said in agreeance.

“Shut up.” Finn seethed. Looking around for the voices. “That kinda of shit doesn’t need to be allowed in a public place.” He said, pointing a finger at Clarke and Lexa.

“What the fuck Finn!” A voice yelled out, accompanied by two sets of heels briskly clicking across the tiles.

“Raven!” Finn stuttered out. “Wow, you look great. You sure do clean up nice.” He added. Obviously nervous.

“Cut the shit” She seethed, walking right up to Finn and getting in his face. Anya was right behind her, arms crossed across her chest. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? Hmm?”

“Nothing, my date and I were here enjoying the gallery like any other patron when I tried to say hi to Clarke. All of sudden her and her fucking girlfriend started in on me.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” Clarke snapped. “You came up to us and threatened me.”

“Yea, with what witness?” Finn snapped back

“Me.” Lexa replied calmly.

“Yea, and who would believe you?” He snarled.

“I would.” Ontari said. Meekly.

Everyone turned to look at her. She was standing there behind Finn.

“Who asked for your opinion Ontari? Finn snapped.

“No one, especially not you. You barely let me speak. You’ve been controlling since day one. For weeks I’ve kept quiet and dressed the way you wanted. I’m sick of it.” She said, raising her chin.

“Weeks ago?” Raven asked. “Finn, your naked ass was laying on my couch after breaking and entering attempting to solicit unwanted sex from Clarke just a week ago!” Gasps could be heard from the crowd at this revelation.

“What? Are you serious Finn?!” Ontari said, slapping Finn on the shoulder.

“What? You’re going to believe these faggots?” Finn replied, pushing Ontari back, making her stumble slightly.Raven rushes to grab her arm. Helping her to stand.

“That’s it, I’m done with this. Hey!” Anya yelled out. Gesturing to two tall waiters nearby. They immediately maneuvered through the crowd towards the group.

“What the fuck is this shit.” Finn asked, stepping back.

“Finn. These fine boys are Bellamy and Murphy.” Anya replied, smirking. “Boys, say hi to Finn.”

“Oh we know each other, or at least I thought I knew him.” Bellamy replied with a glint in his eye and a smirk on his face.

“We’ll you can get reacquainted with him by escorting him out side please.” Anya ordered.

“Yes, ma’am” The boys said in unison, grabbing Finn by his arms and drug him swearing out of the door. The crowd cheered wildly at the sight.

Ontari looked towards Clarke and Lexa. “I’m so sorry. I’ve noticed things but I never thought he was this bad of a homophobe. Or sexist……or all the other types of awful he is.” She said, sighing.

“Don’t worry about it.” Clarke said, smiling. “First thing in the morning im getting a restraining order. I suggest you do the same. He’s obviously unstable.”

“Yea that sounds like a great idea.” Ontari replied. “Well, it’s been an odd night, I think I’m just going to get a cab home.” She said, gesturing towards the door.

“Jasper” Anya gestured at a nearby waiter to come to her. “Go get Ms. Ontari a cab. Make sure she gets in safely.” She instructed. Taking the platter of champagne from him and handing them out to everyone.

“Yes. Ma’am” He replied, nodding.

“Thank you.” Ontari replied graciously and waved goodbye.

There was a moment of silence between the four girls as the crowd dispersed back to the artwork and they were left to themselves once more. Each collecting themselves as they took cool sips of champagne to soothe their dry throats.

“You didn’t have to do that Anya. But thank you.” Lexa spoke. Breaking the silence.

“Hey, what’s the point of owning a catering business if you can’t use your employees for good.” She answered. Smirking widely.

Lexa smiled back at her shortly in appreciation before turning to Clarke, where her smile increased in size. “Are you ok” She asked. Her hand had made her way to Clarke’s back at this point. Clarke hand still rested on her hip.

Clarke looked up at Lexa. Her lips were still kiss swollen. Her face still flushed. She felt the butterflies moving in her stomach at the sight before responding.

 

“Never better.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has to find other sleeping arrangements.

“Never Better”

 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

The four girls stayed near to each other throughout the rest of the night. Clarke enjoyed seeing Lexa out of her element. She looked joyful and genuinely happy mingling and interacting with the group. Clarke did her best not to raise her eyebrows when the other girls attempted to critique or figure out a painting or other piece of art. They didn’t do a good job at not showing that they knew nothing of the environment.  Well, other than Raven, who heeded Clarke’s advice and called more than one work a pile of dog shit. They were currently harping over a vase when Lexa spoke up.

“If you’ll excuse me ladies...” She said. “…but I need to use the restroom.”

“Oh, I’ll go with you.” Raven offered. “I’ve been holding it forever. I didn’t know these places had bathrooms.”

“There is a big sign that says bathrooms right over there, stupid.” Clarke quipped, gesturing at the sign on the wall.

“Hey, I didn’t even bother looking. I just assumed these socialite types wouldn’t be caught dead using a public restroom so why put one in the building.” She replied, shrugging her shoulders.

“Come on, Raven.” Lexa laughed out motioning towards the bathroom.

“I’ll be right back.” Raven said to Anya, winking. “Don’t miss me too much, cheekbones.”

“I’ll try to keep it together.” Anya answered, unamused and shooing her away.  “Now go before you pee on yourself.”

Anya turned towards Clarke who was currently standing in front a painting. It was a mess of geometrical shapes and vibrant colors. “It’s complicated.” She said, leveling up beside Clarke, looking forward.

“Yea I guess you could say that.” Clarke replied cocking her head at the painting as if she were looking for something.

“I’m talking about Lexa.” Anya began, causing Clarke’s attention to turn to her. “These last few years…She hasn’t been herself. Tonight has been the happiest I’ve seen her in a very long time.”

“Oh.” Clarke answered, not wanting to pry on what Anya was getting at. She had pretended for Lexa’s sake that she was blind to what they were talking about at the beginning of the evening, but she needed to add something to the conversation. “Well she did invite me out here so it definitely was a nice surprise.” She offered.

“She hasn’t gone out with me one time I’ve asked.” Anya replied bluntly, a hint of sadness in her voice. “For a long while now.”

“I’m sure there was a reason. I mean, I get into slumps where I don’t want to do things.”  Clarke began, turning towards Anya to give her her full attention. “I mean, it honestly may be that I’m new and shiny. Or that she’s trying to cheer me up because of the crap with Finn….which unfortunately happened again tonight.” She finished, rolling her eyes.

“No…you’re special.” Anya said, looking down at her glass and swirling the liquid around mindlessly. “She hasn’t shut up about you since she met you.”

Clarke smiled a little before turning back towards the painting, trying not to let Anya see her blush.  “She’s great. I’m glad to have her for a friend.”

“But you don’t want to be JUST friends with her do you?” Anya asked, bluntly. She already knew the answer.

Clarke felt a lump form in her throat at the question. After a deep breath and a heavy sigh, she swallowed it down and answered anyways with a low but confident voice. “No.”

“Then you fight for her.” Anya answered firmly, though Clarke could swear she detected a slight crack in her voice. “Don’t you let her push you away.”

“Anya…” Clarke began, turning her gaze back to her. “…she doesn’t want a relationship right now. She made that very clear. She has these…these rules.”

“That’s bullshit.” Anya lashed out and then composed herself in the same moment.  “We saw you two! Do you always kiss people who don’t like you the way you kissed her?”

Clarke shook her head and held up her hands before responding. “You don’t understand, we were putting on for Finn. He assumed we were together just because she was trying to protect me…. I didn’t know what else to do, Anya.” She stated, dejected. “She was hyperventilating she was so upset. I had to take her mind off of him somehow and it was all I could think of at the moment.”

“Well it definitely worked. I’ve never seen my cousin so flustered.” She laughed lightly before continuing. “But if you two were faking it before, you definitely weren’t then. You can’t fake something like that.”

Clarke hummed, not knowing what else to say and growing tired of tiptoeing around. “I was so afraid she was going to pull away. I thought she was for a moment there but she surprised me and kept with it. But Anya…” She continued. “I don’t want to assume it is because she likes me because she could really have been faking it for Finn, she’s done that before.”

“Look, Clarke. I’m not going to argue with you. I know Lexa, and the woman I’ve known the past few years is not her. That Lexa…she’s broken.” Anya said before continuing. “The woman who has been so chipper the past couple weeks and the woman I saw tonight with a beautiful charismatic blonde is the real Lexa.”

Clarke smiled warmly at the compliment and listened to her intently before responding honestly. “I don’t know what I can do, Anya. I want to be with her. She’s amazing in every way. But I’m afraid if I come on too strong, she’ll run away.”

“That’s something you’re going to have to chance, Clarke.” Anya began. “The fact of the matter is she’s scared of letting anyone in. Her heart is so fragile. She pieced it back together after what happened the best she could. But, she afraid that If she does let someone in and they don’t treat her right, it will break...and she won’t be able to put it back together again.”

Clarke’s eye brows furrowed at this statement and her mouth hung ajar slightly. “Anya. What happened to he…”

“Were back bitches!” Raven proclaimed loudly, cutting her off. She was walking back up towards them with Lexa in tow.

“I see you survived.” Anya quipped.

“You know it, babe.” Raven smirked before adding. “Hey, did you all know Lexa has a shy bladder?”

“I do not!” She said, embarrassed and rubbing her neck. “You were talking to me non-stop while I was trying to go. I couldn’t concentrate!” She added blushing. “She started singing show tunes!”

“Raven leave folks alone in the bathroom!” Clarke scolded. “Not everyone had four glasses of champagne.”

“Well, then you guys need to drink more champagne.” She responded, laughing,

“I don’t think you’ve changed a bit since high school, Raven.” Anya stated, a smile crossing her face at Raven’s antics.

“Oh, I have. In more ways than one. Would you care to find out first hand?” Raven offered, smirking.

“You know…” Said Anya. “I think the three glasses I’ve had tonight along with that dress you’ve been wearing tell me that yes, yes I do want to find out.”.

“Oh no….” Clarke began, holding two fingers to her temple. “Raven, you known I busted my ass at work today, hung out with mom, and then dealt with Finn’s dumb ass again. I can’t be kept up all night to the sound of you two fucking each other’s brains out.” She finishes, waving her finger angrily between the two.

“Deal with it or get a hotel is all I have to say.” Raven answered with a smirk.

“I’ll call mom to come get me…….” Clarke groaned.

“You can stay with me.” Lexa offered, shocking Clarke.

Clarke was thrown back at the suggestion. Not because she didn’t think that Lexa was hospitable. Lord knows she was. She just didn’t expect that she would offer up her personal space to her.

“Thank you, Lexa. But she’s just joking around.” Clarke declared.

“Clarke…” Raven began. “…I’m so not joking. I’m taking Anya home and we’re going to do a lot of things to each other. Things that we haven’t been able to do because of the rushed hormonal awkwardness of high school. We’re adults now and we plan on making the most of it. If you want to be in the house for this, so be it. But just know…sheet rock is only so thick.” She concluded, looking towards Anya who then added onto the conversation.

“Yea. Sorry Clarke. We pretty much agreed to this the moment you guys walked off earlier. It’s been a long time coming.” She added, waving her hand nonchalantly.

Clarke rubbed her face in her hands trying to wash herself of the mental thought of Anya and Raven fucking in her apartment while she lay in her bed staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep due to the noise. Regaining her composure, she turned to Lexa.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose in any way.” Clarke asked.

“Yes. I’d be glad to have you. Whatever keeps this nonsense out of my apartment.” She said, gesturing disgustedly at Raven and Anya who had moved closer to each other.

“Ok. I accept. Do you mind if I borrow some more clothes?” Clarke asked shyly, trying to keep her voice down so she could speak to Lexa privately. “I hate to ask but if I don’t well have to go to my apt first and then walk to yours.”

“You are more than welcome to my wardrobe.” Lexa said. “Besides. You look better in my old soccer t-shirts than I ever did.”

Clarke couldn’t help but let her mind wander to that night when her and Lexa had swapped pictures. She had sent Lexa the sexy snap of her wearing only her boy short underwear and t-shirt Lexa had given her. Clarke figured Lexa hadn’t thought much of it, given her response, but she seems to have enjoyed it more than Clarke had assumed.

“Thank you.” Clarke answered graciously. “Are you ready to go now? I’ve seen all I’m interested in. And I’m not just talking about the artwork” She said, sticking her nose up at Anya and Raven. The latter stuck her tongue out at Clarke childishly at the remark.

“Anya. Raven.” Lexa began, gaining their attention. “Do you need a ride to the apt?”

“No, I’ve got we’ve got an Uber on the way now.” Anya answered, stroking Raven’s back.

“Well that’s good news.” Clarke interjected. “Since you’re forcing me out of my own home, we will ride with you. You can drop us off at Lexa’s before you go home.” Clarke directed at Raven.  

“Fine by us. No bitching if were 3rd baseing in the back though.” Raven stated bluntly.

“Clarke looked to Lexa, who looked back over to Clarke. “We’ll be fine. We have to be.” Clarke said to Lexa with determination and courage in her voice.

“Don’t worry.” Lexa said, smirking. “I’ve got this.”

Twenty minutes later the girls were in the Uber almost to Lexa’s home.

“You know this was a dick move you pulled.” Snipped Anya, who had her hand on her head staring out of the window.

“We’ll I had to do something to keep this from turning into Girls Gone Wild back here.” Lexa said with a smirk, from her seat. Which was right in between Anya and Raven.

“Why are you so quiet back there, Raven?” Clarke asked, turning to look to the back from the front seat, clearly amused.

“You know damn well why I’m quiet, Clarke.” Raven said smartly. “Your girlfriend cock blocked me.”

“We’re not…” Clarke started.

“She not..” Lexa began.

Both girls stopped as soon as they realized the other was speaking and made eye contact. Clarke could see the cogs moving behind Lexa’s eyes as she became uncomfortable.

“We’re not together, Raven.” Clarke said quickly, trying to put Lexa to ease. “The kiss was to piss off Finn. He thinks we’re together, remember? It didn’t mean anything.”

As soon as the last few words left her lips, she immediately regretted it. She could swear she saw a change in Lexa’s face, but only for a split second as she recovered from her slip. If Clarke was reading her right, she could almost swear Lexa was disappointed.

“First stop, ladies.” Their driver announced. Clarke was glad for the disruption.

“C’mon Lexa.” Clarke said, before opening her door. “If you don’t get out soon, they’re going to start humping each other right there on top of you.”

“Noted. Move Anya!” Lexa said firmly, nudging her cousin to hurry up so she could get out.  

“Fine, damn.” Anya replied, getting out of the car. “You’re a pushy little thing tonight. You know what would help you release some of that tension?” She asked, smiling widely before answering herself. “Some Sex. Clarke? Do you have some of that she can have?”

A choked noise escaped Clarke’s throat as looked between the two of them rapidly with her mouth hanging agape. _God, yes. I do. I have so much._ She thought to herself before attempting to stutter out a reply. “I..um..”

“Oh, my fucking god…” Lexa said to herself in disbelief, getting out of the car and then turning to Clarke. “Clarke, ignore her, please. She was dropped as a baby. Frequently at that.” She explained.

“I was not!” Anya quipped.

“How would you know? You were a baby; not like you would remember.” Lexa fired back.

“Neither would you!” Anya yelled. “I’m two years older than you, you weren’t even born!”

“Ladies, can we get moving? I’ve got another fair I need to get to after I finish up with you guys.” The driver asked from inside the car, effectively stopping their banter.

“Yes of course. Night, Lex.” Anya said. Getting back into the car.

“Yes, sorry. Thank you for the ride.” Lexa said to the driver after regaining her composure and then looking back at Anya through the window. “Have a nice night, Anya.”

 She then turned back towards Clarke. “Are you ready?”

“Yes, lets go.” Clarke replied, a little nervous but trying not to show it.

“Use condoms!” Raven yelled, hanging out the window as the car drove away.

“She’s dead to me.” Clarke said with a blank expression on her face. “It will hurt for a while, and it may leave a scar, but she’s got to go.”

Lexa laughed from her stomach. “Don’t be so dramatic.” She said. “You can’t live without her. You and I both know it.”

“You know nothing, Jon Snow.” Clarke replied.

“A Game of Thrones reference, really?” Lexa asked. Crossing her arms over her chest and raising an eyebrow.

“The current situation deems it necessary and appropriate.” Clarke quipped back, waving her hand.

“You say she’s a mess. I think she gets it from you. “Lexa replied, smiling and making her way up the steps before punching in the entry code and pushing open the door.

“I never said she didn’t.” Clarke laughed out while following Lexa through the doorway and up the stairs.

Entering the apartment Lexa shucked off her heels and winced and she walked over to hang her keys on the hook by the door. “Man, I didn’t realize how much my feet were hurting till I stepped on this hardwood after being in heels all night.”

“Don’t wear heels often I take it?” Clarke asked, taking her’s off as well and placing them neatly by the door.

“Um, no.” Lexa said bluntly. “I own more pairs of converses than anyone should, and they have many a mile in each of them.” She added.

“I have to dress business casual for work, so I wear them occasionally. Enough to be used to them at least.” Clarke offered. “Speaking of work, I don’t think you’ve ever told me what you do for a living.”

“I thought you knew? I’m a serial killer.” Lexa said, with a serious look on her face.

Clarke was caught aback by the comment. _She’s got to be joking. Right?_ She thought to herself.

Lexa laughed out loud before she could think of what to do or say next.

“Calm down, calm down!” I was kidding. Gosh, you should see your face!” She said, smiling widely.

“We’ll I mean…” Clarke began. “Not all serial killers just go and knock someone off. Some like to play with their food before they eat it. I’ve seen a way too many documentaries.” She finished, rolling her eyes.

“Well I can assure you, again, that I am not a serial killer. How would that get me income anyways?” Lexa responded. “What I do is much more boring. I’m a writer. Well a ghost writer to be specific.”

“Like that kids show back in the 90’s?” Clarke replied, furrowing her brows in confusion.

“…….no.” Lexa replied looking appalled. “I write things for people who don’t want to or don’t have the talent to write themselves.”

“Like autobiographies and memoirs?” Clarke inquired.

“Yes, exactly.” Lexa replied, surprised. “But other things too. I’ve done business memos, text for websites, pamphlets, brochures.” She listed off before adding. “Anything that needs to be written correctly and professionally. I’ve written novels for people as well.

“Wow, how do you write an entire novel for someone? Why would they want someone else to put their own creations to paper for them?” Clarke asked, disbelieving.

It’s a very detailed and time extensive process. They give me a general overall of what they have to start and we hash out details over time and I turn out a fished product.” Lexa explained. “And to answer your second question, it allows people to get their stories out in a well written way when they don’t have the talent to do so. I provide a service to people who have the talent to create but can’t put it to paper.

 “That is so great, Lexa.” Clarke said. “You don’t ever get down that you cant put your name on it when you’re done?”

“Oh no, it doesn’t bother me.” She waved, shaking her head. “I get paid a lot of money not to let it bother me.” She added, confidently.

Clarke smiled and nodded in understanding.

“Anyways, most of the time I will get credit as editor in the book.” She explained. “So, that feeds my ego well enough.”

“Understood.” Clarke responded. “But let me ask you this. Why don’t you write something of your own?”

Lexa seemed to tense up at this question. “Well uh. I started on something years ago. A novel. I just kind of lost inspiration I guess.” She began, clearing her throat. “Then you know, work just starting coming in fast and I haven’t really had the time to pick it back up again.

“You said you get paid well…” Clarke began. “…ever thought about just taking a break from work and focusing on the novel?

“No, I guess I really haven’t.” Lexa said.

“We’ll I think you should.” She said, smiling. “Some literary therapy of sorts.”

“Yea, you may be right.” Lexa replied, smiling back with a forced smile on her face.

This did not go unnoticed by Clarke so she thought it best to change the subject. As she thought about what to say next, the clock on the stove caught her attention.

“11:50!” Clarke groaned. “Oh my god I’ve got to be up at six if I’m going to get home in time to get ready for work. How did it get so late?”

“Time flies when you’re having fun.” Lexa offered, making her way to the hallway closet. There she fished out a blanket and an extra pillow and made her way back to the couch.

“Thank you.” Clarke said, reaching for the items.

“Oh, no.” Lexa replied with a confused look on her face. “These are for me; you are not sleeping on the couch. You can have my bed.”

Clarke’s stomach flipped at though, but her need to be a good guest overruled her treacherous hormones. “Lexa, I can’t kick you out of your bed. I’ll take the couch.” She said, reaching for the stuff again.

“I said, no.” Lexa said firmly, raising her eyebrows in defiance.

“Then sleep with me.” Clarke blurted out before she could stop herself.

“What?” Lexa said, obviously taken aback.

Clarke closed her eyes and shook her head to regroup herself before responding. “The bed. It’s yours. I won’t take it if it means you’re sleeping on the couch. So…we’ll share.” She explained. “If you’re comfortable with that, I mean.”

Lexa seemed to weigh the options in her head, first looking at the couch and then to the loft. “My bed is very comfortable.” She said. “And this couch…is well the couch.” She added, scoffing. “You’re not making this decision a hard one.”

“Then its settled.” Clarke said, smiling. “Now, find me some clothes.”

“And Anya says I’m pushy.” Lexa said, walking upstairs to the loft.

It didn’t take long and Lexa was back downstairs holding familiar sweat pants and a new t-shirt. She handed them to Clarke.

“This shirt is a little bigger made I think.” She offered.

“I’m sure it will be fine.” Clarke said, taking the clothes. “I’ll be right back.” She said, making her way towards the bathroom.

“Oh, there is an extra toothbrush in the cabinet if you want to brush your teeth.” Lexa said as she walked away.

“Ok that sounds great” Clarke said gratefully. “I didn’t even think about that.”

“Well… considering our series of unfortunate events tonight, I think it would have been the last thing on your mind.” Lexa laughed out, heading back up the stairs. “I’ll get changed. I’ll see you when you get out.”

“Sure.” Clarke replied. But on her way to the bathroom she realized something.

“Hey wait.” She said, capturing Lexa’s attention who turned back towards her.

Clarke turned around slowly and motioned with a hand towards her back. “Help me with my zipper?” She asked.

Clarke waited for what felt like hours before she felt Lexa’s presence behind her and it seemed even longer before she felt her long fingers weave into her hair and carefully pull it to the side to drape it over one shoulder. Clarke couldn’t keep her body from shivering involuntarily at the sensation. Goosebumps formed across her when she felt Lexa’s uneven breath dance across her skin. The zipper was pulled down slowly towards the dip in her lower back. Lexa’s fingers dragged lightly across her skin, the fabric of her bra, and then her skin again as it went. Clarke’s breath hitched at the sensation, whimpering silently when Lexa’s hands finally pulled away.

“All good.” She heard Lexa say. Holding the dress to her chest, she turned her head to look over her shoulder at Lexa. “Thank you.” She said.

“Anytime.” Lexa answered, a noticeable swallow reaching her throat. “I’ll leave you to it then.” She said, turning to head back up the stairs. Clarke smiled at the flustered woman as she walked away.

Clarke headed towards the bathroom. When she got there, she changed quickly. Lexa was right, the shirt was a little bit bigger. It wasn’t as snug in the chest. As mortified as she was the first time she was in this situation, she couldn’t help but to be disappointed that her breasts were not going to be on blatant display as they were then.

  _I need all the help I can get with this woman._ Clarke thought to herself. _At least I have an excuse to not wear a bra._

Clarke brushed her teeth quickly and then washed her face. Taking a deep breath of encouragement, she walked back to the living room.

“That was quicker than I thought.” Lexa said, coming down the stairs. She had dressed for bed as well. A ribbed tank top and what looked like men’s boxer shorts.

 _God, look at her fucking legs_. Clarke thought to herself, trying not to stare. Her eyes drifted to the boxers which were loose enough for comfort but tight enough to ignite Clarke’s center as Lexa descended. She faltered slightly in her steps when looking at Clarke. Her eyes darted over her features for a moment before smiling. “Give me a minute to go brush my teeth and I’ll show you up.”

 _She must have noticed I took off my makeup._ Clarke thought to herself. _That reaction definitely didn’t say disappointment._

Lexa was back before Clarke could think too much.

“Ready?” Lexa asked

 _No._ Clarke thought. “Yes.” She said.

“Alright, come on up.” Lexa said, walking up the stairs.

Clarke couldn’t help but look at the way Lexa’s ass flexed under the boxers; this did nothing but add fuel to the fire that was burning between her legs.

“Alright, this is it.” Lexa said glancing around the loft once they reached the top. It was minimally furnished with just a few decorations. “It’s nothing special, but that bed is comfortable as hell.” She added, pointing.

“And I cannot wait…” Clarke began, making her way towards it. “… because I need six hours of pure uninterrupted sleep to make it through tomorrow.”

Lexa laughed before asking. “So, I don’t know if it matters, but is there a side you prefer?”

“I usually sleep on the right.” Clarke replied.

“That’s convenient, I take the left.” Lexa said, smiling making her way towards her side of the bed. Clarke followed suite and went towards the right.

“Ah well, good night then I suppose.” Lexa offered. The nerves in her voice her obvious.

“What?” Clarke asked. Pulling back the comforter and laying down on her side.

“Nothing, I just haven’t had anyone else in my bed in a long time.” Lexa said, nervously rubbing her neck. “I don’t know if I will be able to stay on my side. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Are you normally on the other side of the bed when you wake?” Clarke asked, sitting up and resting her head on her elbow to look at Lexa.

“No, not usually.” Lexa replied.                    

“Then I’m sure tonight will be no different.” Clarke offered. “Plus, even if you did, I wouldn’t mind.”

Clarke realized what she said after she said it. She really needed to stop saying whatever came to her mind.

“I mean. Its your bed and all.” Clarke explained quickly, trying to cover her mistake. “You were gracious enough to share. I wouldn’t complain about something so miniscule. Ok?”

Lexa seemed to accept this but Clarke could tell she was still nervous.

“Get in the bed or I’m sleeping on the couch.” She threatened, trying to sound serious. “And you’ll feel like a piece of shit for letting me sleep there when I wake up with a crick in my neck.” She added, squinting her eyes at Lexa and fighting the smile that was trying to cross her face.

“Ok, ok, ok.” Lexa replied, getting under the covers and laying on her back. Nerves still on display. “You don’t have to play dirty you know.” She scoffed.

“I had no choice.” She replied, smirking.

Lexa was inches way from Clarke right now. Her center throbbed as if it knew that relief was that close by but Clarke knew she couldn’t do anything about it. At least not tonight. She would fuck Lexa senseless, or attempt to at least, at the first opportunity Lexa gave her. But, it had to be Lexa who presented it. Clarke didn’t want to risk losing the friendship she had with Lexa by over stepping and scaring her off. Regardless of everything, there was no proof Lexa was interested in her romantically. Every look, every touch, and every comment could just be her projecting her own feelings and seeing things that weren’t really there. Even as good as that kiss was, no, as great as it was, it very well could have been for show, no matter what Anya said. So, Clarke reluctantly lowered her arm, laid her head on the pillows, and pulled the blankets up towards her chest.

“Good night Lexa.” Clarke said, getting comfortable, still on her side, still facing Lexa. Her eyes were getting heavy already. “I had a really good time tonight, despite everything.”

Lexa turned her head to look at Clarke. A small smile appeared on her face. “I had a really good time too Clarke.” She said. “Sleep well.”

There was no response from Clarke, having already found sleep.

 

 

 

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hey guys! Here's Links to the dresses I used for inspiration for the girls.

[Anya's Dress](https://www.dropbox.com/s/daqwf15kq3hmmqn/Anya.jpg?dl=0)

[Clarke's Dress](https://www.dropbox.com/s/foli1hx3w7uf7bv/clarke.PNG?dl=0)

[Lexa's Dress](https://www.dropbox.com/s/8cgz3q5g2ey56cn/Lexa.PNG?dl=0)

[Raven's Dress](https://www.dropbox.com/s/9cai2tubd5fbqr9/Raven.PNG?dl=0)

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke goes all in

“Please.”

 

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Clarke stirred in her sleep. Her eyes fluttering at a first indistinct sound meeting her ears. Her body naturally tried to return to sleep, as the light outside told her that it was still much too early to wake. She snuggled further into the pillow in her still mostly asleep state about to drift off again when her wits came to her abruptly as ears focused on the pleas of the woman next to her.

“Please. Let me see her.” Lexa cried out softly, her voice cracked with emotion.

Clarke sat up in bed instantly. She has turned over in her sleep and was facing away from Lexa. She looked over to Find Lexa who was had turned sometime during the night and was now on her side facing away from her. The blanket was drawn past her waist and was haphazard. She was turned in on herself and her body was shaking softly with almost silent sobs.

Clarke’s heart broke for Lexa. Her mind went back to the conversation Anya had had back with her just the night before. She couldn’t begin to phantom what Lexa has endured to make her suffer so. She wanted nothing more than to comfort her and take all of her pain away. So, moving gently so as not to startle her, Clarke turned over. Pulling up the blankets so as to not disturb Lexa more, Clarke shifted across the bed until she was mirroring Lexa’s position, mere inches away from her. She could feel the trembles radiate through the mattress as they racked Lexa’s body. Clarke propped her head up on her elbow, giving her a clear view of Lexa’s features. Tears streamed down her face as a range of emotions came and went across it. Clarke resolved herself to rouse the troubled woman and raised her arm to place a tentative hand on Lexa’s bicep, skating gentle fingers across the smooth skin before resting her palm there to squeeze tenderly.

“Lexa.” Clarke said softly, attempting to wake the sleeping girl.

“God, I’m begging you, please! I won’t come to the funeral, let me just see her before you take her!” Lexa cried out. She was tensing up and sobs escaped her more vocally now. Her eyes remained closed though Clarke could see them moving rapidly behind their lids. Her hands opened and closed as if trying to grasp for something.

Clarke inhaled a deep breath at the sight. It was frightening to watch. The woman was obviously tormented. Clarke could feel tears of her own spilling down her cheeks without warning. Clarke knew it was against all the rules but she didn’t care. What rules or who’s rules she didn’t know, and she didn’t care. Without wasting another moment, she slid up against Lexa as close as she could. Running one arm under Lexa’s shoulder and the other over her waist she intertwined Lexa’s fingers in hers and pulled them inward towards Lexa’s chest, hugging her as firmly as she could. Clarke intertwined her legs with Lexa’s the best she could while burying her chin into Lexa’s neck. She tried to will her own tears to relent so that the cracking in her own voice would stop while she whispered hushed shhs into Lexa’s ear.

“Nia, I love her…. don’t do this.” Lexa continued in between choked sobs, tears still coming in waves down her face.

 

“C’mon Lexa. Wake up, beautiful.” Clarke pleaded a little more forcefully, burying her face into Lexa’s neck and letting out a ragged sigh. “Please.”

Lexa stirred slightly against her. Her sobs stuttered as she inhaled sharply and her breathing began to even out. Her fingers squeezed tightly around Clarke’s.

“Lexa?” Clarke asked, curious as to if the woman had awoken or not.  When she didn’t get an answer, she laid her chin back down on Lexa’s shoulder and pressed her cheek against her. “I wish I knew how to help you.” She whispered softly untangling one of her hands from Lexa’s. She gently wiped at Lexa’s cheeks the best she could, brushing drying tears away with her knuckles and gathering strands of rogue hair and moving them off and away from her face, tucking them behind her ear and leaving her hand resting there. “Wake up, sleepy head.” Clarke said again, closing her eyes and pressing her lips to Lexa’s temple.

“Clarke?”

Clarke opened her eyes quickly and lifted her head to look down at Lexa. “Hey, you.” She said, squeezing the hand she still had her fingers laced in.

“What’s going on?” Lexa asked, looking down at their interlocked fingers before turning her head to look at Clarke.

Clarke noticed Lexa looking at their hands and suddenly realized the compromising position Lexa had awoken and found Clarke in. She was practically on top of her and the woman had no idea why.

“This isn’t what it looks like.” Clarke began, immediately trying to pull herself away from Lexa. “You were having a nightmare. I was trying to wake you or comfort you or…I just… I don’t know.” She stuttered out, utterly embarrassed. “You were crying, and talking in your sleep, I was trying to help….”

“Clarke.” Lexa said. Grabbing hold to Clarke’s hand and turning over, still in her arms, but now facing her. “Calm down.” She said, looking into Clarke’s eyes. She said it coolly and assuredly but with little expression on her face.  This made Clarke’s heart jump in her chest.  They were so close to each other. Clarke tried to concentrate to make her heart stop pounding. There was no way Lexa didn’t notice it.

“Are you ok?” Clarke asked. “I mean; how do you feel. It seemed to be a pretty intense nightmare.” Clarke asked, concern apparent on her face.

“Yea, my head hurts a little. It does that when I cry.” Lexa began. “I’m sorry you had to see that, I haven’t had one in a really long time. I could have slept on the couch if I could have known.” She concluded, looking shameful.

Clarke smiled at Lexa before replying. “No, you wouldn’t have. I wouldn’t have let you.” Clarke half said, half whispered. Her voice coming out gravelly and full of intent.

Lexa smiled back at Clarke appreciatively, adjusting herself more comfortably into her pillows but still holding Clarke’s hand. “Now who’s my hero?” Lexa said jokingly. “I help you, you help me. I guess that’s our thing, huh?”

Clarke hummed in response, looking at Lexa for a moment before asking. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Lexa tensed a little and her smile faltered momentarily before replying. Clarke could tell she was weighting her options.

“Can I take a rain check on that?” Lexa asked softly, with a hint of desperation in her voice.

“Sure. I’m here if you ever want to talk.” Clarke replied, squeezing Lexa’s hand.

“Thank you.” Lexa said. Looking at Clarke gratefully.

Lexa looked at her almost adoringly. It made Clarke’s stomach do flips. She couldn’t help but let her mind wander to what it would be like to wake up like every day. To wake up, entwined with this beautiful goddess who was looking at Clarke like Clarke looked at her. She could see herself doing it every day until the end of their days and never tiring of it.

“What are you thinking about.?” Lexa asked, breaking Clarke from her thoughts. Looking into the forest that were her eyes made the idea of lying to Lexa incomprehensible.

“You.” She answered, quietly and under her breath.

“Me?” Lexa questioned with a slight chuckle in her voice. “What a waste of time. Why would you want to do something like that?”

Clarke could tell that Lexa was deflecting, but Clarke was tired of fighting her feelings. She was going to take the chance Anya said she needed to. To take the chance she wanted to.

“Because you’re you.” She replied, swallowing nervously and playing with Lexa’s fingers subconsciously. Lexa turned per palm up, almost encouraging her to do so.

Lexa looked at Clarke for a moment in silence before looking away shyly. “I’m no one special, Clarke.” She replied, still not making eye contact. “I’m just here trying to survive like every else.”

Clarke nervously brought her hand up to Lexa’s face to cradle her chin. She gently pulled it towards her so that she would look at her. She then turned it over and ran the back of it across her cheek and around her ear, tucking in loose strands of hair along the way. Clarke hoped Lexa felt the trembles that flowed through her. She wanted Lexa to know desperately how she made her feel. Clarke smiled at her warmly, her hand finishing its journey to rest on the back of Lexa’s neck.

“Maybe life should be about more than just surviving.” Clarke asked nervously, her eyes slowing moving from Lexa’s, to her lips, and back to her eyes. “Don’t we deserve better than that?” 

Clarke could see Lexa’s lips part just a fraction as she watched Clarke’s eyes glance over her features before she responded.

“Maybe we do.” She said, accompanied by a nervous swallow.

Clarke’s heart was racing a mile a minute and her breaths were coming out in soft puffs. The trembles that wracked her almost hurt. If she was going to leap, it had to be now. Clarke firmly gripped Lexa’s neck before leaning in. She closed the short distance between the two of them and nose ran up against Lexa’s. Softly, sweetly, tentatively. She could feel Lexa’s breath against her lips as the tortuous moments continued. Clarke didn’t want to rush this. She didn’t want to full on attack the girl and smother her. Lexa was so breakable and Clarke was determined to be gentle.

“Is this ok?” Clarke asked softly, with an obvious quiver in her voice. Her lips brushed lightly against Lexa’s as she spoke. Clarke felt her heart clench in her chest at the sensation, bringing back memories of the night before when she had several agonizingly short moments where she was able to savor the feel and addictive taste of Lexa’s lips.

Clarke could feel Lexa shake as she began to speak. “Ye…

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!    BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Lexa jerked away from Clarke as if she had touched fire, rolling over to her back and running her hand through her hair nervously. Her face was a mess of emotions and Clarke couldn’t tell what had happened. There was no way it was six yet. She rolled over to the night stand to grab her phone to shut it up and to her dismay, it was indeed six. She couldn’t end things like this.

“Lexa I…” She began, rolling back over to face Lexa, reaching for her hand that was crossed over her stomach now. She had made distance between herself and Clarke. Clarke couldn’t pretend it didn’t hurt to see that she had done so. As soon as her fingers touched Lexa’s hand though, she sat up immediately.

“Um.” Lexa began, clearing her throat. “Didn’t you say you had to leave at six if you were going to get to work on time?”

Clarke looked at her disbelievingly, having sat up leaning on her elbow. “It’s fine, Lexa.” She said firmly. “I can be a few minutes late. Come back to bed, I’d really like to talk about what just happened.” She said smiling nervously and patting the bed. “You freaked out on me there.”

“Nothing happened.” Lexa answered coldly, not meeting Clarke’s eyes.

“…. what?” Clarke responded, the air rushing out of her lungs in shock and disappointment.

“We drank last night…our emotions were running high from everything....” Lexa rambled nervously.

“Lexa, we both had two glasses of cheap champagne more than 8 or 10 hours ago! We are not drunk!” Clarke exclaimed.

“I never said drunk…” Lexa replied cautiously, not trying to anger Clarke anymore than she was.

“Then what Lexa?” Clarke snapped, jumping out of the bed, grabbing her phone. “So inebriated that I’m imagining how I’ve felt about you since the moment I met you?”

Lexa stood there with a shocked looked on her face, unable to reply, fidgeting with her fingers.

“I’ve been drunk a long fucking time huh?” Clarke snipped, jogging down the stairs of the loft.

“Clarke wait, please.” Lexa pleaded, following her.

“No, you don’t get to completely trash my feelings and then expect me to just stop and listen to you when you want to talk.” Clarke replied, walking about the apartment and grabbing up her things angrily.”

“Clarke please just let me speak” Lexa began. “I’m sorry I reacted that way.”

Clarke stopped in her tracks at this and then walked up to Lexa briskly, startling the girl before speaking. “Did you honestly not know how I felt about you until now?” Clarke asked, trying to keep the tears from breaking free, the tremble apparent in her voice.

“I…I don’t know.” Lexa said, holding her hands up. “I couldn’t tell if it was real or not between all of the Finn stuff.”

“Well it was, it’s always been. I’ve been holding it all in best I could until last night.” Clarke answered, still seething. “Because I respected you and your…your rules.” She added, motioning angrily up and down Lexa. “Well I did, until Anya confirmed to me what I’ve been seeing this whole time.”

Lexa brought her hands up to her face and rubbed them at this last statement and then brought them to her hips before asking sarcastically. “Anya? Yea? And what did Anya have to say?”

“She said you’re hurting, Lexa” Clarke responded, wholeheartedly. “That you are a shell of the person you used to be.”

Lexa scoffed out loud at this running her hand through her hair. “Anya. Anya who has to butt into everyone’s lives who don’t ask her to.”

“No Lexa!” Clarke exclaimed. “Anya who loves you! Anya who told me that you need someone to bring you back because you aren’t going to do it on your own. Lord knows it’s true. Four years Lexa?”

“So, I suppose she told you everything then, yea?” Lexa asked angrily.

“No, she didn’t” Clarke answered, folding her arms over her chest. “All she said was that your heart was broken and you were afraid to let anyone near it again.”

“Well, I’m so glad you and Anya have gotten to be such good friends.” Lexa snipped. “But you know what, you have no clue what I’ve been through and I don’t need some bi-curious straight girl trying to save me.”

The look on Lexa’s face as soon as the words left her mouth was one of pure horror and regret. She immediately reached out toward Clarke.

“Don’t. Fucking. Touch. Me..” Clarke reeled out, stepping back quickly and away from Lexa. She couldn’t cover up the hurt that was plastered across her face. Grabbing her shoes from the entry way she made towards the door and hastily unlocked and opened it.

“Clarke, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it. I’m emotional! Please! I would never think that of you!” Lexa pleaded, falling to her knees with tears running down her face. “I can’t lose you!”

Clarke stood at the door momentarily, not looking back. She knew that if she did, her resolve would break and she would go back into the apartment and back into the arms of the girl that had just so brutally rejected her.

“I need time.” Clarke responded with a broken sob as she walked out the door and out on Lexa.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven's point of view.

“I need some time.”

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Raven’s POV

“Oh my god.” Raven cried out, grinding her hips against Anya face. “Keep going, keep going….mmmm.”

Anya sucked her clit into her mouth, probing it with her tongue as she did so. Her fingers pounded furiously into Raven, trying desperately to bring to her second orgasm of the morning.

“You like that?” Anya asked with slight cockiness in her voice and raising up from Raven’s clit momentarily, only to dive back down and suck it back into her mouth.

“Ahhh!” Raven yelled out in pleasure. It was amazing what Anya was doing to her, she hasn’t had anyone make her feel like this is forever. Regardless though, she wasn’t into dom talk. Anya had said a few thing things here and there during the night that had suggested that she was into that kinda thing. Raven didn’t mind working up to it though, if it meant getting fucked like this on the regular. For sure she was one for trying new things, but now was not the time.

 “Shut up and fuck me.” Raven said, grabbing Anya’s hair and forcing her face harder into her center.

“As you wish.” Anya said eagerly, diving back in and sucking on Raven’s clit particularly hard while massaging it with her tongue. She then grabbed Raven’s hips, held onto her as hard as she could, and thrust into her with all she had.

“Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!” Raven half moaned, half screamed in between thrusts before hearing something she couldn’t quite make out between the sounds of her voice, her pussy being wrecked, and Anya’s pants.

“Anya..wait..wait.” Raven said.” Pushing against Anya’s head, making her cease her movements.

“What is it? Did I do something wrong?” Anya asked, concerned.

“No, I heard something.” Raven said, panting and running her hands through her hair. “Did you?”

“No, you’re crazy.” Anya said, trying to dive back into Raven’s center before a loud noise stopped her.

“You heard it?” Raven asked, sitting up quickly. “Sounded like the door.”

“Yea.” Anya said, jumping up and digging through Raven’s dresser. Finding a shirt and shorts, she threw them on and proceeded out Raven’s door without hesitation.

“My night in shining armor.” Raven giggled, watching Anya walk out the door before pulling the comforters over herself.

A couple  minutes later Anya returned to her room. Raven hadn’t realized it had even been that long. Anya sat down on the bed and looked toward her. Raven immediately made to pull Anya towards her before Anya put her hand on her chest, stopping her. Raven raised her eyebrow in confusion.

“It’s Clarke.” Anya said, with a sad look in her eye. “She needs you.”

Raven jumped up immediately. She grabbed a pair of panties out of the dresser, threw them on hurriedly and grabbed an oversized t-shirt off the post of the bed. She slipped it on as she walked out of the bedroom, walking briskly towards the living room.

When Raven reached the living room, she saw Clarke, sitting there on the couch, looking terrible. She was disheveled. Her hair was obviously unbrushed and her clothes were slept in. Raven’s gaze couldn’t help looking down towards Clarke’s usually pristine feet, which were dirty. She was barefoot.

“Clarke,” Raven began, sitting down on the couch next to her. “…what happened?”

Clarke sat there motionless for a few moments. She just stared ahead and out the window, as if she hadn’t heard Raven. Raven was about to speak again when all of a sudden Clarke’s features broke out into a horrible look of sadness and tears began to roll down her cheeks. Her broke as her breath hitched in her chest.

“Oh no, Clarke. No….” Raven said, wrapping her arms around her friend and pulling her to her chest. Clarke sobbed heavily. Raven could feel her tears soaking the material of her t-shirt, but she didn’t care. She was going to let Clarke cry it out as much as she wanted. She needed it. Clarke fisted her hand in Raven’s shirt and wrapped her arm around her waist as Raven ran her hand in soothing circles around her back.

“She doesn’t want me.” Raven heard Clarke say, cracked and muffled.

“What!?” Raven said, a louder than she intended, before calming her voice, “I mean, no, Clarke, that’s ridiculous, of course she doe does. A blind person could see she’s into you. Even Anya says so.”

Clarke sat up, wiping her eyes and her face with her hands the best she could. “Oh yea?” She laughed out sarcastically. “Then tell me why she just rejected me and then told me I wasn’t even bisexual.”

Raven look up at her in disbelief. “Clarke…I don’t know what to say.” She began. “While that fucking sucks, I really would like to think there is more to the story than it being so cut and dry.”

“Of course, it’s not Raven.” Clarke said, leaning back on the couch and putting her hand to her forehead. “But that was the outcome.

“So…what the hell happened?” Raven asked.

“I was comforting her.” Clarke said. “She had a nightmare and I comforted her best I could. When she woke up, we were really close and we got to talking and then next thing you know we’re almost kissing. I even asked her if it was ok. She was literally about to say yes when my alarm interrupted us.” Clarke concluded.

“So…how do you go from almost kissing to being rejected?” Raven asked. “It doesn’t make sense.”

“Exactly!” Clarke yelled, getting up from the couch to grab a box of tissues on the bar. Tears were welling up in her eyes once again. “I mean, as soon, AS SOON, as I cut the alarm off and reached back for her she pulled away from me, telling me I needed to get to work. I asked her to talk to me about it and she cut me off, saying nothing had happened.”

“Nothing happened?” Raven asked, astonished. “Was she not here for last night, just then, while were talking about it, the last two weeks?

“I guess not…” Clarke said angrily, dabbing her eyes with a tissue and leaning against the bar.

“Well what did you do.” Raven asked.

“I got pissed obviously. I mean…I probably shouldn’t have, but I did.” Clarke began. “She knew how I felt for the most part right before we were going to kiss and she treated my feelings like they were nothing. I put myself out there to her and she pretended like it never happened.” Clarke scoffed out. “Can you belief she tried to blame everything that happened on the drinks we had last night?”

“Last night?” Raven asked, her eyebrow raised. “As in nearly half a day ago last night? You guys barely drank.”

“I know!” Clarke exclaimed. “That’s what I said. She also said our emotions were running high from the shit with Finn too.”

“Geez, Lexa is doing anything she can to get away from you.” Raven said sadly. “You know its not because she doesn’t like you, she’s trying to protect herself.”

“God, I know Raven, but did she have to be so heartless?” Clarke sobbed out, new tears flowing from her eyes. “I told her straight up how I felt after I went to leave. She was standing there stupidly. I really don’t think she knows the extent of how much I like her. It makes sense now that I’m talking about it.” Clarke scoffed, holding her hands up. “It’s only been a couple weeks for Christ’s sake, I’m such a fucking loser for caring so much about someone I just met. No to mention she’s had to save me not once, but fucking twice from my stalker ex-boyfriend. No wonder she’s rejecting me.”

“No, Clarke. You are not a loser. The heart wants what the heart wants.” Raven stated assuredly, walking over to Clarke. “There are words like soulmates and phrases like love at first sight for a reason. The sentiment and ideas of them may be so diluted these days that no one believes it anymore but it doesn’t make them any less real.” Raven said, smiling and rubbing Clarke’s arms. “Now, I don’t know if you and Lexa are soulmates but if I ever saw two people who were perfect for each other, it’s you idiots.”

“I want to believe you, Raven.” Clarke said, smiling weakly between her tears, which had fortunately slowed. “But why would she accuse me of just wanting her to experiment with? I opened up to her about my feelings about being bisexual and she was so open and informative. But then she gets angry today and accuses me of being straight.”

Raven looked at her in confusion. “Angry? What made her angry.”

“Anya came to me last night while you guys were in the bathroom.” Clarke explained. “She told me that I needed to take the chance with Lexa. She said all this stuff about Lexa being heartbroken and not herself and she needed someone to help her get through it.”

“Hand-picked by Anya, you should be honored.” Raven said, smirking.

“Yea, I know right?” Clarke laughed out begore signing sadly. “Unfortunately, Lexa didn’t take to kindly to Anya’s unsolicited advice and she got pretty mad. Said she needed to pretty much stay out of where she wasn’t wanted. We did a little back and forth and that’s when straight girl comment came out.”

“Oh Clarke,” Raven said. “It was cruel, but you have to forgive her. She was not in her right mind that’s obvious. I mean, we’ve all said some things to people when we’re worked up.” Raven added before rolling her eyes and tipping her head. “This just happened to be really really...really shitty.”

“I’ve already forgiven her Rae.” Clarke said, wiping her eyes. Her lips quivering as a sign of a new wave of tears to come. “I just want to help her, you know? Even if she never wants to be with me, I want to help her over come all this grief that’s keeping her from truly living.”

“I know, babe.” Raven said, grabbing Clarke and pulling her into a quick hug. “I’m sure she’ll come around and she’ll open up to you. Maybe you can convince her to get some counseling or something? “

“Yea, maybe.” Clarke said, before adding. “If I ever see her again. You don’t understand how bad things got.”

“I could imagine.” Raven offered. “But you know what? I guarantee Lexa is regretting what happened this morning.”

“I know she is, as soon as she said it, she was on her knees apologizing for it.” Clarke said bluntly.

“Oh wow. What did you do? Raven asked.

“I left.” Clarke said. “I had to...it hurt too much. I told her I needed time.”

“Clarke, I’m not going to lie.” Raven began. “This whole situation really sucks. But you have to be strong, Lexa needs you to be strong for her. Don’t doubt yourself already with this one hiccup in the road.”

“I know.” Clarke said. “Anya told me I was going to have a fight on my hands.”

“Is she worth fighting for?’ Raven asked, a look of seriousness on her face.

“Yes, of course she is.” Clarke said firmly. “I’ve never met someone I like so much in such a short amount of time. She is perfect in every way. Well…other than talking about her emotions of course.”

“Well, I don’t know what we can do to get her to do that.” Raven said dejectedly. “I don’t know what she went though to make her so closed off but it had to be some rough shit.”

“She was talking in her sleep when she was having the nightmare.” Clarke offered. “She was saying things like “don’t take her.” and “please let me see her.”

“Oh wow, any idea what it could be about?” Raven asked.

“Only thing I can think about would be Costia.” Clarke said. “She died. But why would Lexa not be allowed to see her after it happened?”

“Yea that doesn’t make sense.” Raven said. “If they were as good of friends as you say they were.

“She said someone’s name while she was dreaming.” Clarke said. “Nia.”

“Has Lexa ever mentioned her?” Raven asked.

“No. Not that I know of.” Clarke said, shaking her head.

“Nia was Costia’s mother.” Anya said, walking into the room.  “I’m sorry, I wasn’t eavesdropping. These walls are as thin as Raven said they were. It’s good you weren’t here last night.”

“Its ok.” Clarke said, unable to hold back a smile. “Not like its something you weren’t going to hear at some point anyways. Lexa is pretty mad with you.”

“What’s new.” Anya replied, rolling her eyes.

“So Costia’s mother, eh? Raven said. “She have something against Lexa?”

“She had a lot of things against Lexa, unfortunately.” Anya said, holding her hands up.

“Anya, what exactly happened to Lexa?” Clarke asked. “I think it would help me if I actually knew how to help her.”

“I can’t tell you that, Clarke.” Anya said, a look of sadness of her face. “I want to tell you, I do. But Lexa would never forgive me if I told you. I’ve done enough damage by telling you what I have.”

“You’re just trying to help her.” Clarke exclaimed. “She shouldn’t hold that against you.”

“Yea well, she doesn’t see it that way.” Anya stated, rubbing her forehead. “She doesn’t understand that all wounds can’t heal on their own. She didn’t get a scratch; she got a hole blown in her fucking chest. She just won’t accept the help.”

Raven looked around the room exhausted. “Well what do we do now. Lexa is obviously a mess. Clarke ran out of there this morning without bothering to put on shoes.” She said, pointing at Clarke’s feet. “Lord knows what she’s doing over there now. She’s not going to do anything stupid is she?” Raven asked suddenly, looking at Anya. Clarke looked immediately at Anya as well at the question.

“No, no. don’t worry.” Anya said, holding up her hands. “Lexa wouldn’t do that, trust me. She’s always been a big mental health advocate. She doesn’t believe in self harm.”

Raven saw Clarke’s face relax and a breath leave her lungs at the answer. It hurt Raven to see Clarke so worried for Lexa.

“I’ll head over there in a little while to check on her.” Anya said. “I don’t know if she’ll want to see me, but ill at least try.”

Clarke’s phone chimed just then. She made to grab it and checked it. “It’s Lexa.” She said, running her hand through her hair. “She’s asking if I’m ok.”

Raven looked at her, noticing the struggle Clarke was having with herself. “You’re not ready to talk to her, are you?”

“No, I’m not.” Clarke said. “I want to badly to just give in and run back over there and say everything is alright and forget it all happened.”

“But you know that’s not what needs to happen to help Lexa.” Raven half said, half asked.

Clarke nodded slowly.

“Anya.” Raven said. “Will you text Lexa and tell her that Clarke is home and ok but she isn’t ready to talk. And to please give her the time she asked for.”

“Will do.” Anya replied, grabbing her phone off of the counter.

“I’m sorry if I interrupted you guys this morning.” Clarke said. “I intended to shower and get ready at Lexa’s and just change really quick when I got here and then head onto work. I wouldn’t have been here five minutes. You probably wouldn’t have even noticed I was here.”

“Oh no it’s alright.” Nothing’s more important that you right now. Raven said, smiling warmly. “Speaking of work are you going to go or do you need to stay home? You did have a pretty rough morning.”

“No, I’ll go.” Clarke said. “It will help me keep my mind off of things. I’ll just call and let them know Ill be a little late. Plus I’ve got to go to the police station at lunch to file the restraining order against Finn.”

“Will you have time for that at lunch?” Raven inquired.

“Yea, its just an application thing at this point, it’s got to get looked at by a judge before anything happens. They’ll give me a court date for a hearing once I submit the forms.”

“Is it pretty quick? Raven asked.

“Hopefully.” Said Clarke.

“Alright, but are you sure?” Raven said. “I’m off today. We can do that, get ice cream, order Thai, and play Netflix roulette.”

“You lost me at Netflix roulette.” Clarke said, laughing while walking down the hall to her room. “I gotta get in the shower. Love you Rae.”

“Love you, Clarke.” Raven replied.

Anya walked back up to Raven and leaned back on the back of the couch. “Ok, I texted her.”

“Did she reply?” Raven asked.

“Well it popped up a bunch as if she was going to but she never did.” Anya explained. “I don’t know if she’s upset Clarke wasn’t the one who texted her or if its that she doesn’t want to talk to me.” She added, dejectedly.

“It’ll all work out babe, Lexa loves you.” Raven said.

“Did you just call me babe?” Anya said, raising her eyebrow.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to say that...forget it.” Raven stuttered out, her eyes showing obvious shock at her slip.

Anya grabbed Raven by the waist and pulled her forcefully against her, making her straddle one of her legs. “What if I don’t want to forget it.” She said, brushing her lips again Raven’s ear and sucking the lobe into her mouth softly.

“Oh….my…god.” Raven moaned out uncontrollably. Her hips jogged seemingly on their own. “Ok. Ok. I’ll say it whenever you want.”

“Good girl.” Anya said, kissing down Raven’s neck and running her hands under her t-shirt. Sliding her fingers under the material of Raven’s panties she proceeded to grip Raven’s ass firmly and grind her center into her muscled thigh.

 _Oh god she’s going to kill me._ Raven though to herself. _How is it possible to be this turned on by someone?_

“Anya.” Raven said, gasping and gripping at Anya’s shoulders. “What about Clarke? She could walk in.”

“She’s in the shower. I hear it running.” Anya said, breathing hard into Raven’s ear.”

“We don’t have time.” Raven said, though she continued to piston her hips against Anya thigh.

“We have plenty of time.” Anya said, moving her hands up to the waistband of Raven’s panties.

Before Raven could protest, Anya gripped her panties firmly, ripped them open, and pulled the ruined fabric from between Raven’s legs. The fabric roughly abrased her clit as it was pulled through forcefully. This caused a moan to rip from Raven’s throat and a gush of wetness to pour from her center and onto Anya’s thigh.

“Ahhh.” Raven moaned, biting through the material on Anya’s shoulder and into the meat it covered.

Anya sucked in a breath at the pain but her efforts didn’t cease. She continued on, grabbing Raven’s ass with one hand and snaking the other around her back and up over her shoulder. Bearing down with her hand she began furiously gliding Raven’s center over and over again on her leg, bouncing up on her toes in time, making her thigh bump against Raven’s clit at every stroke.

“I can feel how wet you are, Raven” Anya panted into her ear, gripping her ass and shoulder so hard she was definitely going to leave bruises. “Do I make you wet?”

Raven’s center clenched at Anya’s words. “Yes, god yes.”  She answered; her orgasm already close.

“Are you going to come for me?” Anya said, her tongue running along Raven’s neck.

“Yes. So close. So close.” Raven managed to get out. Her senses were going crazy.

“Then do it.” Anya commanded, letting go of Raven’s shoulder and pulling up the front of Raven’s shirt. She grabbed hold of Raven’s right breast and roughly entered it into her mouth, sucking hard. She lavished it messily with her tongue and nipped it gently.

Raven broke. Her orgasm washed over her and her hips began to falter in their movements, falling out of time. “I’m coming, I’m coming. Oh god, Anya…. I’m coming.” She cried out in as loud of a whisper as she could manage. Her face was a mix of pleasure and pain as her mouth was open and her eye brows furrowed inward as she waded through the intense sensations of her orgasm.

Anya’s mouth had let go of her breast at this point, but she was slowly kneading and massaging it throughout the course of Raven’s orgasm. Her hand was still on her ass, helping her hips move even as they slowed. Raven couldn’t help but notice the look of awe that was present on Anya’s face as she watched her come down. Raven smiled the best she could at Anya as she rode the last waves of her orgasm. Little shockwaves ran though her, causing her body to shake. Anya moved her hand from her breast and allowed her shirt to fall back down. Raven leaned forward and placed her hands on either side of Anya’s face and kissed her deeply, both girls probing each other mouth with their tongues. After a few moments of just relishing in the presence of each other Raven heard the shower turn off in the bathroom.

“See.” Anya said, smiling. “Told you we had enough time.”

“Shut up.” Raven said, smacking her shoulder and standing up. Her legs felt like jellow but she managed. She smoothed down her shirt and looked around for her ruined panties. Spotting them, she picked them up and held them out to Anya. “These were some of my favorite.” She scolded.

“And now you’ll always have good memories when you think of them.” Anya said, smirking.

“Whatever. You’re so full of yourself, you know that.?” Raven laughed, walking over to the trash and depositing the underwear in it.

“Are you not the one who just had a Grade A orgasm in less than five minutes?” Anya asked, sarcastically, looking around. “Or was I with someone else and didn’t know it.”

“My cum on your thigh is the answer to your question.” Raven said, smirking and crossing her arms over her chest.

“That it is.” Anya said, skating her fingers along her thigh and then bringing them to her mouth. “Mmmm.” She said, closing her eyes and licking her lips. “Now why can’t you be as sweet as you taste?”

“I don’t’ know babe.” Raven answered innocently.” But what I do know is, is that I can be very prudish and celibate if necessary.” Raven threatened, smiling with all her teeth and leaning against the bar.

“No no, please. I’ll be good. I’ll be good.” Anya pouted, running over to Raven and hugging her waist awkwardly.

“Get off me.” Raven laughed, feigning annoyance and playfully beating on Anya’s back.

“Only if you promise that you didn’t mean the last thing you said.” Anya said, attempting compromise.

“Oh, I meant it.” Raven said, waving her hand. “But on the other hand, I’m not stupid. I have needs. Why would I hold out on myself?” She laughed out.

“This is true.” Anya replied, raising her eyebrows and nodding her head in agreement.

Clarke entered the room putting an earring in her ear and completely obvious to the actions that just took place. “Raven do you know where my Laptop is? It wasn’t in my room.”

“Oh yea.” Raven said, going to her room before coming back out and handing the laptop to Clarke. “We used it to watch something in my room last night.”

Clarke took the laptop cautiously between two fingers and looked between the two girls suspiciously. “Do I even want to know what?”

“No, it’s probably best you didn’t.” Raven said, without a hint of care in her voice.

“Right…I’ve got to get to work.” Clarke said disgusted, grabbing her things. “I’ll see you later. Bye Anya, nice to finally meet you, despite everything.”

“Nice to meet you too, Clarke.” Anya replied, smiling. “Hope to see you again soon.”

Clarke smiled back warmly before exiting the apartment.

“Speaking of leaving, didn’t you say you were going to go see Lexa?” Raven asked.   

Anya pretended to be offended, holding her hand to her chest and scoffing. “After all the fantastic orgasms I’ve given you, this is how you repay me? By casting me away?”

“Good lord, you’re more dramatic than Clarke. You sure she’s going after the right Woods?” Raven asked sarcastically. “You two are peas in a pod.”

“We’ll I dunno, Raven. After all this unfair treatment I may HAVE to consider other options.” Anya said threateningly. “I’m not feeling very wanted right now.”

Raven looked at her with daggers in her eyes and walked towards her slowly. “I don’t ever want to hear you say anything like that again, do you understand me?” Raven asked/stated.

Anya gulped slowly at the sight. “Ye..Yes.”

“Yes…what?” Raven asked, walking right up into Anya’s space. Her commanding presence was undeniable.

“Yes. Ma’am.” Anya replied.

“Now…you will go to my bedroom. Take off your clothes. Lie on my bed. And wait for me. Do you understand?” Raven said, enunciating each and every sentence while running her finger down Anya’s neck to her cleavage.

“Yes.” Anya said, her breathing coming in and out quickly

“Yes, WHAT?” Raven asked again though closed teeth. Pinching Anya’s nipple between her fingers.

“Ahhh!” Anya hissed out. “Yes ma’am, yes ma’am. I’m sorry.”

“Now, do as I say.” Raven said, “I’ll be in in a minute.”

Anya nodded hurriedly and made her way towards Raven’s bed room. Raven let out a deep breath she had been holding in as soon as the woman was out of view.

 _What the fuck._ She said to herself. _Did all that stuff come out of my mouth?_ Raven had no idea where it came from. She had never acted like that ever. Now that it happened though….

 

 

“Boy did I like it.” Raven said to herself, smirking all the way to the bedroom.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya has a talk with Lexa

“Boy did I like it.”

 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

“If you don’t let me out of this bed then I can’t go see about Lexa.” Anya groaned playfully, grabbing Raven by the hips and tossing her off of herself and to the side of the bed next to her. “It’s lunch time already.”

“Aww babe, I can’t get enough.” Raven pouted, propping up on her elbow and sticking her bottom lip out. “It’s like drinking seawater. The more I drink the more I need.”

Anya rolled her eyes. “Fantastic analogy but no more. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but 3 orgasms are enough for the morning.” She added, getting up from the bed. “I need clothes, what size shoe do you wear?”

“7 1/2 and look in the closet.” Raven said, huffing and laying back down on the bed, not bothering to cover herself. “What are you going to say to her?” She asked.

“I really don’t know.” Anya said, pulling on a pair of jeans she had found. They were a little short, nothing a cuff on the bottom wouldn’t do to hide it. “First thing is to get her to see me.”

“True.” Raven said, picking at her fingers. “She really fucked Clarke over with what she said though.” She added. “Whatever you say needs to involve a ton of yelling and cussing.”

“Oh that’s the general idea for sure.” Anya said, having finished dressing with a plain white t-shirt and a pair of sandles she found. “What I’m going to yell and cuss is to be determined.”

“Well, she definitely needs to know that she can’t just go and attack someone sexuality just because she’s having a moment.” Raven said. “I mean it’s just as bad as attacking someone’s religious beliefs.”

“Yea, you’re definitely right about that.” Anya said, sitting back on the edge of the bed.

“I’m right about a lot of things.” Raven said smirking.

“Whatever. Give me a kiss so I can go.” Anya said, leaning down towards her. Raven leaned up to meet her halfway, giving her a chaste kiss on the lips.

“Mmm. Why does this while thing feel so domestic already?” Raven asked, motioning between the two of them.

”I haven’t the slightest clue what you mean.” Anya said, smirking. 

“Whatever, go get her, tiger.” Raven said.

“Wish me luck.” Anya said, getting up and walking out of the bedroom.

“Good luck.” Raven yelled out.

 

Making her way out of the apartment, Anya tried to mentally prepare herself for what she was headed into.

 _What the fuck do I say to her that I haven’t already._ Anya thought to herself, angrily. _I’ve been trying for years to get across to her that she needs to move on with her life and when someone comes along she likes, she goes and royally fucks it up._

Anya continued to internally analyze things as much as she could on the walk to Lexa’s apartment. It had been nearly four years since Costia died. And it had hit Lexa like a ton of bricks. Anya had tried everything she could to help Lexa but nothing seemed to get through to her. She never wanted or needed help and constantly denied anything was wrong. She always had an excuse she could come up with to avoid the subject and not have to have the conversation. When Costia passed. Anya and their friends gave Lexa the time she needed to grieve, gave her the space she asked for. But, it never ended. She stopped accepting social invitations. She stopped being active in social media. She rarely left the house for anything other than essentials. If she did go out, it was always by herself. Anytime Anya would bring something up to her, it was always: “I’ve just been busy with work.” Anya would always call bullshit, arguing that Lexa has had the same job she had before Costia died. She’s a fucking writer, she makes her own schedule.

Reaching the stairs to Lexa’s apartment Anya took in a deep breath. “Here we go.” She said, putting the passcode into the entryway door and then proceeded to make her way up the stairs to Lexa’s apartment. They were the longest two flights of stairs that Anya has ever taken. Walking up to Lexa’s door she took another breath for strength and began knocking, she only got two knocks on the door before it was swinging open.

“Clarke, I’m s…” Lexa began before realizing that she was not in fact Clarke. “Anya…” she said began, A look of shock on her face. “What are you doing here?”

“I can tell you what I’m doing here…” Anya began, practically shoving her way past Lexa despite not having been invited in. “…Or you can tell me why in the hell you think Clarke would be here knocking on your door.”

Lexa looked at her with shame in her eyes before closing the door. “I…well.” She started to say before letting out a large strained breath and running both hands into her hair, gripping it before attempting to speak again. “I guess I thought she still wanted me to go with her to get the restraining order.”

“After what you pulled this morning!?” Anya scoffed out. “I’m surprised she isn’t thinking about putting a restraining order on you!”

Lexa lowered her hands and fiddled with them. “She told you what happened?” Lexa asked timidly.

“Not me per say but she did tell Raven and I had to over hear all of it.” Anya answered. “Attacking her sexuality, Lexa? Are you out of your fucking mind?”

Lexa looked around at the floor for several moments, unable to make eye contact.

“Say something!” Anya yelled. “Do you even know how badly you’ve hurt her?!”

“I KNOW, OK!” Lexa practically screamed, startling Anya. She continued speaking amid tears that had begun flowing down her cheeks. “I fucking know An...God, I know. I regretted it the moment it left my mouth. I wasn’t even thinking anything like that when she was talking to me. It just came out. It wasn’t planned! I can’t explain how those disgusting words left my mouth. You know me! I wouldn’t ever question someone’s sexuality. You have to believe me.” She concluded, her chest heaving with every breath she took.

“I’m not the one you need to say all this to.” Anya said, trying her best to stay composed. This was the most emotion she had seen Lexa show in years.

“How? She won’t even speak to me!” Lexa cried out. “God…I fucked up. I wish I could take it all back.”

“Who said she wouldn’t speak to you?” Anya snapped. “She just asked you for time. She’s not heartless and cold. She doesn’t shut everyone out like you when she feels a certain way.”

“You don’t have to be so mean Anya, I’m trying…..” Lexa replied, trying desperately to wipe the tears from her face.

“Oh I don’t?” Anya said, making her way closer to Lexa. “I need you to fucking listen to me and listen good.” She seethed. “I have done nothing but baby you for years. Given you all the opportunities in the world to fix what’s wrong with yourself. I’ve given you chance after chance after chance to get help. And you just won’t! You insist there isn’t anything wrong with you! You have got to accept that there are people out there that love you and want to help you! I can maybe see if it was just me who was bugging you. But its everyone Lexa! Hell, you don’t speak to your parents unless they call you and then you’re short with them! You haven’t seen them in 6 months! Your own parents who love and care for you! So no, Lexa! You’re not fucking trying!”

Anya was full out yelling at this point, her emotions running high. Tears had begun to form at the corners of her eyes, threating to spill over, but she couldn’t let them. Not now.

“You’ve been running away from your problems all this time and pushing people away so you don’t have to face reality.” Anya continued. “And after all this, Lexa, to top the fucking cake, someone has come into your life that wants something to do with you, and you go and do the most heartless thing someone can do; you target their sexuality.”

Lexa had begun to sob uncontrollably at this point. Her stance wavered as she stumbled back slightly into the wall behind her. She slid down the wall and down to the floor, her sobs never stopping. She covered her mouth with her hand in an attempt to stifle the sound, her eyes focused on Anya.

“I never… meant… to hurt her.” Lexa choked out, the words almost intelligible between the sobs and gasps for breath Lexa was struggling to take.

Anya sat down in the floor in front of her cousin. Rubbing her face with her hands and then intertwining her fingers, she rested her elbows on her knees and her cheek on her fist. “I know you didn’t” Anya said.

Lexa’s eyes shifted slightly at the words, almost a look of disbelief. She made to speak but Anya cut her off.

“Stop.” Anya said, closing her eyes and shaking her head. “I’ll always love you Lexa. You’ve never given me a reason not to believe anything you’ve said in the past. But it means nothing that I believe you. You’ve got to give Clarke a reason to.”

Lexa nodded furiously in agreeance. “I fully intend to, if she ever speaks to me again.” Lexa replied, her words mostly clear until the last couple words where her voice broke off again. Her own words had obviously made her aware that it was a possibility that she would never get to see or speak to Clarke again.

“You like her, don’t you?” Anya asked, bluntly.

Lexa looked her with wet eyes before nodding lightly.

“So why on earth would you have rejected her?” Anya asked, prompting a shocked look from Lexa.

“What?” Anya asked, scoffing. “Did you think she was only upset about the fucked up comment.?”

“No, I…” Lexa began before taking a deep breath to try to steady her voice. “I guess I thought she wouldn’t have said anything about that.”

“Why wouldn’t she?” Anya practically yelled. "She knows how to talk about her feelings unlike someone I know. She was devastated and crying when she came in this morning, Lexa. She cried on Raven for A WHILE before she was able to even speak.”

Lexa covered her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut again, though her renewed cries were still audible through her fingers.

“I just don’t understand it.” Anya said, not skipping a beat. “You guys have so much sexual tension you could cut it with a fucking knife. She opens up to you, you almost kiss, and when you’re interrupted you just do a complete 180 and act like nothing happened?”

Lexa looked at the floor shamefully, unable to reply, her hand still covering her mouth.

“Answer my question, Lexa. If you like her then why did you turn her away?” Anya asked.

“I don’t know An...I guess I don’t think I’m ready to be with anyone.” Lexa replied, meekly and struggling to find her voice.

“That’s such bullshit.” Anya replied. “You have feelings for Clarke, it’s obvious you’re ready. Your heart says you’re ready. Your head is too busy sabotaging shit.”

Lexa took a deep breath and leaned her head back against the wall. “What’s the point of all this?” Lexa said, holding her hands out and then letting them fall to the floor. “Why would Clarke want to be with me after what I’ve done?”

“It’s because of who you are and what you’ve done that she would want to be with you, idiot.” Anya said sincerely. You’ve protected her from the elements, the weather and Finn alike. You have done nothing but show her the Lexa that you used to be and from the outside looking in, Clarke seems to like her a lot.”

“What if I get hurt again, An….” Lexa said meekly, picking at her fingers.

“Oh, Lexa….is that what all this is about?” Anya said, unable to keep her tears at bay at the comment. “What happened to you was horrible, Lexa. No one would ever argue that. Ever.” She said, scooting forward and grabbing Lexa’s hands. “But you can’t live your life afraid to open up to anyone just because you’ve been hurt before. That’s not life, that’s surviving. And you owe it to yourself to do more than survive.”

“That’s funny…Clarke said something similar this morning.” Lexa said with a small smile, tipping her head.

Anya smiled back at Lexa warmly, letting go of her hands and putting them in the air. “Now see… THAT’S fate telling you something.”

“Maybe.” Lexa replied, forcing another small smile.

“What are you going to do now?” Anya asked, changing subject.

“About what? Clarke said to give her time…” Lexa responded, looking confused.

“That doesn’t give you a pass to sit it out and waiting for her.” Anya said sternly.

“I know. I just don’t know what I can do from here without talking to her.” Lexa replied, frustrated.

“You can help by getting on that lap top over there and start looking for counselors.” Anya began, pointing at the couch where Lexa’s laptop lay and speaking firmly. “Look for gym memberships, look for community events, look for a fucking knitting club if it gets you out of this apartment. You have got to start now with fixing yourself if you’re going to be any good for Clarke. Trust me when I say this, if there is any chance that Clarke forgives you for what you’ve done today, it will be the only chance you get.” She concluded.

Lexa nodded quickly in agreeance, squeezing her eyes together once more, staving off fresh tears from coming.

Anya assessed Lexa for a moment, deciding she had suffered enough at her hands. She had to leave some meat left for Clarke to pick at. She laughed at loud not realizing it as she thought it.

Lexa opened her eyes quickly and wiped them. She then took a deep breath and cleared her throat. “What’s so funny?” She said, nervously. “I guess I look pretty disgusting sitting here, huh?”

“No, it’s not that, though you do look pretty bad.” Anya said with a detested look on her face. “I just had a funny thought.”

“Care to share?” Lexa asked. “I could use something else other than self-loathing running through my head right now.”

Anya considered denying her for a moment but decided to take mercy on the girl. “I was just thinking about how I needed to leave something left of you for Clarke to get her nails in.” Anya said, smiling mischievously.

Lexa shook her head at the comment. “Anya, I would welcome it if it meant her just touching me again.” Lexa laughed out nervously.

“Eww, I don’t want to know about your kinks!” Anya said in playful disgust while getting up off the floor.

“Anya, wtf?” Lexa said with a embarrassed look on her face. “That is not wha…”

“Ah ah ah ah…you can’t fool me.” Anya said, cutting her off. “Now get your ass up and get in the bathroom and get ready. We’re going out for lunch.”

“But, I’m not hungry. I can’t possibly think about food right now.” Lexa argued.

“This isn’t about food.” Anya said, sitting on the couch and grabbing the remote. “This is about doing the things you used to do, that includes having lunch with your favorite cousin.”

Lexa made to argue once more before stopping. “You’re right.” She said, getting up off the floor slowly.

“Need some help there?” Anya said, eyeing her over the back of the couch.

“No…just a little weak from everything I guess. I’ll be fine.” Lexa said, waving her off.

 

 

“I’d get used to it.” Anya said, with a smirk on her face that Lexa couldn’t see.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke Talk

“I’d get used to it.”

 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

52 days later.

 

Lexa sat on the couch typing away at the keyboard on her laptop. It had been going on two months since she had hurt Clarke. She hadn’t heard from her at all. Not that she had expected to. Honestly, she wouldn’t be surprised if Clarke decided to never talk to her again, she deserved it. What she had done was horrible and inexcusable. Lexa had spent the first few days after the incident frantically researching counselors and therapists that she could see at short notice. She had no luck at all at first and she had become desperate. She was at one point, hours away from going to the ER to attempt some sort of inpatient treatment because she hadn’t had any luck obtaining an appointment with anyone. Everyone was either not taking new patients or were booked out for weeks. Luckily, before she was going to do so, an office called her back and offered her an appointment for the next day that had been cancelled. She eagerly accepted. The situation with Clarke and the ass kicking she received in kind from Anya had been a wakeup call. Anya was right, she was sick. And if she was continued to be allowed to govern her own treatment, she was never going to get any better. She needed professional help and she needed it as soon as possible. She had been to a few sessions since then. The therapist was nice enough. They spend the first session going over a ton of questions that more than once she had to swallow her pride or her emotions in order to answer truthfully. If she was going to accept help, she needed to go all in. Since then, they had just began chipping away at the tough protective shell Lexa had been creating around herself these past few years. She spat out angry words and shed hot tears session to session and somehow felt a little better every time.

Lexa couldn’t say that it was all rose petals and rainbows since she started counseling. There were days when all she felt like doing was lying in bed and crying. There were also days where she actually went for walks around the neighborhood and visited the gardens more. She couldn’t say that the latter activities weren’t mostly due to the hope that she could possibly run into or even just get a glimpse of Clarke. She knew she was selfish by thinking like that. She wouldn’t know what to say to Clarke even if she did she her. “I’m sorry” wasn’t sufficient enough, that was clear. Lexa wanted to tell Clarke everything, and she knew she wouldn’t have near the time she needed if she ever saw her in passing and Clarke did, by any miracle, want to speak to her. So many times Lexa had picked up her phone to text Clarke. To tell her that she was thinking about her. To tell her that she just wanted to let her know that and that Clarke didn’t have to respond, didn’t have to say a word. Lexa had these urges nearly daily. Lexa didn’t realize how much Clarke was like a drug to her. She was addicted, and not having her was torture. This addiction was one she had no intention of recovering from.

Anya had come to see her a handful of times since everything happened. They stayed in a couple times but mostly they went out. They ate, they walked and talked, they even went shopping at a few of the boutiques down town. Anya was quick to tell her just how proud she was that Lexa was getting help. She just responded bluntly by thanking Anya for giving her the push she needed. Lexa also apologized for all the hurt she had put her through all these years. Anya didn’t take any offense to anything that happened the past. She knew Lexa was hurting. She knew she was sick. Anya was just glad that Lexa was now getting healthy and that she was getting her cousin back.

Lexa had also taken Clarke’s advice and taken a self-imposed leave from work. She had finished the few projects that she had hurriedly but correctly. Lexa had always allotted herself ample time to finish projects, way more time than actually needed. She did so so that she didn’t get burnt out or frustrated when she needed to take personal time for something, or if she hit a bout of writers block. And that’s what brought Lexa to the present. She was typing away at her laptop, back to work on the novel she had sat aside all those years ago.

To be honest, Lexa had to re-read what she had already written in order to clear a path for herself to continue. She had shut everything out and tried to forget everything that involved the past for so long that she wasn’t surprised it included the book that she once held so dear to herself. It was going to be what was going to define her as a stand-alone author. It was hard to return working on it at first, just as it was hard working on herself. But, just as with the emotions that flowed from her while speaking to her counselor; the words flew from her fingertips onto the keys of her laptop, forming into chapter after chapter. She had been at it most of the morning. It was when she was about to get up and pour herself a bowl of cereal that the text came through.

Feeling her phone vibrate at her side, Lexa let out a sigh. “I just went to lunch with you yesterday, Anya. Geez.” Lexa said out loud, laughing lightheartedly at her cousin. Anya was trying to help out best she could getting Lexa to go out more, but dang, she didn’t eat out this much before everything happened. Lexa grabbed her phone, already ready to chastise her cousin, but nearly dropped it when she saw the text on the screen.

 **Clarke:** I’m ready to talk.

Lexa stood up abruptly, nearly dropping her laptop to the floor. She managed to grab it before it fell, slammed it shut, and tossed it to the side of the couch. She Looked back towards the screen of her phone in disbelief. It was Clarke. It really was. Her hear was pounding out of her chest as she looked at the text for what seemed like ages, trying to make sure what she was seeing wasn’t a trick of the eye. It was only when she finally convinced herself that it wasn’t, did she debate on what she was to say back.

 _What do I say back?_ Lexa thought to herself. _Do I just say ok? Does she want to talk now?_ Lexa internally questioned herself back and forth unable to come up with an answer. She never thought she would be this nervous when the time came. Luckily, Clarke solved her problem for her.

 **Clarke** : Can you meet me at my apartment tomorrow at 5? We can talk then. If you’re not busy, that is.

Lexa’s hands shook as she typed a reply.

 **Lexa:** I’m not busy. I’ll be there. 5 o'clock.

She waited patiently for Clarke’s reply to come through, the indicator coming and going.

 **Clarke:** Ok

Lexa’s heart dropped at little at the short response. She didn’t know why. It’s not like Clarke was going to just change gears and ask Lexa about her day. Never the less, Lexa still felt the twinge in her chest knowing Clarke was still hurting. Keeping her surging emotions at bay, she typed a response.

 **Lexa:** Thank you Clarke. You don’t have to answer or keep talking. Just…thank you.

Again, she watched the indicator. It stayed for while and then disappeared entirely. After no response for several minutes, Lexa understood that Clarke wasn’t going to respond. She just hoped to herself it was because Clarke knew she didn’t need to, not that she didn’t want to. Lexa smiled regardless of it all, sitting back down on the couch and running her hands over her thighs. She was nervous, and it wasn’t even tomorrow yet. She had planned for this since day one. She couldn’t say she had a solid plan. Most likely, when she did open her mouth, it would all go out the window in a mess of stumbled and stuttered words. It didn’t matter either way it went though, she had to see Clarke.

Lexa giddily grabbed her phone back up and dialed up Anya. She told her where to meet her for lunch and when, not waiting for an answer before ending the call and running up the stairs to change.

 

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

“So, I’m guessing nervous is an understatement.” Anya said, before taking a large bite of her burger.

Lexa swirled her mascoto around in its glass before taking a sip and answering. “Yes. Definitely.”

“I’m sure she’ll want you two to act as normal as possible.” Anya began, wiping her mouth with her napkin. “Yea, you guys are going to have a lot to talk about, but its not like she’s going to be lecturing you. I wouldn’t expect that out of her.”

“Yea I know.” Lexa said. “There’s just always going to be that urge to just run in guns blazing “I’m sorry I’m sorry.” And while I know she knows I am, its not what she needs to hear. She deserves so much more than that.

“Well then tell her more than that.” Anya said.

“I plan to, I do.” Lexa said, sighing. “It’s just so much different telling her than it is telling a stranger you aren’t invested in.”

“Invested in?” Anya asked, curious.

“Yea, like…what I say to Clarke will matter and have weight, whereas when I tell the therapist I don’t have to worry about what she thinks of me.” Lexa explained. “I don’t want to say something that may be too much or make Clarke think that I’m too much for her to handle. She doesn’t know anything about my past, she only knows my present. What if she decides she doesn’t want me after she finds out how broken am?” Lexa finished, feeling a little more saddened than when she began speaking.

“Lexa, stop.” Anya said, firmly. “See, what you’re doing? You’re digging yourself back down into your favorite little hole again.”

“What if she wants to talk just to end thin…” Lexa tried to say.

“Lexa, I will slap the shit out of you if you finish that sentence.” Anya said, scowling. “I do not care that we are in public.”

Lexa brought up her glass and swallowed a big gulp of her wine in response to Anya’s threat.

“Now listen to me you idiot.” Anya began. “Clarke is so into you. You have no damn clue how into you. YES, you fucked up royally. And YES, you’ve got to make up for that. But you can’t go taking yourself out of the game prematurely.  You have made SO MUCH progress in trying to help yourself and you’ve got to show her that. You were sick, and because you were sick, you lashed out at someone you cared about. Right?

Lexa nodded in response, pursing her lips together in obvious discomfort at the memory.

“Now that you’re getting treatment, though...” Anya continued, holding her hand out in defense. “…you can ensure her that it won’t ever happen again. Right?”

“Yes, absolutely.” Lexa said, nodding rapidly.

“Gosh.” Anya said astounded. “If I knew a little yelling and screaming would have helped you, I would have done this a long time ago.”

“No offense, An.” Lexa began, laughing lightly. “You’re pretty scary, but the thought of losing Clarke scares me a whole lot more.”

“Well then, that’s all the more fuel you have to be strong and say everything you know needs to be said to her when you see her tomorrow.” Anya said bluntly. “No matter how much it hurts.”

Lexa stayed silent for a moment, pushing her salad around her plate with her fork. “Do you think Costia would have liked her?”

Anya swallowed hard quickly, taking in a breath and letting it out quickly. Anya was a strong person. Lexa knew that. She always was. She always had to be for every one around her. She played the protector and provider and took no nonsense from anyone in all aspects of her life. But every now and again Anya would crack and allow her emotions to show. Anya knew how much Costia had meant to Lexa and she knew how fucked up of a situation Lexa had gone through when she had died. Anya stayed as strong as she could for her cousin through it all though she hurt for her.

“Yea, I think she would have.” Anya answered, clearing her throat.  “They’re a lot alike.”

Lexa smiled at her cousin inquisitively. “Yea? How so?”

“Well, they put up with your stupid ass, for one.” Anya laughed out.

“Ooooooh, that’s low. That…that hurts my heart. Right here.” Lexa said, pointing at her chest; feigning hurt.

“Didn’t I tell you to get used to it?” Anya asked, smirking.

Yes, yes you did.” Lexa answered, holding her hands up in surrender.

Anya laughed before taking another big bite of her burger, moaning at the taste, while Lexa looked on in disgust.

 

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

_“What do I wear, what do I wear, WHAT DO I WEAR!!!!!”_   Lexa yelled at herself, throwing her arms up in the air, and pacing about the loft in her underwear. She had already showered and fixed her hair and makeup, but couldn’t decide on her clothes.

The loft was a mess to say the least. Clothes were everywhere. Lexa had dug what seemed like everything out of her dresser and her armoire looking for just the right thing to wear over to Clarke’s. She had 30 minutes before she had to be there and she still had to walk over. She didn’t know why she was so nervous. It was just Clarke. She had seen her in every style of clothes already. After wracking her brain for far too long she finally said fuck it and made a decision with her head that if she was going to end up either crying or sweaty from a heated or emotional conversation, she needed to at least be comfortable. So, she decided on a pair of cranberry red chino shorts that stopped mid-thigh. She paired them with a soft yellow V-neck t-shirt and a couple sets of low hanging necklaces. After spritzing on some clean scented perfume and throwing on a pair of her usual low top converse she walked out the door, grabbing a few items on the way out.

Lexa was practically shaking by the time she reached Clarke’s stairs. She had stopped at the edge of her building a couple of times before walking past it. Afraid and nervous and being seen walking past and having to actually make the effort of walking up to the door and knock on it if Clarke saw her through the window. Luckily though, the curtains were drawn and she was able to let loose her breath and walk up to the stairs. She had been there for a few minutes now, trying to gather up the courage to knock on the door. She had been up and down the stairs at least four times and her knuckles had brushed the wood of the door at least twice before being pulled away. She was going for a third try when the door suddenly opened.

“Alright, this is painful.” Raven quipped out. Standing in the open doorway and glaring at Lexa, who was standing there with her fist raised and her mouth open. “The lights coming in through the curtains were practically having a seizure from all the pacing you’ve been doing. Are you coming in or not?”

“I…I’m.” Lexa began, trying to speak. Squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head. “I’m sorry, I’m nervous.”  She said honestly. “I know It’s a privilege to be invited back over here and I’m just having a hard time finding my nerves, I mean my courage...I mean...well….”

“Lexa.” Raven said, holding her hand up, stopping her.

Lexa closed her mouth and opened her eyes to look back up at the girl.

“Get inside.” Raven said while smiling, stepping to the side and waving her hand, motioning her to come inside.

“Thank you.” Lexa said, graciously. Taking a deep breath, she made her way up the stairs and into the apartment.

“Clarke!” Raven yelled all of a sudden, startling Lexa. “Lexa’s here!” This made Lexa’s heart race. It was happening. It was happening. She was going to see Clarke. She was going to  hear Clarke’s voice. And then suddenly there it was.

“Can you send her this way, please?” Clarke’s voice rang out.

“Clarke’s room is down the hall, last door on your right.” Raven said. Gesturing down the hallway in front of them.

“Thank you.” Lexa said, before beginning to make her way forward. She was stopped suddenly by a hand on her arm. She looked back at Raven.

“Good luck.” Raven said, looking at her genuinely.

“Thanks, Raven.” Lexa, replied, smiling back at her warmly. “I appreciate it.”

Raven smiled back before calling out. “Ok, Clarke. I’m headed over to Octavia and Lincoln’s!”

“Ok be careful!” Clarke called out.

“Always am.” Raven called back from the doorway before grabbing her keys and heading out the door.

Lexa nervously walked towards the pointed-out bedroom with her items in tow. It seemed a mile away even though it was only a handful of feet. She could hear music playing low in the background and she came up on the threshold. Soft light shone through the open door. As she stepped into the open frame she was exposed to the sight of Clarke sitting at a large easel propped up at the corner of the room. It was sat upon a cloth meant to catch paint though there were still trace specks that seem to have made their way onto the hardwood around and under it. She sat there propped up on a stool in a pair of paint stained jeans and an oversized t-shirt that was equally filthy. She was barefoot and her toes were arched up on the hardwood at she was bent forward with the brush pressed up against the canvas mid-stroke and in concentration. Lexa waited until Clarke brought the brush up before lightly knocking on the side of the door. Clarke put the brush down into a jar of what Lexa assumed was paint thinner or water before looking down and running her hands over her thighs. She hadn’t looked at her yet.

 _She’s nervous too._ Lexa thought to herself. She hated that she made Clarke feel that way.

“Clarke, will you please look at me?” Lexa asked, the tremble apparent in her voice.

Clarke let out a breath she had apparently been holding and turned her head to the side to look up at Lexa. “Hey, you.” She said, putting a small smile on her face but unable to hide the tears that started to shine in the corners of her eyes.

“You’re painting.” Lexa said, gesturing towards the canvas.

“Yea.” Clarke said, looking back at it. “I had some time on my hands.”

Lexa winced internally at this. She clearly wasn’t the only friend Clarke had, but she had obviously been choosing not to interact with them. She became a loner of sorts. Reasons pretty clear to Lexa.

“I didn’t mean to turn you into this.” Lexa said, sitting her laptop and bag down on the bed before walking up to Clarke slowly. The emotion clear in her voice.

“Do you really think I’m pretending to be bisexual?” Clarke asked suddenly, looking up at Lexa. She was trying to keep a straight face but her lips were quivering at the corners.

“No, Clarke. God no.” Lexa said, falling to her knees between Clarke’s and clutching Clarke’s cheeks between her palms while brushing her forehead against hers.

“Then why wouldn’t you kiss me?” Clarke asked, her voice strained. Lexa could feel Clarke’s tears running down her hands.

Lexa took a took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She couldn’t bear to look at Clarke in the state she was in, the pain she was in. The next time she saw Clarke she wanted her to be the happy, lifeful Clarke she had before.

“Because I was a coward.” Lexa replied before taking a deep breath and continuing. “But...I’m not anymore.”

Lexa surged forward and connected her lips with Clarke’s, forcing a startled gasp to come from the girl. It took no time for Clarke to respond to the kiss, entangling one hand in Lexa’s hair and one fisting in the material of her shirt, tugging Lexa forcefully towards her. This kiss wasn’t sweet and gentle. This kiss was built up emotions, want, and urgency. Lexa sucked Clarke’s bottom lip into her mouth and ran her tongue across it, begging for entrance. Clarke granted it eagerly. The sensation of Clarke’s tongue gliding across hers was nothing short of heavenly. If Lexa wasn’t already on her knees they would have buckled. Lexa moved one hand from Clarke’s cheek and around to her lower back and urged her forward, pulling Clarke taunt against her abdomen, their chests brushing as they relished each other. Lexa could swear she felt the heat radiate off Clarke’s core as she licked into her mouth. Clarke letting out soft whimpers as Lexa did so, her hands gripping harder into her hair and side. The girls shared a few harder pressed kisses and deep explored swipes of their tongues before Lexa reluctantly pulled back and placed a lingering kiss to Clarke’s forehead. Then, admid the realization of what had transpired so abruptly, she hid her face into Clarke’s neck, out of breath and out of her mind with emotions. She was shaking from the weight of it all.

Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa and squeezed her hard. Laying her cheek on her shoulder. “You’re alright.” She said, soothingly, rubbing her hand across Lexa’s back.

Lexa pulled her head up after a while, face flush and littered with tears. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I just...well, I just thought it was the best way to prove to you that I truly believe you’re bisexual.” Lexa said. “Kissing you would show you that that I am indeed, very attracted to you, and wanted so very badly to kiss you that morning and every day before that. I don’t want to kiss straight girls, Clarke.”

Clarke looked at Lexa, smiling and then gently wiping the tears away from her face with her thumbs before speaking. “Who said?”

“What?” Lexa said, confused.

“Who said you shouldn’t have done that?” Clarke clarified. The smile on her face getting wider.

“I mean, well we really should have talked about everything first before I assu….” Lexa tried to say.

“Lexa, stop. Stop. When have we ever been conventional?” Clarke laughed out. “Plus, a kiss doesn’t mean we’re fixed all of a sudden.” She added, with seriousness in her tone.

“I know.” Lexa said, grabbing Clarke’s hands between her own and pressing them to her lips. “I do want to talk. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I appreciate the opportunity after what I put you through. I want to tell you everything. If you’ll let me. I want you to know that the person you heard say that awful thing to you wasn’t the real me. I want you to know that I was sick. I want you to know what made me sick and I want you to know what I’ve done since then to ensure that I’ll never hurt you or anyone else like that again.”

Clarke nodded at Lexa in response to this and leaned forward, placing another kiss on Lexa’s forehead. This caused a shaky breath to rush out from Lexa’s lungs. “And I want to listen Lexa. And be of any help I can.” She said, her lips never fully leaving Lexa’s skin.

“Thank you.” Lexa said, squeezing her eyes and staving off more tears. “I’m sorry about all the crying. It’s pretty selfish of me. I’m the one that hurt you.”

“It’s pretty clear you’ve hurt yourself just as badly in the process.” Clarke said, standing up and holding her hand out to Lexa to take. “I think that means we’ll just have to help each other. That’s what we do right? I save you. You save me. Yea?”

Lexa took the offered hand, stood up, and faced Clarke. The smile fading from her face upon hearing the last few words come from Clarke mouth.

“What?” Clark said, a curious look crossing her brow.

Lexa closed the small distance between them and kissed Clarke softly. A small chaste kiss. Just a  half a second in length before she pulled away.

When she did pull away, she looked at Clarke who seemed caught off guard. “What was that for?” She laughed out lightly.

“Because you’re you.” Lexa whispered out, hoping Clarke could sense every bit of emotion she was feeling.

Clarke smiled and ran her thumb over Lexa’s hand. “C’mon. Let’s sit down and get comfortable.” She said sitting on the bed. “Do you want anything before we get started? Water....wine?”

“No, no. I’m good right now. Thanks though.”  Lexa said, before sitting on the bed next to her. “Wow, this thing is huge. Oh my god, and comfortable. Geez, I’ve been living like a pauper and didn’t realize it.”

“Oh come on.” Clarke said, taking a swipe at Lexa. “My mom bought me all this. Of course, she went all out.”

“I’ve had the same bed since college.” Lexa said, spreading out on the bed. “Maybe this is my wakeup call. Or...my go to sleep call.” She said, looking at Clarke quickly with wide eyes and a smirk on her face.

“OH MY EFFING GOD! That was so cheesy. I’ve got to go get some wine….” Clarke said, feigning as if to get off the bed.

“Come back, come back. It wasn’t that bad.” Lexa said, grabbing at Clarke’s shirt and pulling her back down and practically on top of her.

“It was pretty bad.” Clarke said, laughing. She looked down on Lexa with a smile on her face and Lexa looked back up, turning her face into Clarke’s hand as she brought it to her face to tuck a few strands of rogue curls behind her ears. “Tell me why you’re hurting, beautiful.” Clarke said, pursing her lips and darting her eyes between Lexa’s in concern. It was happening.

Lexa took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. “Costia was my fiancé.”

 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Lexa wasn’t surprised Clarke couldn’t suppress the light gasp the escaped her lungs at the admission. She was surprised though that Clarke hadn’t put two and two together at this point, as much as Anya had butted in early on when not asked to. Of course, Lexa knew now that Anya was only trying to help but at the time any information she was giving Clarke was too much information for Lexa to be comfortable with.

“Your fiancé?" Clarke asked, with a slightly confused look on her face. “But you said she was your best friend.”

“It wasn’t a lie.” Lexa said, swallowing what felt like a rock the size of a grapefruit in her throat. “She WAS my best friend. She just also happened to be my fiancé. My lover. My confidant. My therapist……my everything. Not saying anything more than that to you…” Lexa added, looking away from Clarke towards the wall. “…afforded me the safety of not being hurt by having to talk about her, or think about her. Or...have you pity me.”

“Oh, Lexa.” Clarke said, touching Lexa’s chin and turning back to look at her. “I would never pity you. I would cry with you. Yell at the world with you. I would stare at the ceiling and say nothing at all with you. But I would never dare pity you.”

Lexa nodded back up at Clarke and played with the seam of Clarke’s shirt absentmindedly. Lexa knew if she spoke the crackles in her voice would be apparent, and she didn’t want to upset Clarke.

“Do you want me to tell me about her?” Clarke said, with a sly smirk on her face. “Other than she’s pretty damn gorgeous. What bridge did a troll like you manage to snag her under?”

Lexa’s mood couldn’t help but improve at this snark comment. “Whoa, whoa, whoa! What’s with the name calling?”

“Just calling it as I see it.” Clarke replied, looking down at Lexa with an innocent look on her face.

“Whatever.” Lexa said, playfully shoving Clarke’s shoulder, who in turn rolled over to lay by Lexa on the bed.

“Fine, you’re not that ugly.” Clarke said waving Lexa off. “Now tell me about her.”

Lexa quirked an eyebrow at Clarke and made to say something smart but decided against it. The girl was too clever for her. So, Lexa figured it best to just do as Clarke asked.

“Well, for starters, she was…nothing short of amazing.” Lexa began. “We met when we never should have, we never would have in normal circumstances.”

“How do you mean?” Clarke asked.

“I guess I should start from the beginning.” Lexa offered. “I’m from here, TonDC, born and raised. I’ve always loved literature and writing and of course that’s what I decided to go to school for. After about two years into school here, I found out that one of my all-time favorite authors was a professor at a university down in Polis.”

“Let me guess.” Clarke interrupted. “You just had to transfer.”

“Yep.” Lexa said, laughing. “I just had to transfer. They offered the same program and I could get the same degree. There was no way I wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to get taught in not one but THREE separate courses by one of my idols.”

“He/She must really be something if you’re willing to live 3 hours away from your family for years and pay out of state tuition.” Clarke said.

“SHE is.” Lexa clarified. “And yes. Worth it. Anyways, off subject. So, I go to this school and I meet Costia. I bumped into her in the library one day. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going, I had a stack of book in front of me, barreled right into her.” Lexa explained, gesturing with her hands. “Luckily for me, she was more mesmerized by my good looks than she was offended by my inconsiderate actions. She helped me pick up my books and we struck up conversation.”

“So, that easy?” Clarke said, smirking. “You’re a regular ole Casanova, huh?”

“Uh...absolutely not.” Lexa said, scoffing. “We were nothing but friends for months. Costia’s family was very religious. She had never dated or even kissed anyone before being shipped off to Polis two states over.”

“Shipped off?” Clarke asked, concerned. “Was it as involuntary as it sounds?”

“Yes.” Lexa said sadly. “Costia had always known she was “different” for a while. But it wasn’t something she could ever think to discuss with her parents. Or at least her mom. She had strict religious beliefs that it was an abomination to be gay and Costia was fearful to talk to her about it.  Her dad isn’t as bad but was controlled by her mom.”

“That’s terrible.” Clarke said.

“Yea.” Lexa replied before continuing. “Well, one day her mom walks in on her and her friend from high school in her room. They weren’t doing anything damning. Just sitting a little too close. But, her mom confronted her about it anyways and commented on how they had been spending a little too much time together and made comments about how “God was watching what they were doing.”

“What a bitch.” Clarke replied.

“The worst part was when fall rolled around.” Lexa said, rolling her eyes. “Costia gets a letter in the mail stating she been accepted into St. Andrews Women’s University of Polis.”

“No……” Clarke replied; her eyes wide with shock. “She didn’t….”

“She did.” Lexa replied, angrily. “Got her put in a Christian based college to try to Jesus her up and move her far away from the ungodly influences she was being exposed to at home. The fucking bitch. Costia begged her not to make her go. But of course, she wouldn’t listen. Her dad was powerless to do anything either. Well, more like too much of a pussy.”

“Little did her mom know who Costia was going to find there.” Clarke said, smiling at Lexa warmly.

Lexa smiled back at Clarke with a grin full of teeth. “A bridge troll apparently.”

“Oh hush, I was joking.” Clarke said, laughing.

“I know, I know.” Lexa said, laughing right along with her. “But gosh it took me a while to break past that hard shell her mom had put around her.” Lexa said. “I didn’t even know if she was gay at first. She was just a really cool person. Then I started picking up on things here and there. The way she looked at me, the things she said. My attraction was just increasing with every interaction I had with her. She was just...amazing, Clarke.”

“So, how did you finally win her over?” Clarke asked softly.

Lexa stared at the ceiling for a moment, thinking it over before turning to look at Clarke. “You know, it wasn’t some grand story or some movie worthy romantic moment.” Lexa began. “We were standing in the kitchen.  She had asked me to reach up on the high shelf to get something down she needed. I think it may have been a spaghetti strainer. Anyways, she always asked me to do things like that for her. I was never sure why, she was barely an inch shorter than me. But I never minded, I liked being needed by her. Feeling like she needed me."

“So domestic.” Clarke said, smiling widely.

“You could say that.” Lexa said, smiling back before continuing. “We met just a couple weeks before the end of a semester, became such fast friends and and managed to room together the next semester. So, we had been living together for a while before it happened.”

“And what did happen?” Clarke asked.

“Like I said, nothing grand.” Lexa said. “But I saw fireworks. I handed her the strainer and she just all of a sudden leans forward and kisses me. Like it was something we had been doing for years. I was shocked. She was as well. You should have seen her eyes, I don’t think she even realized what she was doing until she did it.” Lexa explained. “Something in me snapped though, it was like getting a sip of water after being in the desert for days. I had to have more. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she felt the same way,”

“And how did that work out for you?” Clarke asked, studying Lexa’s face.

Lexa swallowed a little roughly before speaking softly. “We made love for the first time that day.”

Clarke rolled over to her side and laid her head on Lexa’s shoulder and then her arm over her stomach. She didn’t say anything. Lexa didn’t need her to. She gripped onto Clarke arm with both her hands before continuing.

“So...that’s how to all began.” Lexa resumed. “We had to stay quiet about our relationship, though. We could be separated, loose our financial aid, or even get kicked out of the college entirely.”

“That’s such bullshit.” Clarke whispered against Lexa’s shoulder.

“Yea, but it’s was a private religious college.” Lexa said, coolly. “We have to play by their rules, they don’t have to play by ours. We asked to attend there, they didn’t ask us to come. I’m all for gay rights, believe me. But what I don’t believe in is pushing aside someone else’s rights to get my own. Plus, I don’t think they’d have been very happy if they found out I don’t believe in God.” Lexa laughed out.

“Hah, you’ve got a point there. I think they’d be madder about that than you being gay.” Clarke said.

“Exactly. So, if I’ve got to be a little hush hush about my sexuality to get the education I want then I’ll gladly do it.” Lexa explained further.  “Also, the straight girls aren’t allowed to have boys on campus so we were already breaking the rules engaging in a relationship, not to mention sexual activity on campus, regardless of us being girls. So all in all, it was much easier to keep it to ourselves. Aside from it all, she wasn’t even out. We wouldn’t have been public either way.”

“I’m guessing she wasn’t out because of her parents.” Clarke said.

“Exactly.” Lexa confirmed. “Her mom visited religiously, excuse the pun. I played the sweet lit major roommate every time she did. She never suspected a thing. She was actually very fond of me. Invited me along on their horribly awkward dinners and everything. For two years we played her game. We played it even after I had proposed, even after Costia said yes, and even after we were planning to run as far away from her mom as we could after we graduated.

“And after she left every visit you’d commence corrupting her poor sweet daughter even more.” Clarke said, smirking.

“You have no idea how much.” Lexa laughed out before suddenly sitting up. “Oh, hey I almost forgot, I wanted to show you some pictures of her, well of her and us.” She said, grabbing her bag, pulling out a small box, and making to handing it to Clarke.

“Oh, I’d love to see them.” Clarke said, sitting up and crossing her legs. She grabbed the box from Lexa and opened it carefully, setting the lid on the bed and pulling out the stack of photos. “You know most people use jump drives or memory cards these days.” Clarke said to Lexa as she starting glancing through them. The jest in her voice obvious.

“I didn’t want to risk something happening to them and losing the photos.” Lexa said with a little sadness in her voice. “Plus, with them like this I can look through them whenever I get the urge.”

Clarke looked up at Lexa shortly and acknowledged her with a small smile before looking back towards the photos. “You guys looked like you were perfect for each other.” Clarke said, a slight tremble in her voice present. “I’m sorry you lost someone so special to you, Lexa.”

“Lost someone.” Lexa repeated. Repeated in a way as if testing out the words. “I’ve come to realize with all the counseling that a lot of the reason I became sick is because I wasn’t allowed to actually lose Costia.”

“How do you mean?” Clarke said, ceasing her sorting of the pictures, a look of confusion across her face.

“When I woke up that morning.” Lexa began, her voice already cracking. She took a deep breath to try to regain her composure before continuing. “And realized that she wasn’t breathing. When I couldn’t wake her. I panicked, as anyone would do. I called 911 and performed CPR until they got there. When they arrived, they took her. It was all hell from there.” The deep breathing had done nothing to help. Her voice was cracking even worse if anything.

Clarke sat the box to the side of the bed, scooted over to Lexa,  and grabbed her up in her arms. Pulling her towards her and into her chest, Clarke laid them both back against the head board. “You don’t have to keep talking, Lex. We can stop.” Clarke said, her voice trembling more now.

“No.” Lexa said, fisting her hand into Clarke’s shirt. The tears starting to flow now. “I have to keep going. I have to talk about it so I can get better. So…I can be better for you.”

“I want you to be better FOR YOU, Lexa. But…but I don’t know if I want you to have to talk about it if it hurts you this badly.” Clarke said, rubbing Lexa’s back soothingly. The tears were seeping from her eyes now.

“I need to, Clarke.” Lexa said, whispering into Clarke’s chest. “It’s the only way I’ll be able to heal. It’s going to have to get worse before it gets better. Not talking about everything and keeping it all inside is what made me sick. So, getting it all out is the only way to fix me.”

“Ok.” Clarke said, the reluctance apparent in her voice. “Ok.”

Lexa coughed and cleared her throat as delicately as she could before continuing. She knew that having this conversation was going to be hard. It had been hard the few times she had spoken about it all with her counselor. But it was different with Clarke. Clarke wasn’t her counselor. As much as Lexa hated it, Clarke cried for her and cried with her. She held Lexa and comforted her. Her counselor didn’t do those things. It was easier to talk about Costia’s life than it was her death, obviously. It was a happy time, so Lexa was able to force through the pain and talk about the best memories that she had of her. Lexa had learned through therapy that there was no point in being sad and keeping all those memories inside anymore. They needed to be spoken of, needed to be cherished. Because Costia was fated to have died, Lexa needed to make sure the beautiful memories she had of her lived on. Lexa hated herself for not realizing this for years. She had let hate and pain control her emotions for so long. She wasn’t going to do it anymore. Clarke was a shining light that was flung upon her in the oddest of circumstances. She had quirkily and amusingly found her way into Lexa’s life and made her feel things that he hasn’t since Costia died. Lexa wasn’t going to lose her now.

“They wouldn’t let me go with her on the ambulance, there wasn’t enough room.” Lexa started again. “I struggled to put on clothes and call for a cab to meet me at the college. Neither of us had cars. We didn’t need them, we bused everywhere. It took almost 30 minutes for the cab to get there after I called and by then half the campus knew about what had happened, including administration. They had come right as the cab was due to be there. They were asking me questions and trying to hold me there so they could get more information about what happened. I kept telling them I had to go, I had to go. I practically had to run across the campus when I got the call my cab was there.”

Clarke stopped her soothing motions and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s back, laying her cheek on the top of her head. She didn’t say anything.

“When I got to the hospital…no one would let me see her. They wouldn’t tell me where she was. They wouldn’t even tell me if she was even there.” Lexa explained, sobs breaking through between words. “I begged them and begged them to tell me something, ANYTHING, but they wouldn’t listen. They said it was policy since I wasn’t related to her. “I told them over and over again that I was her fiancé, to look for THE FUCKING RING on her hand.”

Lexa could feel the unmistakable hitch in Clarke’s chest as well as feel the tears that fell from Clarke’s cheeks and into her own hair. Lexa wanted so badly to lean up and kiss those tears away, but she knew it wasn’t the time, so she continued.

“They wouldn’t listen, no matter what I said. They said that being a fiancé meant nothing.” Lexa further explained. “They said couldn’t give out information about patients unless you were of immediate blood relation. I begged for hours with no luck. They even threatened to call security on me at one point.”

“So...what did you do?” Clarke asked with a ragged breath.

“I didn’t do anything. I was forcibly removed by the police and almost arrested from the hospital about 6 hours after I got there.” Lexa said, her voice cracking.

“What the fuck for?” Clarke said, the anger present in her voice.

“Costia’s mother had arrived.” Lexa snipped, picking at the fabric of Clarke’s shirt. “Administration had called her parents. She had actually been there for a couple hours.”

“Why in the world would she have you removed? I thought she liked you.” Clarke asked, appalled.

“Well, apparently during the couple hours she was there the staff had informed her that I had been there asking about her.” Lexa explained, with a shaky breath. “…They also informed her that I had identified myself as Costia’s fiancé."

Lexa could hear the gasp from Clarke’s throat before she spoke hurriedly. “I’m so sorry, Lexa”

“Me too.” Lexa replied, squeezing her eyes shut just trying to keep the new tears from coming.

“Did she make a scene? Was there an argument? Is that the reason you were removed?" Clarke asked.

“Nope.” Lexa said with a sarcastic laugh. “I wish there was, at least I could have said I fought for her.” The last words came out broken and followed by the aforementioned tears but she continued none the less. “Nia is the bitch’s name. I haven’t said it before now because I don’t think someone who acted like such an animal deserves to be called by a name. Hell, she didn’t even deserve to be referenced as Costia's mom for that matter.” Lexa scoffed.

Clarke squeezed Lexa a little tighter. Again, not saying anything.

“It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to assume Nia didn’t take too kindly that her sweet doteful daughter had gone full blown lesbian on her and even gotten engaged to one.” Lexa began. “So, she apparently told the staff and security that I was Costia’s “crazy, obsessed, lesbian roommate” who they have been "very Christian towards for years about the matter." She also…to top the fucking cake, told them that the ring I gave Costia was actually a family heirloom of theirs."

“How can someone be so evil.” Clarke seethed out. She was shaking.

“I don’t know.” Lexa said, emotionless. “I woke up in the waiting room to someone shaking my shoulder. It was a security guard. There was another one with her, along with Nia. I didn’t know what was going on at first, so I jumped up happy. It didn’t take but a moment to realize that she wasn’t as happy to see me.”

“What did you say to her?” Clarke asked softly.

“I just dropped to my knees and begged.” Lexa said, the sobs coming back yet again. “I begged her..."Please, let me see Costia". She just looked at me, Clarke… her eyes were so cold when she said it. She said Costia was dead…She was dead and had been for a while. My heart...felt like it exploded in my chest when the words came out of her mouth. She didn’t give me but a few moments to process it before she told me they were already preparing her…her body to take her back home. I was terrified, I didn’t want the last image I remembered of Costia was finding her lifeless in my arms. So...so I begged even more...I compromised...I promised not…to not go to the funeral if she just let me see her one last time. Nia just scoffed and said that I wouldn’t have been welcome there regardless. I was…floored. I didn’t know what else to do so I went all in…I told Nia that she didn’t need to do it…that I loved Costia. That I loved…that I loved her daughter.”

Clarke’s breath was coming in and out in rapid succession at this point. Matching the intensity of the sobs coming between Lexa’s words as she spoke them. Her tears were spilling yet again into Lexa’s hair.

“Nia looked at me with such hatred in her eyes.” Lexa continued. “She didn’t say anything else to me. She just…she just turned to one of the guards and said: “This is what I was explaining to you. This woman lives in my daughter’s dorm and is obsessed with her. She has even gone so low as to claim my grandmother’s ring that Costia wears on her finger is an engagement ring that she gave her. I want her removed.”

“No….” Clarke let out in a strangled breath, squeezing Lexa tighter, as if she was trying to protect her.

Lexa took a deep breath to try to calm her sobs. A few moments later when she felt more composed, she continued. “I was grabbed by the arms and escorted from the hospital. The whole time I’m calling back to Nia begging her to stop. Telling her that this isn’t what Costia would want. She just stared back at me with those ice-cold eyes. After I was brought outside, they said I needed to leave entirely or I would be arrested and charged with stalking, trespassing, and a whole slew of other things I couldn’t pay attention to because I was so fucking numb.”

“Where did you go?” Clarke asked.

“Back to the dorm.” Lexa, shrugging slightly. “There was nowhere else for me, I had no family there. I wasn’t in a position to see friends. So, I went home.”

“Weren't you afraid the school was going to find out, kick you out?” Clarke asked.

“I wasn’t really thinking about anything other than going home to go lay down in our bed, hoping to fall asleep, and wake up again realizing it was all a nightmare.” Lexa said, softly. “Of course, I did wake up, and it wasn’t just a nightmare. When I did think about that, it wasn’t much. Nia would never want anyone to know that her daughter was a lesbian. She wouldn’t have told the school and she’d deny It if anyone asked. If they did kick me out though, so be it. I had lost everything that mattered in my life already anyways. What did that matter.”

“So…what did you do from there. What could you do?” Clarke asked, her voice low.

“Exactly.” Lexa said, her voice hitching. “What could I do? Nia was gone, she had taken Costia with her. I had no contact information for her. I know what town she’s from but I couldn’t just go running two states over and start knocking on funeral home doors hoping to find the one she’d be having her service at, if it was even in that town. Plus…even as a big of a piece of shit person that Nia is, I didn’t have the right to disrupt and possibly ruin the final goodbye that the rest of her family had. They could all be good people. If I show up and Nia causes a scene and calls the cops...well, I didn’t want to stoop to Nia’s level and be the reason all those people didn’t at least get THEIR proper goodbye.”

“You are such an amazing person, Lexa. I hope you know that.” Clarke whispered against Lexa’s head. “I know Costia did.”

“Thank you.” Lexa said before pushing up and off Clarke, making to grab her bag again. “I wish everyone was as generous as you.”

“What is it?” Clarke said, confused as to what Lexa was doing.

Lexa dug in her bag until she found what she was looking for. She pulled out a small velvet drawstring bag and handed it to Clarke. Wiping her eyes quickly, Lexa sat across from the bed facing her. “Go ahead, open it.” She said.

Clarke took the bag from Lexa, looking her in the eye. Lexa smiled back softly at her as if to tell her that it was ok. When Clarke opened it and poured the contents out onto her palm her hand immediately closed around it and she brought both hands up to her face, trying to stifle a sob that tore through her lungs.

Lexa didn’t expect this reaction from Clarke. She felt terrible that the sight of it had elicited such an emotional reaction from the girl. Lexa scooted forward and reached up, gently pulling Clarke’s hands down from her face before wiping the tears from her cheeks the best she could.

“You’ve got to stop all this crying for me.” Lexa said, jesting, trying to make Clarke perk up. “I’m the one with all the problems remember?”

“You’ve had years to cry over all this.” Clarke breathed out hard, trying to catch her breath. “This is all new to me, and its so fucking rough. I’m so, so, SO sorry you’ve had to live through all this, Lexa.” She said, looking down at her hand before opening it back up to look at the item. The sight caused her voice to hitch again and she had to look away so she didn’t loose her composure again.

Lexa reached over and picked up the tiny item from Clarke palm. Holding it between her fingers she watched as the light from window hit it's stones just right. “Nia had this delivered to me. It wasn't but a few weeks after Costia died.” She began, holding her voice strong for Clarke. “In the package was a note that said something along the lines of: “You corrupted my daughter in life, and I will not allow you to follow her in death.”

“Oh my god, Lexa!” Clarke cried out. “She could have sold it, threw it away, donated it, SOMETHING! She didn’t have to send it back to you!”

“No, she didn’t.” Lexa said, turning the ring around in her fingers and then sliding on and off repeatedly on her ring finger. “But, she just had to have her revenge. She knew doing that would all but kill me to know…to know for sure, that Costia wasn’t buried with it. That she wasn’t buried with part of me with her. It almost did kill me, Clarke. I won’t lie, I thought about it more than once in the beginning.”

Clarke leaned forward and placed her forehead against Lexa’s and just stayed there in silence for a few moments before speaking. “I’m so glad you didn’t. I’m sorry if this sounds selfish, but I needed you in my life.” She said softly.

“I’m pretty sure the world decided I needed you in mine.” Lexa responded back. Running one hand across Clarke’s cheek.

Clarke smiled and leaned into her touch, moving her hands forwards, laying them on Lexa’s thighs, gripping tightly as if holding onto her.

“Lexa?” Clarke whispered.

“Yes?” Lexa replied.

“Are you going to continue with the counseling?” She asked, softly.

“Yes, of course.” Lexa said, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“Do you promise never to hurt me out of anger again, that you’ll talk to me about how you feel if you ever get over whelmed?” Clarke asked, her voice a little broken with emotion.

Lexa realized where this was headed and her heart started pounding and her mind started racing. She placed her hands over Clarke’s and squeezed them gently. Not moving her forehead from Clarke’s, she took a deep breath before answering, trying to emote every ounce of sincerity in her body.

“I promise you, Clarke.” Lexa said. “I promise you that and more. Your needs are my needs.”

Clarke was quiet for a moment before suddenly leaning forward and connecting her lips with Lexa’s, startling her slightly. Lexa lost the breath that was in her lungs at the contact. Lexa never wanted to breath again if it meant Clarke kissing her. The kiss was soft and full of unspoken emotion, slow and languid. After a few short moments, Clarke pulled away. Lexa chased her lips and placed one more small, soft peck to her lips, cupping her cheeks as she did so. Clarke pulled back opening her eyes and smiling before she spoke.

“I forgive you, Lexa.” She said, with a furrow in her brow, but a small smile still present.

“Clarke, thank yo…” Lexa began before being cut off by Clarke.

“Ah, Ah. Let me finish.” Clarke scolded. Lexa nodded in understanding. “If you ever…EVER pull anything like that again. I’m walking away. I believe that your illness is the REASON you said what you did. But I will not accept it as an EXSCUSE if it happens again. Are we clear?”

“Crystal. Yes. Absolutely.” Lexa stuttered out, holding her hands up.

“Ok.” Clarke said in confirmation before changing the subject. “How are you feeling?”

“Honestly?” Lexa began, running her hand though her hair. “Like shit. All this crying has exhausted me and given me a slight headache. But it was all worth it. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

“Here lay down with me.” Clarke said, scooting back towards the head of the bed and patting the side next to her.”

Lexa’s heart raced a little at the gesture. They had laid together before but now there was an understanding that there something more than friendship between the two of them.

“Actually, give me a second. Let me get out of these clothes.” Clarke said, getting up and heading towards her walk in closet. “The jeans aren’t comfortable and my shirt is wet.”

“Sorry.” Lexa said, wincing.

“Nothing to be sorry about, Lex. I wouldn’t trade it for anything either.” Clarke said from inside the closet. “Well maybe a dry shirt.” She laughed out as she walked back out towards the room and then climbed back into the bed. She had changed into a tank and a pair of athletic shorts.

“Ok, come here.” She said, laying down and motioning towards her chest.

Lexa scooted forward and laid her head down on Clarke’s chest, draping one arm around her midsection and holding Clarke tightly to herself. Clarke snuggled into Lexa further, finding her favorite spot with her chin tucked on top of Lexa’s head and her arms wrapped around her shoulders. She tangled her legs with Lexa’s as if trying to get as close to her as possible.

“Are you comfortable.” Clarke asked, running her nails lightly across Lexa’s back.

“Yes, very.” Lexa responded, before speaking further. “Thank you, Clarke.”

“For what?” Clarke hummed, her voice already sounding heavy with sleep.

“Everything. Being you. Helping me find myself again. Forgiving me.” Lexa listed off.

“You’re welcome.” Clarke responded in a whisper before kissing Lexa’s head firmly. “Now close your eyes, we’ve talked enough for now.”

 

 

“Yea, you’re right.” Lexa replied, doing as she was told.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke talk, tying up loose ends....and also their tongues.

“Yea, you’re right.”

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Clarke stretched her neck as she slowly opened her eyes, the sleep fading from her. Taking in her surroundings she all of a sudden remembered where she was and who she was with. Turning her head to the side, she got a full view of a gloriously beautiful face. Full lips that were slightly parted and a chiseled jaw is what she saw. Beautifully thick eyebrows and scattered curls is what she witnessed. They had shifted in their sleep. No longer was Lexa tucked under Clarke’s chin. It seemed that Clarke had moved to lay to her side, out from under Lexa. Whether or not the action woke her, Clarke wasn’t sure. Either way, Lexa was still impossibly close to her, arm tucked under herself and the other arm never having left its hold around her. It was considerably lower though, resting right above the top of Clarke’s shorts on a sliver of exposed skin. Clarke’s arm rested above hers, her hand had tucked itself under the sleeve of Lexa’s shirt, gripping her upper arm. She ran her nails lightly over the muscle there, eliciting a small sigh to leave Lexa’s lungs. Clarke smiled at the action but ceased her movements. She didn’t want to wake the girl. She had been through a lot. Clarke craned her neck over to the bedside table to look at the clock.

 _Damn._ she thought. It was only eight thirty. It had just gotten dark. They had napped for over an hour. Clarke began rethinking her prior decision. If she didn’t wake Lexa now, they’d both be up at three or four in the morning, unable to sleep. Clarke also didn’t want to assume that Lexa would be comfortable spending the night in her bed. She didn’t want to overwhelm the girl.

“Lexa.” Clarke said, softly. She resumed her scratching on Lexa’s arm, trying to carefully rouse her. She hoped it would be easier this time, given Lexa wasn’t in the middle of a night terror. Clarke had redefined what she witnessed her have. Nightmare was nowhere near a good enough description given what Lexa was dreaming about. The brunette shuttered slightly at her ministrations, her brows furrowing and relaxing quickly.

 _She’s so beautiful._ Clarke thought to herself. _Even while asleep she’s fucking perfect._

As much as Clarke wanted to keep staring at this woman, she didn’t know how Lexa would feel about it. So,she decided to avoid any possible embarrassment at being caught red handed, gawking at the beauty before her. She dug her fingers a little more firmly into the silky skin of Lexa’s arm, and ran them down its length. It was not enough to cause Lexa pain, but enough to make herself known. She hoped it would, at least. The last thing she wanted was to have to shake the woman awake. The last time that it happened to her, it was detrimental.

“Lexa. Time to wake up sleepyh…” Clarke began before cutting herself off with a sharply inhaled breath immediately followed by a soft gasp. In reaction to Clarke’s heavier hand, Lexa’s arm had shifted quickly in her sleep. The gasp brought forth from Clarke was due to the fact that the hand belonging to the arm had moved upward and under her tank top, dragging it along and bunching it up at her chest. Lexa’s hand was now cupping the side of her breast. Her breast that was covered by a thin sports bra. So thin, that she could feel the warmth of Lexa’s palm through it. Clarke felt nervous butterflies in her stomach as well as shooting heat in her core at the sensation. Her treacherous nipples once again made their selves known, becoming instantly hard and obvious between the thin materials. Clarke’s breathing had picked up at this point, making the aforementioned hand twitch slightly at the rapid movements. Clarke thought she felt like a pervert before, watching Lexa sleep. She definitely felt like one now, getting aroused at an accidental action of a sleeping woman. A beautiful, no…sexy…NO breathtaking woman whom she had already shamefully masturbated to the image of once before.

 _Ugg…..Ok. Stop, stop._ Clarke chastised herself internally. _Wake her up before SHE wakes up and realizes where her hand is and has a damn heart attack._

Clarke grabbed Lexa’s wrist and tugged it down gently, unable to contain the soft moan that escaped her lips as Lexa’s fingers were drug down from her breast. Clarke was able to get Lexa’s hand nearly out from under her shirt before she froze.

“Hmmm.” Lexa said, her voice still obviously engulfed by sleep. “What time…” Lexa began to say as she opened her eyes. Though, upon seeing where her hand currently was, she snatched it up and away from Clarke’s grip and then sat up. “I’m sorry!” Lexa said, a scared tone in her voice while she avoided Clarke’s gaze. “I didn’t mean to.” She added, meekly.

“Lexa, its ok.” Clarke said, sitting up as well. She pulled her shirt back down as she did so, trying to meet Lexa’s terrified eyes but having no success. “Hey, you moved in your sleep, no biggie. Nothing happened.” Clarke half-lied, smiling assuredly at Lexa while reaching for her hand. “I’ve been up for a moment.” She admitted. “I was trying to wake you and it was a reflex, no harm done.”

Lexa let out a lungful of air that Clarke didn’t know she was holding in. Her posture relaxed and her eyes finally met hers. “I’m still sorry.” She said, worry present in her eyes.

Clarke ran fingers over Lexa’s palm before interlocking her hand with hers. “You don’t have to be afraid to touch me.” She said. “I know tonight was a lot for you. I can tell already that your head is going a going a mile a minute. Remember you promised me that you would talk to me if you get overwhelmed?”

“Yes, I remember.” Lexa said. “It’s just that, I kissed you without checking with you when I first got here and now I’m groping you in my sleep.” She added; the concern apparent in her voice. “I’m not making a good impression so far. I go from being scared of you entirely to practically molesting you.”

Clarke wanted to scoff and tell Lexa how ridiculous she was being but she knew that it wasn’t the time. Lexa was feeling very vulnerable and the last thing Clarke wanted to do was make Lexa think that she wasn’t concerned with her feelings.

“Lexa.” Clarke began, squeezing her hand. “I wanted that kiss. I was clearly upset that you hadn’t kissed me before and you were giving me what we BOTH wanted then. I enjoyed it. ….And tell me if I’m wrong, but I think you did too.”

Lexa nodded shyly; the blush apparent on her cheeks.

Clarke smiled at Lexa’s reaction. “I appreciate you telling me this though. I really do. Verbal consent is important. But, when two people know each other well enough, which I feel like we do, nonverbal cues are just as acceptable. We’re not two strangers hooking up after a party.”

Lexa nodded in understanding. “I want to tell you how sorry I am for what happened between us.” She blurted out suddenly. “I’ve been so closed off for so long, seemly content in my own world. Then you came into my life and everything started to change.”

Clarke made to speak before being cut off by Lexa.

“Please, hear me out before you say anything.” She said, closing her eyes and shaking her head quickly. “I had this whole speech planned out in my head yesterday that I was going to say to you. But, when I found you sitting there, you didn’t want to look at me. Everything I wanted to say just went out the window…you were so sad. It killed me to see what I had done to you. So, all that being said. I want to explain to you my state of mind leading up to that morning at my apartment. Hopefully it will give you some insight into everything.”

Clarke pursed her lips together and smiled slightly. Acknowledging her but not speaking as Lexa had asked.

“When you came into my life, Clarke, You turned my world upside down. Or better yet…right side up.” Lexa said, her voice wavering before she cleared her throat. “I didn’t realize how fucked up I was until I was forced to face emotions that I haven’t felt in years. I thought I had done fine. I didn’t see anything wrong with how I dealing with Costia’s death, no matter what anyone said to me. I told myself…they have no clue what I’ve been through. I had nothing to heal with. I didn’t have the support of her family to fall back on nor mine when it happened. My family knew she existed but didn’t know we were together, much less engaged. We couldn’t risk the word getting to her mother. Not that I couldn’t trust my family…we just didn’t want to take the chance. All I had to remember her by were painful memories.” The tears were slowly trickling down her cheeks now. “I couldn’t even visit her grave, Clarke. She was taken from me in such a way that I couldn’t even grieve for her.”

Clarke reached up and brushed the tears from Lexa’s face. Lexa leaned into her touch momentarily before continuing.

“I got pretty fucking numb from it all.” Lexa continued. “I graduated somehow and moved back home. I got a job and immersed myself in it. Eventually, I had to tell my family what happened when everyone started noticing that I wasn’t the “Lexa” that left off for college. I gave them the bare minimum. I was blunt about everything. They tried to get me to talk about it  constantly over the years. They tried to get me to seek help. I refused of course. I kept insisting I was fine. I thought I was. It hurt a little less every day. I started to think about her less and less. Most everyone stopped pressuring me after a while, everyone but Anya. She’s very persistent.”

Clarke smiled shortly at this. Squeezing Lexa’s hand that was still interlocked with hers.

“Then…all of a sudden its nearly four years later and i’m sitting down at the Gardens down from my apartment trying to read something other than my work for the first time in months.” Lexa said. “Anya forced me out of the house that day. She told me if I didn’t get out and do something, she was going to pull the fire alarm in the stairwell and have the fire department make me get out. I don’t know how well you know Anya by now...but she doesn’t bluff. “

Clarke’s breathing had increased slightly at the mention of the Gardens. She willed herself to not start trembling.

“As you know…” Lexa began with a small smile on her face. “…it started raining a short while after I arrived. I tried to argue with Anya that it wasn’t a good day to go out, but she just handed me my umbrella and coat and practically shoved me out the door.”

Clarke laughed at this before speaking. “I’m sorry but, but I have to say something. The whole time you were there I was judging you as one of those people that carried an umbrella with them wherever they went no matter the weather.”

Lexa raised her eyebrow at this. “Hmm, had I known that I may not have saved you then.” She said, feigning offense.

“I’m glad you didn’t know.” Clarke began smiling widely. “I literally had NO idea that it was going to rain that day. I’m so un-informed. I haven’t become a proper adult yet. Apparently, Raven hasn’t either because she was the one that forced me out, remember? Those two are perfect for each other.”

“I think you’re right about that.” Lexa said, laughing lightly.

“Anyways, please continue. I apologize for interrupting.” Clarke said.

“It’s ok.” Lexa replied beginning to speak but stopping, seemingly unable to find her words. “I’m sorry, I’m kinda nervous now.” Lexa said.

Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed at this and a frown crossed her face. “I’m sorry…I should have just stayed quiet like you asked.”

“No, no. Its fine. I promise.” Lexa assured her, smiling and interlocking her fingers more tightly with Clarke’s. “I’ve just never had to tell a story about how I met a woman and how she’s made me feel so much for her in such a short time, all while she’s sitting only inches away from me.”

The trembling Clarke had staved off earlier was now rearing its head. She shook from head to toe and there was no way Lexa didn’t notice it.

“When I came across you in that alley…” Lexa began. “…trying to find shelter from the rain, I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. You were nervous and spastic and…so beautiful. I hadn’t admired a woman’s beauty at all since Costia, not until I met you.”

Clarke blushed lightly at the comment. “I looked like a wet dog.” She scoffed.

“You were gorgeous.” Lexa retorted, smiling.  “When you agreed to come home with me, I don’t know if I did a good job of hiding it, but I was ecstatic. My emotions were everywhere in those moments. I’m not saying I was already interested in you romantically or anything. I just had this urge to KNOW YOU. I don’t know why the pull was so strong. When you came home with me and we talked all that while, I felt like I had known you for years. Everything we said just came out so fluidly. I felt like I could say anything to you. Well, other than the obvious. I’m glad you gave me your phone number that day. If you didn’t stay in my life, I’d still be sitting alone typing at my computer and hating the world as I did so.”

“You can’t give me credit for everything.” Clarke said, blushing more now. Her trembling had yet to cease.

“I’m not.” Lexa said. “I’m saying you were my motivation. I won’t lie, Clarke. Contrary to my hurtful comment, my heart hitched in my chest a little when you said that you thought you were bi. I don’t know why; I hadn’t even thought of pursuing a relationship with you at that point. My heart hitched nevertheless. You made me feel things I didn’t realize I could anymore, and I got scared. Which is why I didn’t tell you I was gay right away. If you thought I was straight then I couldn’t act on them, and you wouldn’t try to act on yours.”

Clarke’s eyes shot open wide at the last comment.  “Wait! You knew I liked you from the beginning.?” She asked, in shock.

“…Yes and no. Liked...maybe. Unabashedly attracted? Yes.” Lexa answered with an obvious tone in her voice and a wide smile showing several teeth. “Were you trying to be subtle? If so, you’re terrible at it.” She added, gesturing between the two of them.

“Oh, god. Kill me now.” Clarke said, lowering her face into her hand trying to pull the other hand away from Lexa’s so it could do the same. She was met with resistance. Lexa wasn’t letting go.

“C'mon.” Lexa began, laughing lightly. “It was flattering.”

“I was such a horndog!” Clarke said, still mortified.

“You were cute.” Lexa responded; the wide smile never having left her face. “You tested my resolve that day we sent each other those pictures.” She added, blushing.

‘“My resolve BROKE that day.” Clarke said nonchalantly with a raised eyebrow before clamping her hand over her mouth in realization of what she had just let slip out. Her mouth was just as treacherous as her breasts.

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked, curious.

“Nothing, nothing.” Clarke brushed off. “A conversation for another time.” She was NOT telling Lexa she masturbated to her picture. No way. At least not today.

“Ok then…” Lexa replied, still obviously curious but not pushing for more. “Anyways, so continuing with my earlier statement. It was easier for me to stay distant if you didn’t know I was gay. Then… I go and say all that stuff to Finn. I didn’t mean for you to find out that way. I didn’t mean for you to find out at all. I just have this drive to want to protect you and that’s what came out. I’m sorry if that comes off as controlling or creepy, but I do want to protect you.”

“Its not creepy, Lexa, I really appreciated all your help with the whole Finn situation.” Clarke reassured her. “If you weren’t there, I don’t know what would have happened. I’m not at strong as you, mentally or physically.” She added.

“I wouldn’t consider myself mentally strong in any aspect.” Lexa said, sighing.

“You are though, you need to see that.” Clarke said firmly. “You could have given into your demons at the beginning like you said, but you didn’t. You persevered and you’re working on overcoming it all. You’re the strongest person I know.”

“Not strong enough to keep from hurting you.” Lexa quipped; sadness apparent in her voice.

Clarke smiled at Lexa, shaking her head. “Can I tell you something?”

“Sure. Anything.” Lexa replied.

“My dad was everything to me.” Clarke began after taking a deep breath. “He was not only my dad but one of my best friends. He always encouraged me and always had words of wisdom at a moment turn. There was one thing he would always say to me when something didn’t go right. When I made a mistake. When I just couldn’t understand why something happened. He would say: “Everything happens for a reason. There is a cause and effect for everything in life. You can’t always control what caused something and you can’t always control what the effect will be. But…what you can control is how you let it AFFECT you.”

Clarke witnesses Lexa shift a little and swallow nervously. She grabbed Lexa’s other hand, intertwining it with hers, matching the other before speaking again.

“You went through something horrific that you couldn’t control." Clarke continued. "Costia passed suddenly with no notice. Other than tests that aren’t usually performed at normal doctor visits, there was no way of knowing she had a heart condition. Unfortunately, these type of conditions go undiagnosed all the time because of this. YOU couldn’t control that. YOU couldn’t control the effect it would have with Nia, the hospital, everything. And for a while…you didn’t think you could control how you let it affect you. But you are so strong, Lexa.” Tears welled up in her eyes, trying to keep composed." So strong, you were able to realize what you needed to do to overcome it and decide for yourself how you LET IT affect you.”

A single tear felt down Lexa’s cheek the words. She was shaking as hard as Clarke was by now.

“I know in my heart that what happened between us had to happen.” Clarke continued. “There was a reason. That reason was getting you healthy again. Yes, the affect was pain and heartbreak, but you didn’t allow that to continue. You got help and you allowed it to be a learning experience and the push you needed to overcome and achieve your happiness.”

Tears flowed freely from Lexa’s eyes now and a silent sob escaped her lungs before she looked up to meet Clarke’s eyes. “YOU make me happy, Clarke.” She revealed.

Clarke half sobbed/half laughed at Lexa’s words, painting a smile on her face. “You make me happy too, Lexa. So, so happy.” She responded. “I’m sorry if you ever felt like I had abandoned you. I wanted to make sure you got enough help before I tried to come back into your life. I didn’t want you getting overwhelmed or think that because I was back you didn’t need to continue with therapy. I’d like to think you wouldn’t have done that…but I just couldn’t risk it.” Clarke closed her eyes to keep the tears from coming before opening them back up and speaking. “I struggled every day to not call or text you….to knock on your damn door.”

Lexa surged forward grabbing the back of Clarke’s neck and pulled her forehead to her own. “You have no idea how hard it was for me too.” She gasped out, emotion pouring from her. “Those few weeks we knew each other were a whirlwind of things that equaled out to be everything I didn’t know I needed. I didn’t want to lose you. I wanted to make sure you were ok. I wanted to tell you how I was doing with therapy because regardless of what happened, I knew you would be worried. Most selfish of all, I wanted to hear your sweet voice.”

Clarke couldn’t help but feel her heart swell because of the girl in front of her. So much had been spoken about today. Lexa had cried and been angry about far too much. Lexa had been through so much hell, but in the face of it all she was able rise up and face her demons. Every day that passed by that she didn’t see or hear from Lexa after what transpired between the two of them was torment to Clarke. But she knew she had to be strong, not for herself but for Lexa. Not seeing or contacting Lexa was what was going to help her.

“I felt selfish, too.” Clarke began. Squeezing the hand that still held hers. “But I knew I couldn’t. Anya had been giving me updates here and there. Not much though. It was just enough to let me know that you were well and were making progress. She didn’t want to upset you by telling your story. But, what she did tell me, gave me the strength to hold out on my wants and focus on your needs.”

“Thank you, Clarke.” Lexa said, pressing a kiss to Clarke’s temple before wrapping her arms around her hugging her deeply. “I could never repay you for what you’ve done for me. You or Anya.”

Clarke reciprocated the hug, burying her face into Lexa’s neck and breathing heavily trying to recuperate from all the emotions that had transpired. “Just stay on the path you’ve finally taken.” She whispered into Lexa’s neck. “That’s all the payment I’ll ever ask for.”

Lexa squeezed Clarke one more good time before releasing her. Clarke looked at Lexa with an adoring smile and pushed back the unruly curls that had once again taken up residence on Lexa’s face, some wet with tears.

“I’ll never get over how gorgeous you are.” Clarke said, wiping her thumbs under Lexa’s eyes. “Even all flustered with smudged makeup.”

“What happened to bridge troll?” Lexa asked with a smirk.

Clarke playfully slapped Lexa’s shoulder while laughing. “Hey! I said I was joking.”

“I know, I know.” Lexa answered softly, pulling Clarke’s hands from her face and intertwining their fingers yet again. She looked back up at Clarke with hooded lids and a look in her eye that Clarke couldn’t quite read.

“What?” Clarke asked, tipping her head. A nervous feeling was settling low in her belly.

“I really want to kiss you.” Lexa said with a shaky voice before continuing. “I want to kiss you like I should have when we woke up together the first time all those weeks ago.”

Clarke’s breath hitched at the confession. She took a deep breath trying to fill her suddenly empty lungs before she spoke, just for the air to rush right back out. “And I want you to.”

Clarke saw Lexa’s pupils blow wide at her response as well as saw her breaths quicken. Though, instead of the kiss Clarke was expecting she watched Lexa’s hand move from hers to rest on her shoulder, gently guiding her to lay back down on the bed. Clarke’s heart was hammering out of her chest right now. Butterflies flew all around her stomach. Lexa followed her, until they were both laid down and facing each other. The same as they were that morning, when they were just two girls about to kiss before being interrupted. Lexa moved closer to Clarke, bringing their still intertwined hands up and between them, only to lay Clarke’s palm down onto her chest.

 _It's beating so hard._ Clarke thought to herself. She searched for Lexa’s eyes, meeting the almost black eyes rimmed with emerald.

“This is what you do to me.” Lexa said, her voice trembling.

Clarke pulled her hand away from Lexa’s chest reluctantly before turning their hands and repeating the action, this time Lexa’s palm was on Clarke’s chest. Lexa gasped.  “I feel the same.” Clarke said, her voice betraying her by cracking.

Lexa leaned forward and brushed her lips lightly against Clarke’s before pressing them to hers completely. Clarke’s lower lip was tucked wonderfully under Lexa’s top. Clarke would never tire of sensation that was Lexa’s soft pillowly lips. Clarke felt Lexa push into her more boldly and relished when Lexa changed the angle of their kiss. She pushed back in response. Clarke thought she saw stars when she felt Lexa’s lips part against her own and a soft tongue moved ever so against her lower lip, seeking entrance. Clarke opened up for her graciously. The sensation of Lexa’s warm tongue licking up against her lip and then into her mouth to meet her own shot sensations between her legs. Lexa's motions sped up. She was beginning to breath heavily and deliciously into Clarke's mouth between kisses and swipes of her tongue. Lexa's hand suddenly removed it self from Clarke’s and made its way to the back of Clarke’s neck, pulling her forward and kissing her more feverously. Both girls pushed and pulled, taking what they wanted and giving what the other needed.

Showing no signs of fatigue due to the never-ending contact against Clarke’s lips, Lexa sat up and leaned over Clarke. It was but a split-second loss of contact but Clarke audibly whined never the less. Lexa leaned down on an elbow that rest by Clarke’s head. She cupped the side of Clarke’s face around her ear, and reconnected their lips eagerly. She wasting no time probing her tongue back into Clarke’s inviting mouth to reconnect with hers. Clarke couldn’t help but let her hands find purchase on Lexa’s sides. She gripped Lexa’s shirt tightly, desperate for something to ground herself with as she panted harshly against Lexa’s lips between frantic kisses. Lexa took her by surprise when she suddenly pulled away and placed a tongue laced kiss to Clarke’s jaw and then moved slowly down her neck. She attached her lips to Clarke's pulse point and suckled the skin there lightly.

“Oh my god, Lexa.” Clarke moaned out in to the open room. Her clit throbbed in pleasure, her underwear dampened, and her hands shifted. She ran them under Lexa’s shirt and up her warm side and back, dragging her nails along the skin as they went. Lexa let out a hiss and groaned out Clarke's name in response before biting down gently but firmly on the space between the crook of Clarke’s neck and shoulder. Clarke cried out again at the sensation, while trying to shift her legs together to find some sort of friction. If it was possible to cum from a kiss, this would be the one to do it.

Clarke’s eyes shot open at the realization. As much as she would really enjoy it right now, neither of them were ready for anything of the sort. Even this kiss was probably going to far considering the events that had recently transpired, not to mention Lexa’s still fragile heart and mind. It was too much too soon, but it was glorious while it lasted. Clarke reluctantly wove her fingers into Lexa’s hair and tugged gently, forcing the woman back above her and then down yet again in a crash of lips and tongue. Clarke allowed them a few more moments of heavenly bliss before pulling away.

“Are you ok?” Lexa said, panting with a heaving chest and lust filled eyes. Concern was apparent on her face.

“Yes, of course.” Clarke answered, her voice raspy and dry. “It’s just…I think we’re going to regret it if we go too far right now. I don’t want to rush whatever there is between the two of us.” Clarke continued, removing her hands from Lexa's hair, cupping her cheeks, and lightly gliding a shaking thumb over one of Lexa’s eyebrows. “That got us into trouble the last time.” She added, smiling meekly.

“I was literally thinking the same thing, believe it or not.” Lexa said, her breathing returning back to mostly normal. “Well, I was before your nails went across my back.” She added, smirking at Clarke. “I lost my train of though after that. My senses too, apparently.” Lexa lightly traced her fingers across the faded pink mark on Clarke’s shoulder. “Sorry, I’ve never done anything like that before. I couldn’t help myself.”

“Clarke smiled up at Lexa warmly. “Please, don’t be sorry. I enjoyed it. Perhaps a little too much.”

Lexa looked back down at Clarke with a questioning look. Clarke was about to answer when a loud bang came from the front of the house.

“Honey I’m home!” Raven called out, her voice dangerously close to Clarke’s bedroom.

“Shit, the door! Get off, get off!” Clarke whispered hurriedly, pushing a hand to Lexa’s shoulder. “If she sees us, we’ll be pestered to death about it. That woman doesn’t understand the concept of humility.”

“Right.” Lexa responded, hurrying off Clarke and making to sit up in the bed against the headboard. They made it with no time to spare when Raven popped her head into Clarke’s doorway.

“There you are.” Raven said, annoyed. “Don’t you know it’s rude to not to answer when someone ca…OMG! YOU GUYS WERE ABOUT TO DO IT!” She practically screamed out, clasping her hands and turning in a quick circle.

“Jesus Rae! We were not!” Clarke yelled out, pulling the blanket up over Lexa and herself in an attempt to shield them from Raven’s eyes. “Were fully clothed, idiot.”

“Um…that don’t mean shit.” Raven said bluntly, pointing between the two of them. "You two look like you were stung by bees and none of those bees had a hairbrush you could borrow.”

Lexa nervously wiped her lips while she simultaneously ran her fingers through her hair. Clarke did the same, brushing her hair to one side before she realized the mistake.

Raven's eyes went wide immediately. “Holy shit, she bit you!” She exclaimed rushing to Clarke’s side of the bed. “God damn Lexa, I never thought you were capable! Did Anya teach you this? Clarke, let me see!” Raven ordered, grabbing Clarke’s jaw and tugging her face to the side. All the while, Lexa looked on with a mix of embarrassment and bewilderment.

Clarke slapped at Raven’s hand angrily and jumped out from beneath the covers. She grabbed Raven’s arm and pulled her towards the door. “Out. OUT! Why are you an engineer? You’re better suited to be one of those paparazzi leeches!” Clarke seethed between gritted teeth.

“Ok, ok. I’m sorry” Raven said. “I didn’t mean it. You know I get excited for my little butterfly.”

“Raven, SHUT. UP!” Clarke barked before looking back at Lexa who was still in shock.

“Sorry, sorry!” Raven said again with her hands up in defense. “I’ll be good, I promise.”

“Thank you!” Clarke replied, annoyed. “Now will you PLEASE get out?”

“Yes, but will you guys please please please watch a movie with me or something?” Raven asked with puppy dog eyes. “I drank like two energy drinks to stay awake to go the bar with Linc and Octavia and all of a sudden she’s glued to the toilet. Bad sushi or something. I wasn’t really listening, had to leave. You know I don’t like vomit.” Raven said, getting noticeably queasy just from talking about it.

“Raven I don’t know, we were kinda in the middle of so…” Clarke began before being cut off.

“So, you guys WERE going to have sex?!” Raven asked, not hiding her renewed excitement.

Lexa half choked/half coughed behind them bring Clarke’s attention to her. Lexa rose from the bed, straightening her hair some more before speaking. “It’s fine, Clarke. We can watch the movie if you want to. Whatever gets us out of this god-awful and awkward situation.”

Clarke turned her head back and glared at Raven momentarily before she spoke. “Mulan and nothing else. Go before I change my mind.”

“Yes!” Raven squealed before turning and walking out Clarke’s door.

Clarke signed and put her face in her hands, rubbing it roughly. “I told you she was insane. I told you!” She said, not looking towards Lexa, who was walking up to her.

Lexa smiled at Clarke empathetically before grabbing her without warning and pulling her into an embrace. “Thank you for everything again. I couldn’t have done it without you.” She said, before pulling away and placing a soft kiss on Clarke’s cheek.

Clarke blushed at the sweetness of Lexa’s actions. “I didn't do anything, it was all you. But you’re welcome.” She responded before hearing the distinctly Disney opening sequence begin blaring from the living room. “Come on.” She said grabbing Lexa’s hand and tugging it.  “She’ll come looking for us if we don't hurry up.”

“Ok, but hey…” Lexa began, pulling Clarke’s hand so that her body was flush against hers. She then spoke in a low, sultry voice against Clarke's ear. “…tell me what you meant when you said you “lost your resolve” that night.”

Clarke’s breath hitched at the question. Lexa was obviously having just as hard as a time as she was after their make out session. Her mind was still riddled with lust just like Clarke’s. This made Clarke’s panties wetter than they already were.

Lexa leaned back and looked Clarke with anticipation, awaiting Clarke’s response.

“Like I said…a conversation for another time.” Clarke replied, smirking. “But I will tell you this.” She said, her turn now to lean into Lexa.

“What?” Lexa asked, her voice whispered and low.

Clarke leaned in and let her lips kiss the skin directly below Lexa’s jaw before moving them to her ear. Clarke heard Lexa gasp audibly and could swear her heart was going to beat out of her chest due to the sudden rhythm it picked up at the words she spoke.

 

 “My resolve is DEFINITELY going to break again after you leave tonight.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the talk, before the pain.

“My resolve is DEFINITELY going to break again after you leave tonight.”

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

The girls had enjoyed the movie best they could, given the circumstances. The blatant sexual tension and high running emotions were hard to ignore as they sat side by side and thigh to thigh. Partially through the movie their hands had found each other’s. Fingers lightly skated over palms tentatively and thumbs brushed knuckles before eventually weaving together and holding on tightly. Clarke felt like she was back in high school. Something as simple as holding hands shouldn’t cause so many flutters in her chest and butterflies in her stomach. They hadn’t even yet talked about what they were or what they were doing. Clarke didn’t care at this point. She finally had Lexa back, and Clarke was going to make sure she kept her in any form she could. The gentle kisses and heavy make out session they shared throughout the night was unforgettable and made Clarke want more, but she knew that there was no promise for anything in any of it. Clarke was more than glad to take things one day at a time, as long as Lexa was healthy.

After the credits ended Clarke looked over to Raven, who was currently laid back in the recliner, chin to the ceiling, and snoring loudly. Clarke chuckled at the sight before turning to Lexa, who smiled back with a sleepy look in her eye.

“Are you tired?” Clarke half whispered/half spoke with a gravelly voice that she hadn’t realized would be laced with traces of sleep as well.

“Yea, kinda.” Lexa replied, smiling back softly. “I guess today took a lot out of us both, huh?”

“Yea, I guess you’re right.” Clarke replied. “But it was all worth it, I promise.”

“I know.” Lexa answered, squeezing the hand that was still intertwined with Clarke’s before yawning unexpectedly. “Wow, I’m sorry. Didn’t feel that coming.” She said, covering her mouth with her free hand.

“That’s alright.” Clarke said. “You know, you’re more than welcome to spend the night here.” Clarke added, timidly. “I can sleep on the couch and you can have my bed. I’m sure I’ve got some clothes you would wear.”

“I can’t take your bed Clarke.” Lexa replied, shaking her head. “Have you seen it? It’s amazing!” She added, laughing lightheartedly.

“Yes, I know. You’ve said it plenty.” Clarke answered, laughing along with her before adding unsurely. “If you won’t let me give it up then we could always just share again…”

Lexa looked at Clarke silently for a moment before a wide smile grew on her face.  “As much as I would love that, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Clarke couldn’t hide the momentary display of disappointment that crossed her face at Lexa words. Lexa didn’t miss it.

“I want to. Trust me...” She began, pulling Clarke’s hand to her lap and playing with her fingers with her free hand...“I just don’t trust myself after everything we’ve talked about and everything we’ve done since.”

“Trust yourself?” Clarke asked, a confused look washing over her face.

“…Yea.” Lexa began, swallowing roughly before shaking her head quickly and closing her eyes for a moment before looking back to Clarke. “Look, I’m just going to throw this out there. I've been feeling SO much for you in these last few hours that I didn’t realize I had been the entire time. I’ve apparently just either hidden it away or played dumb with myself since the moment I met you. What has transpired between us tonight kinda opened up the flood gates.”

Clarke looked on intently, her heart beating a mile a minute.

“We haven’t talked about what we are, but when we do...I want to do right by you.” Lexa said, trembling. “If I don’t set some boundaries now, if I go into that bedroom and lay with you again. I don’t know that I’ll be able to JUST sleep next to you.”

Clarke’s breathing quickened at the thought that ran through her head at Lexa’s words. Scenarios of warm skin and soft hands so near to each other, aching to touch. The temptation would be torture for her as well. Her will would probably break before Lexa’s to be honest. Both girls wanted more after their taste earlier, sleeping together in the same bed would be adding gasoline to the fire.

“Are you ok?” Lexa asked, bringing Clarke out of her thoughts.

“Oh, yea. Yea.” Clarke replied, rubbing her neck. “I understand completely. I feel the same way to be honest. I probably wouldn’t make it easy for you.” She added with an apologetic smile.

“I don’t believe that.” Lexa replied,smiling coyly.

“Horndog, remember?” Clarke said, scoffing. “It takes a lot of will power to keep my hands off of you even when you’re not lying in my bed.”

The corners of Lexa’s lips turned up into an amused smirk and her eyes danced between Clarke’s eyes and lips. “I definitely feel your pain.”

Clarke breath hitched and she made to reply before a loud choked cough stopped her.

Raven fell forward in the chair, hacking loudly. “OMG!” She exclaimed, eyes wide and still coughing. “I almost drowned on my drool.”

Completely unaffected by the scene unfolding before her Clarke turned to Lexa and gestured casually at Raven before speaking. “Would you believe that this perfect specimen before us is constantly asked out on dates and has never been told no by anyone she’s ever tried to pick up?”

Lexa laughed wholeheartedly from her belly at the comment. “I’m sure she has many redeeming qualities that I have yet to experience.”

“Hey assholes, I can hear you.” Raven snapped out between hacks that were tapering off.

“We weren’t trying to be quiet.” Clarke quipped.

“Whatever. Keep it up.” Raven responded, snippily. “I’m over here aspirating and ya’ll are just chatting away. Want me to make you some tea?”

“Oh, quit being dramatic.” Clarke said, unamused. “Take it as a lesson learned. Next time you won’t chug all those energy drinks. Everyone knows you come down hard off all that caffeine.”

“No tea for me, but I feel like I need a bag of popcorn.” Lexa said, smiling widely. “You two are something else.”

“This is us all day every day.” Clarke said, rolling her eyes. “It’s exhausting.”

“You love me.” Raven said, squinting her eyes at Clarke.

“I do. Don’t know why I do. But I do.” Clarke replied, smirking.

“I’ll be sure to prepare you a list of reasons.” Raven replied, sarcastically.

Lexa looked at the clock on the wall; it was near 12:00am. “Wow. I hate to say it, but I need to be going.”

“You aren’t staying here?” Raven asked with confused look on her face.

“No, I’ve got an early day tomorrow and I don’t have any clothes with me here.” Lexa lied. “Its best I just head home. If I stay here I would have to get up even earlier that I have to already.”

“Oh, ok.” Raven replied, appeased with the response. “Well, it was good seeing you again, I’m going to head on to bed.”

“Bye, Raven.” Lexa replied.

“Bye.” Raven responded with a wave, making her way down the hall.

Clarke turned to Lexa with a smile and a furrowed brow. “Sure you won’t let me take the couch?”

“I’m sure.” Lexa said, pulling Clarke into her and wrapping her arms around her shoulders before burying her face into Clarke’s neck. “I missed you so much.”

Clarke rested her chin on Lexa’s shoulder and ran her hands up Lexa’s back and gripped her shoulders before taking in a deep breath, breathing in her scent deeply. “I missed you too, Lex.” She said, her heart stuttering out of rhythm. “How can you care so much for someone you’ve known such a short time?” She added, letting the air out of her lungs shakily.

“I don’t know.” Lexa responded, her voice shaking. Clarke could feel Lexa’s throat move as she swallowed quickly. 

“Go on a date with me.” Clarke half said half asked quickly, almost without thought.

Clarke could feel Lexa stiffen underneath her almost immediately. A few short moments passed and Lexa had yet to respond. Clarke began to panic. She only then remembered Lexa’s rules. Yea, Anya had disregarded them as bullshit and Clarke herself had believed that they were merely just excuses that Lexa had come up with in order to ward off any potential suitors and to sabotage any chance at a real relationship with anyone. But, after the revelations of the past day, Clarke truly believed that Lexa had the rules in place in order to protect her heart. She just couldn’t handle it if she was hurt again. She was never allowed to heal after her last fight. If she chose to go into battle again she had to go in with as much protection and intel as possible if she was going to come out alive on the other end.  

“I know you’re scared.” Clarke whispered, still holding onto Lexa  but squeezing her a little bit tighter. “Take a chance on me…on us. Please.”

Lexa pulled back away from Clarke after another moment. She traced her hands down Clarke’s arms until they intertwined with hers. She looked down at them in silence for a moment before looking up to meet Clarke’s nervous gaze.

“Ok.” Lexa said, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.

Clarke look at Lexa, a smile spreading rapidly on her face. “Ok?” She said, unable to hide her excitement. “You’ll let me take you out?”

Lexa smiled back in kind before responding. “Yes. But...please promise you’ll be patient with me.”

“Yes, always.” Clarke said quickly. “Haven’t I proven I have that quality already?” She added jokingly.

“Yes, yes you have.” Lexa said with an appreciative tone present in her voice before changing moods suddenly. “I just can’t guarantee I won’t get scared or overwhelmed and try to pull away from you.”

“That’s when we talk.” Clarke said, gripping Lexa’s hands firmly. “We talk about how you’re feeling, we make adjustments, and we tinker with things. We’ll figure out how to be together...If that’s what you want.”

Lexa huffed out a gleeful sob and a rogue tear fell down her cheek at Clarke’s words. Clarke reached up and thumbed it away, moving further to tuck stray strands of hair behind Lexa’s ear. Lexa reached up and grabbed Clarke’s wrist, holding her in place as she turned to kiss her palm and nuzzle into its warmth. “Remind me to thank Anya for kicking me out that day.” She choked out in a mumble against Clarke’s skin.

“I’ll try to.” Clarke said, smiling warmly before reluctantly adding. “Do you really have to go home?”

“I hate to…but I need to.” Lexa said, dejectedly. She kissed Clarke’s palm once more before pulling it down and away to dangle in front of them along with their mates.

“I want to convince you to stay.” Clarke said, pouting.

“It won’t take much at this point, so please don’t.” Lexa laughed out lightly.

“Fine.” Clarke huffed playfully. “I’ll walk you to the door.”

“Let me grab my stuff.” Lexa said, walking back to the bedroom before returning shortly after.

“Why did you bring your laptop anyways?” Clarke questioned.

“Well…since the last I saw you I began back working on my novel. I was going to let you read what I had started.” Lexa said.

“Oh!” Clarke began. “That’s great, Lexa. I’ll be glad to read it the next time we’re together.”

“Actually, now that we’ve talked about everything…” Lexa said, wincing. “…I think I want to wait until I finish it before you read it. I dunno why…I just feel like it needs to be finished first. Is that ok?”

“It’s more than ok.” Clarke said, smiling warmly. “It’s your novel to do with as you wish.”

Lexa let out a relieved breath. “Thank you for understanding.”

“Anytime.” Clarke said, smiling.

“Well I guess I’ll be going.” Lexa said, moving from heel to heel.

“Will you be careful?” Clarke asked, worried.

“Always am.” Lexa replied firmly before leaning forward. She placed a light lingering kiss on the corner of Clarke’s mouth before pulling away and lightly thumbing the shining skin. “I would love to do something more but I’ll never leave if I do.”

“I understand.” Clarke replied, blushing. “We haven’t even gone out on that date yet anyways.”

“What? No kisses until the date?” Lexa asked with her eyebrow raised.

“I think that’s the way things usually work.” Clarke said, amused before lightly poking Lexa’s chest. “And, that’s only if you earn it.”

“Oh, challenge accepted.” Lexa said firmly, nodding her head confidently.

“Get out of here.” Clarke said sarcastically while opening the door for Lexa. “Text me as soon as you get home.” She said.

“I will.” Lexa said as she stepped towards the threshold before coming back in for a quick kiss to Clarke’s cheek. “Sorry, had to have one more for the road.”

Clarke laughed as she pushed Lexa playfully out of the door.  “Remember, text me.”

“Ok, ok!” Lexa said, jogging down the stairs and onto the sidewalk. “Bye!”

“Bye!” Clarke yelled back from the door, watching Lexa walk away and down the street.

Clarke chuckled to herself as she closed the door and locked it behind her. Lexa was nothing short of amazing. She was so glad everything was working out for Lexa and things were turning around for the better. She was even more glad that Lexa agreed to go out with her. She knew not to expect anything and to expect the unexpected at the same time. Clarke turned the TV off in the living room and turned out the light before walking back to her room and plopping down on her back, staring at the ceiling. Not seconds later, she heard the patter of feet at her door. She turned her head to the side to see Raven, leaned up against her door frame.

“I thought you’d gone to bed.” Clarke said, turning her head back to look up at the ceiling once more.

“Couldn’t sleep.” Raven said, her arms crossed over her chest. “Kept seeing my life flash before my eyes every time I closed them, being near death such a short time ago and all.”

Clarke barked out a laugh and looked back Raven. “It must be so exhausting being you. You are so extra sometimes. No, wait. A lot of the time.”

“I have really good stamina…” Raven replied, smiling. “… also in more areas than my wit.”

“Oh god, I don’t need to hear about your sex life.” Clarke said, waving her hand at Raven without looking at her. 

“That’s fine.” Raven said. “I do want to hear about yours though. What’s up with you and Lexa?”

“What?” Clarke said quickly. “Nothing.”

“C’mon. You cannot tell me there isn’t anything going on between you two.” Raven scoffed. “The sexual tension during Mulan was pretty damn obvious.”

“I mean well, yea of course we like each other.” Clarke said.

“Your talk went well?” Raven asked.

“Well as can be expected.” Clark said, clasping her hands together over her stomach. “She’s been through so much, Rae.”

Raven pursed her lips together. “I’m guessing you guys are ok with what all happened then?”

“Yes.” Clarke said. “She was so remorseful.  She explained everything from start to finish. It wasn’t just an apology, just words.”

“I’m glad to hear.” Raven said, smiling at her friend and then gesturing. “So at what point of the conversation were you guys about to fuck?”

“What!” Clarke yelled out, sitting up on the bed and throwing her hands up. “I TOLD YOU we were not about to have sex!”

“Clarke.” Raven said firmly. “I wasn’t born yesterday.” She held up her hands and counted on her fingers. “Frazzled hair. Swollen lips. Flushed skin. A BITEMARK.” She lowered her hands back down. “And that’s just the stuff I saw when I walked in. You guys were totally about to do it.”

Clarke groaned in frustration and rubbed her hands over her face. “We were just kissing, OK?  We had literally just stopped when we heard you come in. You didn’t interrupt anything up to and including sex.”

“That’s some intense kissing.” Raven said with a smirk.

“God. It was.” Clarke said, flopping back down onto the bed. “I almost came. She wasn’t even touching me.”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS!?” Raven squealed.

“Yes, and I’m not the least bit embarrassed about it.” Clarke said, smiling at the ceiling.

“Either she’s that good a kisser or you got it bad.”  Raven quipped. “Well, that or the terrible pseudo-sex you had with Finn left your poor vagina half starved.”

“I think it’s a combination of all three.” Clarke replied, before looking over at Raven with a sly smirk on her face. “Did you know Finn never gave me an orgasm?”

“What? NO!” Raven said dramatically and astounded.

“Yep.” Clarke said, shaking her head slowly with the smirk still on her face. “Not while we were having sex, not even when he went down on me. I faked every one in the beginning. I didn’t even bother trying to fake it after a while.”

“How did you live?” Raven inquired, holding her hand to her chest in astonishment.

Clarke laughed. “Tons of self-gratification.”

“You must be a pro at it by now.” Raven said.

“Sure am. Need some pointers?” Clarke said, laughing.

“If you’d asked a few months ago maybe.” Raven replied. “Now that Anya’s job.”

Clarke looked back over at her friend. “Ya’ll are getting pretty serious.”

“Pft.” Raven replied. “We’re just having sex.”

“Whatever, Rae.” Clarke responded. “That’s why she’s over here all the time when I get off work and you’re off with her sometimes?”

“Yea, we’re fucking all those times.” Raven said, waving her hand. “We both have healthy appetites.”

“Keep telling yourself that.” Clarke laughed out before adding. “Sex is better with feelings you know?”

“Well, go get yourself some then.” Raven quipped back. “What are you waiting for?”

“She’s still really fragile. We’re going to take things slow.” Clarke answered.

“Slow?” Raven said, raising her eyebrow. “How do you do slow after the roller coaster ya’ll have been on?”

“Well, for starters. I asked her out on a date.” Clarke began. “She was nervous, but we talked and she said yes.”

“I’m happy for you, Clarke.” Raven said. “You and Lexa.”

“Thanks, Rae.” Clarke replied. “I really want this to work. I’m so into her. I can’t mess this up.”

“You’ll be fine.” Raven said, brushing it off. “You over think things too much. Just be the dorky lovable Clarke you are and we’ll all be hearing wedding bells before you know it.”

“Oh come on. We haven’t even been on a date yet.” Clarke scoffed. “I don’t want to hear the word wedding come out of your mouth again.”

“Just saying.” Raven replied. “I know my stuff.”

“Get out.” Clarke said, crawling up the bed and getting under the covers. “I need to sleep.”

“Fine.” Raven said, pushing off the door frame and making to leave the door. “But it’s pronounced MAS-TER-BATE. Not SLEEP.”

“OUT!” Clark yelled. “CLOSE MY DOOR TOO!”

“Gosh, so pushy.”  Raven quipped, closing the door behind her.

Clarke sighed and rolled over, pulling the covers up to her chin. She closed her eyes and tried to calm her mind and drift off to sleep.  No matter what though, images of Lexa danced in front of her eyes and thoughts of her touch traveled low in her belly. Clarke huffed and then reached into the drawer of her bedside table.

“I did tell her I was going to lose my resolve again.” Clarke justified to herself before letting her hand trail between her legs.

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Lexa POV

Lexa sauntered down the street at a leisurely pace, a smile plastered on her face. The night air was warm and pleasant and she was more than happy to take her time, enjoying the walk home. Thoughts of Clarke filled her mind with every stride. She still couldn’t believe that Clarke had forgiven her, but she was so thankful for it. It had been a tortuous last couple months not being near her. She was relieved to know now that as long as she tried hard and stayed strong, Clarke would always be within reach, especially now that Clarke had officially asked her out. Lexa was nervous but oh so excited at the same time. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t see the shadow move next to her in the alley.

“Going somewhere, dyke?” Was all she heard before she was snatched backward by a force pulling on her backpack, causing her to drop her laptop.

Taken off guard and trying to grab her footing she scrambled to stay on her feet .She struggled to slide out of the straps of her backpack. She was unable to do so before she was spun around and slammed into the hard bricks of the building. She turned her face at the last moment, narrowly avoiding colliding her teeth with the stone. Her breath was forced out of her at the action and she struggled to pull in air as the person behind her forcefully held her up against the wall. She tried to pull her hands up but they were grabbed roughly and pulled behind her, making her yell out in pain. The person leaned up to her ear and spoke, holding her tightly as she struggled.

“I bet you feel real stupid for not getting a restraining order too, huh?” The voice was seething and slurred in her ear. Lexa’s eyes shot wide and her heart began racing.

 

 

“Finn.”

 

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fucking Finn
> 
> Trigger Warning!! Depictions of sexual violence/hate crime!

“Finn.”

 

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Lexa breathed out. She tried to make sense of the situation in the mere seconds that had passed. The pressure of Finn’s body and the stench of his breath on her cheek made her sick to her stomach. Fear was present, but only mildly as the pure disgust and anger of the situation overshadowed it greatly.

“What the fuck are you doing!?” Lexa managed to yell.  Her face was still pressed up against the bricks and she was unable to take full breaths. Her voice came out only a fraction of the volume she had intended.

Finn gripped her hands harder and pressed his groin up against Lexa’s ass. “I’m doing…doing whatever the hell I…I want.” Finn said, his words coming out even more slurred that they appeared before. He was blind drunk. “You just…just think you can..you can just walk around and do what you want. You’re disgusting. You’ve turned Clarke around me…against me.”

Lexa struggled to maintain her composure. “Finn. You’re drunk. You aren’t thinking clearly. Don’t do something rash.” She rushed out.

“You don’t tell me what I ca...can’t do!” He spat out. The speckles of saliva that hit Lexa’s cheek made her stomach turn and she had to force herself not to vomit. “Clarke would be wi…with me if you didn’t brainwash her!” He gripped her wrist as hard as he could with one hand. It freed the other to press against Lexa’s head, forcing the other side into the bricks even harder. She could feel the grit scratching into her skin. She let out a pained gasp at the feeling, again unable to vocalize as loud as she intended.

Fear had started to engulf her. He was drunk and not thinking rationally. She struggled even harder to release her arms but he had pulled her arms in an awkward position and she was unable to get momentum to pull away.

“Stop moving!” Finn seethed. Pressing harder into her backside. “Women like you need to be put in your place. Need to learn..learn to fuc…fucking listen.”

Horrified, Lexa could feel Finn begin to harden against her. Her breathing picked up as rapidly as it could in the position she was in. She had to do something, anything. He let go of Lexa’s head, but pressed his shoulders and his forehead against her upper back and neck; keeping her still pinned to the wall. He was breathing heavily and grunting. He pulled his hips away from her long enough for Lexa to hear the tell tell sounds of a belt being unbuckled.

“Finn, no!” She yelled, raising her face off of the bricks as far as she could so she could turn her head to look over her shoulder. A spit second later his hand was back on the back of her head and slamming it forward into the bricks. At the angle her head was from turning, the corner area by her hairline and temple took the brunt of the force. She was unable to stop it and stars burst behind her eyes and daggers shot through her skull. She immediately became disoriented and her vision blurred as waves of nausea rolled through her. She couldn’t help but become slack from the sensations. She struggled to focus and faintly heard the sound of a zipper through the pounding sensation that had taken over in her head. He had let go of her and resumed his previous actions.

“Shut the fuck up.” He slurred. “I’m going to…to…to make you feel so good you’ll wander…wonder why you ever decided to be a d…dyke.” He added, bringing his hands to her shorts and pulling on them awkwardly. He was trying to remove them.

Lexa concentrated hard, trying to blink and force away the confusion that engulfed her senses. The pounding in her head had disoriented her even more and when she moved it pounded even harder. She felt a trickle of wetness begin at the top of her forehead.

“Fuck.” Finn said, obviously frustrated at his attempts to discard Lexa’s clothing. In his inebriated state he mistakenly removed his hand from hers, reaching around to fumble with the button to her shorts.

Lexa realized immediately that her arms were free as she was slowly starting to regain her bearings. Blood had now poured down her forehead and into her eye. She was blinking it away best she could when she felt Finn’s hands reach around her, roughly grabbing at the button of her shorts. He somehow managed to unclasp it. He slid his calloused fingers in the sides of her shorts and began jerking them down. He managed to just pass them down her hips when Lexa forced herself through the pain and the overwhelming nausea. She jerked her right arm up and slung it around as hard as she could, effectively connecting her elbow to Finn’s face. He screamed out loud, staggering backwards after snatching his hands off of her and bringing them up to his nose. Blood began to seep through his fingers almost immediately.

Lexa turned around as fast as she could, given all the sensations and pains that were flowing through her. She hurriedly wiped the blood from her eye and took in the sight before her. Finn was slightly hunched over in wide stance, swaying as he stood. His pants were past his midsection, still managing to stay bunched around his knees. His semi erect cock bobbed as he moved. It was hardly noticeable as it barely protruded past a mess of unkept pubic hair. Lexa couldn’t tell if it was the head trauma or the sight of Finn’s appendage that caused another wave of nausea to flow through her.

Whichever one it was, it didn’t stop a fit of pure rage to suddenly surge through her. Everything that had transpired in the time of less than a couple minutes all came to the forefront of her mind. It tore her free from the disorientation that still lingered. She took in a deep breath, screaming angrily at the top of her lungs before she brought a foot up and planted it square in Finn’s chest. The force of it pushed him backward and into the side of a large garbage bin that was placed on the opposite side of the narrow alley. The unfortunate placement of his pants and the alcohol in his system rendered him unable to maintain any sense of balance as he fell back and landed into it, hard. He cried out again and fell over awkwardly into a puddle of what could easily be determined as seepage from the bin.

“Fucking asshole!” Lexa said, as she screamed out again. She lurched forward, and with all the power she could muster Lexa brought the tip of her shoe in direct contact with Finn’s exposed crotch. He screamed at the top of his lungs and removed his bloodied hands from his face. He brought them down to cup his crotch, writhing in pain. Lexa had never heard that kind of a scream come from any man nor did she ever imagine it possible. Blood had rushed to her ears and her heart pounded in her chest from the adrenaline coursing through her veins. She could barely make out the muffled sounds of voices that approached from the pounding still present in her head.

“Don’t ever fucking touch me again!” She screamed out at the top of her lungs with all the breath she could spare. Tears were pouring down her cheeks from the anger, mixing with the blood that already flowed there. She came forward again and again. Kicks made contact with Finn’s body in quick succession, causing the wails of the man to increase in frequency and volume. The last kick managed to make heavy contact as she brought her foot down directly on Finn’s unprotected nose and teeth as hard as she could. Even through the tears and the blood, she could still make out Finn’s crushed nose and the previously unmarred row of teeth; which now showed less of them than they did before.

She was out of breath and heavily panting when the first of many individuals showed up to the scene. Two men came running around corner of the alley, skidding to a halt when they saw the awful scene in front of them.

“Ma’am.” One of the men said, walking up cautiously with his hand out to show no harm. “Are you ok? What happened?”

Lexa was becoming overwhelmed and struggled to speak as everything she was feeling rushed over her all at once. “He…he tried to. He tried to rape…” She closed her eyes and felt incredibly dizzy all of a sudden, she then began wobbling. The man that had spoken to her rushed forward and grabbed her around her shoulder and waist as the other man ran over to Finn and stood over him, barricading him from the other two.

“The whore is lying!” He barked out, trying feebly to hike up his pants.

Miller pulled out his phone and brought up his camera. “I’d shut the fuck up if I were you.” He said. “Jackson, I’m recording him for the police. I want them to see what he looked like when we found them.

His words made Lexa come to her senses for a moment. “Please don’t record me.” She pleaded, the best she could.

“No, ma’am.” Miller said. “I wouldn’t think of it.”

“Ma’am, I understand. Save your energy” The first man said. “My name is Jackson. My boyfriend’s name is Miller. We’re going to help you.” He then pulled out his phone hastily and dialed 911. He spoke quickly while giving their location and essential details.

“I...I'm Lexa.” She said, struggling to keep her eyes open and focus on the two men. shakily brought her hands down to her waist and pulled up her shorts to their proper location. She struggled shortly but managed to get them back buttoned up. Jackson had let go of her waist and stepped back from her a little to give her room to do so. He still held onto her arm for support. He looked on with a sorrowful look on his face as he finished up the call.

“Fucking faggots.” Finn slurred from his place on the floor. He had managed to pull his pants back up and was cupping his crotch with one hand and his nose with the other. “All of you.”

“THESE FAGGOTS are going to make sure you get put in jail for a long time.” Miller spat out, kicking at Finn’s leg. “My dad happens to be a very important person down at the district attorney’s office.” He added, smirking at the look of shock that appeared on Finn’s now swollen features as sirens suddenly appeared in the distance.

Finn tried to get up and Miller placed his foot on his chest, bearing down. “Ah, ah, ah.” He began, speaking threateningly. “I wouldn’t do that unless you want another foot to the face.”

Lexa looked on numbly, shock taking over. The pounding in her head and the dizziness had increased and she struggled to wipe the still flowing blood from her head. Everything had transpired in less than five minutes time. One moment she was walking along in a perfect daydream and next thing she knew she was pulled away from it into a nightmare.

“Is there someone we can call for you?” Jackson asked, concerned.

“Why don’t you call Clarke?” Finn seethed out. “You two can fuck right here in the alley waiting on the cops. And, when they can get here, they can fuck your new friends.”

“Clarke?” Miller asked, ignoring Finn and raising his eyebrow while looking at Lexa. “Does he mean Clarke Griffin?”

Lexa gently nodded her head, before speaking meekly. “Do you know her?”

Miller smiled widely before answering. “Yea, I do.” He said before turning to look at Finn and speaking to him. “You are more fucked than you know, homophobe.”

The sirens approached louder now and Lexa drew her hands up over her ears to stop her head from splitting in two.  “Can you…can you call her please.” Lexa asked, still struggling to speak.

The volume of the sirens indicated that the car was were moments away. The waves of nausea rolled over her as the sounds increased the pain in her skull so much that she felt like it would explode. She turned around as fast as she could before the contents of her stomach forced their way out of her. Every retch made her head sear with unbearable pain. She leaned onto the side of the building as Jackson placed his hands on her waist to steady her.

“I think she’s got a concussion, babe.” Jackson said, looking on at Lexa in worry.

“Most likely, her head is busted pretty bad.” Miller responded sympathetically. He looked down at Finn with fury in his eyes and spoke. “You’re a goddamn animal.”

Finn smiled and laughed weakly before coughing at the attempt. His breathing was shallow from the beating he received. “I’m still better than you.”

Miller smiled back slyly before responding. “You won’t be thinking that when you’re in prison getting done to you what you tried to do to her.” Finn's eyes widened as the realization dawned on him. “It’ll be everyday. Though, I don’t think you’ll be lucky enough to get someone with as small a dick as you.” Miller added, just as he saw the car drive up and pass the alley. He waved frantically and called out to it.

The car stopped and backed up quickly. Two officers stepped out and rushed up cautiously. They quickly evaluated the scene before them with the details previously provided by 911. One officer drew his weapon, keeping it facing toward the ground. He approached Finn quickly and ordered Miller to step back and away from him. The officer then pointed his weapon at Finn’s huddled form and ordered him to turn over. Finn groaned and wined for just a second before the officer used his foot to roughly turn him over, obviously aggravated at the slow response. Finn cried out at the harsh contact of the asphalt against his sore face and groin. He yelped as the officer not so gently forced his arms behind his back and cuffed him.

The other officer walked up to Lexa slowly after verifying that Finn was securely cuffed. He gestured to to Jackson that he had her from there. Miller picked up his phone and went through his contacts. He found what he needed and put the phone to his ear.

“Ma’am?” The officer began, trying to get Lexa’s attention. “Ma’am, my name is Roan Winter.” I’m an officer with the TonDC police department. I’m here to help you.”

Lexa wiped her mouth the best she could, trying to stave off the dry heaves that still wracked her stomach. She turned to face the officer and was met with intense anxiety upon seeing the uniformed men in such close proximity to her. She began hyperventilating and shuffled back and against the wall in a desperate attempt to distance herself from them. Flashbacks crossed her eyes of being confronted and displaced by the uniformed security at the hospital during the incident with Nia. She never once felt any distain towards those individuals, they were only doing their jobs with the information provided. For some reason though, the sight of these men in their dark tailored uniforms and shiny badges that matched those of the security guards, brought back horrible memories. They flooded her with dread.

“It’s alright ma’am.” Officer Winter said, his hands raised in defense. “I’m right here, I won’t touch you.” He then looked at Jackson motioned for him to come forward. “Will you allow this gentleman to continue to assist you? I don’t want you to fall. You need medical assistance. It’s on the way.”

Lexa looked between the officer and Jackson, who was smiling at her warmly and offering his hand. She nodded lightly and took it. Jackson pulled her back into his side and put his arms back around her shoulder and waist. Lexa hated that she needed help from these strangers. She swallowed her pride and took it though. She felt like she got hit by a ton of bricks, rather than slammed into them.

“Do you want to sit down?” Jackson asked. Lexa nodded weakly before allowing herself to be led out of the alley and into the less stuffy air of the sidewalk. She did well enough until the harsh light from the street lamps seemed to pierce though her eyes into her skull. She wobbled on her legs and was led down to the ground gently by Jackson, who sat on his knees beside her.  Dry heaves racked her once more, but her stomach had nothing left to give. She could hear Miller’s muffled voice in the background, the pounding yet again drowning out the sounds around her. She made out a few words but couldn’t tell what he was saying.

 _Did he reach Clarke?_ Lexa asked herself before the anxiety set it. _God, I shouldn’t have asked him to call her, she’s going to be so worried. Moments later she was pulled from her thoughts by a voice._

“Lexa?” Miller said, getting her attention and crouching beside her.

Lexa looked at him silently inquiring as to the result of the call.

“She’s on the way.” He said.

Lexa turned back forward and nodded her head slowly, not noticing her consciousness leave her as she slumped sideways into him.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Clarke POV

 

Clarke had just dozed off. Her earlier actions which took no time at all and the events from the night had left her exhausted. No sooner had she closed her bedside drawer and then closed her eyes, was she out. She hadn’t meant to, she was awaiting Lexa’s text after all. She didn’t realize how tired she was and didn’t intend to fall asleep that quickly.

She was awakened to her phone buzzing on her night stand. _Lexa_. Clarke thought to herself, smiling as she reached over to pick up the phone. _I told her to text me, she didn’t have to call._ She thought further, as she brought the phone to her face, focusing on the screen. It wasn’t Lexa though, it was Miller.

“What could he possibly want?” Clarke asked to herself. Her mom had gone on a few more dates with Kane since their talk but nothing was planned for tonight that she knew of. She answered the phone, not bothering to hide the sleep in her voice.

“Hello?” Clarke said.

 **“Clarke? It’s Miller.”** He said.

“Yea, I have caller ID silly.” She said, jestfully.

 **“Clarke, Lexa’s been hurt.”** Miller said immediately without pause. Clarke jumped up in her bed, terrified.

“What!? Where is she, Miller!?” She asked frantically, putting her phone to her shoulder and grabbing her shoes. Tears were forming in her eyes.

 **“We’re near the intersection two blocks up from the bed and breakfast, right across from the old historic Reinholt house.”** He rushed out.

Clarke knew exactly where that was, it was just a few minutes from her apartment if she ran fast enough. She sniffed back her tears as she spoke. “What happened, is she ok?”

There was a pause on the other end. Clarke shouted into the phone. “Miller! Is she ok? Please tell me!”

 **“…someone tried to rape her.”** He said, almost inaudibly, but Clarke heard him clear as day. She dropped the phone as she screamed out loud into the empty room at nothing. She was unable to control it leaving her lungs at the revelation.  Her hands were clenched into fists and her eyes were tightly closed together as she doubled over.  A large slam came a split second later and soon after her door was wrenched open as Raven entered the room, wearing nothing but her underwear and cami.

“Clarke!” Raven exclaimed, fear in her eyes while running up to her. “What’s wrong!?”

Clarke tried to speak but was struggling to form words as she heaved with sobs.  She took a deep breath and managed to force out words. “It Lexa, I’ve got to go.” She ran out of the room as quick as Raven entered it.

 

Raven POV

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Raven noticed the phone on the floor still lit up, a small voice coming from it. She picked it up and looked at the screen, recognizing the name.

“This is Raven.” She said. “Miller, what happened? What’s going on? Where’s Lexa?" She shot off, rapid fire. As she listened intently to the voice on the other end, tears flowed down her cheeks.

“She’s on her way.” Raven choked out. “She’ll be there as soon as she can. Have you called anyone else for her?” She asked.

“No, she's struggling to speak right now and I don’t know anyone else.” He replied, apologetic.

“I’ve got it.” Raven said. “Thank you for everything.”

“You’re welcome, I’ll let her know.” Miller replied, ending the call.

Raven rushed to her room and threw on a T-shirt and pants. She slipped on her shoes and made to go after Clarke. She may have a couple minutes on her, but Raven was faster, she’d catch up to her in no time. She slipped Clarke’s phone in her back pocked and grabbed hers from the night stand and rushed out the door, dialing her phone as she went. She put the phone up to her ear while running as fast as she could.

Soon a sleepy voice answered. **“Hello?”**

 

“Anya.” Raven began. “It’s Lexa.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa is ok.

“Anya.” Raven began. “It’s Lexa.”

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Clarke ran as fast as her feet would allow her. She wasn’t the athletic type. What exercise she did do barely involved any form of running. Her heart was pounding and her lungs were burning as she ran block after block, street light after street light passing her in her travels.

“Clarke!” Raven called from behind her. Clarke looked back and saw her roommate catching up to her quickly, her long legs making easy work of the distance between them. Raven leveled up beside her as they both turned the corner. Directly in front of them, near the end of the street, flashing red and blue lights lit up the night sky and the buildings around them.

Clarke’s heart sped up even faster than it already was at the sight. She let out a small huffed sob as she forced herself to run faster. Raven stayed right along with her as they ran the remaining few blocks. Clarke scanned the scene frantically as they approached in an attempt to locate Lexa. The bright lights and the jostles from running made it difficult to focus on anything.  When she did, it was to the sight of two officers dragging a man by his arms out of the alley and onto the sidewalk, sitting him against the side of the building. Her heart stuttered and her stomach sank.

 _No._ Clarke said to herself, new tears springing from her eyes. _It can’t be. Please don’t let it be him._

Clarke and Raven arrived seconds later and her fears were true. It was Finn. He was sitting against the bricks of the wall. His face was swollen and red, bruising was beginning to spread across it. Blood coated the entire lower half of his face, his neck, and had seeped into the fabric of his shirt. He sat with his eyes closed and a grimace was spread across his face. Clarke couldn’t look away. She couldn’t tear her eyes from the monster in front of her. Clarke was in frantic thought when Raven’s voice rang out.

“You piece of shit!” Raven yelled, directed at Finn. She ran up to him with the obvious intent to attack him and was immediately stopped by the two officers.

“Ma’am!” Officer Winter said. “Ma’am, step back! As much as we’d love to let you, we can’t allow you. We would be forced to arrest you.”

“Why! He’s a fucking rapist!” Raven screamed! “He fucking stalked her and planned this!” The officers pulled her away gently and walked her several feet to the side.

“Please. Take a deep breath, calm down, and tell us what you know. You can’t be of any help to us if you’re in handcuffs.” Officer Winter said, sympathetically.

Clarke looked on past the events unfolded before her. The voices became a blur and were unintelligible as the moments went on. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she had her eyes focused on Finn. She was frozen from the sight _._

 _I did this._ She said to herself. _I brought this on Lexa. Oh, god! It’s all my fault!_

Clarke began hyperventilating where she stood. The fear and the turmoil that she felt was rushing over her. She was feeling weak and her mind was cloudy. She thought she was going to pass out when she heard someone call out her name.

“Clarke?” Miller said. “Over here.”

Clarke shook her head, clearing it of her temporary stupor. She turned her head to the side and saw him. He was sitting cross-legged next to another man and in his lap was…

“Lexa!” Clarke cried out and ran over to the group. The sound of a distant siren appeared as she approached. She skidded down on her knees roughly in front of Lexa, ignoring the pain she felt as her skin scraped across the hard concrete.

“Lexa.” Clarke said, desperately. “Lexa, I’m here. I’m so sorry.” She brought her hands up to Lexa’s face, gently moving the hair that hand fallen in front of it. Streaming tears turned to racked sobs as she unearthed a bloodied face. An angry open wound was present at her hairline and was weakly releasing blood, having mostly clotted. Lexa stirred slightly but didn’t open her eyes. Clarke’s eyes darted between the wound on her forehead and the sleeping girls face in sorrow before the realization hit her.

“Omg…Lexa! Wake up!” Clarke pleaded. She slid her arms under Lexa’s neck and underarm and hurrdily tried to sit her up and off Miller’s lap. Miller was confused at first but realized what she was doing and helped her sit Lexa upright. Clarke supported her limp head by holding her face between her hands and rubbing her cheeks firmly with her thumbs.

“How long has she been asleep?” Clarke asked, frantic.

“Just a couple minutes.” Jackson replied. “Why?”

“You said she had trouble talking and was dizzy. If she has a concussion, she has to stay awake.” Clarke replied, trying to stay composed. “Lexa. Lexa! Wake up, please.”

Miller held Lexa’s arm and rubbed the back of Lexa’s neck while Jackson supported her on the other side. He slid his hand behind her backpack and scratched the skin behind it, trying to help rouse her. Lexa mumbled and moaned and her eyebrows furrowed.

“Come on baby, you can do it.” Clarke pleaded, not once thinking about the term of endearment that left her mouth. The siren she heard before was close now. She looked down the street to see the glow of the lights flashing across the night clouds. “Come back to me. I need you to wake up.” Clarke continued, tears flowing from her eyes.

Lexa’s eyes fluttered and opened briefly before closing again. This happened a few more times before she was able to hold her eyes open. It looked like it took all the energy she had to do so. “Clar...” She tried to say before her eyes fluttered again.

“He…hey you.” Clarke choked out with a forced smile at seeing Lexa awake. “Don’t try to talk. Just open those pretty eyes for me.”

Lights came up on them quickly, accompanied by the loud siren. Lexa squeezed her eyes shut and grimed in pain as doors opened and closed. Clarke looked over and the paramedics were quickly approaching them with a stretcher in tow.

“Give us some room, please.” A uniformed woman said. “Is this the victim?” She asked, gesturing at Lexa.

“Yes, her name is Lexa.” Clarke replied, reluctantly stepping up and away to make room.

“Lexa.” The woman said, compassion in her voice. “We need to take you to the hospital. Can you stand?”

Lexa struggled to open her eyes and acknowledge the woman but she winced in pain at the lights. She nodded her head weakly.

“Miller, help me.” Clarke said, gently grabbing Lexa’s arm while Miller took the other. Together they both got Lexa up and on to her feet, supporting most of her weight. They turned her around and with the assistance of the paramedics, were able to get her up and seated on the stretcher.

“Lexa.” Clarke said. “I need to take your backpack off.”

Lexa looked at her with sudden concern on her face. Clarke knew immediately what was wrong.

“I’ll keep it all safe.” She said gently. “I promise.”

Lexa seemed to consider it for a moment but then nodded slightly, trying to move to take it off. She wined and moaned in obvious pain before she was stopped by Clarke who proceeded to help her out of it.

“Ma’am can you lay down for us?” The woman said, speaking to Lexa. “We need to tuck you in for the ride.”

Clarke held her arm and hand and helped her lay down. She gently grabbed Lexa’s legs and pulled them over and atop the stretcher. She made sure she was comfortable before stepping away, the other paramedic began to strap her down as soon as Clarke’s hands were off her.

“Can I come with her?” Clarke asked the woman.

“Are you family?” The paramedic asked.

“No, we’re dating…well, we will be.” She said, stuttering and closing her eyes before opening them and looking at the woman pleadingly. “Please, she has no one else here.”

The woman seemed to think for a moment, but eventually she spoke. “Ok. Give us a minute to get her loaded up and secured and then we’ll go.”

“Thank you! Thank you!” Clarke exclaimed; fresh tears came from her eyes at the answer. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hands. When she opened them she saw Raven out of the corner of her eye, deeply engrossed in conversation with the two police officers, who were diligently writing on their note pads. Clarke’s gaze drifted again. This time, her eyes connected with those of the man she hated with all her being. He let out a sinister smile.

“You like your girlfriend’s new look?” Finn laughed out, his voice wheezing. “If she had just stayed still and took it, she’d actually be enjoying herself right about now.”

Clarke saw red. Without a second thought, she stomped forward and stopped right in front of Finn, just long enough to bring her foot down and stomp directly on Finn’s crotch, completely exposed due to his hands being secured behind his back.

She swore she felt something pop. Finn’s eyes went wide and his mouth opened in a scream, but no sound came out.

“Hey!” Clarke heard faintly as she brought her knee up just as quickly as she had brought it down, making contact with Finn’s already battered and bloodied features. She felt the crack of bone and the pain of teeth first hitting but then breaking against her knee cap. As she brought her knee down and stepped back, she glanced down and saw that Finn’s jaw was in an obviously unnatural position. His head was leaned to the side, he was knocked out cold.

Hands grabbed her arms and pulled her away. “Ma’am you cannot do that, you’re under arrest for assault.” She felt her arms being pulled behind her back, and cold metal wrapping around her wrist. She was being arrested. O _h god, how stupid can I be. Lexa needs me!_

“Stop! Stop!” Raven screamed. “He just tried to rape her girlfriend! Have a heart! Please!”

The unnamed officer looked towards Officer Roan. Officer Roan looked over between Clarke and Raven, obviously debating internally the moral dilemma before him. He then looked over at the paramedics who appeared busy loading up Lexa, oblivious to what had transpired. “Let her go.” He said.

“Sir?” The other officer questioned, his eyebrow raised and his mouth open.

“Listen, Harkins…” Officer Roan began. “…being a police officer isn’t always about following the rules, its about doing the right thing. You’re a rookie, I understand they drill protocol into you but you’ll learn to break it for the right reasons.”

“Yes, sir.” The rookie said firmly, content with the answer. He unlocked Clarke’s cuffs and released her arms. Clarke turned around and thanked them both with a smile. “I would say I’m sorry, but I’m not.” Clarke said. “I’d kill him if I you gave me the time.”

“I believe you ma’am.” Officer Roan replied, a small smile on his face. “Please don’t though, I would be forced to arrest you then.”

“Ma’am.” The woman paramedic yelled out. “We’re ready to go!”

“I’m coming!” Clarke began. “Raven, I’ve got to go, call Anya.” She said hurridly towards her friend before rushing towards the ambulance.

“Go, go!” Raven said. “I already called her, we’ll be there as soon as we can.”

“Ok!” Clarke said as she ran, before she climbed into the ambulance after the paramedic. The doors closing behind her shortly thereafter.

The paramedic motioned for her to sit on a metal bench on one side of the cab. She leaned over to Lexa immediately and ran her hand over her forehead, soothing it best she could while avoiding the gash. They had already placed a bandage over the wound by now, but it was already partially soaked in blood. Lexa was mumbling again, trying her hardest to stay coherent. She opened her eyes momentarily and squinted quickly at being bombarded by the bright lights. She then turned her head to look at Clarke.

“There you are.” Clarke said, forcing a smile through the hatred she felt for herself. Lexa wouldn’t have gone through what she did if she had never met her. She would have never got involved in the mess that was Finn. If she would have just called the police when they found him in Clarke’s house, he would probably been in jail right now, far from the both of them. Clarke never thought Finn was actually capable of doing this to someone.

 She was brought out of her thoughts by Lexa’s weakly motioning hand. Clarke brought hers down from Lexa’s head and clasped it tightly around Lexa’s along with her other one. She then brought Lexa’s hand up to her face and placed it on her cheek, letting her know she was there with her.

“You can close your eyes, just stay awake for me, ok? Clarke said, trying to hide the tremors in her voice. Lexa nodded lightly and closed her eyes, obviously grateful for the relief. Clarke closed her eyes as well, hoping that if she opened them again, none of this would be real. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

A few hours later

“How is she?” Clarke asked quietly, walking into the blinding white room. Everything was dead silent other than the beep of the heart monitor attached to Lexa.

“The same.” Anya said. “She’s resting.”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Earlier

 

Clarke had stepped away for a few moments to make a call to Miller. She hated that she wasn’t able to talk to him, much less thank him after what had transpired. She had called him and spend a good while listening to his account of what he and his boyfriend had come across. She wasn’t able to keep much composure. Miller did the best he could to console her, describing the awful appearance Finn was in when they arrive due to the ass kicking he’d received from Lexa.

Miller let her know that he was going to be speaking to his father as soon as they hung up to let him know what was going on. Kane was a former assistant district attorney with the city. If anyone could make sure Finn got what he deserved, he was one of the ones to get it done.

 **It doesn’t hurt that he’s dating the mother of the victim’s girlfriend.** Miller had said.

Clarke tried to clarify to him that they weren’t together. Miller scoffed it off saying:

**If you aren’t now you will be by the time he goes to trial, if not earlier. The way you acted tonight had me convinced that you were.**

Clarke had laughed through her tears a little at this. Little did he know the odd relationship they had had up until this point. She thanked him profusely and asked him to thank Jackson as well before ending the call and faced reality.

They had just gotten through the ER. Luckily Anya made it to the hospital shortly after the ambulance arrived. Clarke never got a chance to even be turned away from seeing her, which was a god send. Clarke didn’t want anything more traumatic to happen to Lexa, especially a reminder of her past. Anya had identified herself immediately as Lexa’s sister when she arrived. Having the same last name was very convenient. She ok’d Clarke’s presence and they went back to the room Lexa was going to be staying in. They took Lexa to get tests run while Clarke and Anya anxiously awaited her return. Raven opted to stay in the lobby. It wasn’t her place to be there, she felt. She didn’t want Lexa feeling bombarded after such a traumatic experience and Raven felt like it would be better if just Anya and Clarke were there. Both Anya and Clarke expressed their objections but also acknowledge her reasoning. Raven hugged both girls before retreating to the lobby, happily chatting up the first person she saw.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

Present time

Clarke sat down in the chair beside Anya. She looked at Lexa for a few moments. Everything she was feeling came to a head as tears sprung from her eyes and tremors racked her body.

“Hey…hey, Clarke.” Anya said, consoling Clarke but obviously confused. “What’s all this about?”

“I’m so sorry.” Clarke managed between sobs. “I’m so sorry this happe…happened to her.” The sobs interrupting her words.

“What do you have to be sorry for?” Anya asked, rubbing Clarke’s arm. “You didn’t do this, Finn did.”

“I should have called the police when he broke into my house. I should have called her to have her do a restraining order too, SOMETHING!” Clarke cried out. “It’s all my fault!”

Anya took a breath, obviously trying to keep her wits about her. “Clarke, I cant listen to this. This is not your fault.” She said. “He’s an obvious maniac who is unhinged and very disturbed. There is no way you could have known. And if you did, you would have done something about it.”

“I should HAVE known Anya!” Clarke cried. “I was with him for almost a year!”

Anya rubbed her fingers between her eyes brows before speaking. “Clarke, people live with serial killers and have no idea.” She began. “Noone would blame you for not knowing what was going on in his fucked up head that made him make the decisions he made tonight.”

“He did it because he knew it would hurt me.” Clarke said. “If she wouldn’t have stood up for me. If she wouldn’t have made him believe that she was mine……”

“Stop right there” Anya said firmly but with waver in her words. “She did those things because of who she is. She is strong. She is valiant. She Is so…so fucking good. Do NOT sully what she did for you by wishing she had done anything different.”

Clare looked over to Anya to see the tears swelling in the corners of her eyes. She wanted to protest, she wanted to continue to feel like a piece of shit, but she couldn’t. Not when Anya had been there through the pain and the tourmoil of Lexa’s last few years. If anyone had the insight of what Lexa wanted, what she needed, it was Anya. So, reluctantly, she nodded her head and turned the corners of her lips up in agreeance. She made to speak before hearing a dry cough.

Both girls looked over towards the bed to see Lexa stir. She turned her head side to side momentarily before stopping and focusing her eyes up and to the ceiling. She seemed to collect her bearings for a moment before looking first the her left, and then to her right, where Anya and Clarke sat.

Both girls made to stand before Clarke sat back. With just a look, she insisted to Anya that it was ok; that she should go first. Anya smiled warmly back to Clarke before stepping up to Lexa’s bedside. Anya stood there for moments, speaking mostly one sided to Lexa before Clarke heard Lexa call out to her.

 

 

“Clarke.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And then there was Clexa

“Clarke.”

 _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Clarke sat up quickly at the sound of her name. Anya turned away from Lexa and warmly gripped Clarke by the arm, squeezing it in comfort as she walked away from the bed.

“I’ll give you two some time to talk.” She said. “I need to check on Raven anyways. She’s probably tormenting everyone in the waiting room.”

Clarke laughed lightly at the comment. “Yea, you’re probably right. Giving everyone headaches on top of whatever else brought them here.”

“Sounds about right.” Anya said, raising her arm in a wave before exiting the room.

Clarke turned around and looked down at Lexa, placing her hands on the bedside. She couldn’t bear to meet her eyes. Clarke looked up and down the bed at Lexa’s form that was tucked warmly under a layer of blankets before resigning to look forward at the wall. She took in a shaky breath only to exhale quickly as her emotions yet again crept up on her.

“Clarke.” Lexa said, her voice still somewhat scratchy and weak. “Look at me. Please.” Her words mimicking the same she spoke less than a day ago.

Clarke took a deep breath, willing the tears to stay at bay. She had barely gotten them contained while Anya had her turn speaking to Lexa. She turned to Lexa and looked at her. Clarke’s eyebrows were knitted and her lips were pursed into a faux smile. She couldn’t help but glance up and see the line of stiches that now adorned Lexa’s hairline. A sob broke out of Clarke that she didn’t expect. She brought a shaky hand up to her mouth and tried to stifle it. The last thing Lexa needed was to see her broken and upset while she was laid up in a hospital bed after the traumatic experience she had. Clarke closed her eyes and will the tears not to fall to no avail. She only opened them when she felt a hand lightly grip the one that was on the bed that belonged to her.

“I’m ok.” Lexa said “I promise.”

“You’re not ok, Lexa.” Clarke said through the tremors that began to shake her. “You’re in the hospital. From....from what he did to you.”

 _From what I got you into._ She thought.

“Did you see what I did to him?” Lexa laughed out with what little energy she had, trying to make light of the situation.

“Yea.” Clarke said, tipping her head. A small smile managed to break free. “He got every bit of what he deserved, too.”

Lexa smiled back at Clarke, her eyes darting back and forth between hers as if trying to read her. “It’s not your fault, you know.”

Clarke’s tears ran anew and she struggled not to break into heavy sobs right there and then.  “I should have done something about him before, Lexa. This wouldn’t have happened if I would have.” Clarke managed to say.

“Clarke.” Lexa began. “Nothing you could have done would have stopped this from happening. If anything, it would have spurred him on more.”

“You don’t know that.” Clarke replied, not consoled in the least.

“I do know that.” Lexa said, firmly. "He’s disturbed. A piece of paper telling him to keep away or a probation officer telling him he needed to behave while he was out on bond would not have deterred him. People like him don’t lie down and obey orders.”

Clarke removed her hand from under Lexa’s and placed it over hers, rubbing it soothingly. She took deep breaths trying to gain some sort of resolve. “How can you be so strong?” Clarke asked. “How are you not traumatized?”

Lexa smiled wide at Clarke words. “Clarke, I’m not going to let some homophobe dickhead make me feel that I’m weak or vulnerable.” She said. “I know what he wanted to do to me. Yes, I was scared. But, like your father said; I get to decide how I let what happened to me affect me.”

Clarke looked at Lexa intently, bewildered at the woman for remembering her father’s words of wisdom through everything else that was spoken about.

“Clarke, I’m not going to let it affect me.” Lexa continued, determination in her voice. “He didn’t get what he wanted and that’s that. It won’t do any good to dwell on what ifs. I haven't made the progress I've made in the last couple months to turn and tuck tail over what someone else did to me again. If I do that...he wins.”

Clarke nodded weakly in affirmation. She wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of the hand that wasn’t currently holding Lexa’s.

“Besides.” Lexa said. “I’m just grateful that it happened to me and not you.”

Clarke’s eyes went wide. “No!” Clarke sobbed out. “How can you say that?! I’m the one he was angry with. He did what he did to hurt me! He did this to you because of me!”

“Maybe so.” Lexa said, keeping her composure for the sake of Clarke. “Or maybe he was pissed at me for emasculating him. Either way, he was going to do something. I’m just glad it was me, Clarke. As strong willed as you are…the history he has with you and the familiarly of your abilities may have made him do something worse to you than he did to me. If all it took was a bump to the head and a few scrapes to keep you safe…I’d do it a million times over.”

Clarke leaned down before she could think and kissed Lexa gently but passionately. Lightly grasping the sides of her cheeks, she pressed her lips fully against Lexa’s. She didn’t let it go much more than a few changed angles and light peeks of her tongue that grazed Lexa’s lips as she engulfed them with her own. She tugged them gently with every pass; an effort to convey all she was feeling.  She tasted the tears that fell down her cheeks and became trapped in their motions. Clarke pulled away reluctantly after a few short moments, mindful of the state Lexa was in.

Lexa’s eyes opened shortly after, almost delayed by the sudden occurrence. “Wow.” Lexa breathed out. “While I really REALLY enjoyed that…what happened to no kisses until after our date?”

“I take it back.” Clarke said, wiping the leftover tears away. “Plus, I don’t think we’ll get around to that date anytime soon. I can’t wait that long.”

Lexa smiled widely. “Can’t go without me for too long, huh?”

“Shut up.” Clarke said, leaning over and pressing her head into Lexa’s chest. She wrapped her arms around Lexa the best she could and just hugged her, breathing her in. She was disappointed that the sterile gown masked Lexa’s smell so much already. Lexa placed her hand on Clarke’s head, stroking her hair gently.

“I was so scared.” Clarke mumbled against Lexa’s chest. “I ran to you as fast as I possibly could.”

“I’m sorry.” Lexa whispered, placing a kiss to Clarke’s head. “I regretted asking him to call you, I knew you would worry.”

“I don’t regret it.” Clarke said, with a sigh. “I wouldn’t have gotten a shot at Finn if you didn’t.”

“What?” Lexa asked. “What happened?”

“I may have attacked him after they got you loaded up on the stretcher.” Clarke said quietly.

“What did you do?” Lexa asked further.

“Well I’m pretty sure at least one if not both of his testicles are ruptured. Also…I may have broken his jaw.”

Clarke could hear Lexa’s breath intake sharply. “Clarke…you could have been arrested.”

“I was.” Clarke laughed light heartedly. “Luckily Raven came to bat for me and the supervising officer made the call. They let me go. First and last time I hope to ever be in handcuffs.”

Lexa moved her hand from Clarke’s hair and pulled on Clarke’s arm. “Come here.” She said.

Clarke sat up and looked at Lexa, questioning her words. Lexa moved over closer to one side of the bed with a slight wince on her face, motioning at the now empty space beside her.

“Wha...Lex, I don’t know if I’m allow…” She began before being cut off.

“I don’t care, get up here.” Lexa ordered.

Clarke climbed up into the bed next to Lexa. She was pulled close by two strong arms as soon as she settled down. Clarke listened to Lexa’s heart beating inside her chest. It soothed her just like a lullaby.

“I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.” Clarke whispered into the silence with a tired voice.

“Do you remember what I said when you asked me not to leave, after the first incident with Finn?” Lexa whispered back, just as sleepy.

“You said never.” Clarke replied, sleep overtaking her.

“I said never.” Lexa confirmed, closing her eyes while holding Clarke just a little bit tighter.

 ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next day

 

“Ms. Woods.” Dr. Fowler began. “Your follow up CT shows much improvement from last night and your stiches look really good. If you’re feeling well enough, I think you’re ok to head on home.”

“I’m more than ready to go.” Lexa said, sounding excited.

“Ok, it’s settled then.” He said. “Now you’ll need to have someone with you for at least the first few days. Who is that going to be?”

“Well...I’m not sure. I hadn’t planned this.” Lexa said, thinking out loud to herself.

“She’s staying with me.” Clarke said, piping up.

“Clarke, no, I coul…” Lexa tried to say. Clarke waved her off.

“She’s staying with me.” Clarke repeated, smiling at the doctor. “Just let me know what all I need to do.”

“…Ok.” Dr. Fowler said, looking between Clarke and Lexa questioningly before Lexa shrugged her shoulders and acknowledged Clarke’s decision with a small nod. Appeased, he rattled off Lexa’s aftercare instructions to the both of them before thanking them both and exiting the room.

Clarke had stayed the night and the entirely of the next day with Lexa. This allowed Anya and Raven to run to their respective apartments to get to get them a change of clothes and their toiletries.  Anya took Lexa’s backpack and laptop to her apartment for her. She placed the items on Lexa’s bed where she would find them. After Anya arrived to pick up Raven after the incident, she had noticed Lexa’s laptop on the ground. The screen was mostly destroyed after hitting the ground so roughly, but Anya knew Lexa had a lot of her work on it. So, she took it with her to the hospital. After sometime, Lexa insisted that she go home. Anya left her car with Clarke just in case Lexa did get discharged while she was gone. After goodbyes, Anya and Raven took an Uber home to get both girls some sleep. Clarke stayed despite Lexa’s protest that she would be fine for a few hours. Clarke stubbornly declined and doted over Lexa the entire time, making a fuss every time she tried to get up and do something by herself.

“Clarke.” Lexa said, after the doctor left. “I can stay with my parents or Anya. You don’t have to take care of me.”

“Lexa, your parents are an hour away from here.” Clarke said, scoffing. “And Anya has a business to run, she’s can’t take a full day off even if she wants to.”

Lexa looked at Clarke blankly before looking up at the ceiling. She knew it was best not to argue with her.

“I’m the best you’re gonna get.” Clarke said with a smirk before letting her features drop. “Plus…as much as everyone keeps telling me that none of this is my fault, I still feel responsible in a way. Please...let me take care of you. It’s the least I can do for what you’ve endured for me.”

Lexa looked back at Clarke with a dejected look on her face. “It was NOT your fault, Clarke. Point. Blank. Period.” She said. “But…I will let you help me. I don’t think I can climb up and down those stairs at my apartment, right now. I don’t want to wobble and fall over the side.”

Clarke laughed. “Yea, no. We don’t want that.”

Lexa laughed along with her. “Well I guess I should get changed. I’d rather shower at your place though. Is that ok?”

“Absolutely.” Clarke said before she helped Lexa up and out the bed again, despite Lexa’s insistence that she could do it by herself. Granted, her balance did appear back to normal and her medication was working well to stave off the headache and nausea she previously had. Clarke held her arm while carrying Lexa’s clothes for her, handing them to her once she reached the bathroom. Clarke had changed as soon as Anya returned. The tank top and thin shorts from the night before did nothing to keep the cold of the hospital at bay. Clarke waited patiently outside the bathroom door, taking Lexa’s gown from her and helping her over to one of the chairs once she exited. Clarke leaned down to help tie up Lexa’s shoes once she slipped them on, ignoring Lexa’s protest.

A nurse came in a moment later with Lexa’s discharge paperwork and a wheelchair. “Alright Ms. Woods.” She said. “Your chariot awaits.”

“I can walk.” Lexa said, declining the wheelchair with a motion of her hand.

“Sorry, hospital policy.” She said, patting the back of the chair.

“Come on.” Clarke said, again grabbing Lexa’s arm to help her up out of the chair. Lexa’s eyes showed disapproval but Clarke only laughed. “You’ve got a few more days of this, so get used to it.”

Lexa rolled her eyes playfully and plopped down into the wheelchair, lifting her feet into the stirrups before Clarke could do it for her. She smiled up mischievously at Clarke and was met with annoyed eyebrows.

“I’m not an invalid, Clarke.” Lexa laughed out.

“Yea, but you’re a terrible patient.” Clarke said, grumbling behind the nurse as she pushed Lexa out the door.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

A little while later

 

Clarke opened the door to the apartment before rushing back to the car. Lexa was already up and out of it, closing the door behind her.

“Lexa…please.” Clarke said, throwing her hands up in the air and huffing. “You need to at least let me help you up from sitting positions. You could get dizzy.”

“Fine. Fine.” Lexa said, giving in. “I’m sorry, I just...i’m not used to replying on anyone for anything.”

“Well you need to learn.” Clarke said, walking her to the door and helping her up the stairs. “I don’t want you ending back up in the hospital because you over did things.”

“Yes ma’am.” Lexa said sarcastically, while kissing the side of Clarke’s head as she held her waist.

“Keep up the attitude and we’re going back to no kisses.” Clarke threatened.

“You wouldn’t dare.” Lexa said, scoffing.

“Try me.” Clarke said, walking Lexa through the doorway and sitting her on the couch. “Now wait here while I get you some clothes. You can shower and change and then we’re going to go lay down. I could sleep for a year and I know you didn’t get a lot of sleep either. Not a lot of good sleep a least.”

“Thank you.” Lexa said gratefully. “Are you not going to shower?”

“I will when you’re done, I don’t want to not be out here while you shower.” Clarke answered as she walked to the bedroom. “You may fall and I wouldn’t be able to hear it if I was in the shower too.” Lexa hummed in response.  

Clarke returned shortly after with some loose pajama shorts and Lexa’s t-shirt, presenting them to her.

“Hey, this is yours.” Lexa said, offering the shirt back to Clarke.

“It’s ok.” Clarke said, smiling. “At least if you wear it, it’ll smell like you again. I wore it a lot while we were apart but I had to wash it eventually.”

Lexa looked at her with a curt smile and a raised eyebrow.

“Was that creepy?” Clarke asked, wincing.

“No, it wasn’t, I was messing with you.” Lexa replied, before adding: “It actually makes me really happy that you still wanted some part of me with you even after what I did.”

Clarke smiled warmly back at Lexa and motioned for her hand. Lexa placed her in Clarke’s and allowed her to help her stand. Clarke stepped close to Lexa and wrapped her arms loosely around her waist. Clarke leaned in and gently rubbed her nose against Lexa’s before placing a light but lingering kiss to her lips. Clarke spoke in a whisper as she pulled away, feeling her lips graze against Lexa’s with the words. “I think I’ll always want you.”

Lexa’s breath hitched and she swallowed hard before she replied. “Clarke…” She began. “…you can’t say things like that to me.”

Clarke smiled at her lightly before leaning in and burying her face in Lexa’s neck. Lexa’s scent still overpowered the residual sterile smell of the hospital. Having changed back into her own clothes helped greatly. The shower would help even more. “I’ll say what I want to.” Clarke mumbled into Lexa’s skin.

“Not when I can’t do anything about it.” Lexa said, in a low and husky voice.

“Take it as motivation then.” Clarke replied in a sultry voice before leaning back up and placing a quick kiss to Lexa’s cheek. Lexa blushed in response. “Come on, get ready for bed. I’ll be right outside the door. Let me know if you need help.” Clarke said, letting go of Lexa reluctantly and directing her to the bathroom.

Lexa shook her head lightly, which put a proud smile on Clarke’s face. Clarke’s ego soared seeing the way she could make Lexa melt with very little effort.  Lexa then went to go shower and change as instructed.

Clarke sat down on the couch, listening intently. She didn’t even notice she was falling asleep until a warm hand ran across her cheek. “Clarke, wake up.”

Clarke blinked her eyes slowly and turned to look at Lexa, still slightly asleep. “Shit. I’m sorry.” She said. “I was supposed to listen out for you. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I guess I’m more tired than I thought I was.”

Lexa chuckled at her words. “Yea, sitting down and being still was probably your downfall.”

Clarke smiled at Lexa before looking at her more thoroughly. Her hair was towel dried and droplets of water glistened on her neck and the portions of her chest and collarbones visible at the top of her shirt.  It was obviously stretched out from the use Clarke had put into it. The shorts she wore hugged her round hips deliciously, not leaving much to the imagination. She couldn’t help but let her eyes drift down her lean body, across her long legs, and down to her cute and well-manicured toes. It was obvious that Lexa had shaved, as her legs shimmered in the light. Clarke wanted to reach out and run her fingers along them.

“You’re gawking, Clarke.” Lexa said, amused.

“Sorry…but I’m not sorry. You’re gorgeous, Lexa.” Clarke responded, honestly, lust present in her voice.

Lexa smiled in response, another blush running across her cheeks. She ran her thumb across Clarke’s cheek briefly before removing it and speaking. “Alright horndog, get in the shower. I need that couch if I’m going to get any sleep.”

“Absolutely not.” Clarke said, firmly. “You will be sleeping in my bed, with me. I’m not letting you out of my sight.”

“Clarke, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Lexa said, slightly concerned.

“Well be fine.” Clarke replied. “We’re both adults and we can keep our hands to ourselves if we really try.”

“Ok. But it’s going to be hard.” Lexa laughed out.

“Oh, I’m very aware.” Clarke said before gesturing at Lexa. “Especially with you looking like that.”

Lexa rolled her eyes and made to walk towards Clarke’s bedroom. “Hurry up and shower.” She said before turning and giving Clarke a flirtatious look and speaking. “I’ll be waiting for you in your bed.”

Clarke turned around and looked over the back of the couch. Her eyes had gone wide at the comment. “Lexa…if I can’t say stuff like that to you, you definitely can’t say it to me.” She said, chiding Lexa.

Lexa smirked. “I’ll be waiting.” She said before entering Clarke’s bedroom and leaving her sight.

“Jesus Christ.” Clarke said to herself, plopping back down onto the couch and leaning forward to remove her shoes. “She’s going to be the death of me.” She continued. “At least I’ll die happy.”

Clarke opted to use the hall shower as well now that Lexa was in the bedroom. She showered as fast as she could not wanting to leave Lexa along for too long. She had just washed her hair before Lexa came over the night before, so not having to worry about it made quick work of the shower. She winced as she scrubbed her legs, not realizing the extend of the scrapes on her knees. She hadn’t put any thought into it while she was tending to Lexa. Clarke opted to quickly shaved the miniscule stubble she had on her legs. If she ended up tangled with Lexa at any point during the night, she wanted her legs to be smooth too. Just as she was about to rinse out her razor, she paused, and then extended her hand downward to make quick but careful passes between her legs. It didn’t take much effort, she liked to be mostly clean shaven. Only short-trimmed patch remained on her mound.

 _Just in case._ She thought to herself. _Just in case_.

Clarke had decided to play dirty when picking out her clothes for bed. Also, she was at the mercy of what was in the clean basket In the laundry room. It was another tank top again, this time she forgoed wearing a bra and opted to wear only her usual boy-cut underwear. Clarke mussed up her hair and smirked in the mirror before making her way out of the bathroom and into her room.

Lexa was sitting on the side of the bed she had occupied the night before, gripping the duvet with her tightly wound fingers.

“Nervous?” Clarke asked, nonchalantly walking up to the opposite side of the bed and taking off her watch. She placed it on her night stand gently before turning back to Lexa. What she saw when she looked at her made her want to laugh. Lexa sat there with her mouth hanging agape, her vision focused on Clarke’s body.

“No, nope.” She said, getting up suddenly and grabbing a pillow from Clarke’s bed. “I can’t sleep here. I just can’t.”

Clarke did laugh at this, walking around to Lexa’s side and gently pulling the pillow from her hand. She placed it back on the bed where it belonged and placed her hands-on Lexa’s hips. Without speaking, she stepped into Lexa’s space, pressing her body against hers. Clarke traced her nose against Lexa's jaw before laying her head against Lexa’s chest. She then pulled against Lexa's hips, removing what little space there was between the two. Lexa sighed and wrapped one arm around Clarke’s waist and the other she brought up, her hand cupping Clarke’s neck as she tucked her chin on top of her head. They stood that way for several moments, Clarke listening to the melodic thump of Lexa’s heart and the soothing rush of her breath, Lexa playing with the baby hairs at the back of Clarke’s neck.

“Do you really want to miss out on doing this all night?” Clarke said, her voice slightly muffled as she spoke against Lexa’s chest.

“Oh…o…ok.” Lexa stuttered. “I’ll stay.”

“Then lay down.” Clarke ordered, gesturing towards the bed.

Lexa gulped and pulled back the covers before she sat on the edge of the bed. She made her way to the headboard and laid down against the pillows before making to grab the duvet. Clarke stopped her and pulled it back even more. She placed her knees on the bed and crawled towards Lexa, gravity doing nothing to support her chest as she moved on all fours; a smirk present on her face.  

“Clarke…” Lexa choked out. “What are you doing?”

“Laying down.” Clarke said, with a teasing tone in her voice while still moving towards Lexa.

“Do you have to do it like that?” Lexa asked, her mouth again hanging agape.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Clarke said with a mischievous smile, reaching her destination. She laid down and shuffled close to Lexa. She pulled the duvet over them both before she draped her arm over Lexa’s stomach and laid her head on her chest again. Lexa put her arm behind Clarke head, cupping her shoulder. She intertwined her other hand with the hand that was across her midsection.

“You don’t know how glad I am that you’re safe.” Clarke whispered, gripping Lexa’s hand tightly.

“Not as glad as I am knowing that now you’ll always be safe.” Lexa whispered back; her voice filled with emotion. “That’s our thing right? I save you, you save me. Yea?”

Clarke hummed into her chest in agreement before speaking. “I’d rather us not have to do that anymore. I want us to just exist more than anything. I don’t want anymore heartache.”

Clarke could feel Lexa’s heart speed up and her chest expand before she spoke.

“Then exist WITH ME.” Lexa said shakily.

Clarke raised up off Lexa’s chest and looked at her with questioning features.

Lexa took a shaky breath, meeting Clarke’s eyes.

 

 

“Be my girlfriend.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our girls are gonna be alright. 
> 
> P.S- A little smutty smut smut.

"Be my girlfriend."

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

It felt as if a steel ball had been dropped in Clarke’s stomach and all the air had been pushed from her lungs as Lexa’s words filtered through her ears.

“What did you say?” Clarke asked, dumfounded.

Lexa smiled weakly, her eyes dancing between Clarke’s. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

Clarke opened and closed her mouth a few times. Unable to find the words, so much was running through her head. _Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!_ She screamed out, internally. She didn’t realize the smile had fell from Lexa’s face at her lack of response before it was too late.

“It’s too soon. I…I’m sorry.” Lexa said suddenly, moving out from under Clarke and sitting on the edge of the bed. She was gripping the side so hard her knuckles were white. “We haven’t even been on a date yet, it was so stupid to ask.”

“Lex…no.” Clarke said, quickly sitting up and moving to where Lexa was on the bed. She sat with her legs tucked up under her and she pressed her cheek into Lexa’s back. She carefully slid her arms around Lexa’s waist and gently nuzzled her cheek into the back of neck before she spoke again in a low and husky voice against Lexa’s skin. “I want nothing more than to be your girlfriend.”

Clarke could feel Lexa’s breath hitch at her words. Clarke removed one of her arms from around Lexa’s waist and moved in to over Lexa’s shoulder. It crossed over her chest and allowed Clarke’s hand to rest over the very top of Lexa’s left breast, right over her heart. It was pounding. Clarke squeezed a little tighter.

“Why do I feel like there is a “but” you’re leaving off the end of that sentence.” Lexa asked, tremors present in her voice. Clarke hated that she had made her feel this way.

“There’s no “but”.” Clarke replied, mumbling against Lexa’s skin. “I just couldn’t help but think about your previous reservations about relationships. I don’t want you to rush into anything with me. I’m willing to wait as long as it takes.

Lexa turned her head slightly as if asking her to continue. Clarke obliged.

“You said you wanted to know someone in their entirety before you date them, much less be open to a relationship.” Clarke explained. “As much as we’ve shared between each other in the few weeks we’ve had together, you have to admit that you can’t possibly know everything about me. We seem to be skipping a couple steps here.”

Lexa huffed shakily, bringing her hand up to grab at Clarke’s; the one that was over her heart. “I’m scared of getting hurt, Clarke. We both know that.” Lexa began. “I know we’re doing things all wrong, we have from the beginning…”

Clarke nodded into her neck lightly in affirmation; she then turned to place a kiss on the nape of Lexa’s neck.

Lexa shuddered noticeably at the act of affection, squeezing Clarke’s hand and leaning back into her embrace. “…but I don’t want to be scared anymore. I don’t want to go another minute without being yours; if you’ll have me.”

Clarke squeezed her eyes shut and nuzzled into Lexa’s neck even further, willing the tears not to fall at her pleading words. “After everything I’ve put you through, why would you ever want me for a girlfriend.” Clarke asked, half jesting/half serious.

“Because I…..” Lexa started to say before stopping abruptly and swallowing hard. “…Because you’re you.” She tried again, squeezing Clarke’s hand in assurance.

Clarke’s eyes opened wide at the first words Lexa said.

 _Was she about to say what I think she was_? Clarke thought to herself before riding her mind of the assumption. Asking Clarke to be her girlfriend was one thing, saying I love you was on a whole another level.

 Clarke scooted away from Lexa, who was noticeably annoyed at the sudden loss. Clarke made her way off the bed and stood in front of Lexa, intertwining her hands with hers. Lexa looked at her with wonder in her eyes. Clarke couldn’t help but feel weak in the knees at seeing Lexa so open and honest before her. She had revealed so much to her recently, but Clarke couldn’t help but think that how she was seeing Lexa now, was the most vulnerable she had ever let herself be.

Clarke shifted from one foot to the other, getting her bearings before speaking in a low and timid voice.

“Ask me again.” She pleaded.

Lexa looked up at her with determination and adoration before she spoke, the whites of her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “Clarke…be with me.”

“Yes.” Escaped Clarke’s lips in an emotional and gasping breath as she leaned forward and captured Lexa’s lips. Lexa cried out softly as Clarke’s lips met hers and reached up to cup her hand around Clarke’s neck, pulling her down and on top of her. Clarke moved to comfortably straddle Lexa’s hips as she gave everything she had into the kiss. Lexa grabbed desperately at her hip and neck, pulling her as close to her as possible, moaning at the feel of Clarke’s body pressed against hers. Clarke knew Lexa could feel her straining nipples through her shirt because Lexa’s were pretty obvious as well, accidentally brushing against each other through the respective fabrics of their shirts. Lexa placed both hands on Clarke’s hips and sat up suddenly, never breaking the kiss. She planted one hand on the bed a lifted her hips as she maneuvered to get further onto the bed, moving her arm around Clarke’s waist and gripping her tightly. Clarke squeeked a little at not only the sudden movement, but at the strength Lexa had to just pick her up and move her. Clarke suddenly came to realize that Lexa was absolutely overdoing it.

“Lexa.” Clarke panted out, before reluctantly adding: “You need to be careful. We should stop, you’re hur…”

“No. No please.” Lexa pleaded, just as breathless as Clarke. She gripped her back more firmly and dug her fingers into the skin of Clarke’s hips as if she were trying to convince her to stay. “I’m fine. Ju…just a little more time. Please.”

Clarke looked between Lexa’s eyes as if she was trying to find any fault in Lexa’s words. Finding none, she surged forward and crashed her lips back into Lexa’s, nipping and tugging at the plump flesh and then swiping her tongue across it to sooth it.

Having situated farther back on the bed, Lexa lay back down on her back, pulling Clarke back down with her once again and holding her tightly to her body as she allowed Clarke to devour her lips. Clarke planted a hand above Lexa’s head and the other she dared to run up Lexa’s shirt, firmly gripping and scraping the hard muscles underneath. Lexa let out what Clarke could only describe as a growl and she ran a hand up into Clarke’s hair, intertwining it and gripping it firmly in what Clarke took as a slight display of control. This caused a rush of wetness to flow from her center while she moaned audibly into Lexa’s mouth. Lexa took the opportunity to enter Clarke’s with her tongue, licking up and into Clarke’s mouth and meeting hers. They battled back and forth for dominance of the kiss, both of the girls not wanting to relinquish control to the other. Clarke shifted to get more comfortable, no longer comfortable with the wide stance she had around Lexa’s hips. Clarke moved to straddle Lexa’s leg. Moving simultaneously with Clarke, Lexa shifted a knee slightly, planting her foot in the bed. With her inexperience, Clarke got more than she bargained for when Lexa’s thigh met the apex of hers.

“Oh.” Clarke gasped out, Lexa’s muscled thigh rubbing against her barely clothed center. As if having her first taste of a drug designed just for her, she was addicted to the sensation immediately. Her hips seemed to rock back and forth suddenly of her own accord. She sat up once more running a hand behind her neck to pull her hair back and sweep it to one side to get it out of her face, her hips never faltering as her back bowed with each pass. Lexa had begun grinding with her at this point, with every pass Clarke’s hips made, she ground her thigh up and into her, pulling down on her hips that she held with an iron grip. When Clarke had sat up, Lexa was forced to remove her hand, which immediately made its way to Clarke’s other hip. When Clarke went back down to meet Lexa’s lips again, Lexa only allowed a small taste before she tore away and went for Clarke’s neck, which she soon discovered was a spot that made Clarke shudder with desire.

“You’re so beautiful.” Lexa said into her neck, suckling mark after mark into her neckline. She ran her tongue down Clarke’s skin after every one. “You taste so good.” She moaned out further, the hot rush of Lexa’s panting breath sending waves of pleasure through Clarke’s core. Before she realized it, she was on the brink of cumming.

“Ahhh.” Clarke cried out, almost painfully. Her clit throbbed relentlessly swipe after swipe against Lexa’s thigh. She had never felt anything like this before. Sure there had been her own fingers and previous partners who were clumsy and inattentive in their ministrations, but none if it compared to the hard press of a rock of slab of muscle flexing and pressing against her clit fully with every pass of her hips. The wetness from her entrance was slathered across her center in abundance. There was no way that Lexa couldn’t feel it soaked through the fabric of her panties. In follow up to this thought, Clarke moved her head to rest against Lexa’s shoulder. This still allowed Lexa to continue her onslaught on Clarke’s neck, but allowed Clarke to see between their bodies. What she saw nearly became her undoing. Clarke could clearly see the shine of her arousal on Lexa’s thigh. Stabs of pleasure shot through her chest as she made to move faster in a desperate attempt to find her release, then Lexa’s words broke through.

“Clarke, I think I can stop now.” Lexa said, half laughed/half said in a muffled voice against Clarke’s neck. She still yet held her grip on Clarke’s hip and back.

“ _No!”_ Clarke yelled, internally. Lexa must not know that she was just as worked up as she was, but obviously more. Clarke allowed her hips to slow down and falter some before she greedily changed her mind.

“Lexa, I’m clo…” She panted out in a desperate, pleading tone. Her throat was dry and sticky and her words came out ragged. She cleared her throat as delicate as she could before trying again. “I’m so close, Lexa…please, please let me finish.”

Lexa pulled back from Clarke’s neck and looked at Clarke with blown pupils and a lower lip that trembled with every breath that hurriedly flew past it. She pulled herself out of her momentary daze and sat up, bringing Clarke up with her. Clarke buried her face into Lexa’s neck and she continued the assault on her clit, only now it was with Lexa’s help. Lexa planted one hand back into the bed and the other had a sure grip on Clarke’s lower back and she ground her hips and thigh harder up and into Clarke’s apex. Clarke gripped Lexa’s neck with one hand and her shoulder with the other, rocking at hard as she could.

Clarke’s grip was unsure due to the light sheen of sweat that had appeared on Lexa’s skin, so she fisted her hand into the hair at the back of Lexa’s head and held on for dear life as her orgasm ripped through her. Clarke buried her face harder into Lexa’s neck and gripped her tightly as she cried out her release in a flurry of choked breaths and expletives laced with Lexa’s name. Her hips stuttered and her thighs quivered with her orgasm. Clarke could feel her release trickle from her center and soak into the already ruined fabric of her underwear. Her clit twitched and throbbed in rhythm with her motions.

Lexa lifted her hand off the bed and wrapped it around Clarke’s shoulders, holding her in a tight embrace as Clarke went through her high. She placed light but lingering kisses on Clarke’s neck, causing shudders to run through her as her hips came slowly to a halt. Clarke’s labored breathing against Lexa’s neck persisted but slowly improved as the last of the tremors ceased to flow from Clarke’s body. After some time Clarke was able to pull away from Lexa, but not far. Clarke moved from Lexa’s neck only to place her forehead to Lexa’s, her eyes squeezed tight as she caught the last of breaths.

“I’m sorry.” Clarke choked out, her mouth still dry from the exertion and still not opening her eyes. “I didn’t mean for that to happen. I’ve never experienced anything like that…”

Lexa lightly brushed Clarke’s sweaty hair from her face and tucked it behind her ears. “Don’t ever apologize for something like that.” She said, softly. “To be honest, i’ve never been so turned on in my life.”

“Do you want me to…?” Clarke said in a shy whisper. She opened her eyes and looked into Lexa’s.

“No.” Lexa said, firmly but with hint of reluctance in her voice. “What you had was unexpected and I couldn’t deny you.”

Clarke nodded against Lexa’s forehead weakly. Disappointed she wouldn’t be able to return the favor to Lexa…or attempt to. The thought of running her fingers through Lexa’s folds shot a tinge of arousal to her already tender center, causing her to flinch slightly.

“Plus, if we ever get to that point in our relationship…” Lexa began. “…I don’t want it to be a rushed thing like this. I don’t want it to be planned. I want it to be special, your first time." She then added. "Well, first time with a woman.”

Clarke smiled at Lexa's chivalry before responding. “Ok, I can do that.” Clarke whispered out before grasping Lexa’s cheeks between her hands and kissing her chastely on the lips. “Can I at least let you know that I really REALLY would like to right now?”

Lexa laughed shakily. “I really REALLY would like that too, Clarke.”

“How do you have the resolve?” Clarke said, leaning back down into Lexa’s shoulder and squeezing her tightly. “I’d be naked by now if I were you.”

“Clarke…” Lexa groaned out. “I’m trying to be good here. You’re making it very hard for me.”

“I’m sorry.” Clarke responded with a pout, leaning back up to look at Lexa again. “I’m sorry about that and this.” She added, gesturing towards their lap. “I don’t know what came over me. One minute I was fine, just enjoying the motions, letting you have your time. Then when you went for my neck….I guess I didn’t know how worked up I was until it was too late.”

“I love your neck.” Lexa said, leaning in and placing a light kiss to a spot beside Clarke’s jaw. She then trailed her fingers down Clarke’s neck, lightly dragging them from her hairline all the way down to her collarbone. “Your skin is so soft and pale. It’s addicting.”

Clarke felt tremors rack through her as if a cold breeze had passed by. Lexa was doing nothing other than making Clarke want more. “Lexa” She said. “Stop before I can’t stop myself from doing something you want to wait for.”

Lexa smiled widely at Clarke before placing her arms back around Clarke’s waist. She abruptly turned Clarke over and onto the bed so that both girls were in their sides. Clarke laughed out at the sudden action.

“Cmon, we’re supposed to be sleeping.” Lexa said, scooting up towards the pillows.

Clarke followed in suit until both girls were lying peacefully on their sides facing each other. Clarke snuggled up to Lexa and intertwined her legs with hers. Lexa laid her arm under Clarke’s pillow so Clarke could burrow in closer to her, both girls face to face with just inches between them. Clarke could feel Lexa’s breath puff on her cheek. Lexa leaned down momentarily to grab the duvet, and then proceeded to cover them both before returning to her previous position.

There were a few moments of silence before Clarke spoke out. “Oh hey, I forgot. Kane texted me while you were sleeping at the hospital. He wants to get together tomorrow to discuss what you want to do about…you know.” Clarke was aware of the nervous tone she emitted in her words at the mention of the incident.

“That’s fine.” Lexa said, quickly.

Clarke looked at Lexa with a questioning look. “That’s fine?” She asked. “That’s it, no questions?”

“No.” Lexa replied bluntly. “I’m sure Kane will let me know if I need to do anything. If I think of anything he hasn’t told me then I’ll just ask him then.”

Clarke was amazed at Lexa’s coolness about the matter. Not that she expected her to shy away or not want to deal with it, but she did expect her to at least have questions about it.

“You’re thinking too hard about it.” Lexa said, breaking Clarke’s thoughts. “I told you I wasn’t going to let this whole situation affect me, and I meant it.”

“I know.” Clarke replied, softly. “I just don’t know how you do it, ignore what’s all transpired. It’s like a superpower.”

Lexa chuckled lightly. “It’s not a superpower, trust me.” Lexa began. “What it is, is a choice. I can’t use my energy to put his ass away if I’m using it to wallow in self-pity and fear. I’m sorry; I’m not letting that happen.”

Clarke smiled warmly at Lexa. “I love how strong you are.” She said. _I love everything about her._ Clarke thought further. _I love her._

“What are you thinking about now?” Lexa asked.

 _Nothing, nothing!_ Clarke said to herself before responding. “It’s none of your business.” She laughed out. “I gotta work on the whole zoning out thing. My mind isn’t as much of a getaway anymore with you around.”

Lexa laughed with her before snuggling into Clarke, situating her legs where she wanted them between Clarke’s. She wrapped her free arm around Clarke’s waist, laying her hand to rest at the hem of Clarke’s underwear. She ran lazy circles on the strip of skin there. “Sleep, yea?”

 

 

 

“Yea.” Clarke said, closing her eyes and drifting off to the most peaceful sleep she’s had in as long as she could remember.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls get ready to meet with Kane. Lexa finally meets Abby.

“Yea.”

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Clarke woke up the next morning to the melodic buzzing of her phone. She opened her eyes lazily and blinked the sleep from her eyes. Lexa was still dozing peacefully beside her, unaffected by the interruption. They had turned during the night. Clarke was now nestled up against Lexa’s back and her arms were around the sleeping girl. Placing a kiss to the back of Lexa’s shoulder, Clarke made to extract her arms from around her and lay on her back. She grabbed her phone to find a message from Marcus Kane. Kane’s actual first name was Marcus. He liked to be called by his last name though. It started in high school during sports and it stuck with him.

Miller’s first name was Nathan but the situation that led him to being called by his last name was a little different. His grandfather on his father’s side always called him Little Miller and everyone else picked up on it, the little part being dropped eventually. He was adopted by Mr. Marcus and his first wife after being placed in their home after bouncing around foster care for some time. His parents had been killed in a car wreck when he was around ten or so and he had no additional family to go to. His grandfather had passed a few years earlier and his other grandparents well before that. Both his parents were only children as well. When they officially adopted him, Miller had asked to keep his last name to honor his parents, that to which Kane and his wife had absolutely no objection.

 **Marcus Kane:** Is a lunch hour good for you? Around 12?

Clarke looked over at Lexa momentarily, thinking to wake her ask her but decided against it. She was going to be here for at least a couple more days and anytime was good as any other. Also, Lexa’s non-chalant attitude the night before about the whole situation made it very clear that trivial details didn’t matter to her at this point.

 **Clarke:** Yes, that’s great.

It didn’t take long before a response came through.

 **Marcus Kane:** Excellent. Your mom is insisting to bring lunch, something about a roast?

Clarke’s mouth began watering at the thought.

 **Clarke** : Hell yes. Thanks, Mr.Kane.

 **Marcus Kane:** How many times must I insist, it’s just Kane. You’re a grown woman now, no need for formalities.

 **Clarke** : Oh, and the fact you’re dating my mom.

 **Marcus Kane** :…..yes that as well. Lol. Oh look, your mom needs help with the roast. I’ll see you shortly.

 **Clarke:** Sure sure. See you soon.

Clarke laughed a little out loud. Kane had always been a funny guy He liked to joke with the kids when they were around, very often resulting in a very embarrassed Milller.

Completely forgetting about the sleeping beauty beside her, her laugh caused Lexa to stir. Turning over to lie on her back. Her features scrunched up slightly then relaxing before she opened her eyes, blinking away the haze of sleep. She turned her head to look at Clarke, who greeted her with a wide and toothy smile.

“Morning.” Clarke said, her voice still rusty with sleep.

“Good Morning.” Lexa said, smiling back before turning further and burrowing into Clarke’s side. “Have I mentioned how much I love your voice?”

“My voice?” Clarke said, a curious tone present in her words.

“Yea. It’s kind of…I don’t know, husky?” Lexa said, trying to explain herself. “Your voice sounds like you just got through singing through an entire concert, or getting over the last of a cold. I love it. It’s very soothing in a way. Not to mention, sexy as hell.” She placed a soft kiss over Clarke’s bare shoulder after her last words. Clarke shivered in response. This woman’s lips could do no wrong.

“My voice, huh?” Clarke said, before she sat up and straddled Lexa’s waist and continued speaking, accentuating every gritty word as she loomed over Lexa’s lips. Their lips were close but not touching.  “I could name at least 50 other things I love about you in addition to your voice.”

Lexa gulped audibly before running her palm up Clarke’s chest and neck, stopping to run her thumb across her jaw. “I wasn’t aware that this was a competition.”

“Oh, it’s not.” Clarke replied, closing the distance and lightly brushing her lips over Lexa’s as she spoke. “I can’t possibly compete against you and all of your……MAGNIFICANT qualities.” The word was accompanied by Clarke’s roaming hand. It started at her hipline, scratching lightly at the bare skin between her shorts and shirt. It traveled upward and raked it’s fingers with delicate pressure across Lexa’s ribs.  Both girls breathing had changed pace slightly, increased by the obviously arousing situation they put themselves in.

“I love your lips.” Clarke began, listing off Lexa’s qualities in quick succession, placing a kiss gingerly to each area. “Your shoulders. Your neck. Your fingers.” She continued. She placed a kiss to all the fingers on the hand that wasn’t currently cradling her cheek, it having never left its position amid Clarke’s movements.

“I love how strong you are…” Clarke said, squeezing Lexa’s thighs lightly before kissing her jaw lightly. “…and how brave you are.” She added, kissing Lexa’s forehead along the line of stitches, relishing at the shudder of breath taken in by Lexa. Clarke laid her head down on Lexa’s shoulder, laying on her while careful not to place all her weight on her. Lexa’s breath tickled her shoulder as she nosed into the skin of Clarke’s neck, placing feather light kisses there. A few moments passed before Clarke could swear she heard a small sniffle come from Lexa. She raised up off of Lexa to take a look. Before her was a beautiful brunette girl with shining tears in her eyes and a blushed face.

“Lexa, what is it?” Clarke asked, placing her hand to Lexa’s forehead and soothing the skin there while looking around her features. “Did I hurt you?”

Lexa brought a hand up to gingerly wipe the tears from her eyes. She broke out into a smile, her muscles quivered as she spoke. “No.” She managed. “Quite the opposite, in fact.”

Clarke smiled weakly at Lexa in understanding. She brought her forehead down to meet Lexa’s. “I could stay like this forever.” She whispered, trying to convey all of her feelings in her words.

“I’d like that.” Lexa husked back, her voice strained by her tears. “I thought I’d be alone forever…then I found you.”

“Then you found me.” Clarke confirmed, placing a kiss to Lexa’s forehead and mumbling against it. “Best day of my life.”

Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke and pulled her down against her, tucking her against her body as tight as she could. Clarke returned in kind, hugging around Lexa’s sides, stroking the skin there. After some time, Clarke made to get up, placing a light but lingering kiss to Lexa’s lips. “C’mon.” Clarke said. “Let’s get you in the shower. Kane will be here soon.”

“I need to go to my apartment; I don’t have any extra clothes.” Lexa said. “I didn’t plan to not go home after I was discharged from the hospital.”

“That’s not a problem.” Clarke said, waving her off. “Anya has practically lived here since the day at the gallery. Her clothes are all mixed in the laundry. Raven has clothes you can wear too. I’d let you borrow mine, but other than for sleeping they probably wouldn’t help much. I’m bigger than you; my clothes would be too loose on you.”

“You aren’t “bigger” than me, Clarke.” Lexa scolded. “You’re just a different body type. A very nice body type.” She added with a hungry tone in her voice.

Clarke blushed at the comment. “Thanks. But regardless, you would look thrown away in anything I give you.”

Lexa just raised an eyebrow at Clarke. “If  you say so.”

“I do say so.” Clarke said before adding excitedly: “Ooh I just remembered!  Raven bought a bunch of new underwear the other day while we were out. They’re probably all very impractical and meant just for Anya to take off of her but hey, never been used.”

Lexa laughed and cringed at the same time. “Ok then.” She said, making her way off the bed, Clarke stepped over to help her, giving her a disapproving look. “Sorry, sorry.” Lexa said. “Getting up and down, I remember now.”

“You can use my bathroom.” Clarke offered with an approving smile. “I’m pretty sure Anya and Raven have had sex in the one down the hall now that I think about it. It’s probably best to stay out of there. There isn’t water hot enough to wash away all that sin.”

Lexa raised another eyebrow at the statement. “I leaned on that wall.” She said, cringing and pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Need me to wash your back for you?” Clarke asked, half laughing.

“That would require you seeing me naked, Clarke.” Lexa said, Clarke’s eyebrows shot up and her eyes went wide. “I really want that first date first.” She added, smiling widely at Clarke, who gulped.

“I didn’t mean…well I did mean to…” Clarke stuttered out, trying to explain herself. She hadn’t meant anything sexual at all when she said that.

“Calm down, tiger.” Lexa said. “I’m just messing with you, I knew what you meant.” She then reached down and grabbed a folded towel from a laundry basket near the doorway. “Now go pick me out some clothes, I trust you.” And with that she sauntered into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

“Ok.” Clarke replied to herself, relief in her voice. Before too long though, the realization dawned on her that she would be picking out Lexa’s underwear as well.

“Oh, fuck me.” She whispered to herself, getting up and walking to Raven’s room. What kind of torture was it to get to have to sift through sexy underwear for your new girlfriend only to not get to enjoy it as well? Clarke walked through the mess of clothes that strewed the floor, trying not to touch anything with her bare feet, not knowing what kind of sex had been had near to or while wearing those clothes. 

 _Lord, Raven_. She thought to herself. _Were you raised by wolves?_

Clarke made the trek across Raven’s room and over to her dresser. Clarke opened the first drawer and immediately regretted it, slamming it shut immediately. The drawer was filled to the brim with toys and lingerie of all kinds, some of which Clarke had never seen the likes of. _Damn, Raven._ Clarke thought to herself again. _Talk about a healthy sex life._ She wondered further who was on the receiving end of the majority of them. Her money was on Raven, but you could never tell with the strong brooding type like Anya.

Upon opening the second drawer, she found what she needed. Stuffed in the corner was the bag to the store in which they shopped for the underwear. “Jackpot.” Clarke said aloud, in triumph. She walked over to the bed and dumped it out, taking inventory. There were a plethora of types. Anywhere from thongs, lacy boyshorts, to barely there bikini styles. Clarke sifted through the items, struggling to make a decision. Every time she picked up a pair she imagined Lexa’s strong thighs and round hips filling them out and the bottom swell of her butt; uncovered and spilling out. As much as she wanted to pick out the sexiest and barely there item, she reluctantly choose a cute pair of hip huggers. Though still mouthwatering, they had the least see through fabric and the most coverage. She threw everything else back into the bag and shoved it back in the drawer. She then made her way to the laundry room to dig through the baskets there. She found a pair of Anya’s jeans, a t-shirt, and a sports bra, before making her way back to her room.

She threw the clothes on the bed and walked over to the closet to pick out clothes for herself. After donning new underwear and a bra, she settled on a simple pair of cutoff jean shorts and loose pullover sweatshirt that hung over one shoulder. She would have gone for something sexier had it just been her and Lexa but since her mom and Kane were going to be there, she was going to be at least a little modest. Hell, if it were up to her, she’d be naked under Lexa right now if she could.

 _You’re all talk, Griffin._ She scoffed to herself. _You say that now. You’d get under there and start acting like an idiot because you wouldn’t know what the hell you’re doing._

Clarke openly winced and rubbed her face. Why is she so nervous? Raven told her what to do, what to expect and how to go about it. And in the end, Clarke was certain Lexa would be patient and willing as she made attempts to please her. Maybe there was just the looming terror that no matter how good her efforts were, she would fail at getting Lexa there, and that would make her want to crawl in a hole and die of pure embarrassment.

Clarke heard the water turn off in the bathroom shortly after finishing her thought. She shook her head to clear it and walked over to the bathroom door to knock on it when it suddenly opened and Lexa stepped out wearing only a towel, walking past Clarke without a second look, over to the bed where the clothes were. Clarke turned to look at her, jaw hanging open. Lexa’s hair was mostly dry, only wet at the tips. Her skin glistened from the wetness of water. Clarke did everything she could just then not to pace forward and run her tongue across the span of her neck, gathering the wetness to quench her suddenly dry throat.

Lexa smirked at Clarke at seeing her sudden state of stupor. “You alright over there?” She asked, with a cocky tone in her voice. She knew exactly what she was doing.

“Ye…yea.” Clarke stuttered out. “Just keeping from having a massive heart attack is all.”

“A little dramatic, don’t you think?” She asked, gathering up her hand and bunching it over one shoulder in probably the most seductively and sexiest way possible.

“You said you wanted to wait…” Clarke choked out. “…stop torturing me!”

“No one said you had to look.” Lexa laughed out, the smirk on her face never having left.

“Well…it’s kinda hard when you’re being such a tease.” Clarke huffed out, gesturing at her. “Where did my quiet and innocent Lexa go?”

“She went on a little vacation after you came on her lap.” Lexa whispered out, her voice husky and low. She walked slowly towards Clarke with a predatory look in her eyes.

Clarke’s breath hitched and she swallowed, hard. “Touche.”

She stopped only when she was just a fraction away from Clarke, her breath puffing on a pale cheek and jaw. Lexa’s lips graced her skin lightly, trailing along. Clarke’s breathing picked up and she closed her eyes. She clenched her fists at her sides to keep them still; she itched to bring them up and tear the towel from Lexa’s body and reveal the glory that she was sure awaited below it. Soft and pillowy lips graced her own lips gently but briefly before Lexa spoke.

“Get out.” She said.

“Wha...” Clarke said, snapping her eyes back open to see a widely smiling Lexa.

“I need to get dressed.” Lexa said, placing her palm to Clarke’s chest and gently pushing her backwards until she began moving slowly towards the doorway. “You would allow me some privacy, wouldn’t you?” Lexa added, jest in her voice.

“Of course…” Clarke said. “…take your time.” Her chest almost burned at the sensation of the skin to skin contact of Lexa’s hand. She stopped after reaching the other side of the doorway and took Lexa’s hand in hers, pulling it off her chest and to her lips. Clarke placed a firm kiss to Lexa’s palm and smiled gently. “Don’t take too long.”

“I won’t.” Lexa said, holding onto Clarke’s hand until the last moment when their fingers could no longer keep contact and their arms fell between them. Lexa closed the door slowly with a smile, not looking away until it clicked shut.

Clarke took a depth breath and padded down the hallway. Oh the things that Lexa was doing to her. She was falling, and she was falling hard. Not just for the beauty of the woman but for her grace, her intelligence, her strength, as well her other numerous infallible pieces that made up the perfect human that was her. Clarke stopped and ran her hands through her hair in front of the hall mirror before catching the clock in her peripheral.

“Shit.” Clarke said to herself. “Its 11:45 already?”

She rushed about, grabbing up random discarded bits and straightened misplaced items in preparation for the arrival of her mom and Kane.

 

Lexa POV

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Lexa walked back to the bed and let the towel drop to the floor below her. She couldn’t help the blush that ran across her cheeks at the quick thought of being naked there, in Clarke’s room. Just hours ago Clarke gave her the immense gift of her promised partnership. She couldn’t help but let her mind wander to thoughts of having Clarke, one day, writhing below her as she showed her all there was to be with a woman and the pleasure that she would experience.

Costia was meek in most ways, largely due to her upbringing. That being said, working into the sexual aspect of their relationship was slow, tentative, and fairly conservative. Costia blamed living in the dorms when questioned about it once. Lexa knew that wasn’t the only reason, but she didn’t push the issue. She was glad to have her in any way she could. Only towards the end had Costia begun to let loose and allow herself to experience their couplings with less inhibition and more confidence. Lexa loved every moment with Costia and wouldn’t change their hushed and slow moments, nor their reached peaks accompanied by soundless cries of pleasure for anything in the world.

Clarke was the exact opposite of Costia though. A ball of pure energy and complete unpredictability was the core of Clarke, and honestly; Lexa was a nervous herself at the thought of any future escalation of their relationship. What had happened the night before with Clarke was nothing short of amazing. She had never done that with anyone. The few short term relationships she had before going off to college never got too involved to warrant such intensity, and again, Costia wasn’t the type to accidentally put herself in such a situation, much less ride her into a desperate chase for release as did Clarke. They were always careful and calculated when they made love.

Lexa shook her hands by her sides and stretched her neck, trying to clear her mind of her thoughts. She was a mixture of happy and sad all at the same time all of a sudden thinking of the two women who were so different, but meant so much to her just as equally.  Now was not the time to let her emotions take control of her, though.

She looked at the clothes laid on the bed before her. She recognized them as Anya’s immediately. The underwear….not so much. She knew Anya to be a plain woman and the underwear she was about to put on was nowhere near her style. She held them up and inspected them, pulling the tag off firmly as not to tear the flimsy material. She was no stranger to the type. Regardless of Costia’s outward behaviors, she did like to dress nice for Lexa, and visa versa. Upon further inspection, Clarke’s assumption was correct; they WERE more for form than function. Never the less, she needed underwear and this is what she had to work with. She slid the silky material up her legs and over her hips, appreciating the soft feel ad firm hug against her hips. She made a mental note to ask Raven where she had bought them from, as they were actually very comfortable, time would tell if they were good for wearing more than a few hours. She pulled on the sports bra and jeans. She left the button and zipper undone for now, unsure if she was going to tuck the shirt in or not. She went to tug on the shirt before she remembered her hair. She needed to brush it now or else there would be hair all over the shirt. She shed like crazy.

“Oh!” Lexa said outloud to herself. “I left it in the hallway bathroom.”

She debated internally to herself wether or not to use Clarke’s but decided that she needed to at least ask before she did and if she was going to be asking, it might as well be to ask Clarke to bring to her own to her. Lexa walked over to the door, cracking it open.

“Clarke.” She called out.”

“Yea?” Clarke called back, her voice muffled in the distance.

“Will you please bring me my hairbrush from the hall bathroom?” Lexa asked.

“Sure thing.” Clarke called back.

“Thanks.” Lexa replied, closing the door back before opening it quickly. “Oh and my deodorant too!”

“On it!” Clarke said.

Lexa closed the door back once again and she walked back over to the bathroom and began to run her fingers through her hair, really just biding time before Clarke returned with her items.

It only took a few moments before Lexa heart a knock on the door. “Come in.” She said.

Clarke walked through the door of the bathroom still looking down. Immediately upon looking up her eyes grew wide and she nearly dropped the items in her hand as she realized Lexa didn’t have a shirt on.

“OMG. I’m sorry.” Clarke said quickly. Turning around, and holding an item in each hand.

Lexa chuckled at the sight in the mirror before turning around and facing Clarke’s back. She walked up to her and stepped close to her back and grabbed each item from her hands before speaking. “You are so awkward, you know that?”

“God, yes. Well aware.” Clarke said, covering her eyes.

“Turn around, will you?” Lexa asked. She placed the items on the counter before turning back around and making Clarke spin around. “Look at me.”

Clarke lowered her hands and slowly opened her eyes.

“Repeat after me.” Lexa said, with a firm look in her eyes. “It’s just skin. Every one has it.” Then she bursts into a wide smile and a loud laugh.

“Everyone has skin but not like that!” Clarke replied loudly, gesturing between the two of them. “You’re all tan…and muscly…and ERRRRR.” She added, gritting her teeth while enunciating the letters.

“ERRRRR?” Lexa laughed out. “What the hell is that?”

“It’s for when you can’t describe how impossibly hot someone is…” Clarke replied, rubbing her temples and sighing.

“Ok, well get over it.” Lexa began. “If we’re going to be together, the first thing you should know is that I frequent sports bras when I sleep as well as when I run.”

“So…..I have to look at this all the time?” Clarke replied, horrified.

“Hey!” Lexa said, scoffing. “How about, you GET TO look at this all the time.”

“Lord, there has got to be some kind of medication I can take to control my hormones.” Clarke replied, shaking her head.

“You are more dramatic than Raven, ya know?” Lexa laughed out. She turned around and applied her deodorant, noticing how Clarke was looking at the tattoo that adorned her back.

“I got it when I was 19.” Lexa offered, looking back at Clarke through the mirror. “It was a sketch drawn by a good friend of mine years ago. He wanted to be an artist, like you. He passed away in a car wreck coming home from prom. A drunk driver plowed into him after he dropped his date off. I found it in my things after cleaning up my room before going off to college. I went to the tattoo parlor that very weekend.”

“It’s beautiful.” Clarke said, reaching up and tracing her fingers over the ornate circles that scattered down Lexa’s spine. Lexa shivered, the muscles in her back twitching under Clarke’s touch.

Lexa started at her hair, working first at the ends. They were a bit tangled from the light misting she received from the shower.

“Here, let me.” Clarke said, reaching out for the brush and gesturing towards the bed.

Lexa walked out towards the room and sat on the edge of the bed. Clarke sat behind her and started brushing her hair. Lexa closed her eyes and just enjoyed the feeling of being pampered as Clarke gently brushed the tangles from her hair. After a few minutes, Clarke’s ministrations ceased and she placed the brush down on the bed. “All done.” She said.

“Thank you.” Lexa said, looking across her shoulder to Clarke. “You’re spoiling me already.”

“Get used to it.” Clarke said, kissing Lexa on the cheek and slowly wrapping her arms around Lexa’s waist. “Is this ok?”

“More than ok.” Lexa replied. “It’s just skin, remember?”

“ERRRRR” Clarke said. Moaning into the back of her neck and scratching into Lexa’s stomach.

Lexa laughed and turned around suddenly, pushing Clarke down and into the bed, pinning her arms above her head. “Do I have to beat it into you, Clarke?” Lexa asked, with a mischievous look in her eye.

“Nooohoho…” Clarke whinned out. “You just look like that and I look like this.” She added, gesturing down with her chin.

“Like what?” Lexa asked, tilting her head. “A gorgeous and curvy goddess with thighs and chest for days?”

“Um…No. Not exactly.” Clarke replied, swallowing hard.

“Good.” Lexa quipped, letting go of one of Clarke’s hands only to grip both of them in one of her own. She reached down with the free hand to tug on Clarke’s shirt, pulling it up to stop just under her breasts. She lowered her body down on Clarke’s slowly, letting out a held breath when the warm skin of their bellies pressed together. Her bronze skin meeting the milky white of Clarke. “Unlike you, I love how our bodies contrast with each other.” She husked out, leaning down to kiss Clarke. Clarke leaned up to meet her, their lips almost touching before they were interrupted by the door opening suddenly.

“Clarke, honey where are the…..OH!” Abby said, suddenly.

Lexa jumped up and off Clarke, stumbling and tripping over her feet. She fell to her butt and crawled back against the wall, covering herself with her arms. She began to hyperventilate and grip hard at her skin as sudden images of Costia, Nia, and security guards flew across her eyes. Thoughts shot through her mind as she squeezed her eyes shut and brought her hands up to her ears.

 

_Clarke’s not out yet._

_Her mom doesn’t know about her, about us._

_She’s going to get hurt._

_It’s all my fault._

 

Clarke looked down suddenly to Lexa. Seeing her shutting down, Clarke immediately turned back towards the door.

 

 

“Mom! Get out!” 


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fight against Finn begins. Lexa becomes family.

Clarke POV

 

“Mom!” Get Out” Clarke yells

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 Her mom nods her head quickly, holding her hand up in defense while grabbing the door with the other and closing it as she quickly retreats out of the room. A “sorry” was mouthed out across her lips as she closed the door briskly but softly. Clarke fell down on her knees on the floor in front of Lexa. Nervously tucking her hair behind her ears she looked at the girl in front of her. Lexa was swaying back and forth lightly.  Her hands were clutching her ears so hard it looked like it hurt. Her eyes were squeezed together and she was trembling.  Clarke reached up momentarily to touch Lexa’s knee but thought against it, she didn’t want to startle the girl. She sat back against the heels and collected her thoughts. She turned and reached back behind her and on the bed, pulling Lexa’s shirt down. She leaned forward slowly and placed it beside the shaking girl.

“Here’s your shirt.” She offered, non-challantly trying to diffuse the tension she knew was cording every fiber of Lexa.

Lexa opened her eyes after a few moments, meeting Clarke’s for just a second before looking towards the floor. She pried her fingers from the grip they had on one of her ears and slowly reached down to pick up the shirt. She pressed it up against her front, not making any attempt to put it on. She looked back up at Clarke, a look of pure turmoil painted across her face.

Clarke raised the corners of her lips up in a small smile, her eyebrows furrowed in what she hoped conveyed the care she felt for the woman and not pity. She looked over the woman’s features, in a desperate will for her to speak. When she didn’t, Clarke did.

“Is it ok if I sit by you?” She asked.

Lexa nodded shortly, looking back towards the floor, as if finding something suddenly interesting there. Clarke moved slowly until she was sitting by Lexa. She leaned her head up against the wall and let out a small sigh. She brought her knees up to her chest and then brought her hands to a fist on them, picking at the skin of her fingers, she looked towards Lexa, who was still looking straight ahead.

“Do you want to know what I told my mom the night I went and ate dinner with her? The night you took me to the gallery?”  Clarke asked, turning her head slightly, tipping it in Lexa’s direction.

Lexa kept looking forward but acknowledged Clarke with a slight nod.

Clarke cleared her throat and took a deep breath for bravery before continuing. “I told her I was going to marry you.”

Clarke could hear Lexa’s breath hitch as well as the rush of air as she exhaled quickly over her trembling lips. Clarke leaned her head over and placed it on Lexa’s shoulder and scooted closer to the girl.

 “My mother isn’t Nia.” Clarke offered. “You have nothing to fear from her.”

“I was scared FOR YOU TOO.” Lexa choked out almost inaudibly. Her voice was weak and scratchy. “I didn’t know…that she knew.”

“See…” Clarke began, laughing lightly. “…I told you were we’re skipping a couple steps.”

Lexa couldn’t help but let out a small laugh of her own before letting out a nervous sigh. “I’m such a mess, Clarke. Why did that affect me the way it did?”

“PTSD is a horrible thing.” Clarke offered. “I know we haven’t spoken about your therapy in any detail but there isn’t a doubt in my mind that you suffer from some form of it, not with everything you’ve been through.”

Lexa ran a hand through her hair and then over her face before leaning her head onto Clarke’s. “What a good fucking first impression, huh?”

“Lex…” Clarke scolded.

“No, Clarke.” Lexa began, starting to get worked up. “Now your mom is going to think I’m some broken freak.”

“Hey, stop.” Clarke said, sitting up and grabbing Lexa’s hands in hers. “Look at me.”

Lexa looked everywhere but Clarke’s eyes for a moment before Clarke’s voice rang through again. “Lexa, I said: Look at me.”

Lexa looked at Clarke only to find her intense gaze. “You promised me you would talk to me if you felt overwhelmed. Now talk to me.” Clarke said, firmly.

Lexa took a deep breath and nodded before speaking. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I just, I was just scared. Thinking back, we probably should have gotten to know each other better before taking the next step in our relationship, at least in regards to family. That way I would have known something important like this, considering what I’ve been through. I mean I never expected to be walked in on by your mom half naked on you, but I just freaked out on top of being worried for you. I couldn’t help but to immediately think of Costia and how keeping her sexuality a secret caused us both so much pain and suffering.”

Clarke looked at Lexa with adoration. Lex was so brave for saying what she needed to say while being in such a fragile state. “I’m so proud of you Lex.” Clarke said, bringing Lexa’s hands up to kiss her knuckles. “You do know that nothing’s changed about how I feel or think about you from now and 10 minutes ago, right?”

Lexa looked back at Clarke and nodded slowly but confidently, a small smile adorned her face. “I don’t know if I can say the same about your mom though.” She said, the smile slowly fading.

“Oh, I can.” Clarke said quickly, confidence in her voice. “Mom’s a doctor. HIPAA is her middle name.” Clarke laughed at her own joke before adding. “She’s out there messing with the food and Kane is none the wiser, I promise you.”

“Are you sure?” Lexa asked, uncertainty in her voice.

“I would never lie to you, Lexa.” Clarke replied, smiling widely at Lexa. “Mom is probably so pissed at herself right now about the whole thing she’s hoping you won’t say anything about it.”

“There’s no way I’m getting out of this that easy.” Lexa said, raising her eyebrow in disbelief.

“You are.” Clarke said. “She’ll be bugging me as to why I haven’t updated her on our relationship status more than she’ll be bothered by what happened with you.”

“It’s been less than a day…” Lexa said, scoffing.

“Yea...and she will have argued that there was more than enough time to have called her to have given her the details.” Clarke replied, rolling her eyes and leaning back over towards Lexa. “Is it ok if I kiss you now?”

“Yes.” Lexa replied, her lips upturning at the corners.

Clarke leaned forward and cupped Lexa’s ear with her hand and kissed her lips lightly before moving to the tip of her nose and then coming to a stop at her forehead, again placing light kisses to the line of stiches there.

“C’mon stud.” Clarke said, making to stand and then holding her hand out to Lexa to take. “As much as I loved the view, we need to finish getting you dressed.”

“Do we have to.” Lexa whined, taking Clarke’s hand and standing up only to wrap and arm around Clarke’s waist, pulling her close to herself.

“Yes, we have to.” Clarke chastised, pulling the shirt from between the two and playfully tossing it in Lexa’s face. “My mom and her boyfriend are right outside the door. “No funny business.”

Lexa pouted and let go of Clarke. She pulled the shirt over her head and buttoned up her jeans. Clarke grabbed a pair of socks from her dresser and motioned for Lexa to sit on the bed as she kneeled on the floor, to which she got a disapproving eyeful.

“Not this again, sit down.” Clarke snipped.

“Clarke, minus my fingers in the mix, we were basically having sex last night. I think I can manage some socks.” Lexa said, causing a bright red blush to spread across Clarke’s face. Lexa laughed out loud before apologizing. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You’re just so easy. Here…here.” She held up a foot and wiggled her toes at Clarke and motioned for her to proceed.

Clarke sneered at Lexa for a moment before grabbing her foot and putting the sock on as roughly as one could put a sock on, all the while Lexa laughing at her antics. Clarke repeated the process with the other foot before helping her to stand. She made to turn and walk towards to door before Lexa grabbed her arm and pulled her in for a chaste kiss.

“Thank you, for everything.” She said.

The tension and irritation seemed to just melt off Clarke at the feel of Lexa’s lips. Again, this woman’s lips could do no wrong.

“You know you can’t just kiss me every time you’re an ass.” Clarke said, pouting in defeat.

“Yes, I can.” Lexa said, her voice firm and unwavering, then a smile slowly spread across her features.

Clarke slid her hand into Lexa’s, intertwining their fingers. “C’mon. They’re waiting. Everything’s going to be ok. Do you trust me?”

Lexa looked back at Clarke, truth in her eyes. “I do trust you, Clarke.”

Clarke’s heart stuttered in her chest before she pulled on Lexa’s hand and opened the door. “Let’s go.”

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Clarke held onto Lexa’s hand as they walked through the doorway and down the hall. She squeezed her hand in assurance and then guided them both through to the living room. Kane immediately walked up to Clarke and engulfed her in a surprisingly energetic hug, forcing Clarke to pull her hand away from Lexa in order to pat Kane on the back.

“Clarke!” Kane exclaimed. “So good to see you, it’s been too long.”

“Yes, it has.” Clarke agreed. “How has my mom been treating you?”

“Oh, you know. Pain in the ass as always.” He said, quickly releasing Clarke before bracing for a hard slap to the side of the shoulder.  He laughed out loud. “Well, you are.”

“I am not!” Abby retorted, putting on the pot holders that he just hit Kane with. “I’m just dating a man-child is all. I swear I don’t know how Meredith put up with you all those years.”

“Why, I wooed her with my fantastic personality and rugged good looks of course.” Kane replied, a wide smile plastered across his face as he stroked his salt and pepper beard.

Abby shoved Kane playfully to the side as she placed the warm container of pot roast down on the table in front of them. The table had already been neatly set with plates and utensils. “Alright girls, sit down. I want Lexa to try it while it’s warm.”

Clarke placed her hand on Lexa’s back and with a smile, silently guided her to sit down at the table alongside her. She reached over and quickly squeezed Lexa’s thigh in support once she was seated before looking forward at her mom. “It all looks great, Mom.”

“Thank you, baby.” Abby responded before looking over at Lexa with a smile. “There was no way I was getting to meet you for the first time and not going to win you over with my famous roast.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Griffin. I’m sure I’ll love it.” Lexa responded. “I have a soft spot for comfort food.”

“Thank god for that.” Clarke replied, digging the serving utensils into the dish and spooning a heaping serving onto Lexa’s plate, to which Lexa had to hold up her hand in a quiet bid to halt lest Clarke continue to pile it on.

“What?” Clarke asked, stopping mid air, a look of confusion on her face.

“I only have so much room.” Lexa laughed out, waving her hand over the already large portion on her plate. “Plus, this is my first meal since I’ve been out of the hospital, I don’t want to overdo it the first go.”

 “Oh, sorry.” Clarke replied, suddenly realizing her mistake. She then shrugged it off and moved over and began mimicking her actions with her own plate before adding a generous helping of rice. She looked over to Lexa’s plate and sneakily tapped a scoop of rice there, somehow avoiding a quick tap from Lexa’s hand. “You HAVE to have rice. It’s a must.” Clarke said in defense.

“OK, but no more.” Lexa replied, giving Clarke an eyeful.

Clarke replaced the servicing utensils back in their dish and held up her hands in defense. Kane reached forward and served Abby and then himself, all while laughing. “These two.” He says.

Abby smiles and hums in amused agreeance before looking towards Lexa again. “So, Clarke tell me you’re a writer?”

Lexa clears her throat before speaking. “Yes, ma’am. Mostly ghost writing, but I do have a passion project I am working on.”

“Ghost writing?” Kane says. “Interesting. I hear that can be very lucrative.”

“Yes, sir.”  Lexa confirms. “I do well for myself. I like to live modestly though; I have a small loft apartment a handful of blocks north of here.”

“That's very responsible .”  Kane said, nodding his head and taking a bite of his food. “You never know when the economy will take a turn and business will slow down.”

“I have had times such as that” Lexa agreed. “Nothing I couldn’t handle but it does put things in perspective.”

“Smart girl.” Abby says, her lips turned up and looking at Clarke before taking a bite of her food. Clarke looks back at her with a disapproving looks that says: “Not now.” Abby just smirks back defiantly before taking another bite.

“This is amazing, Mrs. Griffin.” Lexa says, swallowing a bite of roast. “I don’t think I’ve ever had roast this good. What’s your secret?”

“Ah, well I’m not giving away the whole recipe but I’ll give you a hint.” Abby begins before whispering; “It’s french onion soup mix.”

“Is that so?” Lex asks, scooping up a large portion of the roast along with the rice together and then taking the bite. “Oh my God, Clarke. You were right, the rice is amazing with this.”

“See, I know my stuff.” Clarke says between mouthfuls of her own. Her plate was almost completely clean at this point. “This roast is the reason I’m not cut from marble like you.”

Lexa coughed on nothing and a blush began to spread through her cheeks before Abby spoke up.

“Clarke, please." She said rolling her eyes. "You are a perfectly healthy size, I'm a doctor, I would know. Regardless though, if you're unhappy with it then it's your own fault...I raised you, this roast has nothing to do with it and everything to do with your allergy to exercise.”

“Mom!” Clarke scoffed before looking at Lexa, who’s momentary embarrassment had turned into pure amusement. “You’re a bad influence on Lexa.” Clarke scolded. “She already tortures me on the daily, don’t give her more fuel to add to the fire.”

“Well in that case, I like her already.” Abby says, smiling widely at Lexa, who much to Clarke’s relief, smiled right back.

Clarke was glad that Lexa was easing into the conversation and seemed to believe her when she said that Abby wasn’t going let what she saw make her feel any sort of way about Lexa. Everyone filled their bellies to the brim with Abby’s wonderful meal while continuing their conversation easily and without strain. But, as with all good things, it came to an end once the initial reason for the visit could no longer be avoided. Glasses were empty and plates were all but wiped clean when Kane cleared his voice nervously and spoke up.

“So, Lexa.” Kane began. “I hate to put a sour damper on the lovely conversation we’ve been having…”

“It’s OK.” Lexa interjected, smiling and waving her hand. “We had to talk about it sometime. I’d rather treat it like a Band-aid if you don’t mind though, rather than tip toeing around things.

“I’m going to step out, Darling.” Abby said, clearing her throat and making to stand. “You all need some privacy. I just came to make sure you girls were fed something other than take out.”

“No! No, stay.” Lexa said motioning for Abby to sit. “I want Clarke here and it’s fair she has you here too.”

Clarke Looked over to Lexa and raised the corners of her lips in an appreciative smile before she found Lexa’s hand under the table. She intertwined their fingers and then overlapped them with her other hand, brushing her thumb affectionately over Lexa’s knuckles. The display was obvious to anyone looking on, it wasn’t hard to tell what they were doing. She would let her mom know about her and Lexa as soon as she could, but now wasn’t the time.

“As long as you’re sure, honey.” Abby said, offering a change for Lexa to change her mind.

“I’m sure.” Lexa said, smiling and nodding in affirmation. Abby nodded back in acknowledgement. She then grabbed the water pitcher and refilled everyone’s glass before sitting back down.

“Let’s get on with it, shall we?” Lexa then asked, directing her words towards Kane with a smile.

“Ok, fair enough.” Kane replied, smiling in kind before he began. “We’ll as you know we have one Finn Collins in custody for the incident that took place two nights ago.” Lexa and Clarke both nodded in unison.

“He has an initial charge of aggravated sexual assault in the 3rd degree.” Kane continued. “Now, I know Ms. Reyes gave a statement to the police at the scene of the crime, but because it wasn’t observed and witnessed then they couldn’t charge Finn then and there with the accusations. Those things are up to the district attorney who is assigned to the case to decide. She reported allegations of hate speech, stalking, breaking and entering, sexual harassment, and indecent exposure among other things. Is this all true?

Lexa smirked a little at the last complaint of indecent exposure and looked over to Clarke, who had a look of equal amusement. “Yes sir, it’s all true.” Lexa said, directing her attention back to Kane.

“Ok, good.” Kane said, before taking a large breath. “Here’s what’s going on though. My guys down at the precinct have told me that Finn is already denying everything. He was passed out most of the first night there, but when he woke the next morning he started hollering for a lawyer. “

Clarke laughed out loud in a scoff. “What the hell does he need a lawyer for? He is so guilty he’s drowning.”

“He claims that you were the one that attacked him.” Kane answered, looking at Lexa calmly but seriously. “He claims that he was urinating and when you saw him, you attacked him while he had his pants down.”

“That is such bullshit!” Lexa yelled how, before pointing at her stitches. “How do you explain my head then?”

“He said he tried to push you away when you attacked and then you fell into the wall. He futher claims he then tripped and fell afterwards because he lost his balance and that’s when you attacked him while he was lying on the ground.” Kane explained.

Clarke sat there with her lips pursed and her mine racing. _Is he fucking serious? He tried to rape her and now he’s turning it around on her? I’ll fucking kill him..I”_

 _“_ I’m going to fucking kill him.” Clarke said, out loud. "I should have when I got a piece of him that night."

“Speaking of…” Kane said, tipping his head and widening his eyes in almost disbelief. “He’s accusing you of assault, Clarke. He wants to bring charges against you for what he says you did after he was handcuffed and defenseless.”

“No! No no no!” Lexa cried out, tears forming in the corners of her eyes, she wiped them away with her knuckles. “Please, you have to help her, Kane. She did it for me!”

Clarke couldn’t stand to see Lexa like this. She was so chivalrous and selfless. Clarke scooted her chair closer to Lexa and wrapped her arm around Lexa’s bicep, leaning into her. “It’s ok. I shouldn’t ha…”

“Ah ah!” Kane said, covering his ears with his hands. “Don’t say anything. He doesn’t have anything on you, Clarke. Officer Winters is a man of honor and has been with the force for nearly 20 years. If he says nothing happened, then nothing happened. No district attorney will argue against him. Hopefully it will help our case as well, making him appear to be a liar.”

“Is it awful that I feel bad that I know that he’s not lying?” Clarke asks, distress in her voice. Abby reached across the table, offering her hand. Clarke took it and Abby squeezed it soothingly.

“No, it’s not awful. It’s human.” Kane offered. “But...in the world of law there is never a time in which you won’t have to choose between the lesser of evils. In this case, we need to cover up your lie to make sure that he gets put away for his.

“What about Officer Winter's partner; surely they will question him?” Clarke inquired.

“They will...and he will lie too.” Kane said. “Again, they all respect Officer Winters very much. Anyways, letting go a criminal at the scene and getting caught lying on the case about said incident too? Not very good for the career of an up and coming rookie. You don’t have anything to worry about, Clarke.”

Both girls nodded in quiet understanding before Clarke spoke up again. “Well, what do we do about Finn? He’s obviously going to do everything he can to throw Lexa under the bus. What can we do?”

“First, do you think you can tell me everything that has happened with him, up to and including that night?” Kane asked Lexa, concern in his features. “I know it might be hard, but we have to know the big picture in order to know what all we have to work with against him.”

“Yes, I should be able to.” Lexa replied. Clarke squeezed her arm again in support. Lexa looked over and gave her a small smile of appreciation. She brought her hand over to lay on Clarke’s thigh, as if grounding herself.

“Alright, given Ms. Reyes’s statement, I’m assuming you’ve had run ins before that night?” Kane inquired.

Lexa cleared her throat. “Yes sir. I met Finn for the first time here, in Clarke’s home. We had walked back from my place to retrieve a game only to discover him in the living room when we got here.”

“And what was he doing there?” Kane asked, his tone of voice was level. Every bit of the lawyer that he was.

“He was laying on the couch. He was naked.” Lexa answered. “During the course of our interaction he came to say that he did that because he knew that Clarke would want him to be there…in that way.”

Kane looked towards Clarke as if asking her to elaborate.

“Kane...Finn has been stalking me for months.” Clarke began. “He has sent me letter after letter. He has sent and dropped off flowers. He has stopped by numerous times as well. No matter how many times I told him I wasn’t interested in a relationship anymore, he just didn’t seem to get the message. He got in with the key he had when we were together.”

“You did get that back, didn’t you?” Abby asked, concerned.

“Yes. He graciously threw it across the room before he left.” Clarke replied, irritated by the memory.

“How did the conversation go while he was there?” Kane asked.

“Pretty high tension.” Lexa said. "He was pretty combative from the get go. Clarke was mad at him of course; he became angry at me when I defended her. Just a lot of back and forth."

“Did any hate speech or derogatory comments come up at all?” Kane inquired further. “The best chance we’ve got at convincing them that this was him and not you is proving that he was the aggressor. Us being able to prove a chain of behavior before the night in question will help greatly.”

“It did.” Lexa said. “He called me a dyke and faggot, along with other profanities. Clarke as well.”

Kane wrote down everything she was saying as she was saying it. Lexa looked over to Clarke who looked back over to her. Clarke leaned her forehead against Lexa’s shoulder for a moment before pulling it back up to smile at Lexa. Screw it that her mom didn’t know what was going on between them yet and was looking like a deer in headlights at their interactions. Clarke wasn’t going to hide her support for Lexa when she needed it.

“Ok. Have you had any other interactions with Finn before he attacked you?” Kane asked.

“Yes, at a gallery opening Clarke and I attended with my cousin and Raven; I mean, Ms. Reyes.” Lexa replied, before going into detail about the ordeal.

 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Some minutes later:

 

“….and after he pushed his date hard enough for her to stumble is where it all ended.” Lexa continued after speaking for a while about the matter. “Anya had him thrown out by a couple men on her staff.”

“I never liked him when you were dating him, Clarke” Abby said, anger present in her voice. “I KNEW there was something off about that boy.”

“I know mom.” Clarke answered, rubbing her face in frustration and then running her hands through her hair. “I just feel like the biggest piece of shit about it. I mean HOW did I not pick up on something that serious? I certainly wasn’t love drunk over him that’s for sure.” Clarke said, the last part being said very sarcastically.

“I told you its not your fault.” Lexa said, looking over to Clarke, pulling her hand down off her head and intertwining it back into her own.

“I know. I know.” Clarke answered, picking up Lexa’s hand and placing a kiss to her knuckles. It was not hard to notice her mother’s eyes darting back and forth between the two of them.

“Ok, this all sounds good.” Kane said, changing the conversation back to topic. “I’ll probably have another sit down with you to get exact words and times so we can be clear on everything later on, but I think we’re good for right now. No other interactions with him?”

“No.” Lexa said. “Not until that night.”

“Ok…” Kane said, before taking a deep breath. “...now’s the hard part. I need you to tell me exactly what happened that night…”

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Later that afternoon:

“Thank you so much everything Mr. Ka…I mean Kane.” Clarke began before correcting herself. She then set about clearing the dishes from the table. Lexa, Kane and Abby had moved to sit in the living area after Clarke insisted she could clear the table herself. “Can we know who to contact about all this if it ends up going to court?” She added.

“Contact?” Kane asked, curious. “You contact me. I will represent you, if you’ll have me.” He offered, looking directly at Lexa. “I may have stepped down as district attorney but I’m still a perfectly good lawyer.” He added, a wide smile on his face. “Unless you already have a lawyer, then…”

 “Wha…what? No. No, I don’t have a lawyer. Well that kind anyways. My guy just handles my work contracts.” Lexa said, shocked. “I didn’t expect this, sir…I thought you were kinda just helping out with getting things going for whoever needed it.”

“Lexa, Clarke is like family; she always has been.” Kane began. “And by looking at the two of you, you’re going to be family sooner than later. That being said, I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure Finn goes away for a very long time for what he’s done to you. To the both of you.”

Clarke smiled widely at Kane at this. Her heart swelled for the affection she had for this man. He had stepped down from his long-time and widely respected position as District Attorney for the city a few years back to spend time with his wife Meredith after she fell ill. After her quick and sudden passing, Kane had come to realize that he had missed out on so much with his family due to his hectic and strenuous work obligations. Even after practical groveling and begging by the Mayor, he declined to resume his position. He was determined to make the most of the life he had with his boy while he had good years left. That included taking on extra kids in the way of Miller’s friends. He still maintained an office at the building though, and takes on cases here and there that catch his attention.

“Thank you so much.” Lexa said, tears almost shining in her eyes. “What’s your office info, so I give them my information for the invoices?”

Kane looked at Lexa like she was crazy and then looked at Abby. “Is she serious right now?” He asked Abby, pointing at Lexa. “Did you hear what she asked?”

“I heard her.” Abby replied, a knowing smirk on her face.

“I can’t...I just can’t believe she asked that.” Kane kept on, putting on a poorly animated act of offense.

“Oooooooh, you done messed up now.” Clarke said with wide eyes, pursing her lips in an O and crossing her arms.

“Wha…it was an honest question. What did I do?” Lexa asked, holding her hands open and gesturing to Clarke.

“Ya fucked up, is what ya did.” Clarke replied, laughing.

“Clarke, language!” Abby scolded.

“Mom, I’m an adult!” Clarke replied with serious sarcasm.

Kane laughed hard from his belly. “Lexa, we’re screwing with you.” He said. “You’re bout as gullible as Clarke there.”

“Hey!” Clarke yelled, feigning offence.

“You are.” Abby offered; a no shits given look on her face. Clarke stuck her tongue out at her mom at this, to which her mom replied with a raised middle finger. This caused an astonished look to emerge from Clarke.

“Ignore them.” Kane began, containing their laugh. “They’re both insane. But not as insane enough to say something as silly as you just did. I will take not a dime of your money Lexa. Like I said, you are family.”

“But I…” Lexa tried to say.

“Ah, ah. I won’t hear it.” Kane said, cutting her off. “If you’re so inclined to do something for me financially when it’s all said and done, I have a few charities that I support that I’d be happy to give you information for.”

Lexa seemed to mull this over for a second based on the look on her face before she nodded her head. “Ok, deal.” She said. “But you have no idea how much I appreciate what you’re doing for Clarke and I.”

“You can show me by taking good care of her.” He replied, all jest having left his voice.

“I will, sir.” Lexa responded to Kane. Her voice was certain and unwavering.

Lexa looked over to Clarke, who looked back at her with an adoring smile. Lexa looked briefly at Abby, who smiled at well. Clarke didn’t fail to notice that her mom’s smile was more giddy than needed. _She is such a dork._ Clarke said to herself.  

“Ok.” Abby said, piping up. “Now that all this is out of the way for the time being, who wants to tell me?”

“You are impossible!” Clarke groaned, closing the dishwasher and making her way to the living room. She plopped down on the loveseat next to Lexa.

“Oh, so it’s charades then?” Abby asked, gesturing at the furniture. “You two are sitting on the loveseat so that must mean……”

“Wait till I get you alone….” Clarke seethed, pointing both fingers at her mom. “Kane wont be able to save you.”

“If you’ll just tell me then….” Abby said, acting innocent and looking around the room.

“I asked Clarke to be my girlfriend.” Lexa spoke up, the words quickly leaving her mouth.

“THANK YOU!” Abby exclaimed, holding up her hands. “Was that so hard Clarke?”

“Mom…” Clarke began, shooting daggers at her mom. “Im going to cut you so hard you’re going to wish I didn’t cut you so hard….”

“Oooooh miss big and bad.” Abby said, mocking her before changing tones to one of more control and certainty.  “Honey, don’t let this doctorate fool you…I grew up on the south side; you don’t know what I’m capable of.”

Clarke swallowed hard at this. “Ok…ok. Don’t get testy. I was just playing…”

Lexa and Kane both laughed hard at this. After their laughter died down, Kane spoke up. “These Griffin women; we got our work cut out for us, don’t we?”

 

 

 

“Yea…we really do.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls spend some time in bed. Bad news comes through.

“Yea…we really do.”

 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Lexa POV

 

Lexa laid on the bed later on that evening, tapping about on Clarke’s laptop. Clarke had spent a few minutes hurriedly clicking several things on the computer before handing it over to Lexa after she had asked to use it.

“I wouldn’t have snooped.” Lexa had said, looking at Clarke with a smirk.

“I’m not willing to risk it.” Clarke said, wincing. She was currently walking about the room, straightening up things here and there. “I’m not proud of my browser history.”

“We all have needs, Clarke.” Lexa countered, with a laugh. “It’s been going on four years for me; do you think I went cold turkey the entire time?”

Clarke blushed at this before turning away quickly and grabbing up a shirt that was on the floor.  Lexa could only imagine the thoughts that were running through Clarke’s mind. Clarke then spoke.

“Um...I guess not. I haven’t really thought about it.” Clarke replied, her mind obviously off track. “Hopefully though, neither one of us will need to utilize our laptops for that anymore.”

“Hopefully.” Lexa replied, mimicking Clarke’s words and looking at her with a glint in her eyes before continuing. “It’s actually been a fairly long time since I did anything like that. It’s not something I can’t live without.”

“I can definitely believe that seeing has how your last relationship ended while things were going so perfectly.” Clarke offered, sympathy present in her voice. “I don’t think I’d have any want or need to do that either.”

“Yea.” Lexa agreed, trying not to think negatively about the past. She needed to move forward, and being sorrowsome over conversation regarding Costia or their relationship wasn’t productive. So, she shook it off and continued.

“Of course, there would be times that I would have times where I felt like it was something I needed. But I’d usually stop before it got anywhere because I just couldn’t focus or I would feel bad.  It was like somewhere in the back of my mind I didn’t deserve to feel something that good with Costia not there with me. Not physically there with me, but you know.” Lexa said, sitting back against the headboard and placing the laptop to her side.

Clarke threw some clothes in the hamper and then sat down on the bed and smiled curtly at Lexa before responding. “I may be partial in saying this; but she would have wanted you to be happy, to not punish yourself.”

“I know that.” Lexa replied, waving it off with a smile. “It still didn’t feel right though. It almost felt like I was cheating in a way.”

“How are you feeling about us then?” Clarke asked, looking obviously nervous.

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked, her eyebrows pursed.

“Well, I mean one day we may…you know…” Clarke implied with her eyebrows peaked. She was dancing around the subject. “Are you feeling that you’ll be ok with that? That you won’t feel like you’re cheating on Costia?”

“No. No, Clarke.” Lexa said, shaking her head. She reached her hand over and grasped Clarke’s hand in hers gently. She squeezed it lightly and ran her thumb over Clarke’s knuckles before she spoke again. “That was then. When I was sad, when I was sick, and everything else. I understand now that I have to move on. And I’ve done that. I’ve done that with you.”

Clarke looked at Lexa and smiled lightly before nodding her head and continuing. “I’m not big on religion, but do you think she approves of me? I’d like to think she’s not looking down on us hoping you’ll run for the hills.” She said, tipping her head and laughing nervously with a small smile adorning her face.

“I’m not religious either, as I told you the other day. But, if there is a God, and heaven exists…she’s there. And if she were looking down on us, seeing everything that’s happened; she would absolutely love you.” Lexa answered, maneuvering her fingers to weave them with Clarke’s. “As reserved as she was, Costia had a quirky side that would come out every now and again. You guys would have definitely been friends.”

“You really think so?” Clarke asked, an unsure look on her face. “After everything I’ve put you through?”

 Lexa looked at Clarke with as much adoration as she could possibly manage. “It’s like you said, Costia would want me to be happy. I’m so fucking happy, Clarke. Through everything, I still want you.”

Clarke leaned over and placed and light kiss to Lexa’s hand before pulling it up and placing it to her cheek. Lexa caressed Clarke’s cheek lightly. This girl was going to be her downfall. She’d fall willingly and break every bone in her body if it meant keeping this girl close to her for the rest of her life.

“I’m going to make us some dinner, you stay here and relax.” Clarke said, kissing Lexa’s palm before letting go.

“I can come help.” Lexa offered.

“No, you need to be resting. Today was entirely too much stress as it was.” Clarke replied, getting up off the bed and walking towards the door.

“You keep spoiling me like this and I don’t want to hear any complaints when I become useless after a while.” Lexa said, a threatening tone in her voice.

Clarke waved her off without looking back, causing Lexa to chuckle. She picked the laptop up off the bed and resumed checking and replying to her emails. She got lost in her work for a while before an object in the corner of the room caught her eye.

Lexa looked over at the object. It was large and had a paint speckled sheet draped over it. From the portion that was exposed, Lexa thought she saw frames. She closed the laptop and sat it down on the bed once more before getting up and walking over to the item. She stepped up to it and pulled the sheet back. Underneath it was a stack of paintings. She looked through them one by one. They were all absolutely beautiful. She ran her fingers across the raised ridges of the oils that adorned the canvas. The stack contained an assortment of different themes. There were landscapes and architecture, still objects and abstract strokes. Also, a plethora of people. Some were portraits and others were candid.

Lexa stopped at one particular painting. It was of a man in a neat sweater vest paired with a white collared shirt with rolled up sleeves. He had neatly styled brown hair and black rimmed glasses that smartly fit his features. A full but short beard lined his cheeks and chin.  He sat behind a large wooden desk in what appeared to be an office of sorts. Books and different trinkets lined the shelves behind him. He was leaned over the desk and gesturing at a large book in front of him with a smile on his face as he looked to his left. Perched on his lap was a young blonde girl, no more than two or three. Her arms were reached out and splayed on the book, seemingly trying to grab at the images that adorned the pages. A large smile was stretched across her face and a bow adorned her mass of curls.

 “Does she look familiar?” Clarke said from behind her. Lexa nearly jumped out of her skin. She held her hand on her chest, trying to still her beating heart.

“Geez, don’t sneak up on me like that!” Lexa said, giving Clarke a jokingly annoyed look. “I’m supposed to be taking it easy and you almost gave me a heart attack.”

“Oh, quit being dramatic.” Replied Clarke, with a no shits given smile on her face. “You’re just scared because you got caught snooping.”

“I wasn’t snooping.” Lexa said in defense, looking back down at the painting. “I was curious.”

“I’m just picking.” Ckarke said, she walked to stand beside Lexa. “Tea?” She offered, handing a steaming mug to Lexa.

“Thank you.” Lexa replied, gratefully. She brought the mug to her lips and took a sip before closing her eyes at the wonderful taste. “I’ve never had sweet tea that was hot before.” She said.

“It was always a favorite of my dad’s.” Clarke offered.

“Is this you and him?” Lexa asked, motioning towards the painting.

“Yea.” Clarke replied, taking a sip of her own tea. “That’s his old office at the apartment we had in the city. Mom always tried her hardest to keep me out of there so he could get work done. I always won out in the end. If my daddy was somewhere, I had to be with him.”

“A true daddy’s girl.” Lexa replied with a smile.

“Yep, I definitely had him wrapped around my finger.” Clarke replied, staring down at the painting. “I loved that office. Dad would read to me constantly and teach me things. I guess it was his way of compensation for not having a place to explore for myself.”

“I bet he was grateful for the new house, had time to get stuff done once he got you outside.” Lexa said, smiling at Clarke coyly.

“Nope.” Clarke countered with a laugh. “I was still under his feet as much as ever. Peas my dad and I were.”

Lexa smiled at Clarke in response before looking back down at the painting herself. “These are all so good, Clarke. Did you show any of these when you spoke with the curator before?”

“A few of them.” Clarke said, letting out a sigh. “Most of them haven’t moved from that spot since I finished them.”

“You should give it another shot Clarke, really. That guy was wrong, these belong up on a wall for everyone to see.” Lexa said, determination in her voice.

“I want to.” Clarke said, shuffling through a few absentmindedly with one hand before pulling the sheet back over them. “I guess I’m just scared of being rejected again.”

 “Well I’m not going to push you.” Lexa said, playfully nudging Clarke’s shoulder. “Just know that you should. You can’t let one guy’s rejection keep the world from seeing your amazing gift.”

“I’ll think about it.” Clarke replied, before leaning over and placing a light kiss to Lexa’s cheek. “Now come on, dinner is ready. I made pasta.”

“Ooh, pasta.” Lexa cooed out. “See, you really are spoiling me.”

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

The next day.

 

 Clarke called into work early that morning despite Lexa’s protest.

“The doctor said a few days Lexa. Not one, not a couple, he said a few. That’s at least three. You aren’t dying alone in your apartment because I went into work for something that will be there when I get back.” Clarke explained.

Lexa had flopped back down on the pillow at this. “You are so stubborn.” She said, raising her arms in a dramatic fashion.

“Look who’s talking.” Clarke scoffed, laying back down next to Lexa before laying her head on her shoulder. “I’m a graphics designer, Lexa. I can call in to work one day. The world is not going to end.”

Lexa huffed noisily and pulled Clarke’s arm over her stomach and ran her fingers up and down it gently. Clarke shivered slightly and goosebumps popped up on her skin. Lexa flattened her palm and rubbed lightly, trying to will them away. Clarke hummed at the sensation.

“Can we at least go out today.” Lexa asked. “I’m going stir crazy.”

“What do you want to do?” Clarke questioned.

“Lunch maybe.” Lexa suggested. “Oh, and we can take a to the gardens afterwards to burn some of it off.”

“I guess we can do that.” Clarke agreed, turning her head and laying her chin on Lexa’s chest so she could look at her. “We can go to that new café they opened up.”

“Yea. Anya says they have great clam chowder.” Lexa offered, tucking a lock of hair behind Clarke’s ear.

“You like Clam chowder?” Clarke asked curiously.

“Yea. You don’t?” Lexa answered, raising her eyebrows questioningly.

“No, I love it.” Clarke replied before smirking. “I just don’t know many people that do. This right here proves we’re meant to be together.”

Lexa laughed before quipping. “Our mutual like of clam chowder is the proving point of our compatibility? You’re actually basing our relationship on that?”

“Yea, why not?” Clarke said, still smiling. This time though, it was comically large. “I REALLY like clam chowder. And I REALLY like you. The coincidence is undeniable.”

“I’m going to wait on something more memorable than clam chowder as the story we tell our grandchildren.” Lexa laughed out before suddenly choking after realizing what she said.

“Awww you want to have kids with me!” Clarke exclaimed, suddenly sitting up and straddling Lexa playfully. “I can’t wait to break the news to my mom.”

Lexa was so grateful that Clarke didn’t take her seriously, but wanted to make her pay for tormenting her about it. So, she did the first thing she could think of.

“No! Noooooooo!” Clarke screamed out as Lexa reached up and began tickling her in every spot she could reach and as fast as she could reach them. Clarke flailed and flinched rapidly as she struggled to escape Lexa’s swift hands. “Stop! Stop! Please!” Clarke wailed out. “I hate being tickled!”

“What is it, Clarke?” Lexa laughed out, still attacking Clarke. “You get to give a little torture but can’t take it?”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Clarke squealed out again, barely able to breath between words as Lexa’s onslaught continued. “I give! I give!”

“So, no more picking at me?” Lexa asked, still laughing her heart out at the dramatically flailing girl who was struggling to escape her. Lexa did everything she could to keep Clarke on her lap as much as she was wiggling about.

“No more, I promise!” Clarke squeaked out. Lexa nodded in acceptance with a big smile and stopped tickling Clarke immediately. Clarke slumped forwards and laid on Lexa with all her weight, her face buried in the space between Lexa’s neck and the pillow. All the fight had been drained out of her.

“Ooph.” Lexa puffed out and the sudden drop of weight on her chest. “Clarke.” She said, tapping on Clarke’s back. “I can’t breathe.”

A muffled “I don’t give a shit.” came from Clarke. That and several labored breaths. Lexa laughed and pushed Clarke to the side slightly, giving her enough room to breath comfortably. She wrapped her arms around the heaving girl and pushed locks of hair back from her now slightly sweaty neck. She kissed the top of Clarke’s head before laying her cheek on it. They stayed like that for several moments before a ring from Clarke’s phone interrupted them. Clarke moaned annoyingly and stretched her arm across the bed, pawing at the nightstand for her phone. She didn’t bother moving from her spot on top of Lexa.

“Hello.” She said, half heartedly trying to retain a normal speaking voice amid recent events.

“What? No fucki…I mean how?” Clarke exclaimed into the phone after a few moments of listening. She sat up slightly, placing her arm under her and on Lexa chest to hold herself up. Her eyes showed a mixture of disbelief and anger. Lexa furrowed her eyes and ran her hand across Clarke’s arm in comfort, while trying to meet her eyes. Lexa could hear what appeared to be Kane’s voice on the other end of the phone.

“Ok, yea. No, I’ll tell her. Thanks Kane. I will...you too. Bye.” Clarke rambled off, obviously disconnected from the conversation already.

“What is it?” Lexa asked. “What’s wrong?”

Clarke practically threw the phone back on the end table before lowering her head back down into Lexa’s neck. This time wrapping her arms around it as well. It wasn’t a moment later when she was about to speak again that she felt the small tremors come from Clarke’s body and the soft sobs come from the crook of her neck where Clarke’s mouth was pressed against.

“Clarke, baby….” Lexa began, not once thinking about the term of endearment that she let out. “Are you Ok? What did Kane say?” Lexa stroked Clarke’s hair the best she could and rubbed her back, trying to soothe her. Clarke turned her head and took a deep breath in Lexa’s neck before clearing her throat and speaking.

“They let him out.” Clarke said, her voice crackled with emotion. “They fucking let him out.”

Lexa was trying to make sense of what she said for a moment, then it clicked. A feeling of dread washed over Lexa all of a sudden. “Finn.“ She said. “They let him out on bail?”

“Yes.” Clarke answered, sniffling back her tears. “Kane said that they tried all they could but Finn has a clean record and it’s your word against his. The bail was set pretty high but Finn still got out; Daddy’s money.”

Lexa continued to stroke Clarke’s back. Thinking back and forth in her head what all this entailed. The only thing that came to her mind was Clarke. Lexa had to keep her safe. Sure, Finn was going to be pissed that he didn’t get what he wanted in the first place. He was sure to also be upset at the fact that he got caught, refused, then overpowered by not just a woman; but a lesbian at that.

But Clarke, she attacked him while he was down. She damaged not only his manhood but his pride. If that psychopath was going to be let out on the streets again, she had to do everything she could to keep Clarke from getting hurt. There was no way she was going to allow that animal to get near Clarke. Lexa took a long breath and kissed Clarke’s head once more.

“I want you to come and stay with me.” Lexa said, hope in her voice. Hope that Clarke would stop being stubborn for once and just say yes. She had no such luck.

“Why?” Clarke asked, sitting back up and looking at Lexa.

“I don’t feel comfortable you staying here. Not with him out.” Lexa began. “He doesn’t know where I live.”

“You don’t know that” Clarke replied with an exhausted sigh. “I’ve been to your place more than once. Haven’t you wondered how he knew where to wait for you that night? He’s probably been stalking not only me, but you as well.”

Lexa took all the information in. Clarke was right, there was no way of knowing whether or not Finn knew where her apartment was. Lexa struggled to come up with a game plan before it dawned on her.

“Passcode!” Lexa exclaimed.

“What?” Clarke asked, a curious look across her face.

“My apartment has a passcode!” Lexa explained, excited. “You have to get past the entrance before you go up to the apartments. Its way safer than here if he were to try to do anything stupid.”

“Lexa, I want to but I can’t leave Raven here by herself.” Clarke replied quickly with a shake of her head. “Finn hates her just as much as the rest of us at this point.”

“She can stay with Anya.” Lexa offered, tucking strands of hair behind Clarke’s ears. “Please Clarke, I don’t want this to be a discussion. You can’t stay here with him out on bail. He’s unstable and not just going to sit pretty waiting on his court date. I really would feel safer with that extra door between him and you.”

Clarke seemed to weigh her options for a moment before speaking. “Okay.” She said, almost angrily. “It doesn’t seem like I have much of a choice do I. I FUCKING hate him and how much control he has over our lives.”

“He only has as much as we let him.” Lexa said, craning her neck to place a chaste kiss to Clarke’s nose before she spoke again. “Who knows if he’s going to even try anything? But, If he does…we just have to make it hard for him.” Clarke smiled at her in adoration in what Lexa assumed was her ambitious and take charge demeanor.

“I work at home so it’s not a problem.” Lexa began again. “I have a carry license and a very pretty silver and teal handgun at home. I will be taking the bus with you to and from work every day. And If we go anywhere, we go with each other or have someone else with us. That asshole is not laying one hand on you, I promise you that.”

“You have a gun?” Clarke asked, her eyebrow raised and a smirk on her lips.

“Yea...don’t you?” Lexa asked back. Raising her eyebrow back at Clarke.

“No, never felt like it was a necessary thing.” Clarke explained, shrugging her shoulders.

“And yet here we are.” Lexa half laughed but entirely serious.

“So…do you know how to use it?” Clarke inquired further, picking at the material of Lexa’s sports bra.

“Of course. I took some classes.” Lexa assured her. “Also, Anya and I have been to the shooting ranges a few times. I took to it like a fish to water, the guys there were just astonished. It just came to me naturally.”

Clarke bit her bottom lip in between her teeth and looked at Lexa for a moment without speaking. Almost like she didn’t know what to say.

“What?” Lexa asked, suddenly curious as to the change in Clarke’s demeanor.

“Nothing.” Clarke said, before burying her face into the space between Lexa’s neck and shoulder again. Lexa could hear a few muffled words after that. She couldn’t make them out.

“What was that?” Lexa asked, scratching at Clarke’s back.

“ISAIDTHATSSOFUCKIGNSEXY.” Clarke blurted out. The words said so fast Lexa barely made them out. She laughed out loud at this and pushed at Clarke to make her sit back up.

“That’s sexy?” Lexa asked, teasing at Clarke.

“Yes, God.” Clarke replied, blushing. “You are so lucky I don’t know what I’m doing or else I’d be tearing your clothes off right now.”

Lexa eyed Clarke for a moment before speaking in a sultry voice. “So…Is it safe to say your turned on right now?”

Clarke wouldn’t meet Lexa’s eyes and the blush spread even further across her cheeks, reaching her ears. “Yes. You know I am.” Clarke answered finally, letting out a sigh of annoyance. “I’m always turned on around you. Like everything you do and say just makes me want to jump your bones. It’s the hormones, I tell you. Then you go and tell me you’re armed and ready to defend me at all costs…what the hell do you expect?”

Lexa looked at Clarke with awe. The girl was so nervous and awkward but so adorably cute at the same time.

“I’m sorry that I’m such a burden to you.” Lexa replied, placing her arms under Clarke’s to pull her up further on her body. Lexa pulled her up far enough to get the access to Clarke’s neck that she wanted. Once obtained she carefully pulled Clarke’s hair over her neck and began placing light kisses down the column of her neck.

“Mmmh.” Clarke moaned out. Lexa chuckled into her neck slightly at hearing it and feeling the vibrations from her throat under her lips.

“You have no idea how attracted to you I am.” Lexa began, speaking in between the continued kisses. “I’ve just gotten really good at keeping things to myself over the last few years.”

Clarke responded to her words by burying one hand in the locks of Lexa’s hair, using them to ground herself. Lexa continued her onslaught on Clarke’s neck, stopping every now and again to add a swipe of her tongue to the mix. Clarke’s moans became more frequent as Lexa became certain that this was a very sensitive area for Clarke. She was so responsive and every noise that she drug from Clarke’s mouth made Lexa’s core flood with arousal.

Clarke pulled Lexa from her neck and crashed her lips into hers. The kiss was hungry. Both girls were starving to death and the other’s lips were the only thing that could sate their appetites. Clarke sat up in an attempt to get a better angle and during the movement, her hand roughly brushed against Lexa’s covered breast in an attempt to plant it into the bed above Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa gasped and her nipples immediately hardened at the sensation.

“I...I’m sorry. I didn’t mea…” Clarke tried to explain pulling away from Lexa’s lips.

Lexa wouldn’t let her and chased her lips, one hand going to the back of Clarke’s neck to bring her back down and the other reaching up and grabbing hold to Clarke’s forearm. Feeling bold, as well as immensely aroused, Lexa firmly but slowly pulled Clarke’s hand up from the bed, dragging it down her shoulder and back toward her breast.

Clarke pulled back yet again, as if startled this this time. “Lexa what are…” She began, but unable to finish as Lexa brought her hand back on her breast. She placed her own hand on top and intertwined her fingers with Clarke’s, encouraging her to squeeze.  Clarke’s eyes darted and met Lexa’s, which were filled with lust. The emerald color that once encompassed it was now a mere ring around the edges. Lexa’s eyes were nearly black, blown wide by the arousal she felt.

“Touch me, Clarke.” Lexa said, her breaths coming in quick successions. “Please, It’s ok. I want to…just a taste.”

Lexa swore she could almost feel Clarke’s chest thumping from just the hold she had on Clarke. Clarke’s breath quickened worse than her own had been and Clarke shifted slightly as if unsure. Lexa squeezed Clarke’s hand again slightly, urging her on. When she felt Clarke’s hand move on her own to delicately grasp her breast in her hand, and begin massaging it slowly. Lexa couldn’t help but exhale the breath she didn’t realize she was holding.

“Is this ok?” Clarke asked, swallowing hard. Her lips were parted and trembled as she breathed heavily. “I don…I mean I’ve never…” She said, her words trailed off and were left unfinished.  

“Yes.” Lexa moaned out, before chasing Clarke’s lips again. “Kiss me.”

Clarke leaned down and kissed Lexa with passion and want. Lips collided almost painfully and tongues twirled around each other in a dance. Clarke increased the pressure in which she was caressing Lexa and it spurred Lexa to grip onto Clarke’s back, the tips of her fingers digging into Clarke’s shoulder blades. The more she kissed Clarke and the more Clarke touched her, the more she needed.

“Inside.” Lexa suddenly moaned onto Clarke’s lips. Clarke moaned right back even louder. Clarke didn’t say a word before she removed her hand from atop Lexa’s bra to slide underneath it.  Lexa heard a gasp come from Clarke’s chest and her warm breath exhale quickly against her cheek as Clarke pulled back and groaned into her neck. Lexa slid one hand into the hair above Clarke’s neck and couldn’t help the sounds coming from her mouth as Clarke proceeded to give her neck the same attention Lexa had given hers earlier while becoming more confident and forceful with her breast. Lexa could feel her hard and straining nipple being slid between Clarke’s fingers as she purposefully ensnared it in between them, adding friction as her hand moved back and forth. Lexa couldn’t care less as to how wet she had gotten and how hard her clit throbbed from such a small thing. Clarke was touching her, and that’s all she cared about for the next few minutes.

Lexa was thankful that Clarke was the one with the restraint this time, because honestly; she wouldn’t have had the strength to stop this time if Clarke hadn’t. After those few minutes Clarke had begun to  slow the kisses that had made their way back between their lips and reluctantly pulled her hand from Lexa’s breast; to which Lexa whined in protest. Clarke then resumed her home in the crook of Lexa’s neck while Lexa wrapped her arms around her yet again.

“That was more than a taste.” Clarke said against Lexa’a neck with a chuckle. “It was more like a mouthful.”

“I’m sorry.” Lexa said, still catching her breath. “I guess I’m more touch starved that I thought.”

She lightly scratched at Clarke’s arms before quietly nudging her to sit-up. Clarke rolled off of Lexa slightly and sat up on her elbow. She propped her hand against the side of her head and look at her questioningly. Lexa cleared her throat and spoke.

“I want you to know that I didn’t plan that, either.” Lexa said, giving Clarke her full attention. “I didn’t go too, far did I? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable doing something you don’t want to do.”

Clarke smiled at Lexa with a wide grin. “No, I was more than ok with that.” She replied with a light hearted laugh and arched eyebrows. “Ecstatic in fact. I had to stop though. I was feeling greedy and I know we’re not there yet.”

Lexa looked back at Clarke, confused. “What do you mean, greedy?”

“Well…” She began, avoiding Lexa eyes again. “I wanted to…you know.” She looked down at Lexa’s breast and back up to Lexa, meeting her eyes this time. Lexa supposed she still had a look of unsureness on her face so Clarke tipped her head back down at her breast again. This time she raised her eyebrows a little and opened her lips slightly. Clarke’s tongue peeked out and ran across the bottom one, conveying her intentions.

It took but a split second before Lexa put two and two together and the thought alone made her let out a small moan. “Jesus, Clarke” She said, looking up at the ceiling and running her hand though her hair trying to get a grip on anything as the mere thought of Clarke’s lips and tongue on her nipple shot surges of arousal to her core yet again. It was obvious to Clarke that Lexa understood her meaning as a small smile had lit up her face. Clarke ran her fingers lightly down Lexa’s stomach, causing the muscles there to twitch in response and Lexa to let out a shudder. Lexa grabbed her hand and brought it up to her lips, placing a kiss to her palm before laying it back down on her stomach, Clarke’s fingers now intertwined with her own.

“Stop before I pull you back up here and let you.” Lexa said, before turning her head and looking at Clarke with her lips turned up slightly at the corners. Clarke’s smile dropped from her face as she coughed on nothing suddenly. Lexa laughed out loud at her girlfriend’s awkwardness and pulled her on top of herself once again for a quick kiss to her lips. Clarke settled down on Lexa’s chest, tracing imaginary circles into the skin by her collarbone.

“Are you sure living with you for the time being is the best idea?” Clarke said, mumbling against Lexa’s skin. “Because I think I’d rather take my chances against Finn. You’re going to be the death of me.”

Lexa scoffed and laughed in feigned offense before responding. “Hey…I haven’t had sex in YEARS and you don’t hear me bitching...” She said. “…BUT you may bring a vibrator if you’d like. I’d hate to be the cause of your untimely demise.”

Clarke sat up and playfully slapped Lexa’s shoulder which Lexa was having none of. She grabbed Clarke as quick as she could and began assaulting her with more tickles.”

“Nooo! No!” Clarke screamed out, fighting like hell for a few moments before Lexa took pity on her and let her go. Both girls laughed lightly for a moment in each other’s arms before Clarke spoke again.

 

 

“I’m glad I called into work today.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Domestic Bliss. Girls night out.

“I’m glad I called into work today.”

 

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Clarke POV

 

That was little over three weeks ago.

 

The girls had fallen into a usual yet strict routine by now. Lexa was very protective of Clarke. Not that she minded. Knowing that Lexa was always looking over the both of their shoulders, keeping in consistent contact with her, and making sure she was safe without being overbearing was comforting to Clarke. Clarke fell into a sort of euphoria at the seemingly domestic bliss the two of them had found themselves doing. They were waking up in the mornings and going to bed together at night. They were brushing teeth side by side. They were doing everything a couple that lived together did. Lexa made her feel so welcome in her home and Clarke made it her own easily. Had the Finn situation never occurred, Clarke couldn’t say what kind of timetable she would have imagined in regard to living with Lexa, or vise versa. Clarke had never thought to move in with Finn, thank god, and none of her other relationships ever warranted such thoughts. So, she didn’t have anything to go on in regards to thoughts of when would be an appropriate time. But, the way the two of them had been spending more and more time pressed together and panting, Clarke would have u-hauled as soon as possible. It was moments like the one she was currently in that made the decision to want to officially do so, so much more tempting.

“Lexa.” Clarke breathed out; voice heavy with need.

Lexa was currently pressed up against her in the bathroom. Clarke had tried to step past her in order to retrieve a hairclip while Lexa was applying the last of her makeup. The girls finally agreed that it was a safe enough time to venture out and do something on their own. Raven and Anya were coming to pick her and Lexa respectively. Raven and Clarke were going to go see a movie. Anya and Lexa had plans to go down to a new bar that had just opened up downtown. Anya insisted and Lexa reluctantly agreed, knowing she needed to work on her promise to get back to normal. Somehow along the line, though…they managed to get distracted.

Clarke had forgone a shirt until she was done putting up her hair. A simple black bra with laced edging covered her breasts. Clarke had gotten much more comfortable with her body around Lexa and didn’t mind the occasional shirtless moment, though she didn’t utilize sports bras instead of shirts as much as Lexa did. Lexa never failed to try to make the most of those moments and Clarke really should have known better. As soon as Lexa’s eyes saw Clarke’s shirtless torso through the mirror, all thoughts of finishing her makeup were gone and replaced by need to devour the soft porcelain skin that adorned it.

“Lexa, they’ll be here soon…” Clarke panted, while running her nails across the expanse of Lexa’s shoulders as the latter girl attacked her neck with abandon. Her teeth grazed and her tongue soothed the skin in a back and forth of very VERY arousing sensations. Lexa’s hands were simultaneously gripping Clarke. One hand in her hair, the other desperately kneading a bra covered breast. Their legs were slotted together and the delicious friction that was happening made Clarke want to break their mutual pact to wait for sex, and that included anymore accidentally orgasms.

“Let’s cancel.” Lexa murmured, making her way down Clarke’s neck down to her supple cleavage. She placed lingering sucks on the skin there, while drawing down a single cup of Clarke’s bra, her lips teetering very close to Clarke’s barely still covered nipple before letting out a huff of frustration and moving back up to Clarke’s lips.

Clarke whined in disappointment but Lexa made up for it by attacking her lips, kissing her with fervor. The hand on Clarke’s breast pulled away only to grab the swell of her ass, digging in and forcefully pulling Clarke harder into Lexa’s thigh. The girls alternated between languidly executed kisses, a battle of tongues, firm sucks, and painfully erotic nips.

“We can’t. We decided....” Clarke said reluctantly, struggling to bring herself back to sobriety while dodging wave after wave of Lexa’s intoxicating movements. Her panties were uncomfortably wet, and given only a few more moments, she could cum with no problem. But she wouldn’t, they couldn’t. She was going to do things right. Well…as right as they could.

Lexa pulled away from Clarke’s lips and placed them on her neck, staying there as warm and wet breath regulated but still pulled sharp sensation after sharp sensation from Clarke’s core.

Why haven’t we gone on that date yet?” Lexa half-laughed, half panted into Clarke’s neck.

“Because they let a psycho out on bail.” Clarke replied, frustrated.

Lexa pulled her head up front Clarke’s neck and ran her hands through Clarke’s hair, straightening the mess she had made in the last few minutes before sweetly running her thumbs across Clarke’s cheeks and leaning in for a chaste kiss. “Fucking Finn.” She said, playfully annoyed.

Clarke’s face lit up with a smile. The way this woman was handling such a traumatic experience was mind boggling. She accepted it with grace and spoke about it with bravery. She was doing exactly what she said she was; not letting it affect her.

“Fucking Finn is right.” Clarke mirrored. “The trial is set for next week, ya know.”

“Yea, I know.” Lexa answered, sighing. “And I can’t fucking wait. Kane said it shouldn’t take more than a few days.”

“Ready to get this all behind you?” Clarke asked, tipping her head with a smile and running her hands up and down Lexa’s arms.

“Yea.” Lexa replied before gazing at Clarke with a feral look in her eyes. “But I want to get BEHIND YOU more.” She then surged forward and captured Clarke’s lips again in a rough and wanting kiss, Lexa’s tongue swiping against her lips in such an asking way that Clarke couldn’t help but to entertain. Their tongues only got to entangle for a short moment before Lexa pulled away again.

Clarke felt tingles between her legs once more. This girl was going to be the death of her. _Can you die from no sex?_ Clarke thought to herself. _Because I will if I don’t get it soon._ Hushed moans and bitten flesh while coming on her own fingers in the shower as Lexa prepared breakfast or sat in the living room working away at her laptop wasn’t cutting it anymore.

Lexa pulled her from her thoughts as she winced out loud, moving herself away from Clarke’s thigh. Lexa was obviously as equally frustrated sexually as Clarke was. Declining to embarrass Lexa, Clarke never mentioned the more than once occasion in which she heard Lexa’s own releases. These moments caused Clarke’s center to clench around nothing as she feigned sleep instead of entering the shower and bringing her mouth to Lexa’s still spasming clit as she has oh so desperately wanted to do.

“I’ll leave you alone now.” Lexa said, trailing her eyes and fingers down the expanse of Clarke’s chest and abdomen, stopping at the undone button of Clarke’s jeans, pulling away and leaving only after gently brushing against the small section of exposed underwear that lay beneath. Clarke hitched in a breath and her muscles contracted in reaction. Lexa smiled devilishly and handed Clarke the clip that started everything. “Here.” She said, the smile only getting wider before turning back to the mirror, picking her mascara back up, and moving on with her makeup.

“I hate you.” Clarke said, trying to sound serious but not succeeding.

“Please…you love me.” Lexa said, not thinking. Her eyes went wide immediately and her mouth open as she tried to speak. The words came out sputtering and unintelligible.

Clarke smiled at her awkwardness. Of course, it was just a saying. Clarke wouldn’t expect that out of Lexa so soon but would surely welcome it if it were said. Truth was, Clarke was pretty sure she was infallibly in love with Lexa. She had thought so before but now she was very sure. She wanted Lexa to say it first, if it ever happened that is. The girl was too emotionally fragile to be bombarded with proclamations of love so early in their relationship. The last thing Clarke wanted was to run her off. Clarke was sure that Lexa was the only one she would ever want and she intended to walk on as many eggshells and nails that were necessary to keep her. That being said, it didn’t hurt to tease at it just a little. Clarke ran her hands around Lexa’s stomach and squeezed her lightly. She then laid her cheek to Lexa’s shoulder and placed a kiss to the skin there before before making eye contact and speaking.

“Working on it, babe.”

Lexa’s eyes and mouth shot open even wider than they were before the mascara dropped from her fingers, breaking the moment. Clarke laughed, placed a light slap to Lexa’s butt, and walked away out of the bathroom waving the clip in the air in thanks.

Back up in the loft, Clarke pulled her hair up in a messy half ponytail, secured it with the clip and pulled her shirt over her shoulders. She hurriedly buttoned the shirt and jogged back down the stairs in search of her shoes after noticing the time on the bedside clock.

“Lex, they’ll be here in a minute! Get that sweet ass in gear.” She called to the bathroom as she walked around looking for the elusive items.

She could hear Lexa chuckle before responding. “Yes, dear.” Seemingly recovered from the previous moment of shock.

Clarke smiled to herself at the silly girl and walked over to the couch after spotting one of the shoes. She had to bend down and reach under the couch for the other.

“Nice view.” Lexa joked, walking up to the couch while she fluffed her hair, draping it beautifully across one shoulder just the way Clarke loved.

Clarke was about to make a snide remark in return before hearing a knock at the door.

“Come in!” Lexa called out. The door opened, revealing Anya and Raven. The latter who ran up and tackled Clarke down and onto the floor in a wild hug after barely having got back up to her feet.

“I missed you so much, Clarkey!” Raven cried out almost obnoxiously but definitely dramatically.

Clarke patted Raven’s back while looking over to Lexa in desperation. Lexa only laughed out loud and held her hands up in a decline for assistance. Clarke raised one hand off Raven’s back and promptly shot her middle finger up at Lexa, causing her and Anya to bark out laughs in unison.

“I missed you too Raven.” Clarke responded back to Raven after finishing her gesture to Lexa. “Now get the hell off me.”

Raven held on tightly for a moment more before climbing off her friend, awkwardly patting her down in an attempt to straighten out her clothes. Clarke slapped at Raven’s hands in an attempt to get her to stop.

“Hey, off the blonde’s boobs.” Anya said in a joking seriousness before pointing to Lexa. “Those belong to her.”

Lexa coughed on nothing and looked at her cousin with a death stare. “Hey, Clarke and I aren’t as open about things as you and Raven. You have no idea what goes on in this apartment. You just can’t assume things.”

Anya shrugged and waved off Lexa. “You CANNOT tell me you’ve been cooped up in here for almost a month and haven’t gotten acquainted with her boobs.”

Lexa’s cheeks flushed red in embarrassment. “Anya! What we do is none of your…I mean no! No I haven’t.”

“Ah Ah!” Anya said, pointing at Lexa and smiling widely. “You never were good at lying.”

“Wow, Griff!” Raven exclaimed at an equally embarrassed Clarke who was picking herself back off the floor. “Operation BBB is turning out to be quite the success.”

“What is that?” Lexa asked, a questioning look on her face as she looked between Clarke and Raven, then to Anya. Anya just laughed and said: “You should ask your girlfriend.”

“Nothing!” Clarke snapped, before turning back to Raven and giving her a threatening look. “Its nothing. Right?”

Raven looked between Clarke and Lexa, seemingly weighing her options before taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Clarke.”

“It’s ok, just…” Clarke began before being cut off by Raven.

“BBB means Beautiful Bisexual Butterfly and it’s my life goal to make Clarke the best bisexual she can possibly be!” Raven rambled out, much to Clarke’s horror. Clarke slapped a hand to her face and sunk back down on the couch, just hoping to keep sinking and disappear forever.

“You should see her browser history.” Raven half-assed whispered against the side of her hand while simultaneously pointing at Clarke, who in turn threw a pillow at her before yelling. “Raven!”

Lexa and Anya laughed in unison at Raven’s remark. “Oh, I know, I’ve heard about it.” Lexa said. Clarke grabbed the other pillow off the couch and screamed into it.

“C’mon.” Anya said, grabbing Lexa’s arm and laughing even more. “Let’s get out of here before we become collateral damage. Clarke is going to murder her.”

Lexa walked over to Clarke and gave her a hug even though she was pouty and unresponsive. “Have a good night, baby. Don’t mess Raven up too much, Anya still has to take her home later.” She said before kissing Clarke on the head and walking to the door with Anya. She waved at Clarke and Clarke waved back in feigned annoyance before Lexa walked out the door laughing yet again. Clarke’s attention was drawn back to Raven immediately, who was suddenly scared to death.

“Look, Clarke. I’m sorry…i’m a loud mouth, ya know!? It’s me…crazy Raven...” She said…rambling nervously and picking at her fingers. Clarke looked at her with daggers in her eyes before she sighed and raised her arms.

“You know what? I’m not going to get angry; I’m not going to yell. It just adds fuel to you for next time.” Clarke said, smiling coyly and putting her hands back down. “You’re like a crackhead you know? And ME responding TO YOU is the crack.  I’m not letting you have any.”.

“You’re not playing fair.” Raven pouted.

“That may be, but YOU’RE buying my ticket tonight. Oh! And the popcorn!” Clarke said, glaring at her and slipping on her shoes.

Raven made to argue but seemed to decide against it. “Fine…I guess I owe you. This time at least.”

“You’ve owed me every time.” Clarke replied, grabbing her coat and walking to the door. Raven followed in suit, rolling her eyes but not denying it. Both girls passed through and Clarke locked the door with the spare Lexa had made for her. They then made their way out of the building, letting the entryway door close securely behind them. Clarke and Raven were so engrossed in conversation with each other that they didn’t notice a familiar figure propped up against the covered bench across the street, observing them.

“Ready for the movie?” Raven asked, giddy. “I can’t believe part two is here already, it seemed like the first one just came out.”

“Yea, for sure.” Clarke responded, not knowing in that moment, the double meaning that lay in her words.

 

 

“I knew it wouldn’t be the last of him, it was too easy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Chapter new chapter! Please don't hate me. I know its been almost a month since my last update. The thing is...we went and did stupid shit like selling a house and *drumroll*......Started nursing school. The both of us. I'm in LPN school and he is in RN school. I have literately done nothing since August 20th but study and figure out how to read and navigate through multiple syllabuses. We have covered over a dozen chapters of information in the three weeks i've been in school. So that being said....I have had no time to write. I had an easy day today with just ONE test to study for tomorrow and i put together this short chapter to tide you guys over in the hopes I can knock one more out for you by Monday. I hope you all enjoy it and let me know what you think. 
> 
> Still think Finn's going to do something stupid being this close to the trial date? Think the girls will be able to keep themselves in check long enough to go on that date? Anyone know what movie I might be referencing? Let me know!


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of their night out.

“I knew it wouldn’t be the last of him, it was too easy.”

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Lexa POV

 

“So, what’s the name of this place anyways?” Lexa asked, tucking her hands into the pockets of her peacoat as her and Anya walked leisurely down the sidewalk.

“The Arch?” Anya said, then corrected herself. “Wait no, The Ark; It’s called the Ark. Raven told me about it a few weeks ago. Her and Clarke’s friend Jackson owns it.”

“Jackson?” Lexa asked, curious. “Like Miller’s boyfriend?”

“Yep.” Anya confirmed. “Everybody likes Grounders but we all know it’s far past time to have a bar more acquainted to folks of our persuasion.”

“Persuasion?” Lexa laughed. “You mean gay. You mean we needed a gay bar.”

“Yes, that.” Anya quipped, laughing as well. “Although it doesn’t have to be a gay bar. It can just be a bar full of gays. Why hand out labels? Its 2019, who does that anymore?”

Lexa laughed. “Whatever you say, Anya. Where is this place anyways?”

“Not too far.” Anya replied. “That’s probably why Jackson and Miller were able to come across you when they did after…what happened. They don’t live too far up from Clarke; were probably headed home.”

Lexa winced a little bit to herself. She still kicked herself mentally when reminded that she missed out on a lot after what happened between her and Clarke. While Anya was getting to know Raven and Clarke better; she was at home on the backburner.

Lexa suddenly felt a nudge to her shoulder and she looked over to Anya.

“Don’t worry about it.” Anya said, smiling at Lexa. “You’ve got plenty of time to catch up.”

Lexa smiled back at her cousin curtly. She knew she was right. She was going to be with Clarke forever if she had any say in the matter.

“What are you thinking about?” Anya asked, breaking her out of her thoughts.

“Ah, nothing. Well, not nothing. I was just thinking about Clarke.” Lexa rambled, waving her hand in the air.

“The pretty blonde really has got you whipped, huh?” Anya asked, jesting.

“I’m not whipped.” Lexa countered, a feigned look of annoyance on her face. “I’m…smitten.”

“Smitten?” Anya repeated, a laugh in her voice.

“Yes, smitten.” Lexa reiterated. “You, know…taken by her, struck by her…”

“In love with her?” Anya countered; a wide smile plastered across her face.

“What? No!” Lexa replied, halting her steps and holding her hands out. “Come on now, it’s too early to be throwing those words around.”

“Too early for who?” Anya said, giving Lexa an irritated look. “You two are obviously head over heels about the other and everyone knows it; but you two.”

“Anya, its been like a month since we got together and only a few since we’ve known each other.” Lexa argued. “Half that time we were apart due to my fantastic choice of actions.”

“When are you going to stop beating yourself up about that?” Anya huffed. “Clarke’s forgiven you. You need to forgive yourself. It doesn’t help you to focus on the past right? Isn’t that what your therapist keeps telling you?”

“…Yes.” Lexa grumbled.

“See.” Anya said. “Anyways, there is no time table for love. When you know you know.”

“Like you and Raven?” Lexa said, her lips turned up in a coy smile.

“Listen, this is about you and Clarke. Not us.” Anya said, squinting her eyes at her cousin. “What Raven and I have is special and doesn’t need to be clouded with emotion.”

“Oh, no emotion? Is that why you do all that baby talk on the phone I hear sometimes.” Lexa asked, folding her arms over her chest. “And how you are always smiling when she texts you or you’ve been to see her?”

“Fake news.” Anya said, waving Lexa off and beginning to walk again. “Again, this is about you and Clarke. When are you going to tell her?”

“I don’t know, we haven’t even gone on a da…” Lexa froze. " ** _Damnit Anya. Damnit. Damnit Damnit_**." Lexa said to herself.  Anya’s face went wider than Lexa had ever seen it. The Woods clan were known for their wide smiles and prominent dimples. But Anya’s face was sure to break if she smiled any wider.

Lexa decided then and there just to go with it. She’d known for a while now how she felt about Clarke. There was nothing about the girl that wasn’t amazing in every way. Every day she found out new miniscule things about the girl and she never grew tired of getting to know all that was Clarke. Lexa’s favorite thing to do these days was to watch Clarke sleep. To gaze at her from across the room while she herself made dinner and Clarke sat on the couch reading. To steal glances at Clarke while she fixed herself up in the morning. Clarke was beautiful in every way; physically, mentally, and emotionally, and Lexa wanted that forever.

“I don’t know, Anya.” Lexa said, walking behind her. “When is a good time to throw out “I love you” when you’ve known someone such a short about of time.

“It’s not about quantity, it’s about quality.” Anya replied. “Same goes for love. If it’s the right time, it’s the right time.”

“When did you get to be such the sap?” Lexa asked, smirking at Anya.

“I guess when I realized I was in love with Raven.” Anya answered, coolly and collected.

“I knew it!” Lexa exclaimed, shoving her cousin in excitement. “When? Where? Like, tell me what happened!”

“Last week, my apartment, and we were mid orgasm.” Anya said, without missing a beat.

“…I’m sorry I asked.” Lexa said, the excitement draining from her and a blush running across her face.

“Hey, it was perfect for us.” Anya offered. “Can you see me sitting at a table somewhere with roses in hand professing my love?”

“No, I guess I can’t.” Lexa replied, shrugging her shoulders.

“Exactly.” Anya quipped. “We professed our love, doing what we love.”

“Ok, I’m good, I’m good.” Lexa replied, wincing again. “Congrats and all but I don’t need to hear the details.”

Anya shrugged. “Your loss.”

Lexa and Anya walked for a moment longer before Lexa spoke up again, a little nervous. She had been wanting to speak to Anya about something for sometime but hadn’t had the chance being holed up and looking over her shoulder.

“Are you still friends with the curator over at the gallery; the one we all went to before?” Lexa asked.

“Yea, just had lunch with him and his wife the other day. Why?” Anya replied.

“I just…well, I want to do something nice for Clarke.” Lexa said, taking a deep breath. “She’s so great at her artwork and she’s pretty discouraged from some prior rejections. Do you think your friend would be willing to take a look at some of her pieces? If there are any fee’s or anything involved then I’ll be glad to pay them.”

“Yea, I’m sure he will. He’s always looking for new artists.” Anya replied, confidently. “Plus, Raven’s shown me a few things that Clarke has gifted her in the past. She’s damn good. I’ll text him in a little bit when we get settled at the bar.”

“Sounds great. Thank you so much.” Lexa replied. “She has some amazing oil paintings just collecting dust in her room at their apartment. She doesn’t have the confidence to put herself back out there. She wants to, we’ve talked about it. The rejection last time just put a bad taste in her mouth.”

“Well Rob has always had a good eye. He’s only been in the game a couple years but he has featured tons of new artists and helped them make a name for themselves.” Anya offered. “He’s not snooty and stuck up like I’m sure some of the other folks Clarke has dealt with in the past.”

“I hope he’ll be willing to take a look then. He sounds like a nice guy.” Lexa replied.

“He is…Oh! There’s the Ark!” Anya replied, excited. “Its not all neon lights and thumping base, that’s a good sign so far.”

“Cmon, the line is getting long.” Anya said, grabbing Lexa’s hand and pulling her to a jog across the street.”

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Clarke POV

 

Clarke had just called for their Uber. It was due to arrive in just a couple minutes.

“You ready to see Chapter 2?” Clarke said, excited.

“Heck yes.” Raven said. “Though I heard the dialogue was over comical. Like waaaaay too much comedy for the situations.”

“Ah, yea the book was pretty serious. What could they have to be comical about?” Clarke countered, curious.

“You never know with these movie remakes.” Raven said, shrugging her shoulders. “Things can be completely different. I feel good about it after seeing the previews though.”

“Yea me too.” Clarke replied. “They did a good job with part one.”

“Yea the…” Raven began before stopping and turning her head behind her.

“Whats up?” Clarke asked, noticing her change in demenor.

“I dunno, I thought I saw someone over by the bus stop.” Raven replied.

“So? It’s a bus stop. People wait there for the bus.” Clarke offered.

“Yea, I know. It was just weird; I saw something then it disappeared.” Raven countered, squinting her eyes as if it would make whatever she saw appear.

“You been smoking?” Clarke asked, laughing.

“Absolutely not.” Raven quipped in offense. “You know I gave that up. Shit was making me see things.”

“….yea which is why I asked.” Clarke replied sarcastically.

“Wait there it is!” Raven said in a hushed voice, pointing. There was a tall figure leaned out from the back of the bus stop overhang. They were definitely trying to not be seen. The uber pulled up just as a chill was running up Clarke’s neck.

“C’mon, Raven.” Clarke said. “Hurry up and get in.”

Both girls climbed into the back of the Uber. After the doors closed Clarke made sure both were locked before she turned and looked through the back window. The figure was now obviously a human figure, hooded, tall and fit. They had moved from behind the overhang over to by the curb, though still obscured by the darkness. He moved into the light just as they were pulling away, making it so where Clarke was unable to make them out.

“What the fuck?” Raven asked. “Wait, you don’t think that’s Finn do you? He couldn’t be that stupid.”

“I don’t know, Raven.” Clarke replied, her nerves starting to get the better of her. “He knows about the restraining order.”

“Yea, you think that idiot cares about the restraining order?” Raven countered.  “He’s probably been stalking you since your got it!”

“We don’t know it’s him.” Clarke replied, in denial. “Could be a tweaker for all we know.”

“Yea, cause tweakers stand still in the dark staring folks down.” Raven snipped back. “They don’t sit still, they tweak Clarke! Should we call the girls?”

“No, we don’t know it’s him.” Clarke replied. “Lets just enjoy our movie and we’ll be extra careful on the way home.”

“Alright, I guess so.” Raven said, shaking her arms and shivering as if trying to rid herself of something. “I wont lie, I’ve got the heebee jeebees.”

“Well get over it. You’re paying good money for this movie. I want to enjoy it.” Clarke replied, looking at her watch. “It starts in 20 minutes.”

“Fine.” Raven said. “It better not be too scary though, you know I’m a wuss.”

“You will not embarrass me, you hear me?” Clarke stated, a scolding tone in her voice.

“Yes, mom.” Raven replied.

 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Nearly three hours later:

 

“That was fucking amazing!” Raven squealed as they made their way out of the theatre lobby.

“Oh yea?” Clarke quipped. “That’s why you were screaming like a bitch every five minutes?”

“Yes! That’s exactly why!” Raven replied, jumping up and down. “That’s how you know they did a good job.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and pulled up her phone. “You wanting to eat or just head back to the apartment with me? We could order in.”

“Yea we can do that.” Raven replied. “I’m getting pretty tired, dunno if I can sit through dinner at a restaurant without falling asleep.”

“Alright sounds good.” Clarke replied. She pulled her phone up to call her uber. ** _“10 minutes away, oh well. Nothing to do but wait.”_** Clarke thought to herself before remembering something.

“Hey Raven, does Lincoln still work part time at the golf course?” Clarke asked, sitting down on the steps of the theatre and putting her hands in her coat.

“Yea, every now and again when his uncle needs the help.” Raven replied, sitting down next to Clarke.

“Do you think he has any pull if I needed to borrow something?” Clarke asked.

“I dunno, you could ask him.” Raven replied. “Since his family owns it, I don’t see why he can’t get something if he needs it. If anything, he could find it for you if needed.”

“Yea your right. Ill text him.” Clarke replied.

“What are you needing?” Raven asked.

“Honestly, im not sure yet.” Clarke replied. “I wouldn’t even know what to call it. Id know it if I saw it though.”

“You’re not being very offering with information. Got a secret project or something?” Raven asked, smiling and nudging Clarke.

“Yea, you could say that.” Clarke answered, smiling widely. Raven laid her head over Clarke’s shoulder, snuggling into her for warmth.

“Thank you.” Raven said after a few minutes, out of nowhere.

“What for?” Clarke asked, tipping her head towards Raven to listen.

“For Anya. For finding Lexa and reconnecting me with her.” Raven responded.

Clarke was taken aback for a moment. It was rare that Raven expressed any emotion other than sarcasm. She was going to take it when she could.

“You’re welcome, babe.” Clarke replied, snuggling into Raven a little further. “I’m glad you’ve found someone that’s good for you.”

“Me too. She’s amazing. I love her.” Raven said.

Clarke picked her head up to look at Raven momentarily. “You do?” She asked, smiling widely at her best friend.

“Yea.” Raven replied, simply. “Not as much as you love Lexa though.” She then added.

Clarke looked at Raven for a moment contemplating what to say before forgoing it all. She kissed Raven’s hair and turned to look back over the cars in the parking lot.

 

 

 

 “I’d say were pretty even.” She replied, smiling at the moon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall! Sorry about not updating as regular as usual. Nursing school is literally kicking my ass. They cancelled clinicals today so I had some time to knock this out. I'm going to try to do better for y'all, but bear with me. Please let me know what you think!


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fucking Finn again. Also, the girls get closer.

“I’d say were pretty even.” She replied, smiling at the moon.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
Lexa POV

 

“It seems like to drops another 5 degrees every other night.” Lexa complained, rubbing her arms to warm up.

  
“I told you to get a jacket, you didn’t want to.” Anya quipped with a smirk. She zipped the light jacket she brought with her up to her chin and began fishing around in her pockets before finding what she was looking for. Out of her left pocket came a battered pack of cigarettes. She pulled one out and placed it between her teeth before bringing the lighter up and igniting it. She took a long drag on it, closing her eyes and moaning. Lexa stared at her in disgust, meeting Anya’s eyes once they opened.

  
“What?” Anya said, noticing the odd look Lexa was giving her. She held her hand out that held the cigarettes towards her cousin. “Oh I’m sorry, want one?”

“No, I don’t want one. Thank you.” Lexa snipped. “You know I wish you wouldn’t smoke either. You know those are terrible for you.”

“Yea, I know.” Anya replied, taking another long drag. “I don’t do it much, I just crave them sometimes when I drink. This pack is pretty old now that I think about it.”

Lexa watched Anya inspect the pack for a moment before speaking again. “I don’t care how little you smoke; I wish you wouldn’t at all.”

“Yea, Yea. I know.” Anya replied, tossing the cigarette to the ground and snuffing it out with her foot. “Everyone’s got their vice though, right?” She added further. “Yours would be Clarke’s boobs for example.”

“God Damnit.” Lexa huffed, rubbing her face briskly. “I’m never talking to you about personal stuff ever again. “

“Aww come on, Lexa.” Anya laughed. “I had to. You’re giving me worse that that right now.”

“I guess.” Lexa said. “I’m still not telling you anything else.”

“Fine with me.” Anya said with a shrug. “I’ve heard enough to see her topless in my head. I could probably draw you a portrait if I had half the talent Clarke has.”

“You keep my girlfriend’s breasts out of your mind, please and thank you.” Lexa said, feigning offence.

“I’ve got better ones waiting on me at home to thin….” Anya began before snapping her head to the side and peering off down the sidewalk. “There’s that fucking guy again!”

“What guy?” Lexa asked, looking in the direction Anya was looking.

“Him. Right there, a few lamp posts down.” Anya said, pointing her hand in the direction she was describing.

Lexa focused her eyes, landing them on a tall figure leaned partially against the light post. She’d know him anywhere. 

“Finn!” She yelled out, receiving a slight jump from Anya due to the sudden outburst. Anya perked up and stood closer to Lexa.

“That’s him?” Anya asked.

“Yea, I’d know him anywhere.” Lexa replied, seething the words through her teeth.

“He looks like shit.” Anya quipped back. 

Anya was right, Lexa thought. Finn stood there under the lamp post. He was wearing ill fitting clothes and had a hoodie drawn over his head. Even in the dark and the distance between them causing her eyesight to strain, she could tell it was him. His skin was paler that she remembered and his face was gaunt. Dark shadows adorned the skin round his eyes and cheekbones sat pronounced on his face. 

“Wait.” Anya began. “Don’t you have a restraining order on him?” 

“No. The judge wouldn’t approve it.” Lexa seethed. “Said it was his word against mine about who was the aggressor.”

“That’s bullshit, he could have killed you!” Anya barked.

“I know.” Lexa replied. “I’m pretty sure the judge didn’t care for the fact that I’m a lesbian. You should have seen how quick his demeanor changed once Kane told him what he had did to Clarke.”

“How do you mean?” Anya inquired.

“Well, when the judge asked about how I knew Clarke, I told the truth, that we were in a relationship.” Lexa replied. “You should have been there. His mood shifted so fast he could have given himself whiplash. From there on it was cold words and rambling off law proving why he couldn’t give me the restraining order.”

“Fuck him.” Anya seethed, starting to move towards Finn’s direction. “We don’t need a damn restraining order.”

“Anya..wha” Lexa began.

“FINN!” Anya yelled out, starting to walk more briskly towards him before breaking into a full-on run. “Come over here you fucking pussy! You like hurting women? Think you can take me on?!”

Lexa ran after her cousin, trying to stop her from doing something stupid. Even in the sad state that Finn was in, he looked completely sober; not to mention absolutely out of his mind. Lexa couldn’t say what he could be capable of at this point, or worse; if he had a weapon. All she knew is she had to stop her cousin from getting hurt. 

“Anya stop! Lexa cried out, trying to catch up to her cousin. She looked over to Finn momentarily only to see a snarky smile cross his face. He made a kissing motion with his lips before turning and running down a nearby alley. 

“Come back here you fucking coward!” Anya screamed, trying to double up her efforts to catch up with him. Finn was fast, thank god. He managed to create more distance between himself and Anya despite the head start she had on him. 

“Anya! He’s not worth it. Stop!” Lexa yelled out, watching Anya begin to turn the corner of the alley that Finn had turned into. “Stop, please!”  
With Lexa’s last plea, Anya started to slow down as she just made it into the alley. Lexa was relived and caught up to her moment’s later, putting her hand on her cousin’s shoulder. Finn was most of the way down the other side of the alley, his loose clothes billowing around him as he ran. 

“Run bitch!” Anya screamed out, holding her middle fingers up in the air at him, regardless of the fact he couldn’t see them. 

Finn must have sensed that the chase had ceased. He slowed and turned around as he continued to jog backward towards the end of the alley. He smiled that disgusting smile again and grabbed his crotch with one hand while waving briskly with the other, before turning the corner and leaving their sight.

“Fucking asshole!” Anya screamed again, making a last-ditch effort to run after Finn. She was unable to though, as Lexa kept her firm grip on her shoulder, while grabbing her arm with the other hand. Anya tried to shake her off, to no avail. 

“Calm down.” Lexa pleaded. “Please, you don’t know if he has a weapon. He’s out here stalking us, I’m sure he wasn’t here just to exchange pleasantries. We don’t know what he’s capable of.”

“I don’t give a fuck what he’s capable of!” Anya yelled out as loud as she could into the empty alley, almost as if trying to make sure it reached Finn’s ears. “He hurt you Lex! He could have done worse!”

“I know this, Anya. I know.” Lexa replied, turning her cousin and pulling her into firm hug, gripping her shoulders as hard as she could. Anya wrapped her arms around her waist, fisting the material there. Lexa could feel Anya’s heart beating against her chest and her hot tears beginning to soak her top. They stood there for what felt like minutes before Anya pulled away and wiped her face with the backs of her hands.  
“How are you so calm about all this.” Anya asked, her voice hitching. It was breaking Lexa’s heart to see her normally stoic cousin in such a state of distress.

“Anya, it’s because I have to be.” Lexa replied, “I have to be strong for Clarke. If I go and do something stupid like chasing after a madman like him, then how can I protect her?”

Anya looked at her, continuing to wipe her eyes and nodding in agreeance.

“I could over power him while he was drunk and disoriented.” Lexa continued. “I can’t assure I can do that again when he’s sober and crazed. And that’s what he is if he’s going around stalking us. Those types of people are so unpredictable, Anya. They will do what they can to get revenge or worse, finish what he started. He may not even use his hands next time; he may have a knife or a gun. And I know I can’t compete with those.”

Anya nodded again, this time with more certainty and understanding. “I know Lex, it’s just so hard to let him walk away when he’s being allowed to be out here with the opportunity and time to so something to you again. And he obviously wants to. He was IN the club too, Lexa! That’s how I recognized him. He must have passed by us ten times while we were at the bar. I thought he was just some creep working up the courage to hit on one of us. Who knows what he was planning to do?”

“I know you’re worried, An, but we don’t know that he was planning to do anything, and until I do; I’m not doing anything that puts my life in jeopardy.” Lexa answered, firmly.

“The moment I do, if I get hurt or worse. That makes Clarke unsafe because I’m not here to protect her anymore. Hell, I feel like shit now for going out without her, what if it was her he was stalking tonight and not me?”

“Don’t think like that.” Anya replied, firmly “It will drag you down a rabbit hole of “what if’s.”

“No, Anya. It’s true.” Lexa said, rubbing her face with her hands and letting out a breath of frustration. “Clarke can’t protect herself like I can.”

“I think you underestimate her, Lex.” Anya replied. “Plus, she’s with Raven. I certainly don’t underestimate her and Finn’s afraid of her.”

Lexa could help but break out in a small smile at her cousin’s remark. “Ok, ok.” She said. “But I still can’t take any chances.”

“Don’t you have a gun?” Anya asked, as if suddenly remembering. 

“Yea, but I didn’t bring it today, didn’t think I would need it.” Lexa replied, shrugging her shoulders.

“Well, let’s not make that mistake again.” Anya quipped. “The first time you go out, he’s fucking there. Who knows what he’s been doing before now? He could be hanging outside the apartment for all we know. How else would he know we were here?”

“Yea, you’re right.” Lexa replied, the words sinking in.

Anya was right. How could he have known they were going to be there if they weren’t followed? None of them had put it on social media, nor had they been out and about anywhere to be overheard. The likelihood that Finn just happened to be at the same club at the same time as them was next to nothing. A gay club at that. And dressed the way he was, it sure wasn’t going out attire. All the little details started to worry Lexa the more she thought about it.

“Hey, get out of your head.” Anya said, pushing her cousin to start walking back home. “We just need to be more careful from now on.”

“Yea, you’re right.” Lexa agreed, reluctantly. 

“And I’m not saying hole yourselves inside the apartment again.” Anya clarified. “Maybe just no more going out at night. And go out together. You’ve been planning that date for a while now, when are you going to take her?”

“Well I hadn’t figured out what I was going to do 100% until recently. That’s why I asked you if you had those connections.” Lexa offered.

“Oh yea!” Anya exclaimed, pulling her phone out of her pocket. “We were having so much fun I forgot to check and see if he replied. He did!”

“What did he say?” Lexa asked, a little nervous.

“He said he would be glad to!” Anya replied, excited. “He’s in town tomorrow if you can get some pieces to him down at the gallery?” 

“Tomorrow?” Lexa asked, unsure. “That’s Sunday, we’ll be together all day.” 

“Hmmm.” Anya said, thinking in her head. “Well, all of the paintings are at her place anyways, what if Raven and I brought them over to him?”

“That’s a great idea!” Lexa said, grateful. “I’m sorry to be putting you through all this trouble just for me.”

“Anything for my favorite cousin, plus I’m sure Raven would be glad to help.” Anya replied. “I can send you pictures of the paintings and you tell me which ones you want me to bring over.”

“Ok, sounds good. Thank you so much.” Lexa replied, bringing her cousin in for a short hug.

“Ok. Ok, get off me.” Anya replied, pushing Lexa and feigning annoyance. “I hug you one time out of hysterics and you think it’s free game to hug me anytime now.”

“I know I do.” Lexa said in a cute voice. “My sweet wittle Anya coming out of her mean old bitter shell.”

“Talk like that again and Finn won’t be the worst of your concerns.” Anya said in a stern voice, evil eyeing Lexa.

“Sorry, sorry…” Lexa said, holding up her hands watching a smile spread across Anya’s face.

“Let’s get you home.” Anya said. “Make sure you keep an eye out around us though, who knows if that idiot’s going to come back.”

“Can do.” Lexa replied.

 

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
Clark POV

 

  
Clarke was a little nervous in the back of the Uber. They were just a few miles from the house and all she could think about was the figure in the shadows. It was Finn. She had no doubt. It was pretty off-putting how he looked. She didn’t want to say anything to Raven and risk her trying something or being fearful. It was best just to keep moving since their ride was there waiting for them already. 

Luckily though, Lexa had text her a few minutes earlier saying that her and Anya were home and that they would wait for them out side on the stoop. It made Clarke’s heart swell to know Lexa was willing to wait to make sure she got inside safely. She didn’t know how she was going to break it to her that Finn had been outside the apartment spying on them. The last thing she wanted was to worry Lexa and make the progress that they had backtrack even more. Though she couldn’t think of better company than Lexa, being confined the house for everything but work and essentials had been taxing.

“Should be tell them about the guy outside the apartment earlier?” Raven asked, breaking Clarke out from her thoughts.

“Yea, probably.” Clarke replied. “I don’t want to worry them though.”

“I know you don’t, but its better to be safe than sorry.” Raven replied, shrugging her shoulders. “It could be nothing like you said, but it’s better to keep a sharper eye out just in case.”

“You’re right.” Clarke agreed, keeping it to herself for the moment that she knew it was Finn. She would reveal the information once they were back safely at the apartment.

Hopefully Raven would forgive her lie. Clarke didn’t want to ruin their first night out in forever and hoped that would be enough to sate Raven displeasure with her.

  
The rest of the ride went in silence until they pulled up to the apartment. Clarke couldn’t help but look towards to bus stop where they had seen Finn. Nothing. No sign of him anywhere. Clarke let out a sigh of relief and made to exit the vehicle. 

A smile lit up both their faces when they saw their girls sitting on the stoop of Lexa’s apartment. They were engrossed in conversation and didn’t notice them right away. Clarke didn’t overlook how beautiful Lexa looked under the streetlights. Her heart fluttered at knowing this beautiful girl was hers to keep.

  
It didn’t take but another moment for Lexa to catch Clarke’s presence, standing up to meet her. Clarke felt a flutter in her stomach at her chivalry and didn’t hesitate to lean in for a kiss. 

“Hey you.” Clarke said before leaning in for a hug. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.” Lexa replied, wrapping her arms around Clarke and burying her face into her neck. “I missed you, too.”

“You two make me sick.” Raven said. “Separate the two of you for a couple hours and its like its been a year.”

“Well, I was going to say I missed you, too, Raven.” Anya quipped, rolling her eyes.

“Aww babe, I missed you too. Raven said, moving in for a kiss before getting a hand to the face by Anya, jokingly pushing her off.

“Nope. That ship has sailed.” Anya laughed while Raven pouted.

Clarke and Lexa laughed at the scene unfolding before them before Clarke let her nerves get the best of her again. “C’mon guys, lets head inside.”

“I agree, it’s cold.” Lexa said, rubbing her arms. 

“I told you that you should have brought that jacket.” Anya quipped with a smile on her face. 

“Yea, yea” Lexa replied. “Get your ass inside.” She added, punching in the code to the apartment.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

A little while later.

 

“You lied to me!” Raven snapped, pointing her finger at Clarke. “You said it wasn’t him!”

“I’m sorry, Raven!” Clarke pleaded. “I didn’t want you to worry. We were just about to the car anyways, there was no reason to ruin the night. He wouldn’t have been able to know where we were going anyways.”

“Don’t ever lie to me again, Clarke.” Raven exclaimed. “I have a right to know these things. If that asshole thinks he can break a restraining order on my watch then he’s got another thing coming.” 

“Unfortunately, he was more than 200 feet away.” Clarke replied, rubbing her face. “There wouldn’t be shit the cops could do about it, no matter what the circumstances. It’s a public bus stop. He can be there if he wants.”

“Raven give her a break; she was just trying to protect you.” Anya said, grabbing her girlfriends’ hand and pulling her down on the couch.

“Still doesn’t make it right.” Raven grumbled, settling down next to Anya.

Clarke shook her head and leaned over and laid it on Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa grabbed her hand and rubbed it soothingly before speaking.

“He wasn’t after you tonight anyways, he was after me.” Lexa stated, clearing her throat.

“What do you mean?” Clarke asked, lifting her head off Lexa’s shoulder and looking at her curiously.

“We saw him outside the club.” Lexa replied with a huff.

“Actually, I saw him inside the club.” Anya corrected. “I just didn’t know it was him until Lexa said so when we saw him again when we were leaving.”

“Oh my fucking god…..” Clarke exclaimed, tears threatening to whelp up in her eyes. “He’s a fucking psycho. Any hope I had that what he did was just because he was drunk is out the damn window. He’s actually stalking you, Lexa!” 

“Clarke, calm down.” Lexa pleaded, pulling Clarke back into her. “It’ll be ok. We’ll talk to Kane tomorrow and see what he can do. I know I don’t have a restraining order but maybe because he was treading the lines on yours it will be enough to do something. He had no reason to be where he was. He has no connections to this part of town other than you.”

“Maybe you’re right.” Clarke said, burrowing further into Lexa.

“We’ll it’s time for us to head home.” Anya remarked shortly after, nodding towards Raven. “It’s been a crazy night for us all and I’m pretty beat.”

“Whoa, absolutely not.” Lexa said with a commanding tone. “Not when we don’t know if he followed us home, we’re not risking it. You guys will stay here tonight.”

“It’s too late, the uber is here in just a few minutes.” Anya replied, holding up her phone and wiggling it at Lexa. “Anyways, we’ll be fine, Lexa. Get your gun and walk us out if you must. Raven and I have to get up early to work, REMEMBER?” 

Suddenly their conversation from earlier shot back into her head. But it wasn’t worth risking their safety. “C’mon, Anya. That can wait, can’t it?”

“What work?” Raven asked, curious. “You don’t work tomorrow. I know my ass is definitely not doing any work tomorrow.” 

“Raven, you are so forgetful.” Anya teased, trying to keep up with the ruse. Luckily just as she was coming up with something to say, her phone went off altering her that the driver was there. 

“Ah, there the Uber is!” Anya exclaimed. “Come on babe, ill remind you when we get in the car. Lexa? Walk us out please?”

“I’m not forgetful…” Raven grumbled, grabbing her coat and giving Clarke a hug. “…I’ve got a mind like a steel trap.”

“Sure babe.” Anya laughed. “Bye, Clarke. See you next time.”

“Bye, be safe.” Clarke said, waving them goodbye as she watched Lexa pull her handgun out of the top of the closet shelf.

“Be right back, babe.” Lexa said, leaning down and giving her a quick kiss. She made to move away and Clarke pulled her back in, kissing her again, quickly but deeply. Clarke poured her emotions into it, hoping Lexa felt them. Lexa pulled away with a stunned look on her face before leaning back in for one more, grabbing her hand and squeezing it a few times before opening the door for Anya and Raven.

Clarke’s heart sunk knowing that these were the resorts Lexa had to go through because of her. Her heart sunk even more after the thoughts of Finn stalking her tonight ran through her head again. Clarke couldn’t imagine what she would do if something happened to Lexa again, because of her. The emotions swelled up inside of her until before she knew it, tears were falling from her eyes. She wiped them hastily and retreated upstairs to the loft.

As she climbed the stairs, she suddenly realized how exhausted she was. She sat on the edge of the bed and began to unbutton her shirt. As she did, she heard the front door open and close. Peering across the banister she saw Lexa.

 ** _She’s safe._** Clarke said to herself, letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She watched Lexa lock the door behind her, and look over to the living area to look for her.

“Up here.” Clarke called out. Her words reached Lexa’s ears and she made her way to the stairs after turning off all the lights, gun still in hand. 

“You ok?” Lexa said, having noticed her puffy eyes and dejected demeanor. She walked over to her side of the bed and placed the handgun there on the end table before walking back over to Clarke and sitting next to her.

“Yea, I’ll have to be.” Clarke replied, trying to keep a new set of tears from spilling as she pulled her shirt off.

“Talk to me, baby.” Lexa said, leaning over and placing a kiss to her newly exposed shoulder and laying her cheek there.

“I’m just scared.” Clarke said, placing her hands in her lap and fidgeting with them.

“He’s not going to do anything to hurt you, Clarke.” Lexa said, assuredly. “I’ll make sure of it.”

“I’m not scared of him hurting me, Lexa.” Clarke said, her voice wavering. “I…I can’t lose you.” At the last words her voice did break and the tears did fall, remembering the same words Lexa spoke to her all that time ago when she herself was afraid of the same thing.

“Oh, Clarke.” Lexa replied, her voice wavering as well. 

Lexa pulled Clarke into a hug and held her tight. Clarke reached around her and grabbed on to her waist, holding her and never wanting to let go. She wanted to be closer, and no matter how hard she gripped her, she couldn’t. Not unless…

“Lexa?” Clarke spoke, timidly.

“Yes?” Lexa replied.

Clarke sat up front her hold on Lexa, wiping her eyes best she could. She reached up with shaky hands and picked at the hem of Lexa’s collar. 

“I want to lay with you.” Clarke said, looking Lexa in the eyes, trying not to show Lexa the nervousness in them.

“Ok.” Lexa responded, looking at her curiously. “Were we not going to already?”

“Well yea.” Clarke answered, suddenly shy. “This time though...if it’s ok with you…” Clarke began, moving her hands under the hem of Lexa’s shirt and slowly moving to pull it over and off Lexa.

The realized made its way to Lexa’s face shortly before she helped Clarke by raising her arms over her head and assisted in pulling the shirt off. Clarke tossed the shirt to basket in the corner and made to stand up. She stood there for a moment before lowering her hand to her own jeans, popping the button and slowly lowering the zipper. Her hands shook too much to keep a proper grip if she moved any faster. Her chest heaved slightly and her body trembled as slid her hands inside the waistband and pushed them down and off, leaving her in her bra and panties, the most exposed she had ever been in front of Lexa. She took a deep breath and smiled nervously at Lexa before holding her hand out to her to take. Lexa sat there on the bed, her mouth agape slightly. Clarke could see Lexa swallow harshly before she took Clarke’s hand and allowed her to pull her up and off the bed.  

Clarke moved closer to Lexa and raised her hands cautiously towards Lexa’s waist. Resting her fingers on the edge of her jeans, Clarke looked up at Lexa. Her eyes were darting between Clarke’s and her breath was coming out in quick secession. 

“Is this ok?” Clarke whispered, looking back down at Lexa’s waist. Her fingers now toyed with the button on them. She let the fingers of one hand dance down the hard muscles that lay beneath the skin on Lexa’s stomach, her own stomach doing flips at seeing the way they contracted under her touch. 

“Yes.” Lexa said in a strained voice. 

Clarke leaned up and kissed her jaw before moving her lips to her neck and then to her shoulder. All the while she unbuttoned and unzipped Lexa’s jeans. She laid her cheek on Lexa’s shoulder as she slid her hands into the spaces between the material and Lexa’s skin. She pushed down on the material, bending down to push it off. She bent down until her cheek was now flush with Lexa’s chest, hearing and feeling it’s erratic thumping.  
Lexa stepped out of her jeans, holding Clarke’s shoulder with one hand for support. Clarke couldn’t lie and say that she didn’t feel that hand trembling as it touched her. She smiled against Lexa’s skin before standing back up to look at her again. 

“What do you want?” Lexa asked, her voice dry and strained. 

“I want to lay with you. Nothing between us…” Clarke began, a blush running across her cheek and her lip being worried between her teeth. “…can we do that?”

“I would do anything for you.” Lexa said, her voice far more stable that it had been. She leaned forward and kissed Clarke firmly before letting go. She stepped back and turned around, making Clarke let out a whine of displeasure. That sound of displeasure changed to a gasp of awe when Lexa reached her arms up and pulled her sports bra free of her chest, throwing it to the corner along with the rest of their clothes. 

Clarke reached up with her fingers and began lightly tracing the tattoo on Lexa’s back, making a shiver run down her spine. Clarke placed light kisses to each circle adorning Lexa’s tan skin. Lexa’s head rolled back, enjoying the sensations. Clarke stopped her ministrations to reach to her own chest, unclasping the front of her bra. She took a deep breath for bravery and then pulled the material down off of her shoulders and let it fall to the floor. She stepped forward and placed her arms around Lexa’s waist, pulling herself flush against her. The gasp that left Lexa’s mouth was breathtaking. She placed her cheek against Lexa’s skin yet again, relishing in the ragged breaths and pounding heart beats filling her ear. 

Clarke gripped the muscles adorning Lexa’s abdomen before letting one hand loose and gripping her arm. 

“Turn around…please.” Clarke husked out. 

Lexa took in a shaky breath and shifted on the balls of her feet for a moment.

“Is that ok? You don’t have to.” Clarke asked…leaning forward to kiss Lexa’s skin once more.

“It’s ok.” Lexa said, her voice trembling again. “I’m just trying to work up my nerves. I feel like I’m in high school again…trying things for the first time.” She elaborated.

Clarke chuckled a little at this. “I’m nervous too, if you hadn’t noticed. I can’t keep my hands still.” Clarke said, laying her hand back down on Lexa’s back. “See?”

Lexa nodded shortly, letting out a rough breath. “I feel it.” 

Then she turned around. 

Clarke did her best to maintain eye contact with Lexa, and Lexa did the same. Neither one of them wanting to break the sanctity of the moment with lustful glances. Both girls smiled at each other curtly, taking in the moment. Their resolves were quickly breaking though. 

“You can...” Clarke began.

“It’s ok to...” Lexa said.

Both of them laughed lightly at this before their smiles quickly faded into parted lips and wandering eyes. 

“You’re beautiful.” Lexa breathed out shakily, glancing between their bodies and clenching her trembling hands. 

“So are you.” Clarke said, unable to keep her hand from rising between the two of them. She placed it on Lexa’s stomach, just below her breasts. She drug it upward between them and stopped over Lexa’s heart. Feeling the drum beating below it. She looked back up at Lexa to see blown eyes. 

“You can touch me, too.” Clarke offered, taking one of Lexa’s hand into her own and bringing it up to her hip. She knew Lexa could feel the tremors coursing through her body as her hand griped the supple flesh on her hip and made its way upward. Clarke took her lip between her teeth and closed her eyes as Lexa made her way to the side of her chest, her thumb brushing the soft skin of her breast. Clarke kept her eyes closed, trying to control her breathing as Lexa’s hand made its way back down, the other hand joining at the opposite hip. She suddenly felt a light kiss to her lips and then fingers playing at the edges of her panties. She opened her eyes when she felt Lexa’s breath now on her ear. 

“Can I take these off?” Lexa asked, her voice husky and low.

“Please.” Clarke replied, surprised at the firmness in her voice. 

Clarke held Lexa’s shoulders as she pulled down the last piece of clothing keeping Clarke from baring all to Lexa. She closed her eyes again, not daring to meet Lexa’s eyes after feeling her guide first one foot then the other from her panties. She held her breath as Lexa’s stood back up. But, not before her fingers trailed up Clarke’s calves, then her thighs and finally across her bare hips, leaving trails of fire in their wake.

“Look at me.” Lexa asked. Who was Clarke to deny her? When she looked at Lexa she saw a face of pure lust and wonder. “You’re gorgeous, Clarke. I’m so damn lucky.”

Clarke blushed immediately at this and buried her face in Lexa’s neck and wrapped her hands around her, gripping her shoulders tightly. She didn’t miss another gasp leaving Lexa’s chest as they stood flush against each other yet again. 

“Do you want me to take mine off?” Lexa asked, her voice barely a whisper as she ran her nails lightly across Clarke’s back. 

“Yes.” Clarke whispered back.

Lexa pulled away from Clarke and Clarke reluctantly let go, watching Lexa step back. She couldn’t help but let her eyes drift down to Lexa’s fingers as they nervously went to her waist, sliding into the material of the tight boy shorts that she wore. Clarke’s mouth watered and her breath left her as the material made it its way down past Lexa’s hips as well as her sex. A dark patch of hair appeared as the material left, neatly kept and closely trimmed. Her lower lips glistened with obvious arousal that made Clarke’s core clench, nearly taking the breath from her. Clarke’s sex was nearly exact in appearance, bringing to mind that there was no way Lexa couldn’t notice the wetness that practically dripped from her own center. Lexa stepped out of her underwear and tossed the offending item to the side. She stood there in the moments after, allowing Clarke time to take her in, chest heaving and hands fidgeting.

Clarke allowed herself to look for a few moments longer, taking in the goddess that stood before her. Clarke put out her hand. Lexa took it and allowed herself to be led to the bed. Clarke let go and pulled back the covers and sat down on the side, raising her legs up and on the bed, trying not to be self-conscious about baring every bit of herself to Lexa. Once she was situated, she extended her hand again, which Lexa took, a small smile adorning her face. Clarke pulled her slowly towards herself, until Lexa let go, needing both hands to crawl onto the bed and over Clarke. 

It was the most beautiful thing that Clarke had ever seen. Lexa’s taunt arms and firm shoulders were glorious. The way her back arched and twisted with every move of her hips as she crawled further and further towards her was breathtaking. Once Lexa reached her destination above Clarke, she reached up and caressed her jaw, running her fingers across it and then down her neck, watching her motions as they made their way to her chest. Only stopping when they reached her chest, laying flat over Clarke’s heart as Clarke’s fingers had done over hers.

Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa once more, nudging her to lay down. Lexa did as told and lay her head on Clarke’s chest, wrapped her arms around her middle, and intertwined her legs with Clarke’s. Clarke reached down and pulled the cover’s over them before burrowing as fair into Lexa’s hair as close as she could, holding her as tight as she could, and slotting her legs between Lexa’s until they were as close as two people could possibly be. As close to her love as she could possibly be.

They lay there in silence for moments, listening to each other’s breathing. Their hearts had calmed but only slightly, their breaths slowed but still wavered.  
It wasn’t until Clarke began crying that the silence was broken. She tried to keep them at bay, she truly did. But, in the silence that engulfed them, she couldn’t help but let her mind wander back to that night and what could have happened to the woman in her arms. 

Lexa sat up and cradled her face before speaking. “Clarke, wha….”

“Don’t leave me.” Clarke cried out. “Please, please don’t ever leave me.” 

“Clarke…what’s all this about? Is this about Finn?” Lexa asked, desperate.

“I can’t lose you, not to him. Not to anyone.” Clarke choked out. “I can’t…I can’t live without you.”

“Don’t talk like that, baby.” Lexa pleaded, her tears now falling on Clarke’s skin. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise you. I’ll keep us safe.” 

“Hold me…please. Don’t let me go.” Clarke asked, willing the tears away. Lexa laid down on her again, holding her as tightly as she could before speaking.

 

  
“I’ll never let go.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! New chapter! Sorry again for the delay. Just passed first two classes of nursing school. Six billion to go. Hope you all are still with me. The story isn't over until the end. I'm going to finish it, I promise ya'll that. Anyways, here 6000 words or so to tide you over till next time. I hope you all enjoy the last bit of the chapter. I really tried to get what Clarke was feeling out and make it a feels moment for the girls. 
> 
> Let me know what you think!


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